"Sleepless in Seattle" or "Homesick in Albuquerque"
I'm homesick.
Yes, you read that right. I miss Aurora. Just a few weeks ago, I was cursing that town. Strange. I guess it goes with the age-old proverb, you never know what you have until you lose it...
It was awesome, coming here. Gaia greeted us in all her glory on the drive to Albuquerque. We saw a double rainbow, we drove through the most beautiful rainstorm, the clouds were even more beautiful than they usually are... They were all low and wispy... And the bugs here! I saw the most beautiful beetle the other day, with a big big big shiny bright blue butt, and there are these bugs they call "children of the earth," and I guess they're half spider and half scorpion, and we found a brown recluse in our u-Haul! Sisco's family was going to kill it, and they wouldn't let me save it, because they didn't want the dog to get bit, so I put in in a jar with rubbing alcohol so she could join Raisin and Olive once they get unpacked. (I don't know what to name her; help me please? If anyone has any ideas what to name a dead brown recluse, let me know?)
Sisco's family is awesome; his mom is so sweet, treating me like i've already been adopted, and his dad is a crack-up, especially when he dances... he gets all into it, it's so much fun to watch... and Sisco's oldest brother has two girls and a fiance who's really sweet, and his girls are adorable... and his other brother is a lot of fun too. He hangs out with us sometimes, and he's fun to talk to. Both of his brothers are so smart too! I can hold intellegent conversations with them! It's really cool. that didn't happen very often in Aurora, the ability to converse intellegently with two males at once. Actually, that doesn't happen very often, period. lol
So I was on a cloud, loving every bit of things here, for a few days... I still love it. I mean, that hasn't changed. I'm just not on the cloud anymore...
I've been having nightmares again. At least they're not violent, bloody death nightmares like I'd been having for as long as I can remember, but they hurt me so badly, emotionally. I woke up next to Sisco the other morning and I am so lucky he had to go talk with his relatives right when i woke up, because I was already crying. And not that whole "wake up with teary eyes" shit, I mean sobs and red eyes and runny nose and everything.
I would write this particular nightmare down, but seeing as how this entry is public, I don't believe I will.
I'm just really easily upset lately. Everyone who knows me knows I don't cry easily at ALL. I don't like crying. I feel weak and worthless, and all that other psychological bullshit connected with tears. But lately, I've been weepy and teary at least once a day. moves make me cry. I mean STUPID movies. I cried in and Adam Sandler film the other night. (Big Daddy)
I keep telling myself it's just the move and it's just normal and all that, because I guess I will get over it in a few weeks, like I've been telling everyone else who expresses an interest in my welfare, and I really hope that's true. I don't have very many options right now, and staying here in NM is the one I picked and I am not going to quit so easily. But I don't like feeling this way. I was depressed for 5 years straight, and I'm done with it.
I just have to find a place here and work it. That's what I need. I need friends, I need a creative outlet, I need a job..... (desperately)
I need a band!
I'm so pissed! Of all the terrible times this move could've happened, it had to happen when my band was finally getting some attention. We were getting offers, arranging gigs at decent venues, all this wonderful shit that I was getting all excited about, and then BAM! We get hit by a car.
GAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHGH-
HHHHHHHHHHRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm frustrated. Obviously.
I don't know. I'm just ranting here. There is no point to this post, no epiphany, no revelation or emotional resolution. I'm just venting.
Sorry for the utter pointlessness and waste of your precious time. I'm going to go drink some water. Yum!
Yes, you read that right. I miss Aurora. Just a few weeks ago, I was cursing that town. Strange. I guess it goes with the age-old proverb, you never know what you have until you lose it...
It was awesome, coming here. Gaia greeted us in all her glory on the drive to Albuquerque. We saw a double rainbow, we drove through the most beautiful rainstorm, the clouds were even more beautiful than they usually are... They were all low and wispy... And the bugs here! I saw the most beautiful beetle the other day, with a big big big shiny bright blue butt, and there are these bugs they call "children of the earth," and I guess they're half spider and half scorpion, and we found a brown recluse in our u-Haul! Sisco's family was going to kill it, and they wouldn't let me save it, because they didn't want the dog to get bit, so I put in in a jar with rubbing alcohol so she could join Raisin and Olive once they get unpacked. (I don't know what to name her; help me please? If anyone has any ideas what to name a dead brown recluse, let me know?)
Sisco's family is awesome; his mom is so sweet, treating me like i've already been adopted, and his dad is a crack-up, especially when he dances... he gets all into it, it's so much fun to watch... and Sisco's oldest brother has two girls and a fiance who's really sweet, and his girls are adorable... and his other brother is a lot of fun too. He hangs out with us sometimes, and he's fun to talk to. Both of his brothers are so smart too! I can hold intellegent conversations with them! It's really cool. that didn't happen very often in Aurora, the ability to converse intellegently with two males at once. Actually, that doesn't happen very often, period. lol
So I was on a cloud, loving every bit of things here, for a few days... I still love it. I mean, that hasn't changed. I'm just not on the cloud anymore...
I've been having nightmares again. At least they're not violent, bloody death nightmares like I'd been having for as long as I can remember, but they hurt me so badly, emotionally. I woke up next to Sisco the other morning and I am so lucky he had to go talk with his relatives right when i woke up, because I was already crying. And not that whole "wake up with teary eyes" shit, I mean sobs and red eyes and runny nose and everything.
I would write this particular nightmare down, but seeing as how this entry is public, I don't believe I will.
I'm just really easily upset lately. Everyone who knows me knows I don't cry easily at ALL. I don't like crying. I feel weak and worthless, and all that other psychological bullshit connected with tears. But lately, I've been weepy and teary at least once a day. moves make me cry. I mean STUPID movies. I cried in and Adam Sandler film the other night. (Big Daddy)
I keep telling myself it's just the move and it's just normal and all that, because I guess I will get over it in a few weeks, like I've been telling everyone else who expresses an interest in my welfare, and I really hope that's true. I don't have very many options right now, and staying here in NM is the one I picked and I am not going to quit so easily. But I don't like feeling this way. I was depressed for 5 years straight, and I'm done with it.
I just have to find a place here and work it. That's what I need. I need friends, I need a creative outlet, I need a job..... (desperately)
I need a band!
I'm so pissed! Of all the terrible times this move could've happened, it had to happen when my band was finally getting some attention. We were getting offers, arranging gigs at decent venues, all this wonderful shit that I was getting all excited about, and then BAM! We get hit by a car.
GAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHGH-
HHHHHHHHHHRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm frustrated. Obviously.
I don't know. I'm just ranting here. There is no point to this post, no epiphany, no revelation or emotional resolution. I'm just venting.
Sorry for the utter pointlessness and waste of your precious time. I'm going to go drink some water. Yum!