Oneshot - You're Taking Too Long
Finally back in the flat he was beyond relieved to see that everyone seemed to already be asleep. He staggered into the kitchen, filling a glass with tap water before locating a blister pack of painkillers and downing three with the water. Sighing he sipped at the water for a moment, staring into the middle distance, and after a moment he tipped the rest of the water down the drain, set the glass down in the sink and limped across the living room to his own room, locking the door from the inside he slowly pulled off his clothes, falling onto his bed in his boxers and burrowing beneath the covers.
He hadn’t been lying, he did have an important piece of work to finish, but it wasn’t due in until the afternoon and he had no other classes to wake up for, so whenever he emerged from his drugged sleep was when he would complete the assignment, he would go over to the diner as soon as he was done.
Curling onto his side and yanking the duvet up over his head he pressed his eyes shut and slowly fell into a shallow, fitful sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
He woke up far earlier than he had expected to, poking his head from beneath the covers he squinted at the clock beside his bed and groaned: 7:30. What the hell, he’d gone to sleep at almost one am, how had he managed to wake up so early? And without an alarm too.
Sighing he pulled a random pair of jeans and a random long sleeved t-shirt and clean underwear from his cupboard before grabbing a towel and shuffling across the flat to the bathroom wincing at the pain that was still burning its way up and down his spine, the painkillers had worn off completely and the pain didn’t seem to have dulled any. He hoped it would die down throughout the day.
No-one else was awake, obviously nobody else in the flat had any classes just yet either, that is unless they were skipping them.
By the time he was done showering and had emerged, rubbing the towel over his head, successfully messing up his hair in a way that shouldn’t have been attractive, but was, though he didn’t realise it, Aya and Ryoko were awake and chatting sleepily as Ryoko made toast and coffee.
“Ah! Ohayou Tat-chan!” Aya said cheerily, yet sleepily. Tatsuya couldn’t help but smile at her bright mood, even though she had obviously only just woken up. She was wearing pink shorts and a white t-shirt covered in glittery pink hearts and curled up onto the couch.
Ryoko turned and gave him a hazy smile. She handed Aya her pink mug, sipping from her own.
“Tatsuya-kun, would you like some coffee?” he smiled at her and nodded. Approaching the kitchen he fought off a wince and slowed his pace before accepting his mug, earning a concerned look from both girls.
“Tat-chan are you okay?” Shit. No, I’m not.
“Of course, why?”
“You seemed like you were in pain,” he smiled at her and moved slowly into the living room, unable to completely conceal his limp. Oh, God damn it! Ryoko came and sat beside Aya as Tatsuya sank slowly into the armchair.
“Tatsuya-kun, you’re limping, did something happen?” Tatsuya paused, sipping his coffee to stall his answer. Why don’t I tell them? He wondered, why not tell them he had been with Junno last night? Why not say the reason he was limping was because…because…
He realised he didn’t want to tell them, he didn’t want them to know what had happened, what they’d done…what he’d done…
Lowering his mug he smiled and shrugged.
“I tripped on the stairs, I think I bruised my leg or something, it’ll be fine,” he prayed neither of them wanted to see the so called bruise, because he’d have to find some way of refusing and they would just find that even more strange.
“Why’d you take the stairs? We’re on the top floor, why not use the lift?” Oh yeah…shit…
“It was stuck on one floor or something, I got impatient and just took the stairs,” he shrugged and switched his focus to his coffee, attempting to look casual and uninterested in the conversation until they let it go, which they thankfully did.
The next to appear was Shige, who emerged as Tatsuya taking all three of their mugs to the kitchen to make more coffee and see to breakfast.
“Why are you walking funny?” he asked nonchalantly, pulling his own green mug from the shelf and placing it beside th other three. Tatsuya paused in his movements, sugar grains spilling off the edge of the spoon to bounce in the bottom of the purple mug.
“I tripped up the stairs last night,” he muttered. Shige looked at him with a raised eyebrow as Toma appeared, running his hands through his hair and yawning, dressed in a crumpled grey t-shirt reading ‘THINK TWICE’ and a pair of blue shorts. Tatsuya moved across the kitchen area to get the milk out of the fridge and Toma paused, his hand hovering over his mug as he noticed Tatsuya’s limp.
“What the hell happened to you?” Tatsuya froze, and then sighed.
“He tripped up the stairs last night,” Shige said in a way that said, ‘Yeah, right, sure he did,’ Toma gave him a funny look as he began making his own coffee.
Tatsuya limped back to Ryoko and Aya, handing them their toast and coffee on a tray, before limping back to make himself something, trying to ignore the half amused, half concerned looks he was receiving.
“Um, Tatsuya-kun, I can make something for you, if your leg hurts,” Tatsuya sighed as he scanned his eyes over the contents of the fridge.
“I’m fine Ryoko-chan,” he said, his voice tight.
Shige stirred his coffee and snagged some bread from the bread bin before moving into the living room area.
At that moment Koki emerged from his room yawning and stretching, upon noticing everyone already awake he smiled at them.
“Ohayou!” he said and began to make his way into the kitchen, he snagged his mug by the handle and was about to reach for the coffee jar when he noticed Tatsuya moving from one of the cupboards to where he had left his plate on the counter. He nudged Toma who was standing beside him.
“What happened to him?”
“He tripped up the stairs last night,” Shige called from the couch, not looking up from the magazine he had picked up off the coffee table. Koki made an incredulous, yet amused face.
“He what?” Toma smirked over the rim of his mug and wandered over to the armchair, leaning over Aya and Ryoko’s tray and snagging one of their pieces of toast, provoking Aya to smack his arm lightly.
“Tripped up the stairs,” he said as he sat down. Koki turned to Tatsuya, giving him a weird look as he watched his movements.
“You tripped up the stairs?” Tatsuya sighed, exasperated.
“Yes, I tripped up the fucking stairs,” he snapped.
“He hurt his leg,” Shige supplied, eyes till trained on the page in front of him. Tatsuya glared at him over his shoulder, he was taking far too much pleasure in Tatsuya’s pain and he was considering putting window cleaner in his next cup of coffee.
Koki said nothing for a moment but watched as Tatsuya moved back to the fridge, putting away the butter and milk.
“And you’re sure it’s your leg that hurts,” he asked, not a sliver of amusement in his voice. Everyone else looked up suddenly. Tatsuya grit his teeth and slammed the fridge door so hard the whole thing rocked slightly in place. No I’m fucking not!
“Yes I fucking am!” he snapped and grabbed his plate and mug and walking as swiftly as he could across to his door.
“I have an assignment to finish,” he muttered before disappearing into his room with a slam of his door. Koki stared after him, his expression grave, not for one second did he think the cause of that limp was something so benign as a clumsy moment in a stairwell.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As Tatsuya walked towards the other side of campus later on in the evening he felt a little better. Despite the distracting thoughts that had poked relentlessly at his brain all morning as he worked on the essay for his English class, he had managed to finish it, and fairly well, and he had managed to hand it in before noon, reaching the diner just as Kame and Junno’s shifts started.
Thankfully the pain that had been plaguing him had died down some. He was still sore and the bottom of his spine ached when he moved but it wasn’t so bad that he couldn’t ignore it. He had felt in a much better mood by the time he was seated at the counter and had been able to smile genuinely at his boyfriend and his best friend, slowly nibbling his way through a basket of fries, which Kame kept dipping his hand into every time he passed, watching Junno as he took orders and made drinks.
He had left at around two to spend some time in the piano room, promising Junno to come and see him later on, Junno had smiled at him, but had had to move away to deal with a customer, so had called a quick ‘See you later’ over his shoulder before he had left.
Now, after having spent a whole three hours with the piano, and moving onto the guitar for two hours, before moving back to the piano for another hour after that he felt lighter, had managed to mostly convince himself that everything was fine, and would be even better once the pain went away completely and his flatmates stopped raising their eyebrows at him whenever he walked.
Reaching the building he signed in at the reception desk and took the lift up to Junno’s floor. When he knocked on the door a girl with short hair and wearing dungarees with a black and white striped jumper answered. She smiled at him as she asked who he was looking for.
“I’m here to see Junno, he’s here, right?” she nodded.
“He’s in his room with Yokoyama-kun and Murakami-kun,” he thanked and moved down the corridor to the room he remembered to be Junno’s. He lifted his hand, ready to knock before entering when he heard laughter from inside.
“Geez Taguchi, how long were you gonna hold out?” Tatsuya froze, what were they talking about?
“You said 50 points! We agreed on 50 points, no one else has been worth 50 points before!” Tatsuya barely registered his hands falling limp and lifeless to his side. They weren’t…
“Cos he’s freaking hot! I mean, those lips! Tell me you got a blow job out of him! Say yes and we’ll add another 20 to your score, I swear!” they laughed again. Tatsuya suddenly felt sick. They were talking about…him? Really? And what did they mean by…points?
“I fucking wish! But I only just managed to get him in my bed, I didn’t want to scare him off, maybe I’ll get one tonight, he’s coming over soon,” Tatsuya backed away from the door, his movements shaky, he couldn’t process how to move, he couldn’t remember what you were supposed to do to make your legs walk. He wanted to clap his hands over his ears, turn and run from the flat, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember how to use basic motor skills.
“How many points will you give me for having him again?”
“Repeat offence? Thirty? Twenty-five?”
“Oh Hina come on! You said yourself he was hot!”
“Yeah, but it’s taken you two months to get into him, you need a new target,”
“Mmmm, I’ll have him again, see if I can’t get that blow job, then I’ll drop him, wonder if I could get that guy that was at his flat that time, what was he called, Koyama…? Yeah, him,”
“It’d be worth more if you could get Yamashita, or his friend, what his name? Akanishi? If you can’t get Ueda to suck you off, you should get Akanishi to do it, his lips are hot too, in fact, I might fight you for that one,”
“Fine! I want Yamashita, whichever one of you gets Akanishi gets 30 points, 10 extra for the blow job, how much do I get for Yamashita?”
“Same I think, hey, if you get Yamashita before one of us gets Akanishi, you get 20 extra points, same if one of us gets Akanishi first,” there was laughter again.
“Hmmm, I wonder if I can get Yamashita and Ueda at the same time, they both have hot mouths,”
“His ass is even hotter, trust me,” Junno’s voice rang in his ears like a claxon being rung too close and his head hurt, the nauseous feeling in his stomach increased and a dull ache was spreading through his whole torso as he stood immobile in the hallway.
Suddenly he snapped, he wanted to walk in a punch all three of them until they weren’t discernable from each other, but he didn’t want Junno to know he had hurt him, he didn’t want Junno to see him in pain, and he didn’t want to look at him either.
All at once his motor skills rushed back and he turned and sprinted down the corridor back to the door, throwing it open and running to the stairwell, not wanting to wait for the lift he ran down the stairs so fast he barely touched them, running across campus, up the path, into his building, up the stairs, taking them three at a time.
He fumbled desperately with the keys to the flat, once inside he ran into his room, leaving Shige and Aya, who were sitting in the living room, staring at his door in shock.
He felt filthy, his felt like he had been submerged for a prolonged amount of time, in sewage, felt like he was covered in and filled with sewage, there was a rotten taste in his mouth, his skin felt like it was coated in grime, his entire body felt disgusting.
Images flashed through his mind, their dates, every time Junno had kissed him, held his hand, touched his hair, his face, his arms, the image of…of…Tatsuya clapped a hand to his mouth screwing up his eyes, trying desperately to stave off the images. He burst from his room and ran into the bathroom. Toma had joined Aya and Shige in the living area and looked after him in surprise.
In the bathroom Tatsuya locked the door with trembling fingers and turned on the shower, deliberately too hot but not so hot that he couldn’t stand it. He practically tore his clothes off his body before tripping into the shower, falling heavily to his knees under the hot spray, bowing his head, the water soaked his hair and ran in rivulets down the sides of his face and neck, over his back, slowly turning his shoulders and angry red from the heat.
His breathing was heavy and erratic, his hands clawed against the white bathtub, he blinked the water out of his eyes as he stared blindly at the space between them and his hands.
He thought vaguely of soap and shampoo but he couldn’t move, he hoped the hot water would melt and burn away the invisible layer of filth on his body, his was shaking as though cold but in reality…he was angry.
No, he was livid, furious, murderous, he was so angry his eyes were wide and dark and felt like they were burning, his hands twitched, clawing uselessly at the bottom of the bathtub, his teeth were gritted and grinding…but at the same time, he was devastated, he was heartbroken, his chest was crumbling under the weight of the pain he felt, from his angry, glowing eyes spilled hot, devastated tears.
He didn’t know what to do, what could he possibly do? There was nothing, nothing to do but cry, feel angry and hurt and heartbroken. He was powerless; he could do nothing but hate Junno for what he had done to him, hate himself for being roped into such a horrible game, he shifted awkwardly until he was sitting with his knees drawn up, letting his head fall forward onto his knees and he wrapping his arms around his legs, the hot spray of water beating against the top of his head, hot trails running like rivers over rapids down the sides of his face, down the bridge of his nose, searing red lines into his neck, down his back, glowing spots of red flaring up on his arms.
He couldn’t move, the hot water was starting to hurt but he couldn’t make himself move.
How long had he been sitting here? Toma, Aya and Shige had been sitting in the living area, what did they think was the reason for his running like a bat out of hell into his room, then out of it and into the shower?
At that moment a hesitant knocking resounded from the door and he flinched, the words ‘Go away’ dying in his throat before he had even decided whether or not he wanted to voice them.
“Tatsuya-kun?” Ryoko-chan “Tatsuya-kun, are you okay?” Aya and Shige’s voices joined Ryoko’s after a moment.
“Tat-chan! Did something bad happen?”
“Ueda-kun, are you alright?”
He didn’t answer, just hugged his legs tighter.
“Ueda-kun! What’s wrong? What happened?” Toma joined Ryoko in knocking on the door, all four voices sounded concerned but he couldn’t say anything, couldn’t open his mouth, and even if he could, he’d never be able to tell them…
“Tat-chan! You’re scaring me! Are you okay? Tell us what happened!” Absolutely not!
“Tatsuya-kun, will you come out so we know you’re alright? Tatsuya-kun!”
“Ueda-kun!”
He pressed his forehead against his knees, willing them to go away, let him fall apart in peace.
“Oi! Ueda! What the hell are you doing in there? You don’t own that bathroom you know! Come out!” Tatsuya’s eyes flew open. Koki.
His teeth gritted again, a floodgate inside him burst and shattered, he barely heard Ryoko’s ‘Koki-kun! Don’t say that, something’s wrong!”
He practically fell out of the bath, briefly passing a towel over his reddened skin before yanking on the clean clothes he had brought in with him and shutting off the faucet.
He threw the door open and ran back into his room, the sound of the lock clicking into place echoed through the flat, and then, silence.
Koki stared at the door, his expression grave. I got you to move. He thought.
After a half hour of the five of them waiting for Tatsuya to appear they decided to leave him alone and retreated into their own rooms. Koki alone sat on the couch staring at the blue door which stared silently, passively, obliviously back at him.
After a moment of chewing his lip in consideration he got up and walked lazily to the door, crouching in front of it and inserting an unfolded paper clip into the lock, picking it open. It took almost ten minutes but eventually he heard the parts inside the lock shift, there was a quiet, grating click and he turned the handle.
There were no lights on in the room, the dim light of the slowly fading evening crawled in through a gap in the curtains, painting a stripe diagonally over the left side of the room. It trailed down the wall, over the carpet and over Tatsuya’s shoulder as he lay on his bed, curled on his side facing the wall, his still damp hair spread on the pillow, his hands fisted close to his face. His shoulders shook slightly as he cried.
Koki stood leaning against the doorframe as he watched him for a moment.
They weren’t racking anguished sobs, breath stealing angry sobs, they weren’t harsh or violent, devastated choked sounds did not fall from Tatsuya’s slightly parted lips, beautiful even in his distress.
His sobs were almost silent, shook his shoulders gently, ever so slightly, his tears were hot, angry, soaking a dark patch into the pillow under his head. Had he been crying the entire time? Koki didn’t know, it hardly mattered, he was crying now. They had only been flatmates for two months and so, Koki had never seen Tatsuya cry, had never even seen him truly upset. The sight, while heart-wrenching, heartbreaking, was breath taking.
His tears glinted in the waning light as they rolled from beneath his almost-closed eyelids and over his cheek and the bridge of his nose, his hair, a darker copper than usual splayed and curled in damp clumps on his pillow, lying over his forehead and across his right cheek a stark contrast to his olive skin, flawless but for the dark pink stains on his cheeks, the red swollen lines under his eyes. His body curved, curled into itself, his legs bent at the knee were drawn up some, his feet laying slightly apart on top of the duvet, his arms bent and his hands pulled close to his face, his right was palm down, fingers curling into the duvet cover, the left on its back fingers slightly curled into thin air.
Wordlessly, soundlessly, Koki moved inside the room, shutting the door behind him, he toed off his trainers and slid onto the bed behind Tatsuya, who froze at the sudden presence of another human. Koki took no notice but lay behind him, resting his head on the pillow, his forehead against Tatsuya’s hair, snaking his arms around his waist and pulling him closer. Tatsuya was stiff, unsure as to whom it was, but he felt, somehow that he had an idea, somehow he recognised the scent, the manner of the movements.
Tightening his hold Koki moved slightly to whisper into Tatsuya’s ear.
“Keep crying,” Tatsuya blinked, the tears still flowing like open wounds, he bit his lip as he stared with salt water blurred vision at the wall in front of him.
“It’s okay, keep crying, cry for a while, it’s okay,”
Tatsuya relaxed at last into Koki’s hold, his eyes sliding shut as the tears continued to fall, spilling in hot rivers over his face and into the pillow.
“Keep crying, I won’t go anywhere,”
The evening slid away, giving way to the darkness of night and the stripe of light dimmed to almost nothing, a new stripe of moonlight replacing it, painting over the opposite wall, and Tatsuya continued to sob softly, almost soundlessly, encased in Koki’s arms that never loosened their hold on him as he cried.
おわり
He hadn’t been lying, he did have an important piece of work to finish, but it wasn’t due in until the afternoon and he had no other classes to wake up for, so whenever he emerged from his drugged sleep was when he would complete the assignment, he would go over to the diner as soon as he was done.
Curling onto his side and yanking the duvet up over his head he pressed his eyes shut and slowly fell into a shallow, fitful sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
He woke up far earlier than he had expected to, poking his head from beneath the covers he squinted at the clock beside his bed and groaned: 7:30. What the hell, he’d gone to sleep at almost one am, how had he managed to wake up so early? And without an alarm too.
Sighing he pulled a random pair of jeans and a random long sleeved t-shirt and clean underwear from his cupboard before grabbing a towel and shuffling across the flat to the bathroom wincing at the pain that was still burning its way up and down his spine, the painkillers had worn off completely and the pain didn’t seem to have dulled any. He hoped it would die down throughout the day.
No-one else was awake, obviously nobody else in the flat had any classes just yet either, that is unless they were skipping them.
By the time he was done showering and had emerged, rubbing the towel over his head, successfully messing up his hair in a way that shouldn’t have been attractive, but was, though he didn’t realise it, Aya and Ryoko were awake and chatting sleepily as Ryoko made toast and coffee.
“Ah! Ohayou Tat-chan!” Aya said cheerily, yet sleepily. Tatsuya couldn’t help but smile at her bright mood, even though she had obviously only just woken up. She was wearing pink shorts and a white t-shirt covered in glittery pink hearts and curled up onto the couch.
Ryoko turned and gave him a hazy smile. She handed Aya her pink mug, sipping from her own.
“Tatsuya-kun, would you like some coffee?” he smiled at her and nodded. Approaching the kitchen he fought off a wince and slowed his pace before accepting his mug, earning a concerned look from both girls.
“Tat-chan are you okay?” Shit. No, I’m not.
“Of course, why?”
“You seemed like you were in pain,” he smiled at her and moved slowly into the living room, unable to completely conceal his limp. Oh, God damn it! Ryoko came and sat beside Aya as Tatsuya sank slowly into the armchair.
“Tatsuya-kun, you’re limping, did something happen?” Tatsuya paused, sipping his coffee to stall his answer. Why don’t I tell them? He wondered, why not tell them he had been with Junno last night? Why not say the reason he was limping was because…because…
He realised he didn’t want to tell them, he didn’t want them to know what had happened, what they’d done…what he’d done…
Lowering his mug he smiled and shrugged.
“I tripped on the stairs, I think I bruised my leg or something, it’ll be fine,” he prayed neither of them wanted to see the so called bruise, because he’d have to find some way of refusing and they would just find that even more strange.
“Why’d you take the stairs? We’re on the top floor, why not use the lift?” Oh yeah…shit…
“It was stuck on one floor or something, I got impatient and just took the stairs,” he shrugged and switched his focus to his coffee, attempting to look casual and uninterested in the conversation until they let it go, which they thankfully did.
The next to appear was Shige, who emerged as Tatsuya taking all three of their mugs to the kitchen to make more coffee and see to breakfast.
“Why are you walking funny?” he asked nonchalantly, pulling his own green mug from the shelf and placing it beside th other three. Tatsuya paused in his movements, sugar grains spilling off the edge of the spoon to bounce in the bottom of the purple mug.
“I tripped up the stairs last night,” he muttered. Shige looked at him with a raised eyebrow as Toma appeared, running his hands through his hair and yawning, dressed in a crumpled grey t-shirt reading ‘THINK TWICE’ and a pair of blue shorts. Tatsuya moved across the kitchen area to get the milk out of the fridge and Toma paused, his hand hovering over his mug as he noticed Tatsuya’s limp.
“What the hell happened to you?” Tatsuya froze, and then sighed.
“He tripped up the stairs last night,” Shige said in a way that said, ‘Yeah, right, sure he did,’ Toma gave him a funny look as he began making his own coffee.
Tatsuya limped back to Ryoko and Aya, handing them their toast and coffee on a tray, before limping back to make himself something, trying to ignore the half amused, half concerned looks he was receiving.
“Um, Tatsuya-kun, I can make something for you, if your leg hurts,” Tatsuya sighed as he scanned his eyes over the contents of the fridge.
“I’m fine Ryoko-chan,” he said, his voice tight.
Shige stirred his coffee and snagged some bread from the bread bin before moving into the living room area.
At that moment Koki emerged from his room yawning and stretching, upon noticing everyone already awake he smiled at them.
“Ohayou!” he said and began to make his way into the kitchen, he snagged his mug by the handle and was about to reach for the coffee jar when he noticed Tatsuya moving from one of the cupboards to where he had left his plate on the counter. He nudged Toma who was standing beside him.
“What happened to him?”
“He tripped up the stairs last night,” Shige called from the couch, not looking up from the magazine he had picked up off the coffee table. Koki made an incredulous, yet amused face.
“He what?” Toma smirked over the rim of his mug and wandered over to the armchair, leaning over Aya and Ryoko’s tray and snagging one of their pieces of toast, provoking Aya to smack his arm lightly.
“Tripped up the stairs,” he said as he sat down. Koki turned to Tatsuya, giving him a weird look as he watched his movements.
“You tripped up the stairs?” Tatsuya sighed, exasperated.
“Yes, I tripped up the fucking stairs,” he snapped.
“He hurt his leg,” Shige supplied, eyes till trained on the page in front of him. Tatsuya glared at him over his shoulder, he was taking far too much pleasure in Tatsuya’s pain and he was considering putting window cleaner in his next cup of coffee.
Koki said nothing for a moment but watched as Tatsuya moved back to the fridge, putting away the butter and milk.
“And you’re sure it’s your leg that hurts,” he asked, not a sliver of amusement in his voice. Everyone else looked up suddenly. Tatsuya grit his teeth and slammed the fridge door so hard the whole thing rocked slightly in place. No I’m fucking not!
“Yes I fucking am!” he snapped and grabbed his plate and mug and walking as swiftly as he could across to his door.
“I have an assignment to finish,” he muttered before disappearing into his room with a slam of his door. Koki stared after him, his expression grave, not for one second did he think the cause of that limp was something so benign as a clumsy moment in a stairwell.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As Tatsuya walked towards the other side of campus later on in the evening he felt a little better. Despite the distracting thoughts that had poked relentlessly at his brain all morning as he worked on the essay for his English class, he had managed to finish it, and fairly well, and he had managed to hand it in before noon, reaching the diner just as Kame and Junno’s shifts started.
Thankfully the pain that had been plaguing him had died down some. He was still sore and the bottom of his spine ached when he moved but it wasn’t so bad that he couldn’t ignore it. He had felt in a much better mood by the time he was seated at the counter and had been able to smile genuinely at his boyfriend and his best friend, slowly nibbling his way through a basket of fries, which Kame kept dipping his hand into every time he passed, watching Junno as he took orders and made drinks.
He had left at around two to spend some time in the piano room, promising Junno to come and see him later on, Junno had smiled at him, but had had to move away to deal with a customer, so had called a quick ‘See you later’ over his shoulder before he had left.
Now, after having spent a whole three hours with the piano, and moving onto the guitar for two hours, before moving back to the piano for another hour after that he felt lighter, had managed to mostly convince himself that everything was fine, and would be even better once the pain went away completely and his flatmates stopped raising their eyebrows at him whenever he walked.
Reaching the building he signed in at the reception desk and took the lift up to Junno’s floor. When he knocked on the door a girl with short hair and wearing dungarees with a black and white striped jumper answered. She smiled at him as she asked who he was looking for.
“I’m here to see Junno, he’s here, right?” she nodded.
“He’s in his room with Yokoyama-kun and Murakami-kun,” he thanked and moved down the corridor to the room he remembered to be Junno’s. He lifted his hand, ready to knock before entering when he heard laughter from inside.
“Geez Taguchi, how long were you gonna hold out?” Tatsuya froze, what were they talking about?
“You said 50 points! We agreed on 50 points, no one else has been worth 50 points before!” Tatsuya barely registered his hands falling limp and lifeless to his side. They weren’t…
“Cos he’s freaking hot! I mean, those lips! Tell me you got a blow job out of him! Say yes and we’ll add another 20 to your score, I swear!” they laughed again. Tatsuya suddenly felt sick. They were talking about…him? Really? And what did they mean by…points?
“I fucking wish! But I only just managed to get him in my bed, I didn’t want to scare him off, maybe I’ll get one tonight, he’s coming over soon,” Tatsuya backed away from the door, his movements shaky, he couldn’t process how to move, he couldn’t remember what you were supposed to do to make your legs walk. He wanted to clap his hands over his ears, turn and run from the flat, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember how to use basic motor skills.
“How many points will you give me for having him again?”
“Repeat offence? Thirty? Twenty-five?”
“Oh Hina come on! You said yourself he was hot!”
“Yeah, but it’s taken you two months to get into him, you need a new target,”
“Mmmm, I’ll have him again, see if I can’t get that blow job, then I’ll drop him, wonder if I could get that guy that was at his flat that time, what was he called, Koyama…? Yeah, him,”
“It’d be worth more if you could get Yamashita, or his friend, what his name? Akanishi? If you can’t get Ueda to suck you off, you should get Akanishi to do it, his lips are hot too, in fact, I might fight you for that one,”
“Fine! I want Yamashita, whichever one of you gets Akanishi gets 30 points, 10 extra for the blow job, how much do I get for Yamashita?”
“Same I think, hey, if you get Yamashita before one of us gets Akanishi, you get 20 extra points, same if one of us gets Akanishi first,” there was laughter again.
“Hmmm, I wonder if I can get Yamashita and Ueda at the same time, they both have hot mouths,”
“His ass is even hotter, trust me,” Junno’s voice rang in his ears like a claxon being rung too close and his head hurt, the nauseous feeling in his stomach increased and a dull ache was spreading through his whole torso as he stood immobile in the hallway.
Suddenly he snapped, he wanted to walk in a punch all three of them until they weren’t discernable from each other, but he didn’t want Junno to know he had hurt him, he didn’t want Junno to see him in pain, and he didn’t want to look at him either.
All at once his motor skills rushed back and he turned and sprinted down the corridor back to the door, throwing it open and running to the stairwell, not wanting to wait for the lift he ran down the stairs so fast he barely touched them, running across campus, up the path, into his building, up the stairs, taking them three at a time.
He fumbled desperately with the keys to the flat, once inside he ran into his room, leaving Shige and Aya, who were sitting in the living room, staring at his door in shock.
He felt filthy, his felt like he had been submerged for a prolonged amount of time, in sewage, felt like he was covered in and filled with sewage, there was a rotten taste in his mouth, his skin felt like it was coated in grime, his entire body felt disgusting.
Images flashed through his mind, their dates, every time Junno had kissed him, held his hand, touched his hair, his face, his arms, the image of…of…Tatsuya clapped a hand to his mouth screwing up his eyes, trying desperately to stave off the images. He burst from his room and ran into the bathroom. Toma had joined Aya and Shige in the living area and looked after him in surprise.
In the bathroom Tatsuya locked the door with trembling fingers and turned on the shower, deliberately too hot but not so hot that he couldn’t stand it. He practically tore his clothes off his body before tripping into the shower, falling heavily to his knees under the hot spray, bowing his head, the water soaked his hair and ran in rivulets down the sides of his face and neck, over his back, slowly turning his shoulders and angry red from the heat.
His breathing was heavy and erratic, his hands clawed against the white bathtub, he blinked the water out of his eyes as he stared blindly at the space between them and his hands.
He thought vaguely of soap and shampoo but he couldn’t move, he hoped the hot water would melt and burn away the invisible layer of filth on his body, his was shaking as though cold but in reality…he was angry.
No, he was livid, furious, murderous, he was so angry his eyes were wide and dark and felt like they were burning, his hands twitched, clawing uselessly at the bottom of the bathtub, his teeth were gritted and grinding…but at the same time, he was devastated, he was heartbroken, his chest was crumbling under the weight of the pain he felt, from his angry, glowing eyes spilled hot, devastated tears.
He didn’t know what to do, what could he possibly do? There was nothing, nothing to do but cry, feel angry and hurt and heartbroken. He was powerless; he could do nothing but hate Junno for what he had done to him, hate himself for being roped into such a horrible game, he shifted awkwardly until he was sitting with his knees drawn up, letting his head fall forward onto his knees and he wrapping his arms around his legs, the hot spray of water beating against the top of his head, hot trails running like rivers over rapids down the sides of his face, down the bridge of his nose, searing red lines into his neck, down his back, glowing spots of red flaring up on his arms.
He couldn’t move, the hot water was starting to hurt but he couldn’t make himself move.
How long had he been sitting here? Toma, Aya and Shige had been sitting in the living area, what did they think was the reason for his running like a bat out of hell into his room, then out of it and into the shower?
At that moment a hesitant knocking resounded from the door and he flinched, the words ‘Go away’ dying in his throat before he had even decided whether or not he wanted to voice them.
“Tatsuya-kun?” Ryoko-chan “Tatsuya-kun, are you okay?” Aya and Shige’s voices joined Ryoko’s after a moment.
“Tat-chan! Did something bad happen?”
“Ueda-kun, are you alright?”
He didn’t answer, just hugged his legs tighter.
“Ueda-kun! What’s wrong? What happened?” Toma joined Ryoko in knocking on the door, all four voices sounded concerned but he couldn’t say anything, couldn’t open his mouth, and even if he could, he’d never be able to tell them…
“Tat-chan! You’re scaring me! Are you okay? Tell us what happened!” Absolutely not!
“Tatsuya-kun, will you come out so we know you’re alright? Tatsuya-kun!”
“Ueda-kun!”
He pressed his forehead against his knees, willing them to go away, let him fall apart in peace.
“Oi! Ueda! What the hell are you doing in there? You don’t own that bathroom you know! Come out!” Tatsuya’s eyes flew open. Koki.
His teeth gritted again, a floodgate inside him burst and shattered, he barely heard Ryoko’s ‘Koki-kun! Don’t say that, something’s wrong!”
He practically fell out of the bath, briefly passing a towel over his reddened skin before yanking on the clean clothes he had brought in with him and shutting off the faucet.
He threw the door open and ran back into his room, the sound of the lock clicking into place echoed through the flat, and then, silence.
Koki stared at the door, his expression grave. I got you to move. He thought.
After a half hour of the five of them waiting for Tatsuya to appear they decided to leave him alone and retreated into their own rooms. Koki alone sat on the couch staring at the blue door which stared silently, passively, obliviously back at him.
After a moment of chewing his lip in consideration he got up and walked lazily to the door, crouching in front of it and inserting an unfolded paper clip into the lock, picking it open. It took almost ten minutes but eventually he heard the parts inside the lock shift, there was a quiet, grating click and he turned the handle.
There were no lights on in the room, the dim light of the slowly fading evening crawled in through a gap in the curtains, painting a stripe diagonally over the left side of the room. It trailed down the wall, over the carpet and over Tatsuya’s shoulder as he lay on his bed, curled on his side facing the wall, his still damp hair spread on the pillow, his hands fisted close to his face. His shoulders shook slightly as he cried.
Koki stood leaning against the doorframe as he watched him for a moment.
They weren’t racking anguished sobs, breath stealing angry sobs, they weren’t harsh or violent, devastated choked sounds did not fall from Tatsuya’s slightly parted lips, beautiful even in his distress.
His sobs were almost silent, shook his shoulders gently, ever so slightly, his tears were hot, angry, soaking a dark patch into the pillow under his head. Had he been crying the entire time? Koki didn’t know, it hardly mattered, he was crying now. They had only been flatmates for two months and so, Koki had never seen Tatsuya cry, had never even seen him truly upset. The sight, while heart-wrenching, heartbreaking, was breath taking.
His tears glinted in the waning light as they rolled from beneath his almost-closed eyelids and over his cheek and the bridge of his nose, his hair, a darker copper than usual splayed and curled in damp clumps on his pillow, lying over his forehead and across his right cheek a stark contrast to his olive skin, flawless but for the dark pink stains on his cheeks, the red swollen lines under his eyes. His body curved, curled into itself, his legs bent at the knee were drawn up some, his feet laying slightly apart on top of the duvet, his arms bent and his hands pulled close to his face, his right was palm down, fingers curling into the duvet cover, the left on its back fingers slightly curled into thin air.
Wordlessly, soundlessly, Koki moved inside the room, shutting the door behind him, he toed off his trainers and slid onto the bed behind Tatsuya, who froze at the sudden presence of another human. Koki took no notice but lay behind him, resting his head on the pillow, his forehead against Tatsuya’s hair, snaking his arms around his waist and pulling him closer. Tatsuya was stiff, unsure as to whom it was, but he felt, somehow that he had an idea, somehow he recognised the scent, the manner of the movements.
Tightening his hold Koki moved slightly to whisper into Tatsuya’s ear.
“Keep crying,” Tatsuya blinked, the tears still flowing like open wounds, he bit his lip as he stared with salt water blurred vision at the wall in front of him.
“It’s okay, keep crying, cry for a while, it’s okay,”
Tatsuya relaxed at last into Koki’s hold, his eyes sliding shut as the tears continued to fall, spilling in hot rivers over his face and into the pillow.
“Keep crying, I won’t go anywhere,”
The evening slid away, giving way to the darkness of night and the stripe of light dimmed to almost nothing, a new stripe of moonlight replacing it, painting over the opposite wall, and Tatsuya continued to sob softly, almost soundlessly, encased in Koki’s arms that never loosened their hold on him as he cried.
おわり