Long time no see
Well its been a while since I have posted. The coffee shop is closed, and after my annhilation on my Electrical Engineering Exam, I need to take a few minutes and break.
In the immediate life, exam week has sucked. I have worked very hard all semester but all my A's and my science B's are all borderline. Thus if I do bad on exams, I am doomed not to get accepted to Phi Theta Kappa. Its not a frat, its the History's Honors Society. And since I was too stupid in Chemistry to apply for the the honors program which would have helped with my grad-school aps, I am left attempting to get into PTK.
Why has exam week sucked? A) I have to actually study. B) I missed a lot of class getting Laser Eye surgery. C) I can only study for about an hour before my brain is exploding behind my eyes. (Brain is attempting to learn how to see with my new awesome vision of 20/10 in the left eye and 20/30 in the right). D) Johnny and I might be breaking up. E) I think I have insomnia again. I've been up 72 hours with three hours of sleep.
So now we get even more immediate. How immediate? I just walked out of EE. Yeah so, vomitting from stress during an exam, is bad and uncontrollable event which I hope I never have to repeat ever again.
Let's see fun stuff. Oh I turned 21 this week. But liberty got secured because of the Brigade's behavior at a lecture two weeks prior. So I spent my 21st birthday not drinking myself into oblivion, no I was reasearching Celtic magic until the library closed. It's one thing to be a dork, it's another to have a sad life.
Before thanksgiving before thanksgiving, see as how that's where it all went downhill... Oh yes, I was writing term papers. 5 of them. Well I am pretty sure I almost died in Thanksgiving from heart palpatations induced by coffee, irish black tea, and posionous fumes from highliters and possibly papercuts from sticky notes. Was I ever uphill for pete's sake? All of this is not adding up to a last couple of happy months.
I thought I was happy with John. I love him. Like marriage, and puppies, and minivan (although I think I'll keep the Jeep), and picket fence love him. There's just one small problem. I love it when it is the two of us and I am not stressed out. Which is NEVER. We fight so much that Laura and Sian think its odd when I dont want to break up with him by Tuesday of every week. He's always got to be the center of the room. He's so selfish or stupid, I cant decide... I mean he is a male after all - so maybe he's not selfish he just has no perceptive intelligence.
I dont want to be a person who always makes me the bad guy. It's always my fault. I am always apologizing. I am always the monster with the short temper. Isn't being in a relationship supposed to make you happy? Mom says John's just being a typical 21 year old male. Maybe I need a 40 year old male, or a 22 year old female. I want someone who not only shares my interests and passiosn, but can read me. I mean, I fucking wear every emotion on my sleeve, how hard is it to read a tactless wench?
I feel like I did with Joel and Jon. I'm always wrong. Always a bitch. Why is there no one out there who doesn't incite pure rage into me? But I love him. I can't imagine a day where I couldn't call or aim or kiss him. Fucking emotions.
Fuck, I need to go and work on my Japanese exam.
In the immediate life, exam week has sucked. I have worked very hard all semester but all my A's and my science B's are all borderline. Thus if I do bad on exams, I am doomed not to get accepted to Phi Theta Kappa. Its not a frat, its the History's Honors Society. And since I was too stupid in Chemistry to apply for the the honors program which would have helped with my grad-school aps, I am left attempting to get into PTK.
Why has exam week sucked? A) I have to actually study. B) I missed a lot of class getting Laser Eye surgery. C) I can only study for about an hour before my brain is exploding behind my eyes. (Brain is attempting to learn how to see with my new awesome vision of 20/10 in the left eye and 20/30 in the right). D) Johnny and I might be breaking up. E) I think I have insomnia again. I've been up 72 hours with three hours of sleep.
So now we get even more immediate. How immediate? I just walked out of EE. Yeah so, vomitting from stress during an exam, is bad and uncontrollable event which I hope I never have to repeat ever again.
Let's see fun stuff. Oh I turned 21 this week. But liberty got secured because of the Brigade's behavior at a lecture two weeks prior. So I spent my 21st birthday not drinking myself into oblivion, no I was reasearching Celtic magic until the library closed. It's one thing to be a dork, it's another to have a sad life.
Before thanksgiving before thanksgiving, see as how that's where it all went downhill... Oh yes, I was writing term papers. 5 of them. Well I am pretty sure I almost died in Thanksgiving from heart palpatations induced by coffee, irish black tea, and posionous fumes from highliters and possibly papercuts from sticky notes. Was I ever uphill for pete's sake? All of this is not adding up to a last couple of happy months.
I thought I was happy with John. I love him. Like marriage, and puppies, and minivan (although I think I'll keep the Jeep), and picket fence love him. There's just one small problem. I love it when it is the two of us and I am not stressed out. Which is NEVER. We fight so much that Laura and Sian think its odd when I dont want to break up with him by Tuesday of every week. He's always got to be the center of the room. He's so selfish or stupid, I cant decide... I mean he is a male after all - so maybe he's not selfish he just has no perceptive intelligence.
I dont want to be a person who always makes me the bad guy. It's always my fault. I am always apologizing. I am always the monster with the short temper. Isn't being in a relationship supposed to make you happy? Mom says John's just being a typical 21 year old male. Maybe I need a 40 year old male, or a 22 year old female. I want someone who not only shares my interests and passiosn, but can read me. I mean, I fucking wear every emotion on my sleeve, how hard is it to read a tactless wench?
I feel like I did with Joel and Jon. I'm always wrong. Always a bitch. Why is there no one out there who doesn't incite pure rage into me? But I love him. I can't imagine a day where I couldn't call or aim or kiss him. Fucking emotions.
Fuck, I need to go and work on my Japanese exam.