(no subject)
Two different times this weekend B came over to me, kissed me on the forehead, and told me he loved me. It was incredibly sweet. It made me feel a lot better about us. I know I've been so sad lately and it makes it easy to focus on what is wrong with life instead of what's right. So I'm totally giving him lots of credit for being caring when he knew I was in a totally dark funk. He even put his arm on my hip when we were sleeping together Friday night, which is a rare thing. He kept patting me when he was asleep. It was very cute and helped me calm down a lot after being all freaked out and manic.
I know I'm incredibly manic right now and eventually I'm going to crash and probably sleep for ages or being on a crying jag for like a week. I fucking hate it. But I'm trying to steer myself in a better direction so I don't crash so bad that I end up in the hospital again. I live in fear of being committed again, so I'm doing every thing I can not to go there.
It's midnight now and I could totally watch tv all night, crochet and ride the strange sort of manic high. But I know it only leads to bad things later. So I'm going to do the dishes, take my night time meds, and get in bed. The kids will wake me up at 6am so I can help get them ready and out the door and then hopefully go back to bed for a while.
Hopefully I can get some decent sleep tonight. Last night I had the bizarrest dream where my family and I were in a tsunami. Ashton Kutcher saved Jack from drowning. But couldn't save my parents. We found my aunt after like a month and she had amnesia. My grandparents where there as well. I woke up feeling really sad that my grandma is gone and my grandfather is dying in real life. I think the dream just stems from stress and worrying about my family a lot. And the random Ashton Kutcher was probably thanks to those damn camera commercials they are playing on tv all the time. He can very kindly leave my head any time now. Creepo.
I know I'm incredibly manic right now and eventually I'm going to crash and probably sleep for ages or being on a crying jag for like a week. I fucking hate it. But I'm trying to steer myself in a better direction so I don't crash so bad that I end up in the hospital again. I live in fear of being committed again, so I'm doing every thing I can not to go there.
It's midnight now and I could totally watch tv all night, crochet and ride the strange sort of manic high. But I know it only leads to bad things later. So I'm going to do the dishes, take my night time meds, and get in bed. The kids will wake me up at 6am so I can help get them ready and out the door and then hopefully go back to bed for a while.
Hopefully I can get some decent sleep tonight. Last night I had the bizarrest dream where my family and I were in a tsunami. Ashton Kutcher saved Jack from drowning. But couldn't save my parents. We found my aunt after like a month and she had amnesia. My grandparents where there as well. I woke up feeling really sad that my grandma is gone and my grandfather is dying in real life. I think the dream just stems from stress and worrying about my family a lot. And the random Ashton Kutcher was probably thanks to those damn camera commercials they are playing on tv all the time. He can very kindly leave my head any time now. Creepo.