coffee talking
Tonight was back to my normal. drove around terre haute w/ matt got coffee and walked around the mall. Ended up spending way more money than id planned to but got 2 shirts and enough espreso beans to keep me awake for at leaste a week. This week is a total 180 from what used to b the norm ive gotten used to. growing further away from people the ones i try to talk to i cant... the ones i dont want to (well i guess there isnt too much of that at school cus not many people talk to me)...think my life will go to hell in a few days based on my mind finanly realizing the shittiness of things. ..away from school i work a few hours after each day.. then come home and try to get away. Had the greatest conversation w/ my mom lol she yelled at me for dumping a full glass of milk cus she did a piss pour job at washing the glass and i wasnt gonna drink out of it. Then i washed the glass got yelled at agian for that.. then i just took it upstairs w/ the rest of kitchenware i have cus i dont like shit on the things i eat off.. its nasty so i take care of myself. but i get yelled at for that.. WFT.. if i ask someone to do something for me im "helpless" but if i do it all myself i get yelled at..i dont understand ne thing ne more. if i could grind up prozac and feed it to people i think there would b a few melower people around me lol.
I need to think things through things that would b nice to talk about but i dont think ill b able to. U ever talk to someone whos always like talk to me but if u try wont talk? yeah i know about 5 of those types. makes things real difficult when u have verylittle time to talk to one especialy....
I have a paper to write for an oral final tomorow i havent aproached it yet. i think i can wing it and get an A so i guess it'll b a chalange. There are people id like to get closer to people id like to seperate from but id keep them all close if i could decide for them... I might seem depressed but realy im not im a little pissed offf at situations outa my control mostly just for that reason it drive me insain when my thoughts cant even sway the situation one bit. i feel helpless and i cant take it. Things will enevitably change but i dont c it for the better. i will grow further away from certain people and wont let myself get close to others for fear that this always happends.. im not worth taking risks for ..not worth standing up for..not worth a damn thing and no one should have to deal w/ me.. And i cant take the pain.
I need to think things through things that would b nice to talk about but i dont think ill b able to. U ever talk to someone whos always like talk to me but if u try wont talk? yeah i know about 5 of those types. makes things real difficult when u have verylittle time to talk to one especialy....
I have a paper to write for an oral final tomorow i havent aproached it yet. i think i can wing it and get an A so i guess it'll b a chalange. There are people id like to get closer to people id like to seperate from but id keep them all close if i could decide for them... I might seem depressed but realy im not im a little pissed offf at situations outa my control mostly just for that reason it drive me insain when my thoughts cant even sway the situation one bit. i feel helpless and i cant take it. Things will enevitably change but i dont c it for the better. i will grow further away from certain people and wont let myself get close to others for fear that this always happends.. im not worth taking risks for ..not worth standing up for..not worth a damn thing and no one should have to deal w/ me.. And i cant take the pain.