[ST] It Always Comes Around 1/2
Title: It Always Comes Around
Author: castofone @ rushedwords
Fandom: Star Trek XI: AU; Camp Enterprise Verse
Pairing/Characters: Kirk/McCoy
Word count: ~20k
Rating: R
Summary: The problem with finding the person you're meant to be with before you're full grown is that it can take years, a whole lot of heart ache and luck to finally get that happy ending.
Notes: Written for the Reel Love challenge. This story is a riff on the film A Lot Like Love. It is part of the Camp Enterprise verse, where in Jim and Len meet at a summer camp ( Once a pre-med went to camp), then end up at universities in Boston ( The Harvard hoodie corollary). Sometime in their future they are living together in California ( In which Len receives a second nickname). This story bridges most of the years between the hoodie corollary and second nickname.
Spring 2013
He was going to be sick. All he had wanted to do when his alarm went off was pretend this morning didn’t exist. Only the universe was cruel and he wasn’t allowed to stay in a warm bed hating life with his boyfriend. Instead Leonard McCoy had to drag his ass out of bed and get across town to MGH for his research clerkship.
By many standards it wasn’t a bad morning, but it was Black Monday so the usual standards didn’t exist. Through some will of God, he managed to get through the morning without insulting anyone too badly or look like a complete idiot. Then it was just surviving the return trip to his apartment.
At least the fine people of Boston had the sense to keep a wide berth on the scowl-faced man mumbling to himself on the ride back. Len trudged up the three flights of stairs with just enough energy left to throw his bag down by the door, and then himself across the sofa.
God, what was he going to do with his life if he didn’t get matched? His mind couldn’t even fathom a reality where he didn’t place into a residency. Len needed to be a doctor. He needed to prove that he could do this on his own merit and he wasn’t just another in a long line of McCoys going into the family businesses. If he didn’t…
“Bones, relax.”
He lifted his head, squinting at Jim who had seemed to suddenly appear in their apartment. “Relax? This is my life, happening right now, completely without my control.” Surely there was something weird happening, but he couldn’t really focus on that. “There are 195 neurosurgery positions in the country. Last year something like 400 people applied for them, which means that almost half had to settle for different internship or subject themselves to the scramble. The scramble, Jim”
Interviews were stressful enough, but to add having to scavenger around and take whatever was left? Leonard McCoy did not have the patience to deal with that.
“Yes, relax,” said Jim crossing the room. He nudged Len to make space for him on the sofa. Len shifted without even really having to think about, just letting Jim in like had had for almost four years now - and that almost made him sick too. “Like you said this moment is entirely out of your control. Okay?”
Len glared and Jim couldn’t help but smile back. “And you know what?” he continued. “You’re going to get matched. So don’t look at me like that. You are, you know why?”
“Why?” He said moving into Jim to find just the right spot.
“Because you rocked the first step. You have three publications with your name attached. And let’s not forget that you applied to 19 programs, and how many of those programs offered you interviews?”
“Nineteen.”
Jim placed a kiss to the side of Len’s head. “That’s right, all of them.”
Of the nineteen interviews he was offered, he went to twelve, and even managed a few second looks. No matter if he felt good about his chances at a few of the places, it was still a numbers game.
“That’s not a guarantee you’ll get matched, plenty of people have applications stronger than mine and oh God-” Len squeezed his eyes shut, feeling like he was going to sick all over again.
“Only you’re not plenty of people. You’re Leonard Horatio McCoy, who could stand to improve his bedside manner, but I’ve met the doctors and the nurses you’ve done your clerkships with they love you.”
Len craned his head to look up at Jim, studying that sincere look on his face. He honestly couldn’t imagine wanting to be any other place than right here. Right now, Jim Kirk was his rock.
“But not more than I do.” Jim smiled again, closing the distance to press a brief kiss. As nice as it was to kiss Jim, Len wasn’t really in the mood for anything other than comfort and Jim seemed to get the message. “So, while we have time to kill, I want to find out what happened with the hatch.”
Jim pulled away enough to turn on the television and queue up the latest episode of Lost. It was something that Jim declared as an imperative when it became clear that he and Bones were in the minority of people who hadn’t see the show at all. Convincing Len it was a good idea had taken some work, but now it was an easy sort of thing they could just kick back on the sofa and enjoy after a long day.
By the time the alarm on his phone went off and Desmond running around the island naked, Len had almost forgotten what he was waiting for. Almost and it really didn’t take long for the panic to set back in just where he left off.
So, Jim just kissed him again. “Are you ready for this?”
“No,” he said. Len wanted to shrink back down and disappear into the sofa, but Jim wouldn’t let him. He just handed Len the laptop over so he could log into his account. Trying not to think about the site crashing as any sort of sign. For as long as he waited for this moment, it was weird to think that with one irrelevant click he would know.
“I can’t do it. I can’t look. You have to do it for me.” It wasn’t exactly cowardice, but it wasn’t rational either. Len just thought he could better handle whatever news was coming if Jim said it.
Under any other circumstance, Jim might have made a big fuss about it, wanting to build the tension, but he also wanted to have sex tonight. So, he just took the laptop back to make that click that would reveal Dr. Leonard McCoy’s fate.
“Well?”
Trying to remain as neutral as he could, he moved the laptop back to the coffee table. But try as he might there was still that crinkle at the side of his eyes that gave away the smile he was holding back. “You, my dear Bones, are going to get the chance to be a neurosurgeon.”
Len was sure there were going to be more words after that. It was Jim Kirk and there were always more words. Only Len didn’t want to talk anymore.
He threw his arms around Jim, pulling those lips into a bruising kiss as if it was Jim who just decided that today he got what he wanted. The vibrations of laughter in Jim’s throat died as his lips became preoccupied with other things.
Of all the times they kissed in the five years spanning their relationship, every time it was different. This kiss was sloppy with a pinch of awkward, fueled by too much excitement, relief, and something that neither of them was ready to name yet. The throw pillows and blankets went in every direction as their clothes reached the point of annoyance.
Len paused, pulling away with a curse slipping from his lips. Still a bit love-drunk, Jim tried to pull Len back onto him. He did have sort of a rhythm going. “What is it?”
“Now, I have to wait until Thursday to know where I’m going to be spending the next seven years of my life.”
Jim let out a long sigh, trying not to whine. “Worry about that later?” He reached up, pulling on Len’s collar to bring those lips fully back down to his.
“Yeah, worry about that later,” he agreed kissing him again.
Right then it didn’t matter that Jim probably had school or work, or that Len had articles to catch up on. The world didn’t exist outside of this sofa because if there were a world beyond this point, it would have been somehow different and they weren’t ready to face that yet.
Compared to Monday, Thursday was easier. Of course it didn’t hurt that Jim was with him right from the start this time. Even if the matches would be posted to the web in a little more than an hour, Len sort of liked the tradition of Match Day.
All of the medical students from his year were packed into Gordon Hall’s second-floor. It was almost like the administration had thrown an impromptu party. Len found himself chatting with people who hadn’t really seen since the introductory classes when they started. It was interesting to watch Jim talking with his classmates like he was one of them. It was even better to hear Jim’s varied responses when they asked him what his specialty was.
Ahead of him, the first of his peers had opened their envelopes already overcome with tears of joy. It was weird to think that with one white envelope he and Jim were going to have to face the reality they accepted but never really talked about. Sure, Len might have looked at a few programs in Texas, knowing that masters in hand that was where Jim was headed, but that it was mostly symbolic. They didn’t expect to be in the same place four months from now, but it had been nice to pretend.
Except now that pretending was going to be just a little bit more difficult.
“All right, Bones, moment of truth,” said Jim pulling Len back into the moment. “But this time you’re going to have to do it yourself.”
Len nodded, trying to push down the knot building in his stomach as he ripped open the envelope. He had always had steady hands, but they were shaking now. And Jim was just there steady and sure watching him with a warm look of affection on his face.
At least that was what it looked like on the surface. Underneath it all, Jim was freaking out a little too. The difference was he knew that now was not his time to lose it. This whole week he needed to keep it together for Bones. His moment would come later.
“Emory,” said Len. “I got into Emory. I’m going home.”
Jim wasn’t sure what he had expected, but it wasn’t this. Suddenly he was standing there, watching Bones blink back tears and knowing he was doing the exact same thing.
He was not supposed to be crying.
Not wanting to draw any more attention to the tears, he threw his arms around Bones with murmurs of congratulations. Today he would give Bones everything he could, knowing later he would get it back when he needed it most.
From that point, it was a beautiful swan song of their last weeks and months together. They both knew it was going to hurt. There would be days when the realization of the future hit them like an elephant gun. However, neither one was willing to quit while they still had time.
They took turns breaking down, having moments of not wanting to get out of bed, and it worked. Most days were filled with the same things the weeks and years before carried, but the tone was different. Their world was changing and they were being forced to grow up.
May arrived too soon and the boxes came out. The process of sorting four years worth of dinners, sleepovers, fights, and everything else began. Jim had never realized how much stuff he had, or even how much of his stuff were things proliferated from Bones. Even as they were starting to physically divide their things, they did it together.
“So, I’ve been thinking.”
Len stopped, looking up at Jim. “You thinking? Well, this ought to be good.”
The fact that Jim rolled his eyes was only proof they had been living together for a long time. “Once I start flight school it’s a ten year commitment - ten years moving wherever the Air Force tells me and it’s really not all that different from what you’re doing, seven years working yourself crazy in Atlanta. So, I’ve been thinking we need a plan, or that I need a plan.” He corrected himself, not sure if he should be speaking for Bones anymore.
“I want to be a test pilot.” This was nothing new. That had been the plan since Jim decided to join the AFROTC program once Don’t Act, Don’t Tell was repealed. Len still wasn’t sure how he felt about Jim joining the armed services, but it wasn’t really his place to ban him from anything. All he could do was be supportive and make sure Jim did his research. “That means for at least the next five years I have to focus entirely on the job if I want to be a strong candidate. Which means no time for dating, so I’m just going to put that whole part of my life on hold.”
“You’re not going to have sex for the next five years?”
Jim put the books he was holding into the box before moving over to invade Len’s space on the floor. “I didn’t say that. I just said that there won’t be any dating, and that all plans of family building are going to be on hold.”
“I don’t get why you are telling me this.” Len was careful in his words, trying not to read too much into what was being said. The uncertainty of the future was something they mutually decided not to talk about. It was better for them both that way.
“I’m just saying that in like seven to ten years if you haven’t found some nurse, doctor, hospital administrator, or whatever and settled down, we should meet up, go out for drinks, see what happens.”
It was probably cheating to be saying those sorts of things while Jim settled in between Len’s legs with his hands settling in all of the right places. Only Bones didn’t really see the need to protest.
“Seven years, huh?”
“Yeah, seven years.”
The conversation dissolved from there, turning into another round of ‘we haven’t had sex in this room this week.’
From there it was graduation ceremonies, proud parents, and saying goodbye to friends with promises to keep in touch that were only half felt. Once the crowds were gone, the apartment fully packed up and the sub-letters ready to move in, it just left the two of them at Logan.
They wouldn’t cry. They didn’t say ‘I’ll love you forever’ or plead to not go. None of those things needed to be said then. They had been said more than enough for the four months prior. All they could do was hold the other just a little bit closer, not ready to let go. Probably never ready to let go.
“I swear if you start singing a camp song right now I will hurt you.”
Jim leaned his head back so he could smile at Bones - beautiful and heartbreaking all at once. “And by hurt do you mean break down and cry like you did both those summers?”
“Shut up.” Len swatted Jim’s arm, chasing the hit with a discreet kiss.
“Besides, I was actually going to go with a big moving speech about how we are meant to be some epic love story, spanning ages and miles, lives ruined, bloodshed. You know epic, because no one ever writes songs about the ones that come easy.”
That caused Len to laugh, the tension in his body uncoiling a little. “Logan Echolls? Is that really how you see yourself?”
“Come on, Bones, you totally love me, even if I was Logan Echolls. And I just said you were Veronica Mars, which is a total compliment by the way.”
He still remembered that day he came home early to catch Jim watching Veronica Mars and acting like he had been caught watching porn. If he had been caught watching porn it probably would have gone a lot better. At least that would be more expected.
“Alright, I’ll be Veronica Mars, but let’s go light on the lives ruined and bloodshed, okay?”
“Hey, you’re the one going to be a doctor - the blood part is expected.”
“I am a doctor.”
“Right, Doctor Leonard McCoy.” Jim always said it in a way that just made it sound filthy. Not that Len was surprised any. That was what Jim was good at, turning just about everything into a come on. He would miss that, he would miss a lot of things, but if he were lucky - if they were both lucky, they would be too busy to notice.
Still, seven years was a long time to wait.
Cliché as it was, he was glad that they had both booked flights departing around the same time. It gave them every last moment that they could have. Jim had even offered to take the flight to Atlanta with Bones, but Bones insisted that it was foolish. Really he didn’t think he could do this twice. He needed to keep this wrapped up in Boston, especially if he was supposed to start the next chapter of his life in Atlanta.
“We’ll always have Boston,” said Len quietly.
“You give me crap about quoting Rob Thomas and you go all Casablanca on me?”
“Bogart’s a classic, not even on the same level.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
The two lapsed into a silence. They needed nothing more than the sure entwinement of their hands to fill the space. Well, that wasn’t entirely true, but it was comfort enough.
Not long after the gate attendant announced the flight boarding.
“That’s me,” said Jim. He gave Len’s hand a squeeze before he stood up. “I’ll see you later.”
“And here I was hoping for a Desmond quote.”
Jim smiled swallowing back the fact he wanted to cry - especially seeing the same hurt in Len’s face too. “Maybe next time.” There was time for one last kiss, perfect and too brief, but it would do.
“Yeah, next time.”
It might be a lie, but for a moment watching Jim walk away, it was a beautiful one.
Three years later…
It was weird to be back here. Jim knew that when he joined the Air Force being deployed was a real possibility. There was just no way to prepare for the reality of it. At least there was Sam.
Growing up their relationship had been strained, both brothers too busy trying to survive to really have time to be there for each other, but once out of their childhood it actually did get better. It didn’t hurt that their mom had managed to figure it out by then too.
Coming off the plane, still in his uniform, Sam wasn’t the only person he wanted to see, but he was the best available option. For someone who got paid by the government to fly planes, Jim didn’t like airports. Not even the arrival gates with all of the people happy to see their loved ones. When he arrived somewhere, all he wanted to do was get somewhere with a good mattress and sleep.
“Bro, you look like shit.” Sam slapped him on the shoulder, taking his carryon bag from Jim.
“And you look old.”
“Ah, but I still look better than you.” He pulled Jim into a hug, one fitted for an arrivals gate. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Jim relaxed a little. “Show me that gratitude by feeding me and giving me a nice big bed to sleep in. And maybe a shower if you’re feeling generous.”
“That I can do.” Sam led Jim toward the baggage carousel to get the rest of his luggage. “However, the shower is not at all optional.”
The car ride from the airport was quiet, Jim trying to hold out for an actual bed. When they arrived, he was glad the kids were already in bed and the most Aurelan said was that she had a bed made up for him.
“I would kiss you right now, if I didn’t think Sam would punch me.”
“And it’d be the one time I’d actually land a decent punch too.”
Jim waved them off collapsing across the bed. Maybe there would be a shower later. “Tomorrow,” he said, “tomorrow we’ll do the whole catch up on my life shit with pancakes, always pancakes and you know not swearing - little pinchers are around.”
“Good night, Jim.”
He slept through breakfast and lunch the next day. Jim must have been more tired than he realized. Every now and then he would wake to hear laughter somewhere else in the house. Once or twice he seriously considered getting up, but he had the a few weeks before he needed to report to base and there would be time later to play with his nephews later.
Jim did eventually make it out bed and started to fulfill those promises he made earlier.
“You’ll never guess who I ran into the other day.”
Jim was sitting on the sofa, flipping through the different sports games when Sam dropped down beside him. He didn’t even acknowledge his brother.
“What, c’mon Jim, you’re not going to guess?”
“You just said I would ‘never guess.’”
“Fine. Don’t play.”
It really wasn’t curiosity. He just wanted Sam to stop pouting worse than his son. Or at least that was what he told himself. “Jonathan Archer?”
Sam grinned. “And so very close, Leonard McCoy actually.” Jim was sure Sam was expecting him to be surprised, when that was what he expected. They both lived in the Greater Atlanta area and they were both doctors - even if Sam was just the PhD sort. “I was asked to give a presentation for the staff at Grady on my research. Afterward he came over and introduced myself, asked me if I there was any chance I was related to Jim Kirk.”
“What did you say?” He asked, not amused at how much pleasure Sam was getting from this story.
“What did I say? You dated this guy, for what, five years and he didn’t know you had a brother?”
Jim rolled his eyes. “It’s not like you and I were talking back then and Kirk isn’t a one of a kind name.” He ignored the fact that he and Sam looked enough alike they could probably pass for fraternal twins if it wasn’t for the age difference. “And you still didn’t answer my question.”
“I told him the truth. I have some punk kid brother who had just come home from a tour of duty in the Middle East and yes, his name was Jim.”
“You did what?”
“I gave him your number too.”
“I hate you.” Jim pressed back against the sofa. This was not what he wanted to deal with. He was barely dealing with being back in the States, but having to face Bones again? That just wasn’t fair.
So, Jim did the manly and mature thing. He spent the next couple of days convincing him that Bones wasn’t going to call. Except it was only a matter of time. They were in the same city again and it just felt like a waste to not get to see each other.
It was still early when the silence was broken with an unassuming text message.
Bones: So I heard you’re in town.
Bones:This is McCoy. Leonard McCoy.
Jim Kirk: I don’t know any Leonard McCoys
Jim Kirk: A Bones maybe?
Bones: You never change.
Jim Kirk: Where would the fun in that be?
Bones: I have today off. Want to grab coffee or something to eat?
Jim Kirk: Sure, where do you have in mind?
Bones: I’ll come pick you up.
He texted Bones the address. Jim tried not to think too much about it until the doorbell rang about half an hour later. Nothing could have prepared him this. He was stuck standing there, unsure how to respond.
“Hey,” he said rather pathetically.
Jim felt like a fool, barefoot in a pair of sweats and an MIT shirt while Bones looked like that. It just wasn’t fair that a man could take otherwise ordinary black trousers and a light blue button up and look that good. He suspected it had something to do with the carefully undone top buttons, revealing just a peak of chest hair, and the floppy hair on his head. It looked like Bones had just had sex and threw on whatever clothes closest to him.
And he really should not be thinking about sex in this close proximity of Bones without sex being an immediate next step.
“Hey.” Bones echoed back, stepping a bit too close. Maybe he got that mental message too. “Your brother here?”
“No.”
“The wife? Kids?”
“All gone for the weekend.” He barely squeaked the words out of his suddenly dry throat.
“Good,” he said. What happened next gave Jim no space to say or even think of anything other than the feel of Bones’s lips on his. There were hands everywhere as they stumbled further back into the house, knocking over a few picture frames as they went.
This was not the greeting he was expecting, but it might have just been the one he wanted.
“This isn’t coffee.”
“Shut up.”
Some part of his head, the more logical part that was quickly losing ground here told him to slow down, that they shouldn’t just be jumping into things. Jim wasn’t whole and he couldn’t do that to Bones, but right now he wanted to be a little bit selfish.
So, Jim pushed back, giving as much as he got. He slammed Bones hard into the wall with a bruising kiss. Three years of frustration on top of six months at war coming out all at once and Bones just took it so pretty.
What followed wasn’t making love, or any other silly euphemism that might be used. It was sex, plain, dirty, and just right. There were new lines cut into their bodies, Jim a bit more filled out, stronger with new scars, but Bones touched him like he knew him and that was all that mattered.
They near destroyed the entrance hall, leaving a trail of clothes and curse words behind them on the way to the guest room. The bed wasn’t anything more than a witness to their frantic sex on the floor beside it after they tripped.
Only when exhausted and they finally made it up into the bed did any hint of gentleness surface. Panting in unison, the hands were softer now, no longer demanding, but just taking a few fragile seconds to explore.
“Will you do me a favor?” said Bones after a moment, gaze directed at the ceiling.
“I don’t know. You might have to owe me one.”
Len rolled his eyes, pointedly not engaging that comment. He had learned long ago that with Jim it was better never to keep score because he never won and really losing had never been that bad anyway. “I need a date for some bullshit hospital event tomorrow night.”
Jim rolled over in the bed, looking over at Bones, studying the lines on his face. It was strange to see how much three years could change a person. Sentimental as his thoughts were, those were not things he could say out loud, not when he wasn’t supposed to get attached. There was a plan after all.
“Here I thought you were supposed to get the guy to dress up, feed him, get him drunk, and then fuck him senseless.”
“Jim.”
He cracked a smile, really just wanting to hear his name said like that. “But Bones, you really didn’t give me any time to figure out what I’m going to wear!”
“I’m sure Sam will have something or we’ll find you something of mine that would fit.” Whatever else might have been said was lost to the sound of his pager going off. “And that would probably Mrs. Stevenson.” Len reached over to grab the pager and double check the message. “I’ll text you my address with directions.”
As he spoke, Len was already on the move. His motions a bit tender, but with determination as he collected his clothes.
After he left, Jim laid back in the bed. He liked the idea of borrowing Bones’s clothes more than he should. Given how much trouble a Harvard hoodie had stupidly caused him in college, it should have been the opposite, but it never was.
And it turned out that the only thing better than Jim Kirk in a suit was Jim Kirk in one of McCoy’s. The way the suit was just a little too loose around the shoulders left just the right amount to the imagination. Len was glad that he had won the battle of the tie, convincing Jim to wear a nice blue one while he went without.
The kid was a natural, not that he would expect anything less. Len knew that really what it came down to was the irresistible Kirk charm. No one had a chance and that included him. Len gave up trying to resist it long ego and instead worked to manage Kirk’s ego. So, the kid could never know that Len liked to watch Jim in his element.
“So, Dr. McCoy who is the man you brought with you?” He looked over to see Dr Karen Martin. She really wasn’t a bad person or particularly nosey person. She was just an older attending who liked to meddle, seeming to have an opinion on everything.
“That’s Jim Kirk. He is an old friend of mine from when I was at Harvard.” It wasn’t quite the truth, but it was the closest she was going to get.
“An old friend who has been having eye sex with you all night?”
Were he drinking anything at that moment, he might have choked. Thankfully for his dignity and his future at Emory he was spared.
He honestly wasn’t sure why he brought Jim. Len had no clue where they stood. At the very least it gave his coworkers something else to harass him about instead of his recent break up.
Of course that was when she arrived.
Jocelyn Darnell would always be his first love. Two years older than him, they had grown up together. Their lives were filled with big wheel bicycles, summer time sprinklers, and more stolen cookies than he cared to count. She had broken his heart when they were fourteen and he had finally worked up the courage to ask her to the end of year school dance and she chose that moment to introduce her new boyfriend - Clay Treadway.
And right now was like high school all over again. Jocelyn was dressed in a simple black dress, her hair pinned up, with vivid red shoes that matched the details on Clay’s tie. They had matching couple outfits.
“I need another drink,” he said to no one. Making his way back through the crowd, he hoped that after a few drinks he wouldn’t feel so sick every time he looked at her with Clay.
Len found a nice spot by the bar, able to watch over the crowd and see who was talking to whom. Every time he swept the crowd for Jim, he would catch glimmers of Joce and Clay in various embraces, eyes only for each other, or kissing in public like teenagers.
With a long sigh, he turned back to get a refill on his drink. He was approaching more drinks than he should allow himself at a work related function, but if he had to be here he was going to need it.
“Len!” He froze hearing his name said in that fake excited sort of tone that could only belong to Jocelyn. “I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”
He took a deep breath. It was hard to remember that he and Jocelyn were friends - friends who had let sex mess everything. “It was required of any staff not on the schedule for tonight.” And he had tried to get out of it, trolling for surgeries most of the afternoon, but he wasn’t that lucky.
She smiled over at him. “You remember Clay, right?”
At least she was trying, not that it made it easier. Certainly not with that question being asked. How could he forget the great Clay Treadway? “It’s good to see you again.”
Len was sure if he were wearing a tie right now, he would be suffocating under the weight of this conversation. Jocelyn didn’t seem to want to drop it like she had something to prove to him. Luckily, sans tie he just felt like he was about to gag on his drink at any moment as he was forced to hear them recount how he had surprised Jocelyn with a nice picnic dinner a week ago that led to them being here tonight. Len was mostly trying not to do the math. He and Jocelyn hadn’t been broken up that long.
“Bones!” Finally Jim Kirk decided to show his face again. He settled in right next to Len like he belonged there. “Who do we have here?”
Len introduced them. He tried not to be too smug at the dirty look Jocelyn tried to cover when he shared the vague details of his and Jim’s relationship. And Jim, bless his heart, following in step plucked Len’s glass from his hand, swirling the liquid before taking a sip. Only he didn’t just take a sip, he was sure that his lips brushed the same part that Len’s did.
“That’s good,” he said. Jim set the empty glass down on the bar behind them. Turning back around he stole a kiss from Len, pleased that he was able to shock all of them in one go. “I like this song, we should dance.”
And just like that Len was saved. It came with a cost, but if Jim wanted to dance, well, they were going to dance.
The night got better. It started to feel like they were back in their life in Boston. It made Len start to want that again - distance and careers be damned. Then Jim said those magic words, “Let’s get out of here.”
With how much Len had to drink, Jim volunteered to drive. They were content to just sit in silence on the ride back, not needing to say anything.
For the past couple of lights, Jim had watched Bones in his peripheral head lolling against the headrest.
“Hey, you’re not going to fall asleep on me?”
“What?” He said forcing himself into something that looked more like waking. “No, it’s just that I’m lucky if I get six solid hours of sleep a week. By third year you learn to sleep whenever you can.”
Even if his voice sounded gruff and full of grumble, Jim wasn’t fooled by it.
“You’re a masochist, you know that?”
“Of course I am. I mean I did fall in love with you.”
“Hey!”
“You’re nothing but trouble.”
“Yeah, but you love that too.”
The words were exchanged so quickly, neither of them realized what was hanging until it got quiet again. A few minutes later, the car came to a stop.
“Why are we at your brother’s place? Jim, you know I’m in no shape to drive.”
Turning off the car and unclipping his belt, Jim twisted in his seat to face Bones. “I wasn’t planning on letting you drive anywhere.”
“Oh.”
Jim flashed him a big smile. He got out of the car with far too much energy and walked Len inside the house. Unlike the other day it was more subdued now. It was tired, sure hands, reaching out to touch and maintain contact without any sort of frenzy.
“Let me grab some water. You remember where the room is?”
“Yeah, yeah,” said Len heading down the hall. Tired as he was now and as distracted as had been when he was here last, the room was different. All of the little things that made it Jim’s were packed away into a large suitcase unzipped on the floor.
On the top of the pile of things was a framed photo of the pair of them from the traditional last week of Black Tie dinner. He ran his fingers over the faces in the frame - they both looked so young.
“Jim, why are all your things packed up?”
“Well, I have to report to base tomorrow,” said Jim coming back in the room with two glasses of water.
Len downed the glass of water, needing time to process information. “You’re leaving?”
“Yeah, I mentioned it earlier. I’m just on leave right now.” Sensing the change in mood, Jim directed Bones to the bed. “C’mon you look dead on your feet. Time to put all good little doctors to bed.”
Bones was on automatic right now. It all just hurt again. So he let Jim take off his shoes and then his socks. He didn’t put up a fuss as Jim tenderly rubbed each foot. The rest of his clothes down to his briefs went in a similar gentle manner.
In contrast, Jim just shucked off his clothes and joined Bones in bed. “Just need a quick nap, okay?” Although his words were slurred with a yawn, Jim understood.
He pressed a kiss into the side of his head, smiling as Bones moved into him. His hand carded through Bones’s hair, just content to watch the other man fall asleep.
Len woke up the next morning to the sunlight streaming through the window and an empty bed. Those two things alone weren’t really anything out of the ordinary. The foreign bed didn’t even throw him off. What did was the empty space next to him.
“Jim?” He called out, sitting up. His head felt like his brain had been dissected. Reaching for the nightstand, he found a full glass of water and some Tylenol. “Thank God.” He popped the drugs and swallowed down all the water.
“Huh.” All of Jim’s things were gone, everything except for a very familiar crimson hoodie with a small piece of paper on top on the dresser.
Dragging himself out of bed, he padded across the room to see what Jim had left him. On top of the hoodie wasn’t a piece of paper, but a copy of the picture of them from the Black Tie dinner with a Post It attached.
Bones -
Sorry I didn’t wake you. I had an early flight and you looked like you needed the sleep.
See you in another life, brother.
xx Jim
Before he had time to do more than read it once, his pager went off.
“Damn it!”
Two years later…
This was good. His life was good. Jim Kirk had finally settled into a sort of routine. Even with the grueling hours that left him exhausted, it also energized him. Not to mention this. Every day he got to come home to an apartment filled with the promises of dinner and company that was enough to make him run up the two flights of stairs no matter how tired he was.
“Honey, I’m home!” He called out, silly smile on his face. Jim took off his jacket, careful to hang it up in the closet and place his boots by the door before stopping by the kitchen.
Now, that was a sight to see.
It was weird to think he actually missed domesticity in the years between. But seeing Carol at the island chopping up vegetables for dinner, it was good.
“Jim,” she said looking up at him. It wasn’t quite a smile on her face, but it wasn’t displeasure either. Jim wasn’t the only one with long days.
"Carol," he responded moving in to kiss her in a more appropriate greeting. “Here, let me help with that.”
After a quick scrub of his hands he took up the vegetable chopping duties where Carol left off. They fell into their same easy routine. Jim appreciated that they didn’t always have to fill the silence with empty questions about their days when the fact was neither was in much of a position to divulge much information.
"Did you remember the wine?"
“Oh.” It was always the seemingly harmless questions that got him. “I knew there was something I forgot. I can just run back out now and pick some up."
"Don't bother." If Jim could have become stiller he would have. Instead he set the knife down, looking up at her. It was only then that Jim really saw her. She was tired and not in the way he might be. Carol sighed, her whole body heaving in the process. “I knew you’d forget, so I picked some up earlier when you said you’d be home late. Again.”
He wasn’t sure that a simple sorry was going to cover it this time. Not it would stop him from apologizing with a silent remorseful smile. “Things have just been so busy at the base…” Jim started, but never finished because anything he was going to say, wasn’t going to be true and he didn’t need to add lying to his offenses.
The silence was no longer comfortable, but suffocating. In his mind he was trying to figure out when the rules changed on him. He wouldn’t have much time to consider that.
"I don't think I can do this anymore."
“Can’t do what anymore?” His fragile world hung in the balance now because he and Carol were good. She was good for him. They worked. They had to work.
“Us.” She transferred the chicken onto serving plates, still going through the motions of dinner. “I can’t do us anymore.”
Jim stopped setting the table and came around the island. “Look, if this is about the wine…”
“It’s not about the wine, Jim.” The exhale that followed said more than her words.
"Carol, what are you trying to say?” Not that she needed to say anything, the fact that she moved away from his touch said everything he needed and didn’t want to hear.
She leaned back against the counter, not looking him in the eye. “I’m saying that we live in two entirely differently worlds. Your head is up in the clouds and I'm always right here, waiting for you to get back, and it’s just not working."
He heard the words, but he didn’t see how that was a problem. They were both busy in the same sort of way that he and Bones had both been busy back in Boston. Although perhaps the thought of Bones making his heart hurt more than what was happening now was the real problem.
Food and doctors - they were nothing but pain.
“Did the FDA reject your proposal?"
“No. Actually, they accepted my proposal along with the funding requests. I just - look, Jim, I love you, really I do, but this isn’t okay.” His heart still fluttered with that nervous anxiety when someone said those words to him. “We’re not okay. We haven’t been okay in a while and I should have left before, I probably shouldn’t have even agreed to move in with you and… It’s just over.”
They stood there a moment longer, just looking at each other, those three words weighing heavily between them. Jim didn’t know what came next, didn’t know where to go from here. It wasn’t anything like this with Bones, that was sort of a mutual parting and this just left him speechless.
“So, let’s just have dinner and I’ll have my stuff gone by the time you come back from your trip.”
That didn’t seem to make it better, but it was a way to move forward. Maybe tomorrow he would be able to deal with this, but right now, he was just running on automatic. Too tired to do the manly thing and storm out, dinner didn’t sound like a bad thing.
For as much as the world would throw at him, it always gave him a way to cope with it too. The trip out to California for the Camp Enterprise ten-year reunion came at the best possible moment.
Camp was always somewhere safe, a place where he could go to heal and get stronger. It had saved him as a child. He just hoped that it could fix him now too.
Except this time that safe place was also going to mean facing his past again. It was a past that included Bones, who he hadn’t been able to talk to since leaving him at Sam’s house that morning. And was torn between wanting Bones to be there and hoping that he wouldn’t have the time.
The reunion wasn’t even something that he expected to happen. Every summer someone brought up the idea, but the summer of 2008 had been different in so many ways. And held onto that moment where they made the decision with a weird sort of hope and fascination.
He and Bones were on the steps of Old Lodge, waiting for the rest of the staff to arrive for the meeting. The last batch of campers was only a few hours away from arriving. Jim sprawled out across the porch, his head carelessly in Bones’s lap, not a care in the world.
Bones had amazed him. While he would often hear the other man compare him to a force of nature, Jim knew that this still growing thing with Bones would forever change his life.
“Penny for your thoughts,” said Jim. “Or you know, lots of pennies because obviously your thoughts are worth way more than a penny.”
Len shrugged. “Just thinking about how strange this summer has been.”
“Good strange?”
If not for the vulnerability unspoken in that question, Len might have laughed. Instead he simply leant down and pressed a kiss to Jim’s forward. “Definitely good strange,” he said his voice low, face only inches away from Jim’s wishing, once more, for some place more private.
“Wowee, look at the two of you,” said Red. She came running up the path with Pasha and Star close behind.
Jim just smiled at the scowl setting deeper on Bones’s face. “See, Bones, they totally know you are as bad as me, deny it as you like, but we’re all on to you.” That earned him a spectacular eye roll and a shove hard enough to dislodge him from his comfortable spot.
The rest of the counselors arrived shortly thereafter.
“I can’t believe this is the last week of camp,” said Sistine squeezing in to sit on the other side of Len.
Po looked over at her, his brow carefully arched. “I fail to see why. Were you not aware that the summer was eight sessions and last week concluded our seventh?”
In front of him, just leaning on his legs for support, Star laughed. “I think what Sistine means is that she is going to miss this place. I know I am.”
“Hey,” said Jim, “The great thing about camp is that it’s always here.”
From the other end of the porch Flyboy grumbled. “Except that not all of us are coming back next summer because some of us need to find real, full-time jobs.” ‘And be adults’ was the part that went unspoken, but not unheard.
“This is totally a real job!” Jim jumped in before anyone else could say otherwise.
“You can’t just-”
“Hey!” said Sistine knowing that this conversation was not going anywhere productive. “We should promise that in ten years we’ll meet again, have some sort of reunion, see the sort of people we’ve become.”
Jim shifted his glare over to Sistine, softening it a bit. “Ten years is a long time,” he said carefully. Jim Kirk was lucky he planned on a few months ahead. A decade from now felt like a lifetime.
“I think it’s a great idea, Sistine.” The others agreed, starting to make jokes about what time they should meet. It was almost enough for Jim to miss the fact that Bones hadn’t said anything.
“Alright, Bones, what do you say?”
The truth was that he couldn’t say no to those blue eyes and Jim Kirk knew it. “Yeah, sure, you send me the invite and I’ll be there.”
Of course Sistine would go through with it, finding just the right weekend where they could all get away without any excuse.
Jim had arrived well before the others, content to explore the true ghost town of a summer camp in November. It also meant that he could find a prime viewing location to see everyone else arrive.
Sitting on the small roof above the porch of Old Lodge he watched another rental car pull in. The person sat in the car a long while until Christine came out to greet him.
“Leonard McCoy,” she said leaning down on the window ledge of the car door. She pushed her sunglasses up. “Here I was thinking you were going to make me drive all the way back out to San Francisco to drag your sorry ass here.”
He laughed and Jim couldn’t help but smile as that sound traveled up to him. Grumpy Guard Bones totally had a great big camp smile.
“I almost didn’t make it, but I was afraid of your wrath.”
“As you should be.” She took a step back, so she could pull open the door and drag him out. “Come on, Len, daylight’s wasting.”
The woman could be a monster, but she always meant well. Once Len was free from the confines of the car, Christine pulled him into a hug, which he returned easily.
He sighed, relaxing into it. “Repeat it to anyone else, and I’ll say you’re lying, but it is honestly good to see you again.”
Christine pulled back, the smile on her face softening a bit as she caught his eye. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah,” he said shaking his head. “It’s just sixth year. I’m still working on my research and am just busy, you know how it is.”
It wasn’t the answer she had wanted, but it was the one she expected. “Not yelling at any nurses, are you?”
“Only the ones that deserve it.” That earned him a swat, but he needed that to jar him out of whatever emotional overload he was spiraling into. “But I mostly save it for the interns or med students, because they always deserve it. God, I can’t ever imagine being that young.”
“That’s because you never were.”
Trying to hide his amusement, Len turned to pull his sunglasses from the car and shut the door behind him. “Thanks,” he said dryly.
“You know I say it with love.”
“Love and safe in the knowledge that you work at UCLA and I’m out at Emory, never the two shall meet.”
“I wouldn’t say ‘never.’ I mean I got you here.”
Christine looked the same and Bones…well, Bones just looked good, even with his visible discomfort and clothes that didn’t quite fit the setting.
“Almost everyone is here already,” she continued. “We don’t have anything fancy planned, just gathering in the Old Lodge for now and later Sulu agreed to man the camp fire for the cook out.”
“Is -” He started to ask, but stopped because it wasn’t really a question that needed to be asked. Of course he was here. Whatever else Jim Kirk was, he lived for this place for most of his life and wouldn’t miss any chance to come back.
“Yeah, he’s been here all day.” She looped her arm around Len’s and escorted him toward the Old Lodge. “But he’s mostly been moping around New South Wales and it’s just…weird.”
Len sighed, feeling that tension mount back up. This was going to be hard enough without whatever else Jim was bringing to it.
“Great.”
Despite Len’s reservations, it was actually nice to see everyone again. It was surprising to see how many of the little subgroups from camp still existed. Spock, Nyota, and Gaila were world-traveling anthropologists. And after Sulu finished his service with the Reserves, he moved into a house with Riley, Chekov and their significant others in Mountain View, CA to attend school while the others worked for Google.
In the epic camp friendships or more-ships, he and Jim were the only ones who didn’t seem to have a happy ending. Even the boathouse incident between Sulu and Christine left them with a funny story to tell later despite not being together anymore.
Were he a poet and not a doctor, he might have said his relationship with Jim didn’t have an end, just an ellipsis or an intermission because it didn’t feel over. Certainly not when Jim was looking at him.
Across the blazing campfire, casting shadows and hiding the lines the years gave, Jim Kirk was gorgeous. This wasn’t a new revelation, or really anything ground breaking at all. It was an undeniable fact of the universe that Jim Kirk was good looking, he knew, and so did anyone who spared him so much as a glance. The surprise came in the fact that Len wanted him. He wanted to take the broken pieces just glued and taped together and make them whole.
“You know, I think you are the one that lost your great big camp smile,” said Len taking a seat next to Jim and handing him a beer. As far as the life of Jim Kirk was concerned, Leonard McCoy never had a chance.
“Camp Enterprise,” said Jim. “Man, that was a lifetime ago.”
Len had at least expected some sort of smile, because this was Jim Kirk and this place was his home. However, maybe this was worse than he knew. So, he simply nudged Jim’s shoulder, prompting him to share without having to say it.
It was a long moment of silence between them, filled by the crackling fire and the low murmur of people lost in their own conversations.
“I didn’t stick to the plan.”
“The plan?”
“You know The Plan,” said Jim. The unnecessary capitals were clear in his voice. “The one where I sign up, get into pilot school, apply to be a test pilot, and once I have that start worrying about finding a wi- a life partner, the house, the dog, the kids. And the really messed up thing is that when I met her, Carol liked that I had a plan because she had a plan too.” He laughed. It was the same self-deprecating laugh he used to keep the world at bay. Len wasn’t sure when he became a part of the world as it were, but he didn’t like it very much.
“But by the end, I was ‘too busy’ with work and never home enough…” Jim trailed off, shaking his head. “And yeah, I clearly should have just stuck to The Plan.”
Jim was just grown just enough to break. The kid wore his heart on his sleeve, you just need to know how to look for it, and of course he was going to get hurt. That was part of growing up.
“You know I never thought that was a very good plan.”
Jim turned, glaring at him then. “You think you might have mentioned that, I don’t know, like five years ago?”
In response Len shrugged. “It wasn’t my place. Besides, what was I going to do? Ask you to follow me to Atlanta? Trust me, Jim, my residency makes med school look like I had plenty of free time.”
“You could have.” The words were quiet, but heavy. Jim wouldn’t have gone, plan or no plan, because he wouldn’t have been content to simply follow, but he might have liked to been asked.
Except asking that question and to have to face the answer would have been too much.
“And get to miss out on a life time of awkward meetings?” He might not have been able to ask that question before, but Len never believed he would ever be free of Jim. He never wanted to be.
Jim smiled over at him. “Just embrace the awkward, you know you like it.”
“I get enough awkward at work. Hospitals aren’t that different from summer camp.”
“Doctors having sex in the on-call room all the time?”
“Oh yeah and my new best friend at work is an internist who gets called girls names and frequently stares off into space for his crazy daydreams and-”
“Alright, I get it. I shouldn’t believe what I see on television.”
The pair fell quiet for a moment, staring into the crackling fire in front of them. It was soothing, peaceful. It was almost like things weren’t changing again.
“I really think it could have worked for me and Carol. We were good. We knew what we wanted and our lives fit.” Jim took a pull from his bottle, gaze set on the fire in front of him. “And I think that I was happy.”
“Just because you were happy doesn’t mean you get to keep it. Hell, life’s a bitch, full of complications and plans that don’t ever quite work.”
Jim turned to look at him. “Are you happy?” Even with the shadows flickering across his face and the distance the years made, Len could still read him. And he couldn’t help feel that Jim might also be talking about what they were, are, and might even possibly one day be again.
“I’m not unhappy, Jim, most days that’s the best I can hope for. I’m doing what I love, but my family is a bit crazy right now. I recently found out I have a daughter and I think that being a father might make me happy.”
Len watched Jim eyes go wide, not sure if he said too much. “Shit, you have a kid?”
“I’m not exactly some blushing virgin or a monk for that matter. You should know that.”
“I know,” he said, flushing a little at all of those mornings and nights stole feeling safe in their bed. “It’s just where do you have the time? I mean it’s a kid they don’t just suddenly appear. Who’s the mother? Do I know her? Are you-”
Just as his voice started to crack on the last unfinished question, Len held up his hand to stop him “Jocelyn is the mother.”
“You mean Jocelyn-Jocelyn, who like totally broke your heart and I had to swoop in and save you?”
“Yes, that Jocelyn. She was pregnant at the time and didn’t know. You do know how that works.”
Jim punched him on the shoulder for being a bit of an ass. “You have like a big kid.”
“She’s three years old.”
“Are you pissed? I would be pissed, to have a kid and not know.”
All he could do was shrug. “Like you said, it’s not like I had the time. Jocelyn and I didn’t exactly end it on good terms, and well, she wanted to be with Clay.”
“So, what, Clay’s out of the picture and now she’s trying to get you back?”
“Jim.” His life felt just a little bit more exhausting now. “Let’s not talk about that, alright? It’s all just complicated and I’m glad to be away from it. I mean, I’m not going to stop being a father, but right now I’m just worried about being a doctor, everything else has to come after those two.” And he honestly wasn’t sure how he felt about Jocelyn anymore, not when Jim was sitting right next to him.
“Right plans,” said Jim sounding defeated again.
They were circling and Len wasn’t going to have to that. “Hey, let’s get out of here.”
“And go where?”
“Oh no, you don’t get to know. You just have to trust me.” He stood up, offering a hand to Jim. “It will be just like that spring break.”
“You were so grumpy,” said Jim. He took Len’s hand and stood up. “I had to promise you no less than three mind blowing blow jobs until you agreed to give me four days of your spring break, which is still actually meant for breaking because in the real world you don’t get spring break. And let the record show that not only did I fulfill that promise, but you also had a great time.”
Len nudged his shoulder again as they started walking off. “You, the woods, a tent, fishing - you don’t really need much else than that.”
He wasn’t going to promise blowjobs, mind blowing or otherwise, because he knew he didn’t need to. Jim didn’t even need to back then, but he wasn’t about to complain. Len grabbed a flashlight from the pile as they walked away from the fire circle. It wasn’t a long walk around the lake. Neither of them really talking just listening to the chirps and rustles around them the flash light off because Jim had insisted it wasn’t that dark.
“So, day camp, huh?” Jim asked when they stopped a few feet away from the challenge course.
“You got a problem with that?”
“Nah, I just never pegged you for a romantic.” Len glared at him and even without a flashlight Jim could see that expression. “Okay, that’s a lie, I knew the second I met you and said your horrible real name that underneath the sarcasm and the snark was something more.”
“But then you gave me a new name.” He took a step closer to Jim, needing to be closer to him especially in this place.
They had shared their first kiss here. At the time they were nothing more than two boys parading as young men, still lost. And in many ways they were still those boys parading as men, only now those men now had new letters attached to their names - Doctor McCoy and Lieutenant Kirk.
Except neither of those people were here right now.
“Bones.”
So close together, Len felt that one word in a puff of air against his face. All he could do was struggle to find an appropriate response and when none came he settled on, “Jim” and then “Captain.” Only he started the “Cap” and never had the space to speak the “tain” because Jim’s lips were on his.
Jim was kissing him, or maybe he was kissing Jim. Not that it mattered they were kissing each other, arms everywhere, moving like they had never stopped doing this. And maybe they shouldn’t ever stopped.
Tonight there would be no campers to worry about. No staff to overhear them. Or anything else that could distract them. Tonight it was just them. And Len was sure the nineteen-year-old version of Jim that still existed was singing.
Just a boy and a boy in a little canoe with the moon hanging all around.
PART I »» PART II
Author: castofone @ rushedwords
Fandom: Star Trek XI: AU; Camp Enterprise Verse
Pairing/Characters: Kirk/McCoy
Word count: ~20k
Rating: R
Summary: The problem with finding the person you're meant to be with before you're full grown is that it can take years, a whole lot of heart ache and luck to finally get that happy ending.
Notes: Written for the Reel Love challenge. This story is a riff on the film A Lot Like Love. It is part of the Camp Enterprise verse, where in Jim and Len meet at a summer camp ( Once a pre-med went to camp), then end up at universities in Boston ( The Harvard hoodie corollary). Sometime in their future they are living together in California ( In which Len receives a second nickname). This story bridges most of the years between the hoodie corollary and second nickname.
Spring 2013
He was going to be sick. All he had wanted to do when his alarm went off was pretend this morning didn’t exist. Only the universe was cruel and he wasn’t allowed to stay in a warm bed hating life with his boyfriend. Instead Leonard McCoy had to drag his ass out of bed and get across town to MGH for his research clerkship.
By many standards it wasn’t a bad morning, but it was Black Monday so the usual standards didn’t exist. Through some will of God, he managed to get through the morning without insulting anyone too badly or look like a complete idiot. Then it was just surviving the return trip to his apartment.
At least the fine people of Boston had the sense to keep a wide berth on the scowl-faced man mumbling to himself on the ride back. Len trudged up the three flights of stairs with just enough energy left to throw his bag down by the door, and then himself across the sofa.
God, what was he going to do with his life if he didn’t get matched? His mind couldn’t even fathom a reality where he didn’t place into a residency. Len needed to be a doctor. He needed to prove that he could do this on his own merit and he wasn’t just another in a long line of McCoys going into the family businesses. If he didn’t…
“Bones, relax.”
He lifted his head, squinting at Jim who had seemed to suddenly appear in their apartment. “Relax? This is my life, happening right now, completely without my control.” Surely there was something weird happening, but he couldn’t really focus on that. “There are 195 neurosurgery positions in the country. Last year something like 400 people applied for them, which means that almost half had to settle for different internship or subject themselves to the scramble. The scramble, Jim”
Interviews were stressful enough, but to add having to scavenger around and take whatever was left? Leonard McCoy did not have the patience to deal with that.
“Yes, relax,” said Jim crossing the room. He nudged Len to make space for him on the sofa. Len shifted without even really having to think about, just letting Jim in like had had for almost four years now - and that almost made him sick too. “Like you said this moment is entirely out of your control. Okay?”
Len glared and Jim couldn’t help but smile back. “And you know what?” he continued. “You’re going to get matched. So don’t look at me like that. You are, you know why?”
“Why?” He said moving into Jim to find just the right spot.
“Because you rocked the first step. You have three publications with your name attached. And let’s not forget that you applied to 19 programs, and how many of those programs offered you interviews?”
“Nineteen.”
Jim placed a kiss to the side of Len’s head. “That’s right, all of them.”
Of the nineteen interviews he was offered, he went to twelve, and even managed a few second looks. No matter if he felt good about his chances at a few of the places, it was still a numbers game.
“That’s not a guarantee you’ll get matched, plenty of people have applications stronger than mine and oh God-” Len squeezed his eyes shut, feeling like he was going to sick all over again.
“Only you’re not plenty of people. You’re Leonard Horatio McCoy, who could stand to improve his bedside manner, but I’ve met the doctors and the nurses you’ve done your clerkships with they love you.”
Len craned his head to look up at Jim, studying that sincere look on his face. He honestly couldn’t imagine wanting to be any other place than right here. Right now, Jim Kirk was his rock.
“But not more than I do.” Jim smiled again, closing the distance to press a brief kiss. As nice as it was to kiss Jim, Len wasn’t really in the mood for anything other than comfort and Jim seemed to get the message. “So, while we have time to kill, I want to find out what happened with the hatch.”
Jim pulled away enough to turn on the television and queue up the latest episode of Lost. It was something that Jim declared as an imperative when it became clear that he and Bones were in the minority of people who hadn’t see the show at all. Convincing Len it was a good idea had taken some work, but now it was an easy sort of thing they could just kick back on the sofa and enjoy after a long day.
By the time the alarm on his phone went off and Desmond running around the island naked, Len had almost forgotten what he was waiting for. Almost and it really didn’t take long for the panic to set back in just where he left off.
So, Jim just kissed him again. “Are you ready for this?”
“No,” he said. Len wanted to shrink back down and disappear into the sofa, but Jim wouldn’t let him. He just handed Len the laptop over so he could log into his account. Trying not to think about the site crashing as any sort of sign. For as long as he waited for this moment, it was weird to think that with one irrelevant click he would know.
“I can’t do it. I can’t look. You have to do it for me.” It wasn’t exactly cowardice, but it wasn’t rational either. Len just thought he could better handle whatever news was coming if Jim said it.
Under any other circumstance, Jim might have made a big fuss about it, wanting to build the tension, but he also wanted to have sex tonight. So, he just took the laptop back to make that click that would reveal Dr. Leonard McCoy’s fate.
“Well?”
Trying to remain as neutral as he could, he moved the laptop back to the coffee table. But try as he might there was still that crinkle at the side of his eyes that gave away the smile he was holding back. “You, my dear Bones, are going to get the chance to be a neurosurgeon.”
Len was sure there were going to be more words after that. It was Jim Kirk and there were always more words. Only Len didn’t want to talk anymore.
He threw his arms around Jim, pulling those lips into a bruising kiss as if it was Jim who just decided that today he got what he wanted. The vibrations of laughter in Jim’s throat died as his lips became preoccupied with other things.
Of all the times they kissed in the five years spanning their relationship, every time it was different. This kiss was sloppy with a pinch of awkward, fueled by too much excitement, relief, and something that neither of them was ready to name yet. The throw pillows and blankets went in every direction as their clothes reached the point of annoyance.
Len paused, pulling away with a curse slipping from his lips. Still a bit love-drunk, Jim tried to pull Len back onto him. He did have sort of a rhythm going. “What is it?”
“Now, I have to wait until Thursday to know where I’m going to be spending the next seven years of my life.”
Jim let out a long sigh, trying not to whine. “Worry about that later?” He reached up, pulling on Len’s collar to bring those lips fully back down to his.
“Yeah, worry about that later,” he agreed kissing him again.
Right then it didn’t matter that Jim probably had school or work, or that Len had articles to catch up on. The world didn’t exist outside of this sofa because if there were a world beyond this point, it would have been somehow different and they weren’t ready to face that yet.
Compared to Monday, Thursday was easier. Of course it didn’t hurt that Jim was with him right from the start this time. Even if the matches would be posted to the web in a little more than an hour, Len sort of liked the tradition of Match Day.
All of the medical students from his year were packed into Gordon Hall’s second-floor. It was almost like the administration had thrown an impromptu party. Len found himself chatting with people who hadn’t really seen since the introductory classes when they started. It was interesting to watch Jim talking with his classmates like he was one of them. It was even better to hear Jim’s varied responses when they asked him what his specialty was.
Ahead of him, the first of his peers had opened their envelopes already overcome with tears of joy. It was weird to think that with one white envelope he and Jim were going to have to face the reality they accepted but never really talked about. Sure, Len might have looked at a few programs in Texas, knowing that masters in hand that was where Jim was headed, but that it was mostly symbolic. They didn’t expect to be in the same place four months from now, but it had been nice to pretend.
Except now that pretending was going to be just a little bit more difficult.
“All right, Bones, moment of truth,” said Jim pulling Len back into the moment. “But this time you’re going to have to do it yourself.”
Len nodded, trying to push down the knot building in his stomach as he ripped open the envelope. He had always had steady hands, but they were shaking now. And Jim was just there steady and sure watching him with a warm look of affection on his face.
At least that was what it looked like on the surface. Underneath it all, Jim was freaking out a little too. The difference was he knew that now was not his time to lose it. This whole week he needed to keep it together for Bones. His moment would come later.
“Emory,” said Len. “I got into Emory. I’m going home.”
Jim wasn’t sure what he had expected, but it wasn’t this. Suddenly he was standing there, watching Bones blink back tears and knowing he was doing the exact same thing.
He was not supposed to be crying.
Not wanting to draw any more attention to the tears, he threw his arms around Bones with murmurs of congratulations. Today he would give Bones everything he could, knowing later he would get it back when he needed it most.
From that point, it was a beautiful swan song of their last weeks and months together. They both knew it was going to hurt. There would be days when the realization of the future hit them like an elephant gun. However, neither one was willing to quit while they still had time.
They took turns breaking down, having moments of not wanting to get out of bed, and it worked. Most days were filled with the same things the weeks and years before carried, but the tone was different. Their world was changing and they were being forced to grow up.
May arrived too soon and the boxes came out. The process of sorting four years worth of dinners, sleepovers, fights, and everything else began. Jim had never realized how much stuff he had, or even how much of his stuff were things proliferated from Bones. Even as they were starting to physically divide their things, they did it together.
“So, I’ve been thinking.”
Len stopped, looking up at Jim. “You thinking? Well, this ought to be good.”
The fact that Jim rolled his eyes was only proof they had been living together for a long time. “Once I start flight school it’s a ten year commitment - ten years moving wherever the Air Force tells me and it’s really not all that different from what you’re doing, seven years working yourself crazy in Atlanta. So, I’ve been thinking we need a plan, or that I need a plan.” He corrected himself, not sure if he should be speaking for Bones anymore.
“I want to be a test pilot.” This was nothing new. That had been the plan since Jim decided to join the AFROTC program once Don’t Act, Don’t Tell was repealed. Len still wasn’t sure how he felt about Jim joining the armed services, but it wasn’t really his place to ban him from anything. All he could do was be supportive and make sure Jim did his research. “That means for at least the next five years I have to focus entirely on the job if I want to be a strong candidate. Which means no time for dating, so I’m just going to put that whole part of my life on hold.”
“You’re not going to have sex for the next five years?”
Jim put the books he was holding into the box before moving over to invade Len’s space on the floor. “I didn’t say that. I just said that there won’t be any dating, and that all plans of family building are going to be on hold.”
“I don’t get why you are telling me this.” Len was careful in his words, trying not to read too much into what was being said. The uncertainty of the future was something they mutually decided not to talk about. It was better for them both that way.
“I’m just saying that in like seven to ten years if you haven’t found some nurse, doctor, hospital administrator, or whatever and settled down, we should meet up, go out for drinks, see what happens.”
It was probably cheating to be saying those sorts of things while Jim settled in between Len’s legs with his hands settling in all of the right places. Only Bones didn’t really see the need to protest.
“Seven years, huh?”
“Yeah, seven years.”
The conversation dissolved from there, turning into another round of ‘we haven’t had sex in this room this week.’
From there it was graduation ceremonies, proud parents, and saying goodbye to friends with promises to keep in touch that were only half felt. Once the crowds were gone, the apartment fully packed up and the sub-letters ready to move in, it just left the two of them at Logan.
They wouldn’t cry. They didn’t say ‘I’ll love you forever’ or plead to not go. None of those things needed to be said then. They had been said more than enough for the four months prior. All they could do was hold the other just a little bit closer, not ready to let go. Probably never ready to let go.
“I swear if you start singing a camp song right now I will hurt you.”
Jim leaned his head back so he could smile at Bones - beautiful and heartbreaking all at once. “And by hurt do you mean break down and cry like you did both those summers?”
“Shut up.” Len swatted Jim’s arm, chasing the hit with a discreet kiss.
“Besides, I was actually going to go with a big moving speech about how we are meant to be some epic love story, spanning ages and miles, lives ruined, bloodshed. You know epic, because no one ever writes songs about the ones that come easy.”
That caused Len to laugh, the tension in his body uncoiling a little. “Logan Echolls? Is that really how you see yourself?”
“Come on, Bones, you totally love me, even if I was Logan Echolls. And I just said you were Veronica Mars, which is a total compliment by the way.”
He still remembered that day he came home early to catch Jim watching Veronica Mars and acting like he had been caught watching porn. If he had been caught watching porn it probably would have gone a lot better. At least that would be more expected.
“Alright, I’ll be Veronica Mars, but let’s go light on the lives ruined and bloodshed, okay?”
“Hey, you’re the one going to be a doctor - the blood part is expected.”
“I am a doctor.”
“Right, Doctor Leonard McCoy.” Jim always said it in a way that just made it sound filthy. Not that Len was surprised any. That was what Jim was good at, turning just about everything into a come on. He would miss that, he would miss a lot of things, but if he were lucky - if they were both lucky, they would be too busy to notice.
Still, seven years was a long time to wait.
Cliché as it was, he was glad that they had both booked flights departing around the same time. It gave them every last moment that they could have. Jim had even offered to take the flight to Atlanta with Bones, but Bones insisted that it was foolish. Really he didn’t think he could do this twice. He needed to keep this wrapped up in Boston, especially if he was supposed to start the next chapter of his life in Atlanta.
“We’ll always have Boston,” said Len quietly.
“You give me crap about quoting Rob Thomas and you go all Casablanca on me?”
“Bogart’s a classic, not even on the same level.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
The two lapsed into a silence. They needed nothing more than the sure entwinement of their hands to fill the space. Well, that wasn’t entirely true, but it was comfort enough.
Not long after the gate attendant announced the flight boarding.
“That’s me,” said Jim. He gave Len’s hand a squeeze before he stood up. “I’ll see you later.”
“And here I was hoping for a Desmond quote.”
Jim smiled swallowing back the fact he wanted to cry - especially seeing the same hurt in Len’s face too. “Maybe next time.” There was time for one last kiss, perfect and too brief, but it would do.
“Yeah, next time.”
It might be a lie, but for a moment watching Jim walk away, it was a beautiful one.
Three years later…
It was weird to be back here. Jim knew that when he joined the Air Force being deployed was a real possibility. There was just no way to prepare for the reality of it. At least there was Sam.
Growing up their relationship had been strained, both brothers too busy trying to survive to really have time to be there for each other, but once out of their childhood it actually did get better. It didn’t hurt that their mom had managed to figure it out by then too.
Coming off the plane, still in his uniform, Sam wasn’t the only person he wanted to see, but he was the best available option. For someone who got paid by the government to fly planes, Jim didn’t like airports. Not even the arrival gates with all of the people happy to see their loved ones. When he arrived somewhere, all he wanted to do was get somewhere with a good mattress and sleep.
“Bro, you look like shit.” Sam slapped him on the shoulder, taking his carryon bag from Jim.
“And you look old.”
“Ah, but I still look better than you.” He pulled Jim into a hug, one fitted for an arrivals gate. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Jim relaxed a little. “Show me that gratitude by feeding me and giving me a nice big bed to sleep in. And maybe a shower if you’re feeling generous.”
“That I can do.” Sam led Jim toward the baggage carousel to get the rest of his luggage. “However, the shower is not at all optional.”
The car ride from the airport was quiet, Jim trying to hold out for an actual bed. When they arrived, he was glad the kids were already in bed and the most Aurelan said was that she had a bed made up for him.
“I would kiss you right now, if I didn’t think Sam would punch me.”
“And it’d be the one time I’d actually land a decent punch too.”
Jim waved them off collapsing across the bed. Maybe there would be a shower later. “Tomorrow,” he said, “tomorrow we’ll do the whole catch up on my life shit with pancakes, always pancakes and you know not swearing - little pinchers are around.”
“Good night, Jim.”
He slept through breakfast and lunch the next day. Jim must have been more tired than he realized. Every now and then he would wake to hear laughter somewhere else in the house. Once or twice he seriously considered getting up, but he had the a few weeks before he needed to report to base and there would be time later to play with his nephews later.
Jim did eventually make it out bed and started to fulfill those promises he made earlier.
“You’ll never guess who I ran into the other day.”
Jim was sitting on the sofa, flipping through the different sports games when Sam dropped down beside him. He didn’t even acknowledge his brother.
“What, c’mon Jim, you’re not going to guess?”
“You just said I would ‘never guess.’”
“Fine. Don’t play.”
It really wasn’t curiosity. He just wanted Sam to stop pouting worse than his son. Or at least that was what he told himself. “Jonathan Archer?”
Sam grinned. “And so very close, Leonard McCoy actually.” Jim was sure Sam was expecting him to be surprised, when that was what he expected. They both lived in the Greater Atlanta area and they were both doctors - even if Sam was just the PhD sort. “I was asked to give a presentation for the staff at Grady on my research. Afterward he came over and introduced myself, asked me if I there was any chance I was related to Jim Kirk.”
“What did you say?” He asked, not amused at how much pleasure Sam was getting from this story.
“What did I say? You dated this guy, for what, five years and he didn’t know you had a brother?”
Jim rolled his eyes. “It’s not like you and I were talking back then and Kirk isn’t a one of a kind name.” He ignored the fact that he and Sam looked enough alike they could probably pass for fraternal twins if it wasn’t for the age difference. “And you still didn’t answer my question.”
“I told him the truth. I have some punk kid brother who had just come home from a tour of duty in the Middle East and yes, his name was Jim.”
“You did what?”
“I gave him your number too.”
“I hate you.” Jim pressed back against the sofa. This was not what he wanted to deal with. He was barely dealing with being back in the States, but having to face Bones again? That just wasn’t fair.
So, Jim did the manly and mature thing. He spent the next couple of days convincing him that Bones wasn’t going to call. Except it was only a matter of time. They were in the same city again and it just felt like a waste to not get to see each other.
It was still early when the silence was broken with an unassuming text message.
Bones: So I heard you’re in town.
Bones:This is McCoy. Leonard McCoy.
Jim Kirk: I don’t know any Leonard McCoys
Jim Kirk: A Bones maybe?
Bones: You never change.
Jim Kirk: Where would the fun in that be?
Bones: I have today off. Want to grab coffee or something to eat?
Jim Kirk: Sure, where do you have in mind?
Bones: I’ll come pick you up.
He texted Bones the address. Jim tried not to think too much about it until the doorbell rang about half an hour later. Nothing could have prepared him this. He was stuck standing there, unsure how to respond.
“Hey,” he said rather pathetically.
Jim felt like a fool, barefoot in a pair of sweats and an MIT shirt while Bones looked like that. It just wasn’t fair that a man could take otherwise ordinary black trousers and a light blue button up and look that good. He suspected it had something to do with the carefully undone top buttons, revealing just a peak of chest hair, and the floppy hair on his head. It looked like Bones had just had sex and threw on whatever clothes closest to him.
And he really should not be thinking about sex in this close proximity of Bones without sex being an immediate next step.
“Hey.” Bones echoed back, stepping a bit too close. Maybe he got that mental message too. “Your brother here?”
“No.”
“The wife? Kids?”
“All gone for the weekend.” He barely squeaked the words out of his suddenly dry throat.
“Good,” he said. What happened next gave Jim no space to say or even think of anything other than the feel of Bones’s lips on his. There were hands everywhere as they stumbled further back into the house, knocking over a few picture frames as they went.
This was not the greeting he was expecting, but it might have just been the one he wanted.
“This isn’t coffee.”
“Shut up.”
Some part of his head, the more logical part that was quickly losing ground here told him to slow down, that they shouldn’t just be jumping into things. Jim wasn’t whole and he couldn’t do that to Bones, but right now he wanted to be a little bit selfish.
So, Jim pushed back, giving as much as he got. He slammed Bones hard into the wall with a bruising kiss. Three years of frustration on top of six months at war coming out all at once and Bones just took it so pretty.
What followed wasn’t making love, or any other silly euphemism that might be used. It was sex, plain, dirty, and just right. There were new lines cut into their bodies, Jim a bit more filled out, stronger with new scars, but Bones touched him like he knew him and that was all that mattered.
They near destroyed the entrance hall, leaving a trail of clothes and curse words behind them on the way to the guest room. The bed wasn’t anything more than a witness to their frantic sex on the floor beside it after they tripped.
Only when exhausted and they finally made it up into the bed did any hint of gentleness surface. Panting in unison, the hands were softer now, no longer demanding, but just taking a few fragile seconds to explore.
“Will you do me a favor?” said Bones after a moment, gaze directed at the ceiling.
“I don’t know. You might have to owe me one.”
Len rolled his eyes, pointedly not engaging that comment. He had learned long ago that with Jim it was better never to keep score because he never won and really losing had never been that bad anyway. “I need a date for some bullshit hospital event tomorrow night.”
Jim rolled over in the bed, looking over at Bones, studying the lines on his face. It was strange to see how much three years could change a person. Sentimental as his thoughts were, those were not things he could say out loud, not when he wasn’t supposed to get attached. There was a plan after all.
“Here I thought you were supposed to get the guy to dress up, feed him, get him drunk, and then fuck him senseless.”
“Jim.”
He cracked a smile, really just wanting to hear his name said like that. “But Bones, you really didn’t give me any time to figure out what I’m going to wear!”
“I’m sure Sam will have something or we’ll find you something of mine that would fit.” Whatever else might have been said was lost to the sound of his pager going off. “And that would probably Mrs. Stevenson.” Len reached over to grab the pager and double check the message. “I’ll text you my address with directions.”
As he spoke, Len was already on the move. His motions a bit tender, but with determination as he collected his clothes.
After he left, Jim laid back in the bed. He liked the idea of borrowing Bones’s clothes more than he should. Given how much trouble a Harvard hoodie had stupidly caused him in college, it should have been the opposite, but it never was.
And it turned out that the only thing better than Jim Kirk in a suit was Jim Kirk in one of McCoy’s. The way the suit was just a little too loose around the shoulders left just the right amount to the imagination. Len was glad that he had won the battle of the tie, convincing Jim to wear a nice blue one while he went without.
The kid was a natural, not that he would expect anything less. Len knew that really what it came down to was the irresistible Kirk charm. No one had a chance and that included him. Len gave up trying to resist it long ego and instead worked to manage Kirk’s ego. So, the kid could never know that Len liked to watch Jim in his element.
“So, Dr. McCoy who is the man you brought with you?” He looked over to see Dr Karen Martin. She really wasn’t a bad person or particularly nosey person. She was just an older attending who liked to meddle, seeming to have an opinion on everything.
“That’s Jim Kirk. He is an old friend of mine from when I was at Harvard.” It wasn’t quite the truth, but it was the closest she was going to get.
“An old friend who has been having eye sex with you all night?”
Were he drinking anything at that moment, he might have choked. Thankfully for his dignity and his future at Emory he was spared.
He honestly wasn’t sure why he brought Jim. Len had no clue where they stood. At the very least it gave his coworkers something else to harass him about instead of his recent break up.
Of course that was when she arrived.
Jocelyn Darnell would always be his first love. Two years older than him, they had grown up together. Their lives were filled with big wheel bicycles, summer time sprinklers, and more stolen cookies than he cared to count. She had broken his heart when they were fourteen and he had finally worked up the courage to ask her to the end of year school dance and she chose that moment to introduce her new boyfriend - Clay Treadway.
And right now was like high school all over again. Jocelyn was dressed in a simple black dress, her hair pinned up, with vivid red shoes that matched the details on Clay’s tie. They had matching couple outfits.
“I need another drink,” he said to no one. Making his way back through the crowd, he hoped that after a few drinks he wouldn’t feel so sick every time he looked at her with Clay.
Len found a nice spot by the bar, able to watch over the crowd and see who was talking to whom. Every time he swept the crowd for Jim, he would catch glimmers of Joce and Clay in various embraces, eyes only for each other, or kissing in public like teenagers.
With a long sigh, he turned back to get a refill on his drink. He was approaching more drinks than he should allow himself at a work related function, but if he had to be here he was going to need it.
“Len!” He froze hearing his name said in that fake excited sort of tone that could only belong to Jocelyn. “I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”
He took a deep breath. It was hard to remember that he and Jocelyn were friends - friends who had let sex mess everything. “It was required of any staff not on the schedule for tonight.” And he had tried to get out of it, trolling for surgeries most of the afternoon, but he wasn’t that lucky.
She smiled over at him. “You remember Clay, right?”
At least she was trying, not that it made it easier. Certainly not with that question being asked. How could he forget the great Clay Treadway? “It’s good to see you again.”
Len was sure if he were wearing a tie right now, he would be suffocating under the weight of this conversation. Jocelyn didn’t seem to want to drop it like she had something to prove to him. Luckily, sans tie he just felt like he was about to gag on his drink at any moment as he was forced to hear them recount how he had surprised Jocelyn with a nice picnic dinner a week ago that led to them being here tonight. Len was mostly trying not to do the math. He and Jocelyn hadn’t been broken up that long.
“Bones!” Finally Jim Kirk decided to show his face again. He settled in right next to Len like he belonged there. “Who do we have here?”
Len introduced them. He tried not to be too smug at the dirty look Jocelyn tried to cover when he shared the vague details of his and Jim’s relationship. And Jim, bless his heart, following in step plucked Len’s glass from his hand, swirling the liquid before taking a sip. Only he didn’t just take a sip, he was sure that his lips brushed the same part that Len’s did.
“That’s good,” he said. Jim set the empty glass down on the bar behind them. Turning back around he stole a kiss from Len, pleased that he was able to shock all of them in one go. “I like this song, we should dance.”
And just like that Len was saved. It came with a cost, but if Jim wanted to dance, well, they were going to dance.
The night got better. It started to feel like they were back in their life in Boston. It made Len start to want that again - distance and careers be damned. Then Jim said those magic words, “Let’s get out of here.”
With how much Len had to drink, Jim volunteered to drive. They were content to just sit in silence on the ride back, not needing to say anything.
For the past couple of lights, Jim had watched Bones in his peripheral head lolling against the headrest.
“Hey, you’re not going to fall asleep on me?”
“What?” He said forcing himself into something that looked more like waking. “No, it’s just that I’m lucky if I get six solid hours of sleep a week. By third year you learn to sleep whenever you can.”
Even if his voice sounded gruff and full of grumble, Jim wasn’t fooled by it.
“You’re a masochist, you know that?”
“Of course I am. I mean I did fall in love with you.”
“Hey!”
“You’re nothing but trouble.”
“Yeah, but you love that too.”
The words were exchanged so quickly, neither of them realized what was hanging until it got quiet again. A few minutes later, the car came to a stop.
“Why are we at your brother’s place? Jim, you know I’m in no shape to drive.”
Turning off the car and unclipping his belt, Jim twisted in his seat to face Bones. “I wasn’t planning on letting you drive anywhere.”
“Oh.”
Jim flashed him a big smile. He got out of the car with far too much energy and walked Len inside the house. Unlike the other day it was more subdued now. It was tired, sure hands, reaching out to touch and maintain contact without any sort of frenzy.
“Let me grab some water. You remember where the room is?”
“Yeah, yeah,” said Len heading down the hall. Tired as he was now and as distracted as had been when he was here last, the room was different. All of the little things that made it Jim’s were packed away into a large suitcase unzipped on the floor.
On the top of the pile of things was a framed photo of the pair of them from the traditional last week of Black Tie dinner. He ran his fingers over the faces in the frame - they both looked so young.
“Jim, why are all your things packed up?”
“Well, I have to report to base tomorrow,” said Jim coming back in the room with two glasses of water.
Len downed the glass of water, needing time to process information. “You’re leaving?”
“Yeah, I mentioned it earlier. I’m just on leave right now.” Sensing the change in mood, Jim directed Bones to the bed. “C’mon you look dead on your feet. Time to put all good little doctors to bed.”
Bones was on automatic right now. It all just hurt again. So he let Jim take off his shoes and then his socks. He didn’t put up a fuss as Jim tenderly rubbed each foot. The rest of his clothes down to his briefs went in a similar gentle manner.
In contrast, Jim just shucked off his clothes and joined Bones in bed. “Just need a quick nap, okay?” Although his words were slurred with a yawn, Jim understood.
He pressed a kiss into the side of his head, smiling as Bones moved into him. His hand carded through Bones’s hair, just content to watch the other man fall asleep.
Len woke up the next morning to the sunlight streaming through the window and an empty bed. Those two things alone weren’t really anything out of the ordinary. The foreign bed didn’t even throw him off. What did was the empty space next to him.
“Jim?” He called out, sitting up. His head felt like his brain had been dissected. Reaching for the nightstand, he found a full glass of water and some Tylenol. “Thank God.” He popped the drugs and swallowed down all the water.
“Huh.” All of Jim’s things were gone, everything except for a very familiar crimson hoodie with a small piece of paper on top on the dresser.
Dragging himself out of bed, he padded across the room to see what Jim had left him. On top of the hoodie wasn’t a piece of paper, but a copy of the picture of them from the Black Tie dinner with a Post It attached.
Bones -
Sorry I didn’t wake you. I had an early flight and you looked like you needed the sleep.
See you in another life, brother.
xx Jim
Before he had time to do more than read it once, his pager went off.
“Damn it!”
Two years later…
This was good. His life was good. Jim Kirk had finally settled into a sort of routine. Even with the grueling hours that left him exhausted, it also energized him. Not to mention this. Every day he got to come home to an apartment filled with the promises of dinner and company that was enough to make him run up the two flights of stairs no matter how tired he was.
“Honey, I’m home!” He called out, silly smile on his face. Jim took off his jacket, careful to hang it up in the closet and place his boots by the door before stopping by the kitchen.
Now, that was a sight to see.
It was weird to think he actually missed domesticity in the years between. But seeing Carol at the island chopping up vegetables for dinner, it was good.
“Jim,” she said looking up at him. It wasn’t quite a smile on her face, but it wasn’t displeasure either. Jim wasn’t the only one with long days.
"Carol," he responded moving in to kiss her in a more appropriate greeting. “Here, let me help with that.”
After a quick scrub of his hands he took up the vegetable chopping duties where Carol left off. They fell into their same easy routine. Jim appreciated that they didn’t always have to fill the silence with empty questions about their days when the fact was neither was in much of a position to divulge much information.
"Did you remember the wine?"
“Oh.” It was always the seemingly harmless questions that got him. “I knew there was something I forgot. I can just run back out now and pick some up."
"Don't bother." If Jim could have become stiller he would have. Instead he set the knife down, looking up at her. It was only then that Jim really saw her. She was tired and not in the way he might be. Carol sighed, her whole body heaving in the process. “I knew you’d forget, so I picked some up earlier when you said you’d be home late. Again.”
He wasn’t sure that a simple sorry was going to cover it this time. Not it would stop him from apologizing with a silent remorseful smile. “Things have just been so busy at the base…” Jim started, but never finished because anything he was going to say, wasn’t going to be true and he didn’t need to add lying to his offenses.
The silence was no longer comfortable, but suffocating. In his mind he was trying to figure out when the rules changed on him. He wouldn’t have much time to consider that.
"I don't think I can do this anymore."
“Can’t do what anymore?” His fragile world hung in the balance now because he and Carol were good. She was good for him. They worked. They had to work.
“Us.” She transferred the chicken onto serving plates, still going through the motions of dinner. “I can’t do us anymore.”
Jim stopped setting the table and came around the island. “Look, if this is about the wine…”
“It’s not about the wine, Jim.” The exhale that followed said more than her words.
"Carol, what are you trying to say?” Not that she needed to say anything, the fact that she moved away from his touch said everything he needed and didn’t want to hear.
She leaned back against the counter, not looking him in the eye. “I’m saying that we live in two entirely differently worlds. Your head is up in the clouds and I'm always right here, waiting for you to get back, and it’s just not working."
He heard the words, but he didn’t see how that was a problem. They were both busy in the same sort of way that he and Bones had both been busy back in Boston. Although perhaps the thought of Bones making his heart hurt more than what was happening now was the real problem.
Food and doctors - they were nothing but pain.
“Did the FDA reject your proposal?"
“No. Actually, they accepted my proposal along with the funding requests. I just - look, Jim, I love you, really I do, but this isn’t okay.” His heart still fluttered with that nervous anxiety when someone said those words to him. “We’re not okay. We haven’t been okay in a while and I should have left before, I probably shouldn’t have even agreed to move in with you and… It’s just over.”
They stood there a moment longer, just looking at each other, those three words weighing heavily between them. Jim didn’t know what came next, didn’t know where to go from here. It wasn’t anything like this with Bones, that was sort of a mutual parting and this just left him speechless.
“So, let’s just have dinner and I’ll have my stuff gone by the time you come back from your trip.”
That didn’t seem to make it better, but it was a way to move forward. Maybe tomorrow he would be able to deal with this, but right now, he was just running on automatic. Too tired to do the manly thing and storm out, dinner didn’t sound like a bad thing.
For as much as the world would throw at him, it always gave him a way to cope with it too. The trip out to California for the Camp Enterprise ten-year reunion came at the best possible moment.
Camp was always somewhere safe, a place where he could go to heal and get stronger. It had saved him as a child. He just hoped that it could fix him now too.
Except this time that safe place was also going to mean facing his past again. It was a past that included Bones, who he hadn’t been able to talk to since leaving him at Sam’s house that morning. And was torn between wanting Bones to be there and hoping that he wouldn’t have the time.
The reunion wasn’t even something that he expected to happen. Every summer someone brought up the idea, but the summer of 2008 had been different in so many ways. And held onto that moment where they made the decision with a weird sort of hope and fascination.
He and Bones were on the steps of Old Lodge, waiting for the rest of the staff to arrive for the meeting. The last batch of campers was only a few hours away from arriving. Jim sprawled out across the porch, his head carelessly in Bones’s lap, not a care in the world.
Bones had amazed him. While he would often hear the other man compare him to a force of nature, Jim knew that this still growing thing with Bones would forever change his life.
“Penny for your thoughts,” said Jim. “Or you know, lots of pennies because obviously your thoughts are worth way more than a penny.”
Len shrugged. “Just thinking about how strange this summer has been.”
“Good strange?”
If not for the vulnerability unspoken in that question, Len might have laughed. Instead he simply leant down and pressed a kiss to Jim’s forward. “Definitely good strange,” he said his voice low, face only inches away from Jim’s wishing, once more, for some place more private.
“Wowee, look at the two of you,” said Red. She came running up the path with Pasha and Star close behind.
Jim just smiled at the scowl setting deeper on Bones’s face. “See, Bones, they totally know you are as bad as me, deny it as you like, but we’re all on to you.” That earned him a spectacular eye roll and a shove hard enough to dislodge him from his comfortable spot.
The rest of the counselors arrived shortly thereafter.
“I can’t believe this is the last week of camp,” said Sistine squeezing in to sit on the other side of Len.
Po looked over at her, his brow carefully arched. “I fail to see why. Were you not aware that the summer was eight sessions and last week concluded our seventh?”
In front of him, just leaning on his legs for support, Star laughed. “I think what Sistine means is that she is going to miss this place. I know I am.”
“Hey,” said Jim, “The great thing about camp is that it’s always here.”
From the other end of the porch Flyboy grumbled. “Except that not all of us are coming back next summer because some of us need to find real, full-time jobs.” ‘And be adults’ was the part that went unspoken, but not unheard.
“This is totally a real job!” Jim jumped in before anyone else could say otherwise.
“You can’t just-”
“Hey!” said Sistine knowing that this conversation was not going anywhere productive. “We should promise that in ten years we’ll meet again, have some sort of reunion, see the sort of people we’ve become.”
Jim shifted his glare over to Sistine, softening it a bit. “Ten years is a long time,” he said carefully. Jim Kirk was lucky he planned on a few months ahead. A decade from now felt like a lifetime.
“I think it’s a great idea, Sistine.” The others agreed, starting to make jokes about what time they should meet. It was almost enough for Jim to miss the fact that Bones hadn’t said anything.
“Alright, Bones, what do you say?”
The truth was that he couldn’t say no to those blue eyes and Jim Kirk knew it. “Yeah, sure, you send me the invite and I’ll be there.”
Of course Sistine would go through with it, finding just the right weekend where they could all get away without any excuse.
Jim had arrived well before the others, content to explore the true ghost town of a summer camp in November. It also meant that he could find a prime viewing location to see everyone else arrive.
Sitting on the small roof above the porch of Old Lodge he watched another rental car pull in. The person sat in the car a long while until Christine came out to greet him.
“Leonard McCoy,” she said leaning down on the window ledge of the car door. She pushed her sunglasses up. “Here I was thinking you were going to make me drive all the way back out to San Francisco to drag your sorry ass here.”
He laughed and Jim couldn’t help but smile as that sound traveled up to him. Grumpy Guard Bones totally had a great big camp smile.
“I almost didn’t make it, but I was afraid of your wrath.”
“As you should be.” She took a step back, so she could pull open the door and drag him out. “Come on, Len, daylight’s wasting.”
The woman could be a monster, but she always meant well. Once Len was free from the confines of the car, Christine pulled him into a hug, which he returned easily.
He sighed, relaxing into it. “Repeat it to anyone else, and I’ll say you’re lying, but it is honestly good to see you again.”
Christine pulled back, the smile on her face softening a bit as she caught his eye. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah,” he said shaking his head. “It’s just sixth year. I’m still working on my research and am just busy, you know how it is.”
It wasn’t the answer she had wanted, but it was the one she expected. “Not yelling at any nurses, are you?”
“Only the ones that deserve it.” That earned him a swat, but he needed that to jar him out of whatever emotional overload he was spiraling into. “But I mostly save it for the interns or med students, because they always deserve it. God, I can’t ever imagine being that young.”
“That’s because you never were.”
Trying to hide his amusement, Len turned to pull his sunglasses from the car and shut the door behind him. “Thanks,” he said dryly.
“You know I say it with love.”
“Love and safe in the knowledge that you work at UCLA and I’m out at Emory, never the two shall meet.”
“I wouldn’t say ‘never.’ I mean I got you here.”
Christine looked the same and Bones…well, Bones just looked good, even with his visible discomfort and clothes that didn’t quite fit the setting.
“Almost everyone is here already,” she continued. “We don’t have anything fancy planned, just gathering in the Old Lodge for now and later Sulu agreed to man the camp fire for the cook out.”
“Is -” He started to ask, but stopped because it wasn’t really a question that needed to be asked. Of course he was here. Whatever else Jim Kirk was, he lived for this place for most of his life and wouldn’t miss any chance to come back.
“Yeah, he’s been here all day.” She looped her arm around Len’s and escorted him toward the Old Lodge. “But he’s mostly been moping around New South Wales and it’s just…weird.”
Len sighed, feeling that tension mount back up. This was going to be hard enough without whatever else Jim was bringing to it.
“Great.”
Despite Len’s reservations, it was actually nice to see everyone again. It was surprising to see how many of the little subgroups from camp still existed. Spock, Nyota, and Gaila were world-traveling anthropologists. And after Sulu finished his service with the Reserves, he moved into a house with Riley, Chekov and their significant others in Mountain View, CA to attend school while the others worked for Google.
In the epic camp friendships or more-ships, he and Jim were the only ones who didn’t seem to have a happy ending. Even the boathouse incident between Sulu and Christine left them with a funny story to tell later despite not being together anymore.
Were he a poet and not a doctor, he might have said his relationship with Jim didn’t have an end, just an ellipsis or an intermission because it didn’t feel over. Certainly not when Jim was looking at him.
Across the blazing campfire, casting shadows and hiding the lines the years gave, Jim Kirk was gorgeous. This wasn’t a new revelation, or really anything ground breaking at all. It was an undeniable fact of the universe that Jim Kirk was good looking, he knew, and so did anyone who spared him so much as a glance. The surprise came in the fact that Len wanted him. He wanted to take the broken pieces just glued and taped together and make them whole.
“You know, I think you are the one that lost your great big camp smile,” said Len taking a seat next to Jim and handing him a beer. As far as the life of Jim Kirk was concerned, Leonard McCoy never had a chance.
“Camp Enterprise,” said Jim. “Man, that was a lifetime ago.”
Len had at least expected some sort of smile, because this was Jim Kirk and this place was his home. However, maybe this was worse than he knew. So, he simply nudged Jim’s shoulder, prompting him to share without having to say it.
It was a long moment of silence between them, filled by the crackling fire and the low murmur of people lost in their own conversations.
“I didn’t stick to the plan.”
“The plan?”
“You know The Plan,” said Jim. The unnecessary capitals were clear in his voice. “The one where I sign up, get into pilot school, apply to be a test pilot, and once I have that start worrying about finding a wi- a life partner, the house, the dog, the kids. And the really messed up thing is that when I met her, Carol liked that I had a plan because she had a plan too.” He laughed. It was the same self-deprecating laugh he used to keep the world at bay. Len wasn’t sure when he became a part of the world as it were, but he didn’t like it very much.
“But by the end, I was ‘too busy’ with work and never home enough…” Jim trailed off, shaking his head. “And yeah, I clearly should have just stuck to The Plan.”
Jim was just grown just enough to break. The kid wore his heart on his sleeve, you just need to know how to look for it, and of course he was going to get hurt. That was part of growing up.
“You know I never thought that was a very good plan.”
Jim turned, glaring at him then. “You think you might have mentioned that, I don’t know, like five years ago?”
In response Len shrugged. “It wasn’t my place. Besides, what was I going to do? Ask you to follow me to Atlanta? Trust me, Jim, my residency makes med school look like I had plenty of free time.”
“You could have.” The words were quiet, but heavy. Jim wouldn’t have gone, plan or no plan, because he wouldn’t have been content to simply follow, but he might have liked to been asked.
Except asking that question and to have to face the answer would have been too much.
“And get to miss out on a life time of awkward meetings?” He might not have been able to ask that question before, but Len never believed he would ever be free of Jim. He never wanted to be.
Jim smiled over at him. “Just embrace the awkward, you know you like it.”
“I get enough awkward at work. Hospitals aren’t that different from summer camp.”
“Doctors having sex in the on-call room all the time?”
“Oh yeah and my new best friend at work is an internist who gets called girls names and frequently stares off into space for his crazy daydreams and-”
“Alright, I get it. I shouldn’t believe what I see on television.”
The pair fell quiet for a moment, staring into the crackling fire in front of them. It was soothing, peaceful. It was almost like things weren’t changing again.
“I really think it could have worked for me and Carol. We were good. We knew what we wanted and our lives fit.” Jim took a pull from his bottle, gaze set on the fire in front of him. “And I think that I was happy.”
“Just because you were happy doesn’t mean you get to keep it. Hell, life’s a bitch, full of complications and plans that don’t ever quite work.”
Jim turned to look at him. “Are you happy?” Even with the shadows flickering across his face and the distance the years made, Len could still read him. And he couldn’t help feel that Jim might also be talking about what they were, are, and might even possibly one day be again.
“I’m not unhappy, Jim, most days that’s the best I can hope for. I’m doing what I love, but my family is a bit crazy right now. I recently found out I have a daughter and I think that being a father might make me happy.”
Len watched Jim eyes go wide, not sure if he said too much. “Shit, you have a kid?”
“I’m not exactly some blushing virgin or a monk for that matter. You should know that.”
“I know,” he said, flushing a little at all of those mornings and nights stole feeling safe in their bed. “It’s just where do you have the time? I mean it’s a kid they don’t just suddenly appear. Who’s the mother? Do I know her? Are you-”
Just as his voice started to crack on the last unfinished question, Len held up his hand to stop him “Jocelyn is the mother.”
“You mean Jocelyn-Jocelyn, who like totally broke your heart and I had to swoop in and save you?”
“Yes, that Jocelyn. She was pregnant at the time and didn’t know. You do know how that works.”
Jim punched him on the shoulder for being a bit of an ass. “You have like a big kid.”
“She’s three years old.”
“Are you pissed? I would be pissed, to have a kid and not know.”
All he could do was shrug. “Like you said, it’s not like I had the time. Jocelyn and I didn’t exactly end it on good terms, and well, she wanted to be with Clay.”
“So, what, Clay’s out of the picture and now she’s trying to get you back?”
“Jim.” His life felt just a little bit more exhausting now. “Let’s not talk about that, alright? It’s all just complicated and I’m glad to be away from it. I mean, I’m not going to stop being a father, but right now I’m just worried about being a doctor, everything else has to come after those two.” And he honestly wasn’t sure how he felt about Jocelyn anymore, not when Jim was sitting right next to him.
“Right plans,” said Jim sounding defeated again.
They were circling and Len wasn’t going to have to that. “Hey, let’s get out of here.”
“And go where?”
“Oh no, you don’t get to know. You just have to trust me.” He stood up, offering a hand to Jim. “It will be just like that spring break.”
“You were so grumpy,” said Jim. He took Len’s hand and stood up. “I had to promise you no less than three mind blowing blow jobs until you agreed to give me four days of your spring break, which is still actually meant for breaking because in the real world you don’t get spring break. And let the record show that not only did I fulfill that promise, but you also had a great time.”
Len nudged his shoulder again as they started walking off. “You, the woods, a tent, fishing - you don’t really need much else than that.”
He wasn’t going to promise blowjobs, mind blowing or otherwise, because he knew he didn’t need to. Jim didn’t even need to back then, but he wasn’t about to complain. Len grabbed a flashlight from the pile as they walked away from the fire circle. It wasn’t a long walk around the lake. Neither of them really talking just listening to the chirps and rustles around them the flash light off because Jim had insisted it wasn’t that dark.
“So, day camp, huh?” Jim asked when they stopped a few feet away from the challenge course.
“You got a problem with that?”
“Nah, I just never pegged you for a romantic.” Len glared at him and even without a flashlight Jim could see that expression. “Okay, that’s a lie, I knew the second I met you and said your horrible real name that underneath the sarcasm and the snark was something more.”
“But then you gave me a new name.” He took a step closer to Jim, needing to be closer to him especially in this place.
They had shared their first kiss here. At the time they were nothing more than two boys parading as young men, still lost. And in many ways they were still those boys parading as men, only now those men now had new letters attached to their names - Doctor McCoy and Lieutenant Kirk.
Except neither of those people were here right now.
“Bones.”
So close together, Len felt that one word in a puff of air against his face. All he could do was struggle to find an appropriate response and when none came he settled on, “Jim” and then “Captain.” Only he started the “Cap” and never had the space to speak the “tain” because Jim’s lips were on his.
Jim was kissing him, or maybe he was kissing Jim. Not that it mattered they were kissing each other, arms everywhere, moving like they had never stopped doing this. And maybe they shouldn’t ever stopped.
Tonight there would be no campers to worry about. No staff to overhear them. Or anything else that could distract them. Tonight it was just them. And Len was sure the nineteen-year-old version of Jim that still existed was singing.
Just a boy and a boy in a little canoe with the moon hanging all around.
PART I »» PART II