[ST] it's your secret
Title: It's Your Secret
Author: castofone @ rushedwords
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing/Characters: Kirk/McCoy
Word count: 744
Rating: PG
Summary: Waking up on a bad day with Jim and Bones.
Notes: I should be working on my Big Bang, but apparently as a part of that I am finding drabbles on my computer and polishing them.
The truth is that Jim has never been particularly good with the whole waking up thing. Sure, he can fake it when he has to. He can throw himself out of bed if an alarm is going off and force his brain to start working, but on your average sort of morning when he's safe in his bed, especially with Bones taking up half of the space, he's content to just lay there - not quite awake, but not really asleep either. Honestly, sometimes he finds those fleeting morning moments before the alarm goes off and they have to be the Captain and CMO again the best part of his day. Not that he would ever tell Bones.
As the automated day creeps into his quarters pulling him back into that in between state he feels that today is foggier than other days. (Which might just be more reason to stay in between, safe here like this, where the world can't fully get them.) Wiggling to find that comfortable spot in their bed again, his hand comes to rest once more on Bones's back, right between his shoulder blades. It's a harmless sort of touch because he's not ready to be awake for more than that, but he also knows that it is centering for the man next to him.
Jim's mind might not quite be able to figure out what today means, and maybe Bones is trying to forget too, but he can feel it hanging between them - making them just a little bit heavier. It's strange because Jim has always liked the sort of weight and roots that Bones offered him, but this is different. This doesn't feel like a tether, but rather a bag of rocks making them sink just a little bit deeper.
He shifts again in the bed, his body pressing into Bones's trying to coax the man back to sleep with the pure physicality of the moment. Jim doesn't say it in words, doesn't need to. And honestly he's not sure he'd have the words right then if he wanted them.
Because Jim has secrets too. Not full out scary ones that are going to blindside Bones when they surface, but simply things he doesn't go into detail about because he doesn't want to relive those parts of his past. It's Frank, it's Tarsus, some days it's Carol, the way his mom looked at him in her last message, Sam and his family, or even that message where his dad said I love, but not you. They are rough outlines that Bones could make out if he was pressed, but generally they just remain fuzzy in the distance because it's better that way. And just as people have always left him behind, Jim wants to leave his secrets behind too.
Except he knows that it's not that easy.
Those pieces haunt him too, just like he feels the amorphous edges of whatever is haunting Bones today. Jim's saved countless numbers of lives, but he still can't fix this for either of them. He can't even imagine how to fix the secrets that Bones isn't ready to share with him. All he can do is touch, push, and pull Bones back to him and out of his god damn head and into that peaceful resting state with Jim because they still have this time that is too precious to waste.
"Bones, quit thinking so loud." The words are muttered into Bones's skin, his arms snaking full around Bones because maybe he needs to be the big spoon for a little while and that's okay. Jim wants to surround the other man, to push out all the ghosts until the only thing that Bones knows is the feel of Jim's skin against his. In all the ways that Bones consumes him and keeps him sane, he wants to give that to Bones too because it's always been enough for him.
Jim presses his chin to Bones's shoulder, closing his eyes again toying with that line between awake and asleep not sure which he'd prefer right now. He's just about to chose when Bones tells him to go back to sleep. It is pure instinct for his lips to curl into a smile with the prospect of something more.
Bones will tell him when he's ready, when he thinks it might do more good than harm, but until then Jim will give him what he can without making him ask.
Author: castofone @ rushedwords
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing/Characters: Kirk/McCoy
Word count: 744
Rating: PG
Summary: Waking up on a bad day with Jim and Bones.
Notes: I should be working on my Big Bang, but apparently as a part of that I am finding drabbles on my computer and polishing them.
The truth is that Jim has never been particularly good with the whole waking up thing. Sure, he can fake it when he has to. He can throw himself out of bed if an alarm is going off and force his brain to start working, but on your average sort of morning when he's safe in his bed, especially with Bones taking up half of the space, he's content to just lay there - not quite awake, but not really asleep either. Honestly, sometimes he finds those fleeting morning moments before the alarm goes off and they have to be the Captain and CMO again the best part of his day. Not that he would ever tell Bones.
As the automated day creeps into his quarters pulling him back into that in between state he feels that today is foggier than other days. (Which might just be more reason to stay in between, safe here like this, where the world can't fully get them.) Wiggling to find that comfortable spot in their bed again, his hand comes to rest once more on Bones's back, right between his shoulder blades. It's a harmless sort of touch because he's not ready to be awake for more than that, but he also knows that it is centering for the man next to him.
Jim's mind might not quite be able to figure out what today means, and maybe Bones is trying to forget too, but he can feel it hanging between them - making them just a little bit heavier. It's strange because Jim has always liked the sort of weight and roots that Bones offered him, but this is different. This doesn't feel like a tether, but rather a bag of rocks making them sink just a little bit deeper.
He shifts again in the bed, his body pressing into Bones's trying to coax the man back to sleep with the pure physicality of the moment. Jim doesn't say it in words, doesn't need to. And honestly he's not sure he'd have the words right then if he wanted them.
Because Jim has secrets too. Not full out scary ones that are going to blindside Bones when they surface, but simply things he doesn't go into detail about because he doesn't want to relive those parts of his past. It's Frank, it's Tarsus, some days it's Carol, the way his mom looked at him in her last message, Sam and his family, or even that message where his dad said I love, but not you. They are rough outlines that Bones could make out if he was pressed, but generally they just remain fuzzy in the distance because it's better that way. And just as people have always left him behind, Jim wants to leave his secrets behind too.
Except he knows that it's not that easy.
Those pieces haunt him too, just like he feels the amorphous edges of whatever is haunting Bones today. Jim's saved countless numbers of lives, but he still can't fix this for either of them. He can't even imagine how to fix the secrets that Bones isn't ready to share with him. All he can do is touch, push, and pull Bones back to him and out of his god damn head and into that peaceful resting state with Jim because they still have this time that is too precious to waste.
"Bones, quit thinking so loud." The words are muttered into Bones's skin, his arms snaking full around Bones because maybe he needs to be the big spoon for a little while and that's okay. Jim wants to surround the other man, to push out all the ghosts until the only thing that Bones knows is the feel of Jim's skin against his. In all the ways that Bones consumes him and keeps him sane, he wants to give that to Bones too because it's always been enough for him.
Jim presses his chin to Bones's shoulder, closing his eyes again toying with that line between awake and asleep not sure which he'd prefer right now. He's just about to chose when Bones tells him to go back to sleep. It is pure instinct for his lips to curl into a smile with the prospect of something more.
Bones will tell him when he's ready, when he thinks it might do more good than harm, but until then Jim will give him what he can without making him ask.