(no subject)
I was vastly comforted last night, just by taking the small amount of time to dye my sister's hair like I'd said I'd do and going to hang out at Koli and Brandon's new place, which was really nice because it felt "just like old times" basically. It's something that I've really missed doing and I'd imagine it will be even cooler with Brandon (Koli's brother is named Brandon, I don't mean my Brandon) living there :)
Plus, it was really nice to see Adrian because I'd started to kind of freak out, thinking he might be mad at me or this might be or that might not be, etc... But, this time I had the capacity to realize why I was thinking that way and that it was me doing it to myself and not him doing it to me and I could act on my reasoning instead of reacting based on my stupid emotions. And I think this is a very good thing, and another big step (as long as I can keep that up) because this is something I usually let fly out of control because, in my head it seems justified. It's only when I pause and break things down logically that I realize it's not. And I caught on quick this time. I was actually already kind of watching out for it. So, I think that's good, though I was still pretty disappointed in myself to find myself doing that to... myself... and him. But given how confused I was, and what my mind had been mulling over all day, I understand how it got sparked off. And that, my friends, is really a great sign I'm making some progress in all this stupid therapy crap. Which is why I'm mentioning it here.
Also, I get me-time today! Though by now, I'd have to meditate for damn near four hours in order to catch up on what I was supposed to do for the week, I haven't felt a "lack of mindfulness" all week long so far (since last thursday, I mean), so I'm doing great in my book. Besides, I've already been practicing mindfulness for nearly a year straight and this class is for beginners, so it's okay for me to slack a little, right? Right! Thank you! My guilt is assuaged now. ;) Seriously, I don't see how anyone can fit like an entire hour and a half into every single day to push everyone else aside and lock themselves in a room alone to meditate. And I don't even have a job or anything... of course, I'm pretty sure everyone left in my class doesn't have one either. Did I mention everyone dropped out except for about 5 other women?
Anyways... I'm gonna stop rambling now.
Plus, it was really nice to see Adrian because I'd started to kind of freak out, thinking he might be mad at me or this might be or that might not be, etc... But, this time I had the capacity to realize why I was thinking that way and that it was me doing it to myself and not him doing it to me and I could act on my reasoning instead of reacting based on my stupid emotions. And I think this is a very good thing, and another big step (as long as I can keep that up) because this is something I usually let fly out of control because, in my head it seems justified. It's only when I pause and break things down logically that I realize it's not. And I caught on quick this time. I was actually already kind of watching out for it. So, I think that's good, though I was still pretty disappointed in myself to find myself doing that to... myself... and him. But given how confused I was, and what my mind had been mulling over all day, I understand how it got sparked off. And that, my friends, is really a great sign I'm making some progress in all this stupid therapy crap. Which is why I'm mentioning it here.
Also, I get me-time today! Though by now, I'd have to meditate for damn near four hours in order to catch up on what I was supposed to do for the week, I haven't felt a "lack of mindfulness" all week long so far (since last thursday, I mean), so I'm doing great in my book. Besides, I've already been practicing mindfulness for nearly a year straight and this class is for beginners, so it's okay for me to slack a little, right? Right! Thank you! My guilt is assuaged now. ;) Seriously, I don't see how anyone can fit like an entire hour and a half into every single day to push everyone else aside and lock themselves in a room alone to meditate. And I don't even have a job or anything... of course, I'm pretty sure everyone left in my class doesn't have one either. Did I mention everyone dropped out except for about 5 other women?
Anyways... I'm gonna stop rambling now.