just so pissed
Meh.
I hate how my mom is stil yelling at me to get a job. I would like to have my own money...ugh. So fucking annoying dude. I want a job. I want to go to gollege and now I have to worry about where I am going to live in july. Once a fucking again. I hate this. Always having to worry about where I am going to stay. If I am going to make it in life, if I am going to be okay. I always feel like I have another dramatic issue and all I want is to go to school and get a better education. But its always her yelling at me. All the damn time. Just nag nag nag nag.
What the hell does she think I do all day? I don't really draw that much. If I do I usually sketch something out so I can get back to it later. Not like I really want to anyway since I don't have as many copic markers as I used to due to them vanishing into thin fucking air. But that's besides the point. I have tv on for background noise because I can't stand slience while I'm job hunting. ( Though now I hear it runs up the light bill so I only watch TV at night or just pop in a DVD on here and listen to it.)
I just hte how she just yells at me. I called my pastor and she prayed with me. She never blamed me for not having a job. She gave me suggestions and not go " OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO LAZY AND RELYING ON YOUR MOM" I think God will answer this prayer. I mean if I can pray for things that people would go " why would you pray for THAT?" and they come to pass then maybe God can touch her heart. I also hate how people think that im being dumb for believing in God. It's like why do you care? I'm not going to 'grow up' and at least there is always someone to talk to when everyone else has no time for you.
I just think that she can't go to church and pray for a select number of people but then just yell at me and blame me instead of praying that someone would hire me. I [pray for that every night. To be able to help her out because I know that we can all be a burden and everyone is always asking her for help. I don't want to just be snother someone who just keeps asking and asking and asking. I mean yeah 40 is not old to the older people but I do know that she would just like to relax for a couple days and I do know my sisters listen to me when it comes to something serious but I mean I know that maybe maiya and liz might need some money for something at school and I wouldn't mind giving them money for that. ( i could care less when it comes to money as long as I can get my ongoing witchblade series and some art stuff :> )
I dunno. I just didn't want a situation like this to come up again. Always worrying about where I am going to live, will I make it to college next semester and will I finally get hired? I mean damn...just stress stress and I am trying to have faith. I always have faith when it comes to AL and I am always praying for him and if I'll see him again and it usually happens but now I just wish I could be able to help my mom and not have her always yelling at me for not looking for a job and just wasting time which I am not.
Everytine I do work I always find some friends and I usually have fun on my jobs so its not like they're bad. I don't have horrible work experiences ( just crappy bosses at times) that were so bad I want to give up on working. I'm not like that. She was so quick to pry for ronnic when he tried to kill himself but she won't pray for me to have a job. Nearly everyone is so quick to want to help that bum out and I am trying here and everyone just shoots me down, Is it fun to kick someone when they;re not at their best?
I know that now Maggie has fallen off the bandwagon but I do remember her trying to help me out before. I mean then she slipped but I still will give her credit for helping me out before she got so dick crazy she just failed at life. Just like I won't completely say I hate Cassie because I know she helped me out when I had no where to go. Cassie Mandi Serana and Kelsey. I won't ever say I hate them because I know that they tried to help me too.
I just feel like I can't ever make myself better. I mean I just keep thinking I should join the marines and hope that someone would take me out quick and fast so I won't have to stress anymore. I won't have to be constantly stressing out and never being able to just breathe normally. I can't relax because I don't like just being idle without a job and I want to go to school and make friends and move up in life. I don't want to be a nobody and my Mom just thinks that I just wanna lounge around and not work ever.
I hate how my mom is stil yelling at me to get a job. I would like to have my own money...ugh. So fucking annoying dude. I want a job. I want to go to gollege and now I have to worry about where I am going to live in july. Once a fucking again. I hate this. Always having to worry about where I am going to stay. If I am going to make it in life, if I am going to be okay. I always feel like I have another dramatic issue and all I want is to go to school and get a better education. But its always her yelling at me. All the damn time. Just nag nag nag nag.
What the hell does she think I do all day? I don't really draw that much. If I do I usually sketch something out so I can get back to it later. Not like I really want to anyway since I don't have as many copic markers as I used to due to them vanishing into thin fucking air. But that's besides the point. I have tv on for background noise because I can't stand slience while I'm job hunting. ( Though now I hear it runs up the light bill so I only watch TV at night or just pop in a DVD on here and listen to it.)
I just hte how she just yells at me. I called my pastor and she prayed with me. She never blamed me for not having a job. She gave me suggestions and not go " OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO LAZY AND RELYING ON YOUR MOM" I think God will answer this prayer. I mean if I can pray for things that people would go " why would you pray for THAT?" and they come to pass then maybe God can touch her heart. I also hate how people think that im being dumb for believing in God. It's like why do you care? I'm not going to 'grow up' and at least there is always someone to talk to when everyone else has no time for you.
I just think that she can't go to church and pray for a select number of people but then just yell at me and blame me instead of praying that someone would hire me. I [pray for that every night. To be able to help her out because I know that we can all be a burden and everyone is always asking her for help. I don't want to just be snother someone who just keeps asking and asking and asking. I mean yeah 40 is not old to the older people but I do know that she would just like to relax for a couple days and I do know my sisters listen to me when it comes to something serious but I mean I know that maybe maiya and liz might need some money for something at school and I wouldn't mind giving them money for that. ( i could care less when it comes to money as long as I can get my ongoing witchblade series and some art stuff :> )
I dunno. I just didn't want a situation like this to come up again. Always worrying about where I am going to live, will I make it to college next semester and will I finally get hired? I mean damn...just stress stress and I am trying to have faith. I always have faith when it comes to AL and I am always praying for him and if I'll see him again and it usually happens but now I just wish I could be able to help my mom and not have her always yelling at me for not looking for a job and just wasting time which I am not.
Everytine I do work I always find some friends and I usually have fun on my jobs so its not like they're bad. I don't have horrible work experiences ( just crappy bosses at times) that were so bad I want to give up on working. I'm not like that. She was so quick to pry for ronnic when he tried to kill himself but she won't pray for me to have a job. Nearly everyone is so quick to want to help that bum out and I am trying here and everyone just shoots me down, Is it fun to kick someone when they;re not at their best?
I know that now Maggie has fallen off the bandwagon but I do remember her trying to help me out before. I mean then she slipped but I still will give her credit for helping me out before she got so dick crazy she just failed at life. Just like I won't completely say I hate Cassie because I know she helped me out when I had no where to go. Cassie Mandi Serana and Kelsey. I won't ever say I hate them because I know that they tried to help me too.
I just feel like I can't ever make myself better. I mean I just keep thinking I should join the marines and hope that someone would take me out quick and fast so I won't have to stress anymore. I won't have to be constantly stressing out and never being able to just breathe normally. I can't relax because I don't like just being idle without a job and I want to go to school and make friends and move up in life. I don't want to be a nobody and my Mom just thinks that I just wanna lounge around and not work ever.