Little Lullabies [standalone]
Title: Little Lullabies
Author:
ryden_gabilliam
Rating: PG-13 (Character death & mild swearings)
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
POV: Brendon
Summary: "I wish things could go back to the way they were when we were little. When you were on the play ground and you want to go down the slide that seems so tall and scary there was always someone at the bottom to catch you. Or when you were on the swings there was always someone to give you that little push and make it seem like you could fly. And then there was always that one person you ran to when you fell and got hurt, and as soon as you were in their arms the pain just went away."
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING (Summary belongs to thesecretskept)
Beta: poisonouswar
Author Notes: Another failure, I guess? But please do comment. <3
"I wish things could go back to the way they were when we were little. When you were on the play ground and you want to go down the slide that seems so tall and scary there was always someone at the bottom to catch you. Or when you were on the swings there was always someone to give you that little push and make it seem like you could fly. And then there was always that one person you ran to when you fell and got hurt, and as soon as you were in their arms the pain just went away." Amazing, isn't it? My childhood memories are the only ones left. How can a qoute sum up my life? I don't even know. All I know is that people always try to leave me when I started caring about them.
It's always the time when I feel like giving up, but there is this person who will stop me and give me the faith to carry on. I feel so close but after I realize it, I seem so far. Everything seems so far away, that I can't even reach the reachable. It's nonsense to even think like this. It's madness to even think about my own past. But am I really thinking about it? Or is it just an excuse that I have failed to erase that someone from my own horrible memories. Memories I try to erase but failed.
At a time like this, it makes me wonder of the 'What could have been's.' You can't blame me for it. The past always tries to overcome the present that leads us to destructive future. What happened to me? That's my question every now and then. Everything's so broken. Everything feels so wrong. My mother divorced with my father. My friends ignored me because they thought that I'm a good-for-nothing-mormon boy. I'm so sick of everything. I'm so tired. I want to be free, maybe just once? I want to know what freedom feels like. What space feels like. But then again, freedom takes courage. I don't have it, anyways. Maybe I should just give up everything I have. But the question is, do I even have anything? Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I'm just not sure about it. Everything is in a blur for me that I want to disappear for awhile. But disappearing is not even a choice, because I'm already invisible. No one cares about me. I'm nothing to them. I'm a failure. Even mother knows it.
I'm just a pain in the ass. And I’m no good for anyone, anyway. I’m too neurotic, too self-absorbed, too selfish. I’m a mess of emotions, they spill from me like the geysers at the hotsprings that everyone can see. I'am nothing. Maybe I should just vanish and cease to exist. After all that's what I'm good at.
Ever since he left, I feel so alone. He left me in this cruel world, that only exist to make lonely people suffer from the silence they're into. He held me tight, when I'm in pain. He made those pain go away without even trying to mend it. After all we were still young back then. He doesn't know what he's capable of doing on that period of time. He was too pure, too innocent to even look at.
I saw all his beauty, everything was clear when he was here. When I heard his voice, all I felt was happiness. It was the greatest feeling I've ever had in my whole entire life. I heard his laugh, it was the sound of perfection. Everything seems so perfect at that time. Nothing came to destroy our friendship. But we didn't know that Death was on our back. Lurking, spying, making us feel that everything seems so right. We didn't know that Death would stop by in front of us and gave us our one last happy memory. Death made his decision.
Lung cancer. He was too young to die, that's what I thought when I heard the news. Why him? It could be me. But Death decided to take Ryan with him. Ryan's innocent. He's an angel. Why would Death take him, right? It's because of his selfish father. His father was an alcoholic, a smoker. He drinks and smokes every night possible, he didn't even think about his son. His son, who's suffering because of his wrong deeds. Ryan was a second hand smoker back then. He didn't told me about it, because if he did he knew that I'll take him with me and I would tell the police about it. That's why he decided to stay silent. Why would he even think I would do that? Oh right... My father's a policeman and my mouth never shuts up.
Maybe I'm the reason behind all this sufferings of mine. I just didn't notice it when we were younger. I'm a fool. Now I know, that I'm the reason why I suffer so much right now. This never ending cycle, makes me want to die. But what else can I do? Maybe wait for Death to come and get me? Well, that's a nice reason to stay. Maybe Death is behind me. Laughing at me, because I'm this broken teenager who wants to disappear from this so-called Earth. I'am broken. I ain't going to lie. Maybe my life is a disgrace. Oh yes... That's right, it is. I guess Ryan is disappointed. He is. I can feel it. Somewhere out there, he is disappointed. Maybe he's going to deny that he knows me, if he didn't die. But after all, he's one of the reason I'm like this.
I don't love him. I don't need him. He don't complete me. He have not broken my heart. But he caused these never-ending tears. Because I can't even forget...
A/N: Comments? I love those things... :D ♥
Author:
ryden_gabilliam
Rating: PG-13 (Character death & mild swearings)
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
POV: Brendon
Summary: "I wish things could go back to the way they were when we were little. When you were on the play ground and you want to go down the slide that seems so tall and scary there was always someone at the bottom to catch you. Or when you were on the swings there was always someone to give you that little push and make it seem like you could fly. And then there was always that one person you ran to when you fell and got hurt, and as soon as you were in their arms the pain just went away."
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING (Summary belongs to thesecretskept)
Beta: poisonouswar
Author Notes: Another failure, I guess? But please do comment. <3
"I wish things could go back to the way they were when we were little. When you were on the play ground and you want to go down the slide that seems so tall and scary there was always someone at the bottom to catch you. Or when you were on the swings there was always someone to give you that little push and make it seem like you could fly. And then there was always that one person you ran to when you fell and got hurt, and as soon as you were in their arms the pain just went away." Amazing, isn't it? My childhood memories are the only ones left. How can a qoute sum up my life? I don't even know. All I know is that people always try to leave me when I started caring about them.
It's always the time when I feel like giving up, but there is this person who will stop me and give me the faith to carry on. I feel so close but after I realize it, I seem so far. Everything seems so far away, that I can't even reach the reachable. It's nonsense to even think like this. It's madness to even think about my own past. But am I really thinking about it? Or is it just an excuse that I have failed to erase that someone from my own horrible memories. Memories I try to erase but failed.
At a time like this, it makes me wonder of the 'What could have been's.' You can't blame me for it. The past always tries to overcome the present that leads us to destructive future. What happened to me? That's my question every now and then. Everything's so broken. Everything feels so wrong. My mother divorced with my father. My friends ignored me because they thought that I'm a good-for-nothing-mormon boy. I'm so sick of everything. I'm so tired. I want to be free, maybe just once? I want to know what freedom feels like. What space feels like. But then again, freedom takes courage. I don't have it, anyways. Maybe I should just give up everything I have. But the question is, do I even have anything? Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I'm just not sure about it. Everything is in a blur for me that I want to disappear for awhile. But disappearing is not even a choice, because I'm already invisible. No one cares about me. I'm nothing to them. I'm a failure. Even mother knows it.
I'm just a pain in the ass. And I’m no good for anyone, anyway. I’m too neurotic, too self-absorbed, too selfish. I’m a mess of emotions, they spill from me like the geysers at the hotsprings that everyone can see. I'am nothing. Maybe I should just vanish and cease to exist. After all that's what I'm good at.
Ever since he left, I feel so alone. He left me in this cruel world, that only exist to make lonely people suffer from the silence they're into. He held me tight, when I'm in pain. He made those pain go away without even trying to mend it. After all we were still young back then. He doesn't know what he's capable of doing on that period of time. He was too pure, too innocent to even look at.
I saw all his beauty, everything was clear when he was here. When I heard his voice, all I felt was happiness. It was the greatest feeling I've ever had in my whole entire life. I heard his laugh, it was the sound of perfection. Everything seems so perfect at that time. Nothing came to destroy our friendship. But we didn't know that Death was on our back. Lurking, spying, making us feel that everything seems so right. We didn't know that Death would stop by in front of us and gave us our one last happy memory. Death made his decision.
Lung cancer. He was too young to die, that's what I thought when I heard the news. Why him? It could be me. But Death decided to take Ryan with him. Ryan's innocent. He's an angel. Why would Death take him, right? It's because of his selfish father. His father was an alcoholic, a smoker. He drinks and smokes every night possible, he didn't even think about his son. His son, who's suffering because of his wrong deeds. Ryan was a second hand smoker back then. He didn't told me about it, because if he did he knew that I'll take him with me and I would tell the police about it. That's why he decided to stay silent. Why would he even think I would do that? Oh right... My father's a policeman and my mouth never shuts up.
Maybe I'm the reason behind all this sufferings of mine. I just didn't notice it when we were younger. I'm a fool. Now I know, that I'm the reason why I suffer so much right now. This never ending cycle, makes me want to die. But what else can I do? Maybe wait for Death to come and get me? Well, that's a nice reason to stay. Maybe Death is behind me. Laughing at me, because I'm this broken teenager who wants to disappear from this so-called Earth. I'am broken. I ain't going to lie. Maybe my life is a disgrace. Oh yes... That's right, it is. I guess Ryan is disappointed. He is. I can feel it. Somewhere out there, he is disappointed. Maybe he's going to deny that he knows me, if he didn't die. But after all, he's one of the reason I'm like this.
I don't love him. I don't need him. He don't complete me. He have not broken my heart. But he caused these never-ending tears. Because I can't even forget...
A/N: Comments? I love those things... :D ♥