It's easier to pretend
A/N: Sorry if this is rubbish, I'm not used to writing for this fandom or this pairing yet. Hope you enjoy it anyhow...
Tyler senses her before he sees her.
He shuts his locker door to find her standing beside him, exactly where he knew she’d be.
‘Hey,’ she says with a gentle smile.
He feels the corners of his mouth twitch upwards into the first smile he has worn in days.
‘Hey Caroline,’ he replies in a voice that was little more than a whisper.
She leans back against the row of lockers, hugging a textbook to her chest, as she studies his face intently.
‘Are you-’ she begins tentatively, her brow furrowed and her eyes concerned. ‘I mean,’ she starts again, chewing the inside of her lip, ‘how are you?’
He feels his smile slide off his face and onto the floor.
‘I’ll be fine,’ he says, in an effort to dodge her question.
She tilts her head fractionally to one side and gives him a look which says quite plainly that he won’t be getting out of it that easily.
He swallows dryly and stares fixedly at his shoes.
‘I lived with her twenty-four seven, I never got a moment’s peace and she bugged the hell out of me, but…’ he trails off.
‘But losing Jules hasn’t been easy,’ Caroline finishes the sentence for him. He glances up at her and their gaze locks for a moment longer than it should have.
‘No,’ he says, looking away again and clearing his throat, ‘no it hasn’t.’
There’s an awkward pause.
She gives his arm a gentle squeeze. He stares at the spot of contact for a moment. His gaze travels upwards and their eyes met.
‘You’re not alone Tyler,’ she says, her voice soft, her eyes full of a steely kind of strength.
‘I know,’ he replies, offering her a weak smile.
She lets go of his arm and he hates himself for missing the contact.
The bell rings.
‘Oh damn!’ she says turning to leave, ‘I’m gunna be late for Calculus.’
‘I guess I’ll see you later then.’
He has taken two strides down the hall when her voice stops him.
‘-At seven,’ she says, as he turns around to face her.
He cocks one eyebrow in enquiry.
‘-At yours’ she elaborates, ‘for a cheering up session. I’ll bring the movies and as much junk food as I can find.’
‘I dunno if you forcing me to watch chick-flicks over a tub of Ben and Jerry’s is gunna make me feel a whole lot better,’ he teases.
‘Who said we were cheering you up?’ she says with a grin which makes his insides turn over.
He laughs as he watches her hurry down the hallway, merging into the throng of students all heading for the maths department.
His eyes follow her until the top of her blonde head has rounded the corner. He glances down at his watch. Great, he was late for his Shakespeare class.
He really does try to focus on what the teacher was say as she drones on and on about Act two, scene two of Romeo and Juliet. But he can’t.
It’s hard to care anymore. Everything that had once seemed so important- football, grades, being popular- no longer seemed to matter. They were just so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. He wonders why Caroline still bothers turning up to school- given she’d have a hundred chances to sleep through calculus if that’s what she wanted to do- when she had so much other stuff going on in her life. He knows full well that she is still concerned that her mom accepting her being a vampire was just another act, he knows she’s devastated by Stefan’s disappearance, he knows she, along with Elena, Bonnie and Damon, is trying to work out why Gilbert suddenly thought he was in Sixth Sense, and as much as he hates to admit it, he is acutely aware that she is still torn up by her break up with Matt. School would have definitely been pretty low on his list of priorities if he had been in her shoes. Hell, it’s low on his list of priorities as it is. But he has to go to school, he’d have his mom and the principle breathing down his neck if he didn’t. Caroline could just compel her way through high school. But she won’t.
Once or twice, when she’s moaning about the number of lad reports she has to complete or the history project she hasn’t finished yet, he almost asks her why she bothers with it all. But that would lead to questions he doesn’t want answered, about what lies ahead, about the future. Besides, he’s pretty sure he knows why. It’s why he still turns up to football practice, why he is only half reluctant when she drags him along to school fundraisers and why they hang out and watch crappy movies- she wants to pretend. Their whole world seems to have turned into one giant game of make-believe. Lying to everyone, including themselves. Most of the time they’re pretty good at it, but sometimes the line between the real world and the one they’ve woven together out of half-truths and excuses smudges a little.
Like when they touch accidentally, innocently- their fingertips brush as he hands her something or their knees touch under the table at lunch- and his heart starts beating a hundred times a minute. He can tell she’s keenly aware of his elevated pulse, both because of the flush which creeps into her cheeks and because of the shadows of veins which become just visible around her eyes. But there seems to be an unspoken covenant between them that such incidents will go unacknowledged and undiscussed. They are just friends, that’s all they’ll ever be and he’s cool with that- what’s wrong with that? It’s just another lie to add to the list.
He wants more. He knows it. And he’s pretty sure she’s aware of it too- on some level at least. But he knows he’ll never act on it. He kissed her once because he thought he had a crazy crush on her. He won’t kiss her again because he’s realised he’s in love with her. He won’t risk losing her. He won’t risk hurting her.
So he settles. He’ll play his part, being her friend. Because she needs him, because he needs her. He puts her first, because she deserves it. It aches to be around her, knowing that he has to pretend, but at the same time, he’s never been happier. So he ignores the ache, hoping that one day it’ll just fade away. That one day, just being her friend won’t feel like settling.
He’s still dwelling on this at quarter to seven that night. He half hates himself for it. He’s beginning to recognise something of himself in the sappy heroes featured in the crappy rom-coms Caroline makes him watch. He’d fallen for his friend’s ex-girlfriend who has since become his best friend- what a mess. And that’s without taking into account all the supernatural drama which means he’s tries to rip her head off once a month. His stomach tightens painfully at the flippant thought.
But then the doorbell rings.
He glances quickly down at his watch, it’s one minute to seven. He smiles, and suddenly his dark thoughts are dispelled and the pain in his gut vanishes.
He has to stop himself from sprinting down the stairs.
He knew he was pathetic, but he didn’t want to let Caroline in on that particular secret.
Tyler opens the front door.
As he expected, Caroline’s smile is waiting for him on the other side.
‘So,’ she says, beaming, waving a DVD in each hand, ‘what’s it to be, My Best Friend’s Girl or When Harry Met Sally?’
Tyler senses her before he sees her.
He shuts his locker door to find her standing beside him, exactly where he knew she’d be.
‘Hey,’ she says with a gentle smile.
He feels the corners of his mouth twitch upwards into the first smile he has worn in days.
‘Hey Caroline,’ he replies in a voice that was little more than a whisper.
She leans back against the row of lockers, hugging a textbook to her chest, as she studies his face intently.
‘Are you-’ she begins tentatively, her brow furrowed and her eyes concerned. ‘I mean,’ she starts again, chewing the inside of her lip, ‘how are you?’
He feels his smile slide off his face and onto the floor.
‘I’ll be fine,’ he says, in an effort to dodge her question.
She tilts her head fractionally to one side and gives him a look which says quite plainly that he won’t be getting out of it that easily.
He swallows dryly and stares fixedly at his shoes.
‘I lived with her twenty-four seven, I never got a moment’s peace and she bugged the hell out of me, but…’ he trails off.
‘But losing Jules hasn’t been easy,’ Caroline finishes the sentence for him. He glances up at her and their gaze locks for a moment longer than it should have.
‘No,’ he says, looking away again and clearing his throat, ‘no it hasn’t.’
There’s an awkward pause.
She gives his arm a gentle squeeze. He stares at the spot of contact for a moment. His gaze travels upwards and their eyes met.
‘You’re not alone Tyler,’ she says, her voice soft, her eyes full of a steely kind of strength.
‘I know,’ he replies, offering her a weak smile.
She lets go of his arm and he hates himself for missing the contact.
The bell rings.
‘Oh damn!’ she says turning to leave, ‘I’m gunna be late for Calculus.’
‘I guess I’ll see you later then.’
He has taken two strides down the hall when her voice stops him.
‘-At seven,’ she says, as he turns around to face her.
He cocks one eyebrow in enquiry.
‘-At yours’ she elaborates, ‘for a cheering up session. I’ll bring the movies and as much junk food as I can find.’
‘I dunno if you forcing me to watch chick-flicks over a tub of Ben and Jerry’s is gunna make me feel a whole lot better,’ he teases.
‘Who said we were cheering you up?’ she says with a grin which makes his insides turn over.
He laughs as he watches her hurry down the hallway, merging into the throng of students all heading for the maths department.
His eyes follow her until the top of her blonde head has rounded the corner. He glances down at his watch. Great, he was late for his Shakespeare class.
He really does try to focus on what the teacher was say as she drones on and on about Act two, scene two of Romeo and Juliet. But he can’t.
It’s hard to care anymore. Everything that had once seemed so important- football, grades, being popular- no longer seemed to matter. They were just so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. He wonders why Caroline still bothers turning up to school- given she’d have a hundred chances to sleep through calculus if that’s what she wanted to do- when she had so much other stuff going on in her life. He knows full well that she is still concerned that her mom accepting her being a vampire was just another act, he knows she’s devastated by Stefan’s disappearance, he knows she, along with Elena, Bonnie and Damon, is trying to work out why Gilbert suddenly thought he was in Sixth Sense, and as much as he hates to admit it, he is acutely aware that she is still torn up by her break up with Matt. School would have definitely been pretty low on his list of priorities if he had been in her shoes. Hell, it’s low on his list of priorities as it is. But he has to go to school, he’d have his mom and the principle breathing down his neck if he didn’t. Caroline could just compel her way through high school. But she won’t.
Once or twice, when she’s moaning about the number of lad reports she has to complete or the history project she hasn’t finished yet, he almost asks her why she bothers with it all. But that would lead to questions he doesn’t want answered, about what lies ahead, about the future. Besides, he’s pretty sure he knows why. It’s why he still turns up to football practice, why he is only half reluctant when she drags him along to school fundraisers and why they hang out and watch crappy movies- she wants to pretend. Their whole world seems to have turned into one giant game of make-believe. Lying to everyone, including themselves. Most of the time they’re pretty good at it, but sometimes the line between the real world and the one they’ve woven together out of half-truths and excuses smudges a little.
Like when they touch accidentally, innocently- their fingertips brush as he hands her something or their knees touch under the table at lunch- and his heart starts beating a hundred times a minute. He can tell she’s keenly aware of his elevated pulse, both because of the flush which creeps into her cheeks and because of the shadows of veins which become just visible around her eyes. But there seems to be an unspoken covenant between them that such incidents will go unacknowledged and undiscussed. They are just friends, that’s all they’ll ever be and he’s cool with that- what’s wrong with that? It’s just another lie to add to the list.
He wants more. He knows it. And he’s pretty sure she’s aware of it too- on some level at least. But he knows he’ll never act on it. He kissed her once because he thought he had a crazy crush on her. He won’t kiss her again because he’s realised he’s in love with her. He won’t risk losing her. He won’t risk hurting her.
So he settles. He’ll play his part, being her friend. Because she needs him, because he needs her. He puts her first, because she deserves it. It aches to be around her, knowing that he has to pretend, but at the same time, he’s never been happier. So he ignores the ache, hoping that one day it’ll just fade away. That one day, just being her friend won’t feel like settling.
He’s still dwelling on this at quarter to seven that night. He half hates himself for it. He’s beginning to recognise something of himself in the sappy heroes featured in the crappy rom-coms Caroline makes him watch. He’d fallen for his friend’s ex-girlfriend who has since become his best friend- what a mess. And that’s without taking into account all the supernatural drama which means he’s tries to rip her head off once a month. His stomach tightens painfully at the flippant thought.
But then the doorbell rings.
He glances quickly down at his watch, it’s one minute to seven. He smiles, and suddenly his dark thoughts are dispelled and the pain in his gut vanishes.
He has to stop himself from sprinting down the stairs.
He knew he was pathetic, but he didn’t want to let Caroline in on that particular secret.
Tyler opens the front door.
As he expected, Caroline’s smile is waiting for him on the other side.
‘So,’ she says, beaming, waving a DVD in each hand, ‘what’s it to be, My Best Friend’s Girl or When Harry Met Sally?’