(no subject)
Quotes from gilmore girls . (sorry about my obsession )
Rory: Do something to make me hate you!
Lorelai: Um, go Hitler?
Paris: Fine, if you guys wanna sit around for an hour after school swapping makeover horror stories, then count me in. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I plucked outside of my designated brow line? Man, was my face red.
Madline: I've done that, too. Ooh, it's bad.
Louise: She was being sarcastic.
Madline: Well, I wasn't. I looked surprised for a month.
Michel: Well, you know what happens when you assume.
Lorelai: What?
Michel: I don't know. Something about a donkey. It is a stupid American phrase.
Rory: What's with the carrots?
Lorelai: I was afraid you weren't eating well at school.
Rory: Ohhh.
Lorelai: Marshmallow?
[At the Yale-Harvard football game]
Lorelai: Oh, wait, are you Pennilyn Lott, my dad's college sweetheart?
Pennilyn Lott: Yes.
Lorelai: You're my almost-mommy.
Pennilyn Lott: Well, I supposed that's one way of putting it...
Lorelai: I'm so glad to finally meet you. Let me ask you something - would you have let me get a pony?
Lorelai: Mom, Dad, look. I know we've had our differences over where Rory should go to school, but that's behind us now. She's going to Yale, and, that's good. Really good
Rory: Nothing but smiles.
Lorelai: We're both really happy about it.
Rory: Both.
Lorelai: Her and me.
Rory: She and I.
Lorelai: Everybody in this room named Lorelai is over the moon about the going to Yale.
Rory: Which means that everybody else in this room not named Lorelai can be, equally over the moon about the going to Yale.
Lorelai: So, let me get this straight. Uh, you and some guys who actually know what they're doing are gonna come over and fix my house, and I can pay them back whenever I want?
Luke: That's right.
Lorelai: 'Cause I'm Tony Soprano?
Luke: Only scarier.
Logan: Rory, you're special.
Rory: Like "stop-eating-the-paste" special?
Sookie: Okay, here we go. Low fat, whole wheat blueberry pancakes.
Michel: Are there 12?
Sookie: 12 what?
Michel: Blueberries. I can only have 12 blueberries for breakfast.
Sookie: Or what?
Michel: What do you mean, or what?
Sookie: What happens if you eat 13 blueberries?
Michel: This is a silly conversation.
Sookie: Would you die?
Michel: Just hand me the plate.
Sookie: Only if you don't count.
Michel: I won't count.
Sookie: Swear. Raise your right hand and say, 'May Destiny's Child break up if I count these blueberries.'
Michel: [raises his hand] ... Pick another group.
Sookie: Nope.
Michel: [slams hand down] I hate you! Hate you!
[Lorelai has had to throw Emily an impromptu bachelorette party and invited all the women from Stars Hollow. Emily is now drunk]
Miss Patty: So, Emily, tell us about this party of yours tomorrow.
Emily: It's going to be fabulous. Isn't it, Lorelai?
Lorelai: Ah fab, sweetie darling.
Emily: Isn't she hilarious? I never have any idea what she's talking about, but she's so entertaining! Like a chimp. Isn't she like a chimp, Gypsy?
Gypsy: Please make your mother stop talking to me.
Lorelai: If only I had that power.
[Jess is eating a sandwich at the dance marathon and Mrs. Kim walks up to him]
Mrs. Kim: Who are you?
Jess: I'm Jess... ma'am.
Lorelai: Mom, it's just a pretend wedding. J-Lo has them all the time.
Lorelai: [talking to Rory on the phone] "School comes before mommy's mental health."
Paris: Maybe I shouldn't go. I mean, what if I fall for him and he doesn't like me?
Rory: Then you'll find someone else.
Paris: But what if there is no one else?
Rory: Then you'll buy some cats.
Richard: Now, did anyone ever to tell you to picture the audience in their underwear? Well, don't do it. I did it once and I had nightmares for a week. Bulgarians in Speedos.
Luke: Rory's not here yet.
Lorelai: Then you'll have to entertain me until she arrives. Okay Burger boy, dance.
Luke: Will you marry me?
[Lorelai is taken aback]
Luke: Just looking for something to shut you up.
Lorelai: Heh, you know what I just realized? "Oy" is the funniest word in the entire world.
Rory: Hmm.
Lorelai: I mean think about it, you never hear the word "oy" and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.
Emily: Oh dear God.
Lorelai: "Poodle" is another funny word.
Emily: Please drink your drink, Lorelai.
Lorelai: In fact, if you put "oy" and "poodle" together, in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catchphrase, you know? Like, "Oy with the poodles already."
Rory: Hehe.
Lorelai: So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catchphrase:
Rory: Oy with the poodles already.
Lorelai: I'm telling you, it's knocking "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" right out of first place.
Jackson: I think we should get married.
Sookie: But - uh, but...
Jackson: Soon.
Sookie: Are you pregnant?
Lorelai: What, did you break into our house, you got all dressed in black and pulled a Mission: Impossible?
Jess: Actually, I came down the chimney and pulled a Santa Claus.
Lorelai: Very funny.
Jess: Thought a ridiculous accusation deserved a ridiculous response.
Rory: Agh, my shoes.
Lorelai: You don't need shoes. In my day, we walked twenty miles in the snow just to get to our shoes.
[Sookie is getting ready to go on her first date with Jackson]
Sookie: I'm scared.
Lorelai: I know.
Sookie: I like him.
Lorelai: He likes you.
Sookie: How do you know he's not being polite?
Lorelai: Sookie!
Sookie: No, I mean it. It's like I cornered him and he felt trapped and he had to say yes.
Lorelai: He did not have to say yes.
Sookie: Oh my God. Technically, I am his employer.
Lorelai: Sookie!
Sookie: I am. I buy his wares. His livelihood depends on me.
Lorelai: Sookie!
Sookie: Oh! I'm a sexual harasser!
Lorelai: Well, then you need some false eyelashes.
Sookie: This isn't funny. I am now desperate, lonely and a criminal.
Lorelai: Kirk asked me out.
Rory: Shut up!
Lorelai: Yesterday.
Rory: That's so sweet!
Lorelai: Rory!
Rory: What are you gonna wear? Ooh, you should wear your dress with the ponies on it, I bet he likes ponies.
Lorelai: You're not serious.
Rory: I bet you'll have a good time.
Lorelai: "Hello, headmaster Charleston, this is my stepdad, Kirk. Try not to make any sudden movements, he's a fear biter!"
Rory: OK, so how are you gonna let him down?
Jess: Hi.
Rory: Hey.
Jess: Hi.
Lorelai: Hi.
Jess: Hi.
Luke: Hi.
Rory: I have to get to school.
Jess: Yeah, me too.
Rory: Bye
Jess: Bye. Bye.
Lorelai: Bye.
Rory: Bye.
Lorelai: Bye.
Rory: Bye.
Luke: Bye.
[Jess and Rory leave]
Luke: What the hell was that?
Lorelai: That was episode one of Rory and Jess: The Early Years.
[regarding Kirk]
Rory: He was always a cat person. He just never had a cat.
Mia: The town had a fake murder?
Lorelai: Yes, because the town is too dull to have a real murder.
Lorelai: I don't hate you.
Dean: No?
Lorelai: No, though I did imagine at least 20 different ways to remove your head from your body.
Dean: Really? Which one looked the best?
Lorelai: Hedge clippers. Really dull ones.
Dean: No, you wouldn't want it to go quick, would you?
Luke: The truth hurts
Lorelai: No, you know what hurts. Having a screwdriver jammed in the side of your head.
Lorelai: My life stinks. Hey, let's look into each other's eyes and say "I wish I were you" at exactly the same time - maybe we'll pull a Freaky Friday.
Rory: Or we can just pretend that we did and you can go around acting really immature. Oh, wait...
Lorelai: I can't believe you won't switch bodies with me.
Rory: Forget it. Then I'd have to date Kirk.
[Jess' new car]
Luke: He paid you for it, right?
Gypsy: Nothing's free at Gypsy's.
Luke: And he paid cash?
Gypsy: Mostly twenties.
Luke: Did you make sure Andrew Jackson was on the bills, not Alfred E. Newman or someone?
Gypsy: Looked real to me.
Luke: Well, when he took the money out of wherever he had it, did a mask or a gun fall out?
Gypsy: No, but he was carrying it in a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it.
Luke: Really?
Gypsy: No.
Luke: Good.
Gypsy: Guys are stupid.
Luke: Shouldn't we give thanks first?
Jess: Thanks for what?
Luke: Well, that we're not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for smallpox infested blankets.
Lorelai: Amen.
Lane: How are you doing, Kirk?
Kirk: Great. I'm loving this blackened Cajun bread Luke made for me. I didn't even ask for it.
Lane: It's burnt toast, Kirk. You don't have to eat it.
Kirk: But I'm loving it. And look, I've been mixing black ash with the runny eggs. Goes great with the fishy-tasting bacon.
Rory: Hi, I'd like a large caramel macchiato with an extra shot and whipped cream, please.
Coffee vendor: Coming up.
Rory: Wait, hold on, how much is that?
Coffee vendor: $4.85.
Rory: Okay, better drop the extra shot. What does that make it?
Coffee vendor: $4.20.
Rory: Better make it a small. What does that make it?
Coffee vendor: $3.30.
Rory: Better drop the whipped cream, what does that make it?
Coffee vendor: Less calories.
Rory: Just a plain old small coffee, please.
Lorelai: Independence inn.
Emily: You really should identify yourself when you answer the phone at work.
Lorelai: Sorry. Independence Inn, major disappointment speaking. Better?
Lorelai: Tell me a joke.
Rory: Knock knock.
Lorelai: [giggles] That was a good one.
Mrs. Kim: Watch it. You break it, you buy it. Ten percent off for cousins, twenty percent off for nephews and nieces.
Rory: Please, don't walk away like that.
Dean: Sorry, I’d do a silly walk, but I'm not feeling very John Cleese right now.
Andrew: I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.
Lorelai: There it is - our new town slogan.
Rory: I like it.
Lorelai: I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.
Rory: Don't forget stuffed shish-kabobbed birds.
Lorelai: That moan when you squeeze 'em
Lorelai: Rory is very low maintenance. Kind of like that robot kid in A.I., only way less mother-obsessed. Oh my God, that kid was so annoying. I would've pushed him out of the car while it was still moving.
Rory: You know, you always make me tell you what I'm thinking.
Lorelai: Yes, and the lesson we have learned from that is you should never become a spy.
Lorelai: Can I ask you stupid questions?
Luke: There's no such thing.
Lorelai: How does ink come out of pens?
Luke: All right, there is such a thing.
[Kirk is preparing for a date, and wants to get the best seat at Luke's]
Kirk: Say I was Tom Cruise. Where would you seat me?
Luke: In an acting class.
Paris: I could really call you?
Lorelai: Anytime. Anywhere.
Paris: I'm gonna hold you to that.
Lorelai: Okay. It's not a threat, sweetie if someone makes the offer willingly.
[Jess and Rory are walking to that bridge thing and Jess sits down]
Jess: I like this place.
Rory: Wow. A place in Stars Hollow you actually like.
Jess: And it has so many memories... see over there?
[points]
Jess: That's where Luke pushed me in.
Kirk: Man, I wish my mom would let me have a car, or a bike... or my roller skates back.
[Miss Patty's ballerinas are practising walking around with books on their heads]
Miss Patty: Now, walk smooth. That's the new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop, Harry will die, and there won't be anymore books.
[Mrs. Kim is angry that Dean has come over unannounced]
Mrs. Kim: You're science partners?
Lane: Yes Mama, I invited him over to work.
Mrs. Kim: Work?
Lane: On our science project.
Mrs. Kim: [very suspiciously] Reproduction?
Lane: Spores, molds and fungus.
[Logan and Colin storm Rory's class and pretend to fight over her. Finn enters dressed as an English policeman]
Finn: All right, that's enough, break it up, you two!
[pulls Colin and Logan up by their collars]
Finn: Rory Gilmore, you should be ashamed of yourself. Toying with these boys like this. They used to have pride. They used to have dignity. They used to have balls. Damn it Gilmore, give 'em back their balls!
[after Logan's prank in front of her class]
Rory: I have no words...
Logan: It was just a joke!
Rory: Oh, no, wait. I thought of some. Jerk! Ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat-boy, low-life, butt-face, miscreant!
Logan: 'Butt-faced miscreant'!
Rory: Why would you do something like that?
Logan: I'm sorry, 'butt-faced miscreant'?
[on the phone]
Lorelai: Oh, you know what? I have someone standing abnormally close to me right now. I'll call you later.
Rory: Okay, say hi to Kirk for me.
[Luke and Lorelai's first real date; they have just read a long story on the back of a menu, hence the menu line]
Lorelai: Hey, do you remember the first time we met?
Luke: What?
Lorelai: I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?
Luke: [nods] It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person...
Lorelai: Ooh, is it me? Is it me?
Luke: This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy.
Lorelai: [happily] Ooh, it's me.
Luke: I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying - sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her.
Lorelai: Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful.
Luke: She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me.
Lorelai: God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you?
Luke: So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under Scorpio, she had written 'You will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away.' I gave her coffee.
Lorelai: [grins] But she didn't go away.
Luke: She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me -
[takes a piece of paper from his wallet and gives it to her]
Luke: one day it would bring me luck.
Lorelai: [teasing] Well, man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee
[reads it, grows serious]
Lorelai: Um... I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet?
[sees his face]
Lorelai: You kept this in your wallet.
Luke: Eight years.
Lorelai: [emotionally] Eight years.
Luke: [bringing their plates to the table] Hot plates.
Lorelai: [to Rory] See? He called me 'Hot Plates.' He so likes me.
Luke: [embarrassed] Geez...
[Luke is trying to subtly flirt with Lorelai at his diner]
Luke: Those jeans are really working for you.
Lorelai: Yeah?
Luke: They're working for me, too.
Lorelai: You're flirting with me.
Luke: Something like that.
Lorelai: Finally. Do it some more.
Luke: Your shoes work well with that... shirt.
Lorelai: Gee, Carson, thanks.
Lorelai: I need you to look at Kirk's butt.
Sookie: Why?
Lorelai: Well, because he ran into some rose bushes and he's got some thorns stuck in it and I thought of you.
Sookie: Me? Why me?
Lorelai: Well, because... you're a chef.
Lorelai: So, where are you now?
Luke: I'm about 10 minutes from If-I-lived-here-I'd-blow-my-brains-out.
Lorelai: Ah yes, I hear it's lovely there.
Dean: I hear Taylor's a big hip-hop fan.
Rory: Oh, he hops with the hippest of them.
[Luke thinks Lorelai is still dating Jason even though he, Luke, has 'made his intentions clear']
Luke: I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy.
Lorelai: I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!
Luke: You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!
Lorelai: I loved the flowers!
Luke: And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment.
Lorelai: There was! There was a moment.
[Luke looks at her and then moves closer]
Lorelai: What are you doing?
Luke: Will you just stand still?
[he gathers her in his arms and they kiss. Lorelai moves away, and then steps closer to Luke]
Luke: What are you doing?
Lorelai: Will you just stand still?
[they kiss again]
Kirk: I have night terrors.
Luke: Night terrors?
Kirk: Basically, I freak out at beddy-bye. About an hour after I fall asleep, I wake up in panic. Everything around me seems threatening, scary, out to get me. Two nights ago, I was suddenly gripped with the overwhelming feeling that there was an assassin in my house.
Luke: Jeez.
Kirk: I had to get out of the room before he got me, so I jumped out of bed and locked my pillow in the bathroom.
Luke: Why?
Kirk: Because it was a bomb.
Luke: Of course.
Kirk: After neutralizing my pillow, I ran up the stairs, climbed out the bathroom window, scaled the trellis up the side of the house, and hid on the roof...
Luke: Huh.
Kirk: Completely naked.
Luke: Aw, jeez!
Kirk: The worst part of night terrors is it always ends up with me on top of the roof completely naked or running down the street completely naked or swimming in the community-center pool completely naked. That was the time I thought I was on fire.
Rory: Do something to make me hate you!
Lorelai: Um, go Hitler?
Paris: Fine, if you guys wanna sit around for an hour after school swapping makeover horror stories, then count me in. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I plucked outside of my designated brow line? Man, was my face red.
Madline: I've done that, too. Ooh, it's bad.
Louise: She was being sarcastic.
Madline: Well, I wasn't. I looked surprised for a month.
Michel: Well, you know what happens when you assume.
Lorelai: What?
Michel: I don't know. Something about a donkey. It is a stupid American phrase.
Rory: What's with the carrots?
Lorelai: I was afraid you weren't eating well at school.
Rory: Ohhh.
Lorelai: Marshmallow?
[At the Yale-Harvard football game]
Lorelai: Oh, wait, are you Pennilyn Lott, my dad's college sweetheart?
Pennilyn Lott: Yes.
Lorelai: You're my almost-mommy.
Pennilyn Lott: Well, I supposed that's one way of putting it...
Lorelai: I'm so glad to finally meet you. Let me ask you something - would you have let me get a pony?
Lorelai: Mom, Dad, look. I know we've had our differences over where Rory should go to school, but that's behind us now. She's going to Yale, and, that's good. Really good
Rory: Nothing but smiles.
Lorelai: We're both really happy about it.
Rory: Both.
Lorelai: Her and me.
Rory: She and I.
Lorelai: Everybody in this room named Lorelai is over the moon about the going to Yale.
Rory: Which means that everybody else in this room not named Lorelai can be, equally over the moon about the going to Yale.
Lorelai: So, let me get this straight. Uh, you and some guys who actually know what they're doing are gonna come over and fix my house, and I can pay them back whenever I want?
Luke: That's right.
Lorelai: 'Cause I'm Tony Soprano?
Luke: Only scarier.
Logan: Rory, you're special.
Rory: Like "stop-eating-the-paste" special?
Sookie: Okay, here we go. Low fat, whole wheat blueberry pancakes.
Michel: Are there 12?
Sookie: 12 what?
Michel: Blueberries. I can only have 12 blueberries for breakfast.
Sookie: Or what?
Michel: What do you mean, or what?
Sookie: What happens if you eat 13 blueberries?
Michel: This is a silly conversation.
Sookie: Would you die?
Michel: Just hand me the plate.
Sookie: Only if you don't count.
Michel: I won't count.
Sookie: Swear. Raise your right hand and say, 'May Destiny's Child break up if I count these blueberries.'
Michel: [raises his hand] ... Pick another group.
Sookie: Nope.
Michel: [slams hand down] I hate you! Hate you!
[Lorelai has had to throw Emily an impromptu bachelorette party and invited all the women from Stars Hollow. Emily is now drunk]
Miss Patty: So, Emily, tell us about this party of yours tomorrow.
Emily: It's going to be fabulous. Isn't it, Lorelai?
Lorelai: Ah fab, sweetie darling.
Emily: Isn't she hilarious? I never have any idea what she's talking about, but she's so entertaining! Like a chimp. Isn't she like a chimp, Gypsy?
Gypsy: Please make your mother stop talking to me.
Lorelai: If only I had that power.
[Jess is eating a sandwich at the dance marathon and Mrs. Kim walks up to him]
Mrs. Kim: Who are you?
Jess: I'm Jess... ma'am.
Lorelai: Mom, it's just a pretend wedding. J-Lo has them all the time.
Lorelai: [talking to Rory on the phone] "School comes before mommy's mental health."
Paris: Maybe I shouldn't go. I mean, what if I fall for him and he doesn't like me?
Rory: Then you'll find someone else.
Paris: But what if there is no one else?
Rory: Then you'll buy some cats.
Richard: Now, did anyone ever to tell you to picture the audience in their underwear? Well, don't do it. I did it once and I had nightmares for a week. Bulgarians in Speedos.
Luke: Rory's not here yet.
Lorelai: Then you'll have to entertain me until she arrives. Okay Burger boy, dance.
Luke: Will you marry me?
[Lorelai is taken aback]
Luke: Just looking for something to shut you up.
Lorelai: Heh, you know what I just realized? "Oy" is the funniest word in the entire world.
Rory: Hmm.
Lorelai: I mean think about it, you never hear the word "oy" and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.
Emily: Oh dear God.
Lorelai: "Poodle" is another funny word.
Emily: Please drink your drink, Lorelai.
Lorelai: In fact, if you put "oy" and "poodle" together, in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catchphrase, you know? Like, "Oy with the poodles already."
Rory: Hehe.
Lorelai: So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catchphrase:
Rory: Oy with the poodles already.
Lorelai: I'm telling you, it's knocking "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" right out of first place.
Jackson: I think we should get married.
Sookie: But - uh, but...
Jackson: Soon.
Sookie: Are you pregnant?
Lorelai: What, did you break into our house, you got all dressed in black and pulled a Mission: Impossible?
Jess: Actually, I came down the chimney and pulled a Santa Claus.
Lorelai: Very funny.
Jess: Thought a ridiculous accusation deserved a ridiculous response.
Rory: Agh, my shoes.
Lorelai: You don't need shoes. In my day, we walked twenty miles in the snow just to get to our shoes.
[Sookie is getting ready to go on her first date with Jackson]
Sookie: I'm scared.
Lorelai: I know.
Sookie: I like him.
Lorelai: He likes you.
Sookie: How do you know he's not being polite?
Lorelai: Sookie!
Sookie: No, I mean it. It's like I cornered him and he felt trapped and he had to say yes.
Lorelai: He did not have to say yes.
Sookie: Oh my God. Technically, I am his employer.
Lorelai: Sookie!
Sookie: I am. I buy his wares. His livelihood depends on me.
Lorelai: Sookie!
Sookie: Oh! I'm a sexual harasser!
Lorelai: Well, then you need some false eyelashes.
Sookie: This isn't funny. I am now desperate, lonely and a criminal.
Lorelai: Kirk asked me out.
Rory: Shut up!
Lorelai: Yesterday.
Rory: That's so sweet!
Lorelai: Rory!
Rory: What are you gonna wear? Ooh, you should wear your dress with the ponies on it, I bet he likes ponies.
Lorelai: You're not serious.
Rory: I bet you'll have a good time.
Lorelai: "Hello, headmaster Charleston, this is my stepdad, Kirk. Try not to make any sudden movements, he's a fear biter!"
Rory: OK, so how are you gonna let him down?
Jess: Hi.
Rory: Hey.
Jess: Hi.
Lorelai: Hi.
Jess: Hi.
Luke: Hi.
Rory: I have to get to school.
Jess: Yeah, me too.
Rory: Bye
Jess: Bye. Bye.
Lorelai: Bye.
Rory: Bye.
Lorelai: Bye.
Rory: Bye.
Luke: Bye.
[Jess and Rory leave]
Luke: What the hell was that?
Lorelai: That was episode one of Rory and Jess: The Early Years.
[regarding Kirk]
Rory: He was always a cat person. He just never had a cat.
Mia: The town had a fake murder?
Lorelai: Yes, because the town is too dull to have a real murder.
Lorelai: I don't hate you.
Dean: No?
Lorelai: No, though I did imagine at least 20 different ways to remove your head from your body.
Dean: Really? Which one looked the best?
Lorelai: Hedge clippers. Really dull ones.
Dean: No, you wouldn't want it to go quick, would you?
Luke: The truth hurts
Lorelai: No, you know what hurts. Having a screwdriver jammed in the side of your head.
Lorelai: My life stinks. Hey, let's look into each other's eyes and say "I wish I were you" at exactly the same time - maybe we'll pull a Freaky Friday.
Rory: Or we can just pretend that we did and you can go around acting really immature. Oh, wait...
Lorelai: I can't believe you won't switch bodies with me.
Rory: Forget it. Then I'd have to date Kirk.
[Jess' new car]
Luke: He paid you for it, right?
Gypsy: Nothing's free at Gypsy's.
Luke: And he paid cash?
Gypsy: Mostly twenties.
Luke: Did you make sure Andrew Jackson was on the bills, not Alfred E. Newman or someone?
Gypsy: Looked real to me.
Luke: Well, when he took the money out of wherever he had it, did a mask or a gun fall out?
Gypsy: No, but he was carrying it in a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it.
Luke: Really?
Gypsy: No.
Luke: Good.
Gypsy: Guys are stupid.
Luke: Shouldn't we give thanks first?
Jess: Thanks for what?
Luke: Well, that we're not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for smallpox infested blankets.
Lorelai: Amen.
Lane: How are you doing, Kirk?
Kirk: Great. I'm loving this blackened Cajun bread Luke made for me. I didn't even ask for it.
Lane: It's burnt toast, Kirk. You don't have to eat it.
Kirk: But I'm loving it. And look, I've been mixing black ash with the runny eggs. Goes great with the fishy-tasting bacon.
Rory: Hi, I'd like a large caramel macchiato with an extra shot and whipped cream, please.
Coffee vendor: Coming up.
Rory: Wait, hold on, how much is that?
Coffee vendor: $4.85.
Rory: Okay, better drop the extra shot. What does that make it?
Coffee vendor: $4.20.
Rory: Better make it a small. What does that make it?
Coffee vendor: $3.30.
Rory: Better drop the whipped cream, what does that make it?
Coffee vendor: Less calories.
Rory: Just a plain old small coffee, please.
Lorelai: Independence inn.
Emily: You really should identify yourself when you answer the phone at work.
Lorelai: Sorry. Independence Inn, major disappointment speaking. Better?
Lorelai: Tell me a joke.
Rory: Knock knock.
Lorelai: [giggles] That was a good one.
Mrs. Kim: Watch it. You break it, you buy it. Ten percent off for cousins, twenty percent off for nephews and nieces.
Rory: Please, don't walk away like that.
Dean: Sorry, I’d do a silly walk, but I'm not feeling very John Cleese right now.
Andrew: I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.
Lorelai: There it is - our new town slogan.
Rory: I like it.
Lorelai: I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.
Rory: Don't forget stuffed shish-kabobbed birds.
Lorelai: That moan when you squeeze 'em
Lorelai: Rory is very low maintenance. Kind of like that robot kid in A.I., only way less mother-obsessed. Oh my God, that kid was so annoying. I would've pushed him out of the car while it was still moving.
Rory: You know, you always make me tell you what I'm thinking.
Lorelai: Yes, and the lesson we have learned from that is you should never become a spy.
Lorelai: Can I ask you stupid questions?
Luke: There's no such thing.
Lorelai: How does ink come out of pens?
Luke: All right, there is such a thing.
[Kirk is preparing for a date, and wants to get the best seat at Luke's]
Kirk: Say I was Tom Cruise. Where would you seat me?
Luke: In an acting class.
Paris: I could really call you?
Lorelai: Anytime. Anywhere.
Paris: I'm gonna hold you to that.
Lorelai: Okay. It's not a threat, sweetie if someone makes the offer willingly.
[Jess and Rory are walking to that bridge thing and Jess sits down]
Jess: I like this place.
Rory: Wow. A place in Stars Hollow you actually like.
Jess: And it has so many memories... see over there?
[points]
Jess: That's where Luke pushed me in.
Kirk: Man, I wish my mom would let me have a car, or a bike... or my roller skates back.
[Miss Patty's ballerinas are practising walking around with books on their heads]
Miss Patty: Now, walk smooth. That's the new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop, Harry will die, and there won't be anymore books.
[Mrs. Kim is angry that Dean has come over unannounced]
Mrs. Kim: You're science partners?
Lane: Yes Mama, I invited him over to work.
Mrs. Kim: Work?
Lane: On our science project.
Mrs. Kim: [very suspiciously] Reproduction?
Lane: Spores, molds and fungus.
[Logan and Colin storm Rory's class and pretend to fight over her. Finn enters dressed as an English policeman]
Finn: All right, that's enough, break it up, you two!
[pulls Colin and Logan up by their collars]
Finn: Rory Gilmore, you should be ashamed of yourself. Toying with these boys like this. They used to have pride. They used to have dignity. They used to have balls. Damn it Gilmore, give 'em back their balls!
[after Logan's prank in front of her class]
Rory: I have no words...
Logan: It was just a joke!
Rory: Oh, no, wait. I thought of some. Jerk! Ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat-boy, low-life, butt-face, miscreant!
Logan: 'Butt-faced miscreant'!
Rory: Why would you do something like that?
Logan: I'm sorry, 'butt-faced miscreant'?
[on the phone]
Lorelai: Oh, you know what? I have someone standing abnormally close to me right now. I'll call you later.
Rory: Okay, say hi to Kirk for me.
[Luke and Lorelai's first real date; they have just read a long story on the back of a menu, hence the menu line]
Lorelai: Hey, do you remember the first time we met?
Luke: What?
Lorelai: I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?
Luke: [nods] It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person...
Lorelai: Ooh, is it me? Is it me?
Luke: This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy.
Lorelai: [happily] Ooh, it's me.
Luke: I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying - sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her.
Lorelai: Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful.
Luke: She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me.
Lorelai: God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you?
Luke: So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under Scorpio, she had written 'You will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away.' I gave her coffee.
Lorelai: [grins] But she didn't go away.
Luke: She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me -
[takes a piece of paper from his wallet and gives it to her]
Luke: one day it would bring me luck.
Lorelai: [teasing] Well, man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee
[reads it, grows serious]
Lorelai: Um... I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet?
[sees his face]
Lorelai: You kept this in your wallet.
Luke: Eight years.
Lorelai: [emotionally] Eight years.
Luke: [bringing their plates to the table] Hot plates.
Lorelai: [to Rory] See? He called me 'Hot Plates.' He so likes me.
Luke: [embarrassed] Geez...
[Luke is trying to subtly flirt with Lorelai at his diner]
Luke: Those jeans are really working for you.
Lorelai: Yeah?
Luke: They're working for me, too.
Lorelai: You're flirting with me.
Luke: Something like that.
Lorelai: Finally. Do it some more.
Luke: Your shoes work well with that... shirt.
Lorelai: Gee, Carson, thanks.
Lorelai: I need you to look at Kirk's butt.
Sookie: Why?
Lorelai: Well, because he ran into some rose bushes and he's got some thorns stuck in it and I thought of you.
Sookie: Me? Why me?
Lorelai: Well, because... you're a chef.
Lorelai: So, where are you now?
Luke: I'm about 10 minutes from If-I-lived-here-I'd-blow-my-brains-out.
Lorelai: Ah yes, I hear it's lovely there.
Dean: I hear Taylor's a big hip-hop fan.
Rory: Oh, he hops with the hippest of them.
[Luke thinks Lorelai is still dating Jason even though he, Luke, has 'made his intentions clear']
Luke: I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy.
Lorelai: I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!
Luke: You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!
Lorelai: I loved the flowers!
Luke: And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment.
Lorelai: There was! There was a moment.
[Luke looks at her and then moves closer]
Lorelai: What are you doing?
Luke: Will you just stand still?
[he gathers her in his arms and they kiss. Lorelai moves away, and then steps closer to Luke]
Luke: What are you doing?
Lorelai: Will you just stand still?
[they kiss again]
Kirk: I have night terrors.
Luke: Night terrors?
Kirk: Basically, I freak out at beddy-bye. About an hour after I fall asleep, I wake up in panic. Everything around me seems threatening, scary, out to get me. Two nights ago, I was suddenly gripped with the overwhelming feeling that there was an assassin in my house.
Luke: Jeez.
Kirk: I had to get out of the room before he got me, so I jumped out of bed and locked my pillow in the bathroom.
Luke: Why?
Kirk: Because it was a bomb.
Luke: Of course.
Kirk: After neutralizing my pillow, I ran up the stairs, climbed out the bathroom window, scaled the trellis up the side of the house, and hid on the roof...
Luke: Huh.
Kirk: Completely naked.
Luke: Aw, jeez!
Kirk: The worst part of night terrors is it always ends up with me on top of the roof completely naked or running down the street completely naked or swimming in the community-center pool completely naked. That was the time I thought I was on fire.