Be okay Ch. 13/?
Be okay Ch. 13
Pairings: Pikame
Genre: Angst, Romance
Summary: Kame and Jin were in a relationship for years, when Jin makes a mistake will Kame be able to move on.
Rating:PG-13 (language, mentions of sex)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the people in this story. I only created the storyline.
AN: Sorry this is long overdue, but here is chapter 13
Ueda was rudely jolting out of his sleep when he heard someone pounding on his door. The body beside him groaned and put a pillow over his head to try to muffle the sounds of the knocking but it incessantly continued, causing Ryo to push Ueda out of the bed. “Go see who it is.” He said groggily and Ueda pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt and stumbled to the door until he saw Kame’s crying face through the peephole and hurriedly let him in.
When the door opened Kame neared collapsed into Ueda’s arms and sobbed and Ueda became alert immediately, in his one hand, Kame waved around a leather book and Ueda gently extracted it from his hand. When he flipped it open, he realized that it was Pi’s journal, and immediately put the pieces of what had happened together.
From the other room, Ryo having been awakened by someone’s sobs, got out of bed and dressed to see what all the commotion was about. When he saw Kame then the book in his hand, he realized what must have happened, “Oh, shit.” He muttered.
Ueda held Kame for a while until he calmed down enough and Ueda prepared the couch for him to sleep on knowing that he wouldn’t listen to anything they’d say while he was so shook up. Ryo had excused himself to the bedroom where he called Pi in private. “Hello,” Pi immediately picked up the phone as if he had been sitting right by it. “Hey, Pi.” The hopefulness in Pi’s voice decreased and Ryo knew that he had been waiting for a call from Kame.
“Kame’s at Ueda’s place and he’ll be staying the night here. He found your journal; I think you two need to talk tomorrow.”
Pi sighed on the other end of the phone and his voice broke when he asked, “What if I’ve lost him forever?”
“You haven’t,” Ryo reassured and hoped that he was right, “He’s just kind of shook up right now, and with everything that happened with Jin, I think the timing’s a little off.”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” And Ryo hung up the phone. Ueda returned to the room saying that Kame had settled down a little bit and was resting under the covers on the couch, and they returned to bed, yet nobody got much sleep that night pondering what would happen to Kame and Pi. On the couch, unbeknownst to the other two, Kame was awake and turned on the lamp. That evening, he spent the entire time reading and re-reading the journal that Pi had written about him, and though he realized that Pi had used the situation to his advantage, it was the same thing that most people in love would do. After he had discovered the journal, he had immediately left the apartment and wandered around for hours until he came upon Ueda’s house, though he was not expecting to see Ryo there.
He began to notice the small things that Pi had done. At the end of each entry he had written “I love you”, Pi had used this journal to express his anguish at being distanced by his former relationship with Jin and the pain at knowing that he could only be close to Kame as friends. He recounted funny stories that had happened, and he noted some of Kame’s idiosyncracies, like when he’d scrunch up his nose at a bad joke, or how his ears would slightly wiggle if he was eating a food that he enjoyed, and as the journal progress even fantasies about some of the things that they could do together, some were innocent and sweet like holding hands at the beach, but they quickly became more risqué progressing to shower sex, where Kame stopped reading.
As he read it Kame felt various emotions overwhelm him. The anger that he had initially felt had all but disappeared except for the fact that Pi had intentionally mislead him to think that he was in love with another man not him, and instead he could remember fewer times when he had felt more loved, then he felt shame for never realizing Pi’s feelings, then the shame changed to guilt and tears began to stream down his face as he remembered his conversation with Pi that had caused him to walk out.
“He was the love of my life”
“You should get over him. If he hasn’t responded to you in six years, he never will.”
“Why don’t we help each other get over our loves.”
Kame cringed as he heard his words being replayed over and over again in his head an realized that that day, his suggestion to be friends with benefits was only part of the reason that Pi had stormed out. Kame couldn’t imagine how much his words hurt the other that day and he curled up in ball and muffled his cries as the thought of how much he had hurt the other tore him up from the inside out. Nobody should love him after he’d treated them so badly. Sometime during the night Kame must have cried himself to sleep because when he woke up, he saw Ryo and Ueda cooking in the kitchen.
He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and as he passed the mirror in the living room, he saw that his eyes were still red from crying. When he saw Ryo and Ueda’s faces he knew that they too had not gotten much sleep as evinced by the bags under their eyes. “I never would have thought that you two would be together.” Kame murmured and when Ryo saw him moving around he started to defend Pi, “He never wanted you to know this way. He never meant any harm and though his actions may have been motivated by his love for you, he never wanted to see you in pain. If he could have prevented Jin from doing what he did.”
Kame remembered a line from Pi’s journal and narrowed his eyes at Ryo, “You told him to take advantage of the situation.”
Ryo felt Ueda’s stare on him as if to say ‘we’ll talk about this later’, and shrugged sheepishly, “I wouldn’t put it like that, but think about it he’s resigned himself to living a life on the sidelines and he never actually pictured being with you. He never meant for you to read the journal, so please don’t hold it against him. All I wanted was for him to go out on a limb and he never would have even thought about doing that when you and Jin were still together.”
They ate breakfast and the conversation turned to how Ryo and Ueda initially began hooking up until Ueda wanted more and Ryo agreed. They figured they could entrust Kame with their secret since he had accidentally found out about their relationship, and as Kame was helping Tatsuya clean the dishes the doorbell rang and Ryo went to open it. It was Pi and Ryo wasn’t completely sure if he should let him in or not, but in the end he ushered Pi in.
When Pi set foot in Ueda’ apartment he immediately looked for Kame and much to his relief saw him in the kitchen. Kame met his gaze and suddenly he was at a loss for words. The Ryoda couple quietly excused themselves and Pi slowly approached Kame, unsure of how the other was thinking or feeling.
“I’m sorry.” Pi started, “I never wanted you to know about my feelings, I knew you’d freak out about them if you found out because you only think of me as a friend. So please, forget about what you’ve read and I can move out if it bothers you too much, but please don’t let my feelings have destroyed our friendship.”
Tears appeared in Kame’s eyes as he heard Pi’s words and only got a glimmer of the pain that Pi must have endured all those years that he harbored unrequited feelings for him. “It’ll never ruin our friendship,” Kame smiled and Pi was so grateful for that. “I read the journal. All of it, or almost all of it, and I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so loved in my life,” Kame said truthfully. “I hate the fact that I made you feel like you had to hide your feelings and I hate that I found out by reading your journal. But the least I can do is give you an answer to your feelings.”
“I can’t be in a relationship with you.” Pi’s heart shattered as he heard that he looked up to see Kame’s face streaked with tears. “I can’t forgive myself for saying those awful and insensitive things to you though you love me and for that I’m so, so very sorry.” Kame bowed in apology and when Pi processed the words that Kame had said he realized he didn’t say anything about his feelings for Pi.
“How do you feel about me? Not because of your guilt or anything, but if you even feel a glimmer of how I feel towards you, can you try a relationship with me? I know you don’t love me the way you love Jin, but if you feel anything, can you give us a chance?” Pi pleaded with him.
“I don’t love you the way I love Jin, but you are a good man, I don’t know if I’ll ever love again, but I’ll try it.” Kame said, wondering if his feelings since moving in with Pi were an indication of something.
Though it wasn’t a love confession, Pi was so happy that Kame was giving him a chance and hugged him, wiping the tears from his face with his thumb. “Thank you, thank you.” He said over and over again, but Kame wondered if he would ever truly be in love like he was with Jin, and even more so, he feared what would happen to their relationship if it didn’t work out romantically.
AN 2: Also for formatting if anyone know how, on the main journal page you can hide parts of your entries to go to another page to expand them please let me know.