Mmmmmm... chocolate....
So, yesterday really kind of sucked, surprisingly. Really wonderful things are happening in my life, so I was surprised to find myself depressed yesterday. I'd gotten really annoyed at feeling sickish and weak and I think I was kind of beating myself up over not handling a particular positive situation in the more masculinely elegant manner I'd been imagining. At any rate, I wasn't really that depressed, I just felt like staying in bed and relaxing all day, but it was Brandon's birthday so I felt obligated to get up and make some sort of attempt at being upbeat. When that didn't seem to have an affect on him and he seemed to get increasingly depressed every time he was reminded of the fact that it was his birthday, my mood decreased in turn. We ended up not doing a damn thing that we'd been loosely planning. Plus, we'd both been really wanting to go to this "tour" of the founder of Found Magazine, which I thought was yesterday, and we found out the night before that it was on Nov. 7th and we missed it :( It was one of those underground culture, possibly once in a lifetime opportunities, so I was really kinda bummed over it. We were going to go to some System of a Down's "Hypnotize" first listening party things, but we were both so blah by that time we didn't feel like going anymore.
Later, Koli showed up and we sat around talking and stuff (me, still in my "pajamas") and that was fun. Then, we went to Wal*mart (still in my "pajamas"! lol), where I bought a bunch of much-needed junk food I'd been trying my best not to buy for weeks, but I apparently was in need of some sort of comfort or me-time or something, so... chocolate and french fries and doritos it was... My horoscope from yesterday even said to blow all my friends off and have a me day, but do I listen to crap like that when I think other people need me? Hell, no... that's basically what I live for. Anyway, after the junk food binge, I crashed. I don't remember falling asleep or anything. Forgot to set my away message. I remember watching Bobby Flay's "Boy Meets Grill" Thanksgiving special (shockingly good, please don't kill me...), and then Iron Chef asparagus battle and that must be when I fell asleep because I don't know who won. I bought two more boxes of cereal to add to the four or so already sitting there on top of my fridge, because they had Narnia books in them. *sigh* Did I mention I have to buy Thanksgiving dinner for about six people this month? heh... I still have enough money, I'm just kinda disappointed my self-discipline flew out the window.
Today should be more promising, at least. Brandon is working at five, which means I'll have about four hours to myself before Adrian comes over (which I, of course, am quite looking forward to, just in case this post is as confusing as they usually are...) to spend the night. So, I can get some meditation, reading, and possibly a bath or something in before then. Spend some time with Adrian and then tomorrow we are going to the cafe to study all day, so that should be... interesting, I suppose...
I need to get all the rest of the paperwork for Phoenix Workforce done before they forget I exist, even though I have a perfectly viable reason for it taking so long. Aaand... I need to start keeping a dead tree journal again, that I'm not intending anyone to read while I'm writing it, so's I can get more comfortable with my own brain because apparently a gap has been formed somewhere in there, what with me not exercising as much control over myself as usual. The time has come for me to buckle down on this therapy stuff, instead of just taking this intellectual interest in it. I'm finally involved in the help I've felt I've needed all along and I've just been kind of slacking and thinking I'm doing good on my own, yet I keep doing things unintentionally that are not quite right, so... hellloooo self! Quit yer slackin' and start meditating again, dork.
Later, Koli showed up and we sat around talking and stuff (me, still in my "pajamas") and that was fun. Then, we went to Wal*mart (still in my "pajamas"! lol), where I bought a bunch of much-needed junk food I'd been trying my best not to buy for weeks, but I apparently was in need of some sort of comfort or me-time or something, so... chocolate and french fries and doritos it was... My horoscope from yesterday even said to blow all my friends off and have a me day, but do I listen to crap like that when I think other people need me? Hell, no... that's basically what I live for. Anyway, after the junk food binge, I crashed. I don't remember falling asleep or anything. Forgot to set my away message. I remember watching Bobby Flay's "Boy Meets Grill" Thanksgiving special (shockingly good, please don't kill me...), and then Iron Chef asparagus battle and that must be when I fell asleep because I don't know who won. I bought two more boxes of cereal to add to the four or so already sitting there on top of my fridge, because they had Narnia books in them. *sigh* Did I mention I have to buy Thanksgiving dinner for about six people this month? heh... I still have enough money, I'm just kinda disappointed my self-discipline flew out the window.
Today should be more promising, at least. Brandon is working at five, which means I'll have about four hours to myself before Adrian comes over (which I, of course, am quite looking forward to, just in case this post is as confusing as they usually are...) to spend the night. So, I can get some meditation, reading, and possibly a bath or something in before then. Spend some time with Adrian and then tomorrow we are going to the cafe to study all day, so that should be... interesting, I suppose...
I need to get all the rest of the paperwork for Phoenix Workforce done before they forget I exist, even though I have a perfectly viable reason for it taking so long. Aaand... I need to start keeping a dead tree journal again, that I'm not intending anyone to read while I'm writing it, so's I can get more comfortable with my own brain because apparently a gap has been formed somewhere in there, what with me not exercising as much control over myself as usual. The time has come for me to buckle down on this therapy stuff, instead of just taking this intellectual interest in it. I'm finally involved in the help I've felt I've needed all along and I've just been kind of slacking and thinking I'm doing good on my own, yet I keep doing things unintentionally that are not quite right, so... hellloooo self! Quit yer slackin' and start meditating again, dork.