(no subject)
I'm fighting off a stupid chest infection cold thing.And B stayed home from work for the night to let his poor jaw heal up some more. He's slept a lot this weekend. I'm glad he was able to rest up after going through having your jaw worked on for hours. He said his nose is still really sore. I'm surprised he doesn't have black eyes. His face was all swollen up, but it's starting to look better. Though he can't really open his mouth very much yet. Hopefully in a few weeks it will all just be a bad memory.
Life is so strange right now. I finished up all the work I was committed too. So now I'm sort of just living in this vast open place of do whatever the fuck you want. Bills are covered for a while, so nows the time to do things that I want to that may not work out or make us any money. But honestly I feel a bit stuck. Like I don't know where to start. I still have moments of feeling like OMG I must make art like this, because it's what is expected of me. And it's what pays the bills.
But instead I want to make the art that I want too. But the hard part is that I don't really know what that is yet. Imagine that after over a decade I still don't know just what that means to me. So I'm sort of scared, because I feel like a kid who was let loose in a toy shop with free reign to play with everything! And your brain is overwhelmed by the vastness of it all.
Someone called me an Outsider Artist recently and it made me feel so thankful to be described like that along with some amazing people. And it made me really want to embrace what it means to be an "Outsider Artist". Not of the main stream, artists with disabilities, artists who have been institutionalized, or been in prison, self taught artists, and people often sort of on the fringe of society. That's so me! I am proud that I am an artist who is working despite my disabilities. I've never felt like I fit in society. I do things the way I want even though I've always had like one foot in the box that I should be doing this or that. I want to break away and really stop worrying about what others think and make that art. I don't know what it is yet.
But I'm starting. I started a piece tonight with a mermaid and some mermen on it. And I had this moment where I felt like YES! this! This is the art I want to make! The hands that look like a child drew them. The breasts on the mermaid that are just a basic curvy w shape. The loose and free folk art. Layers and colors and shapes. And whatever the fuck I want! I'm hoping this will open up a new path in my work. I'm thinking about going back to making some art quilts again too. We'll see. The skies the limit right now.
Life is so strange right now. I finished up all the work I was committed too. So now I'm sort of just living in this vast open place of do whatever the fuck you want. Bills are covered for a while, so nows the time to do things that I want to that may not work out or make us any money. But honestly I feel a bit stuck. Like I don't know where to start. I still have moments of feeling like OMG I must make art like this, because it's what is expected of me. And it's what pays the bills.
But instead I want to make the art that I want too. But the hard part is that I don't really know what that is yet. Imagine that after over a decade I still don't know just what that means to me. So I'm sort of scared, because I feel like a kid who was let loose in a toy shop with free reign to play with everything! And your brain is overwhelmed by the vastness of it all.
Someone called me an Outsider Artist recently and it made me feel so thankful to be described like that along with some amazing people. And it made me really want to embrace what it means to be an "Outsider Artist". Not of the main stream, artists with disabilities, artists who have been institutionalized, or been in prison, self taught artists, and people often sort of on the fringe of society. That's so me! I am proud that I am an artist who is working despite my disabilities. I've never felt like I fit in society. I do things the way I want even though I've always had like one foot in the box that I should be doing this or that. I want to break away and really stop worrying about what others think and make that art. I don't know what it is yet.
But I'm starting. I started a piece tonight with a mermaid and some mermen on it. And I had this moment where I felt like YES! this! This is the art I want to make! The hands that look like a child drew them. The breasts on the mermaid that are just a basic curvy w shape. The loose and free folk art. Layers and colors and shapes. And whatever the fuck I want! I'm hoping this will open up a new path in my work. I'm thinking about going back to making some art quilts again too. We'll see. The skies the limit right now.