November 28, 2007
I am a glutton for punishment. I'm signed up for eighteen credit hours next semester. Why, oh why, am I doing that to myself?
I have a lot of contradictory thoughts regarding men, and whether I even need them in my life. I mean, a boyfriend would be nice, but I don't need one. Do I? Honestly, I feel really satisfied with my situation with Luke. The not-relationship relationship is nice, except that I don't know proper protocol for situations. When should I take his feelings into account? When should I say "Fuck him."? I'm not really sure. But I haven't been lusting after anyone else particularly.
I have to admit to getting a little frustrated with him. He does these little things to jab at me, and I'm pretty sure they are intentional. After we broke up, he changed his collarme profile to comments he had made during our conversation. Last night, I was feeling fairly happy and he just jammed an "unrequited love" card into the mix. Felt more like a grapefruit spoon to the hip than a card, but whatever.
And so what if I like him? Logically, he's just one more guy. There will be other ones in the future. Even if he does make up his mind to be with me, odds are that we'll have a break-up at some point. And when I'm 28, I'll be able to think of him with a smile and a genuine hope he's happy. Time can heal anything; it's why I don't buy into the whole "irreversible" mental trauma stuff. Time and will power can take care of damn near everything. Or maybe it's time and indifference. Either way. Most things are fixable if you want them fixed, I think. And since it is my perception that matters most, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks really.