IMPORTANT NEWS UPDATE
Melissa Frain has failed to answer a simple question! Why? Because she stole Christmas! That's right! The poor Grinch was blamed, time and time again, because who would believe him with his green furry skin and a heart three sizes too small? Well just because he has a serious medical condition doesn't mean he stole Christmas! Melissa Frain did! The Grinch's only crime was trying to save it from her!
I would say we should pelt Melissa Frain with snowballs but seeing as she's continually surrounded by a corona of hellfire and brimstone (recently returned to her by her friend Satan who borrowed said corona to inflict terror on souls during the middle ages), they'd vaporize instantly. Now she's back to starting witch trials and inquisitions all on her own.
Also, pelting her with snowballs would make her sad, and we all know what happens when Melissa Frain is sad. She steals food from poor people and old ladies and then drowns people in Southern Asia! Then she'll go skin some puppies.
At any rate, this reporter had to move her hiding place. Melissa's evil ancient Congo gorilla monster was too close for comfort. Now all I have to worry about is her pet Godzilla...and Robo!Godzilla.
So remember everyone!! Keep your holiday safe from Melissa Frain or she'll murder your family!
P.S. She's started germ warfare, everybody! It's too late for me, she's already given me "teh sickness" as she calls it! Save yourselves!