so scary!!
last night i had a nightmare. it was the first nightmare i've had in years. i guess it wasnt really a nightmare cuz i didnt wake up screaming or in a cold sweat or anything like that, but i was stressed out and it was scary, so does that still count? anyway, it went like this:
it started out with me being with this guy who was apparently my boyfriend- i think it was scott, but it didnt look like him; you know how dreams do that. yeah so we fell asleep together in my bed (we were being good kids, we just fell asleep) and my mom found us in the morning and was screaming at him to get out of her daughter's bed and then when he left she called me a whore and started crying. i had to then call him and appologize and explain my mom's old fashioned views of couples sleeping together blah blah blah and it was all better.
after that i was with my cousin named erin, and a friend of hers. and erin knew these guys that she wanted to visit cuz they were loaded and told her they were having a party and we should come. they invited us to come early and hang out, watch movies etc before hand so thats what we decided to do. we get there and the house isnt just a mansion, its essentially a castle. its gorgeous and up on a hill with a perfect view, etc. so we meet the guys, their names were ryan, jeff, and i don't remember the other one (strange huh, that i can remember names in a dream?!) so we sit on the couch and i end up sitting near ryan whose parents own the house, and jeff is on the other side of me, then erin, then the other guy, then her friend. we start watching a movie and ryan tries to hit on me and kiss me and i tell him i'm seeing someone and ask him to stop. he does for a minute and then tries again. i tell him again to lay off and he pins me down. i then realize that erin, her friend, and random other guy have left and i have no idea where they are. jeff was gone too put comes back as this is happening. ryan has me pinned down on the couch and i try to punch him to get him off but done have enough room to get good momentum for the punch to hurt, so that's useless. jeff sits down on the coffee table to watch and ryan invites him to join in. i try to kick ryan in the groin but cant get my leg twisted right to get anything but my hip to hit it. jeff then sticks his hand in between ryan's body and mine and starts scratching my stomach and it hurt- a lot! so i start squirming again and manage to get one hand free so i put it to ryan's neck and squeeze as hard as i can. it tells jeff to stop and i manage to get him off of me and i render him unconcious. i then start to run, looking for erin and her friend and see something hanging from a rope outside the window and it looks like erin's shoes so i start screaming and jeff laughs and starts chasing me. i start running around hte house looking for my cousin and her friend and cant find them or random guy anywhere. jeff nearly catches me but i turn around and deck him hard enough that he stumbles over backward. i then find the other guy and do the same to him and then continue looking for erin and her friend. i think i finally found erin's friend upstairs unconcious, looking like she had been drugged, and found erin hiding downstairs, she managed to get out of whatever trap jeff had put her in. so we run into the guys one more time on our way out and they try to stop us and i beat them all up again and the other two run to get the car. when i have fended the guys off enough i run out the garage to find erin and jump through the open car door and we speed off while the guys try to follow but give up cuz theyre on foot.
kinda stressfull, huh?! hmm... a dream where you nearly experience rape...not so fun. i wonder what it means? to the dreambook! haha.
ok on to better topics of convo... i haven't done livejournal in sooooo long, this is weird! but yeah, im so glad you all like scott. i really like him- i'm actually letting myself really like someone! this is a big step for me, and i'm not even afraid of getting hurt with him. that's kind of what i was waiting for; someone that i had chemistry with right away, and i felt comfortable enough with that i felt like i could trust them, and someone that i felt like i could let myself like because i wasn't afraid of getting hurt with them. with scott i feel like even if it doesnt work out yeah i'll be sad, but i feel like its worth it with him to give it a shot. this is so weird for me to feel, it's what i've been waiting for. with all those other guys yeah i had fun with them or whatever but i was never close to them and never felt like i could be. they were all very superficial relationships which i was ok with; i am content with superficial relationships while i wait for something better, but i would never spend much time on one because they werent worth the time. i think scott's worth my time and effort and emotions and even my trust. i havent felt this way about a guy in a very long time, so i hope it works out. i thought when i found a guy like this it would scare me more than it does. i guess since i've known him for so long i'm comfortable with him and don't have to be scared. plus he just says all the right things and that always helps, especially since he seems sincere about them and not like he's saying what i want to hear just to get in my pants. but ok, i think i'm done. i just needed to think about that outloud (does this count as outloud?). later.
it started out with me being with this guy who was apparently my boyfriend- i think it was scott, but it didnt look like him; you know how dreams do that. yeah so we fell asleep together in my bed (we were being good kids, we just fell asleep) and my mom found us in the morning and was screaming at him to get out of her daughter's bed and then when he left she called me a whore and started crying. i had to then call him and appologize and explain my mom's old fashioned views of couples sleeping together blah blah blah and it was all better.
after that i was with my cousin named erin, and a friend of hers. and erin knew these guys that she wanted to visit cuz they were loaded and told her they were having a party and we should come. they invited us to come early and hang out, watch movies etc before hand so thats what we decided to do. we get there and the house isnt just a mansion, its essentially a castle. its gorgeous and up on a hill with a perfect view, etc. so we meet the guys, their names were ryan, jeff, and i don't remember the other one (strange huh, that i can remember names in a dream?!) so we sit on the couch and i end up sitting near ryan whose parents own the house, and jeff is on the other side of me, then erin, then the other guy, then her friend. we start watching a movie and ryan tries to hit on me and kiss me and i tell him i'm seeing someone and ask him to stop. he does for a minute and then tries again. i tell him again to lay off and he pins me down. i then realize that erin, her friend, and random other guy have left and i have no idea where they are. jeff was gone too put comes back as this is happening. ryan has me pinned down on the couch and i try to punch him to get him off but done have enough room to get good momentum for the punch to hurt, so that's useless. jeff sits down on the coffee table to watch and ryan invites him to join in. i try to kick ryan in the groin but cant get my leg twisted right to get anything but my hip to hit it. jeff then sticks his hand in between ryan's body and mine and starts scratching my stomach and it hurt- a lot! so i start squirming again and manage to get one hand free so i put it to ryan's neck and squeeze as hard as i can. it tells jeff to stop and i manage to get him off of me and i render him unconcious. i then start to run, looking for erin and her friend and see something hanging from a rope outside the window and it looks like erin's shoes so i start screaming and jeff laughs and starts chasing me. i start running around hte house looking for my cousin and her friend and cant find them or random guy anywhere. jeff nearly catches me but i turn around and deck him hard enough that he stumbles over backward. i then find the other guy and do the same to him and then continue looking for erin and her friend. i think i finally found erin's friend upstairs unconcious, looking like she had been drugged, and found erin hiding downstairs, she managed to get out of whatever trap jeff had put her in. so we run into the guys one more time on our way out and they try to stop us and i beat them all up again and the other two run to get the car. when i have fended the guys off enough i run out the garage to find erin and jump through the open car door and we speed off while the guys try to follow but give up cuz theyre on foot.
kinda stressfull, huh?! hmm... a dream where you nearly experience rape...not so fun. i wonder what it means? to the dreambook! haha.
ok on to better topics of convo... i haven't done livejournal in sooooo long, this is weird! but yeah, im so glad you all like scott. i really like him- i'm actually letting myself really like someone! this is a big step for me, and i'm not even afraid of getting hurt with him. that's kind of what i was waiting for; someone that i had chemistry with right away, and i felt comfortable enough with that i felt like i could trust them, and someone that i felt like i could let myself like because i wasn't afraid of getting hurt with them. with scott i feel like even if it doesnt work out yeah i'll be sad, but i feel like its worth it with him to give it a shot. this is so weird for me to feel, it's what i've been waiting for. with all those other guys yeah i had fun with them or whatever but i was never close to them and never felt like i could be. they were all very superficial relationships which i was ok with; i am content with superficial relationships while i wait for something better, but i would never spend much time on one because they werent worth the time. i think scott's worth my time and effort and emotions and even my trust. i havent felt this way about a guy in a very long time, so i hope it works out. i thought when i found a guy like this it would scare me more than it does. i guess since i've known him for so long i'm comfortable with him and don't have to be scared. plus he just says all the right things and that always helps, especially since he seems sincere about them and not like he's saying what i want to hear just to get in my pants. but ok, i think i'm done. i just needed to think about that outloud (does this count as outloud?). later.