Win some, lose some
Well at least my uvula is better. The weird gray dangly bit hanging from it has vanished and I don't feel like I have strings in my throat anymore. Unfortunately I was wrong about that being the cause of my nausea. Ugh barf why are gag reflexes?
I'm going through opiate...withdrawals (?) while I am still getting accustomed to gabapentin, so I guess it's no wonder that my head feels like a helium balloon these past few days. My CBD oil tincture seems to be helping even that out a bit, which has me pretty angry. There was a moment yesterday when I considered taking another oxy because I was so miserable, though not in any surgical pain that hadn't already been resolved by acetaminophen. Then I realized I was miserable because I was off the oxy and this is how pain patients become prescription drug abusers. I'm lucky in that CBD oil works for me and I have like one of the best support systems in the world. And, for whatever lottery I did actually win, I'm just not super predisposed to addiction.
Having done a lot (a la-ha-hot) of drugs in the past and seen drug buddies become quickly dependent while I just picked it up and put it down like it was no big deal, well. I know there is no moral or conscious or good goddamn reason why I never became a meth addict, for just one example. There is no reason for me to not be an oxy addict right this very second, except perhaps luck. I mean, I'll take all the luck I can get because my luck also gave me schwannomas where most of the population doesn't even have to know how to pronounce that word. But. It makes me mad that I was sent home with an addictive pain medication and the pamphlet warning of the possibility of addition clearly states that the only sure way to not become addicted to these necessary medications is to not use them. Which is just a motherfucking a bald-faced lie.
Surely there is a way to give patients tools to deal with this horrible withdrawl-y part of the recovery process. Instead of telling me to not use the medication I need immediately following surgery, maybe give me honest information about how awful coming off the dope is. Tell me I'm not making it up and that it does feel as horrible as I think it feels. Help me recover from surgery recovery. But no. Let's give patients, some with very little experience with narcotics, the idea that if their bodies get addicted it's their own fault for using the meds in the first place. Damn, son. I'm sorry I had surgery that required narcotic medications. How foolish of me.
Anyway, thinking about the so-called opioid crisis obviously, and being angry. Thinking about health care's shortcomings and being angry. Thinking about the humans like my wonderful nurses who are trying so hard to work miracles with the shit system they've inherited and being angry. We can take care of each other better than this. I mean, goddamn.
But hey. At least my uvula is better.
I'm going through opiate...withdrawals (?) while I am still getting accustomed to gabapentin, so I guess it's no wonder that my head feels like a helium balloon these past few days. My CBD oil tincture seems to be helping even that out a bit, which has me pretty angry. There was a moment yesterday when I considered taking another oxy because I was so miserable, though not in any surgical pain that hadn't already been resolved by acetaminophen. Then I realized I was miserable because I was off the oxy and this is how pain patients become prescription drug abusers. I'm lucky in that CBD oil works for me and I have like one of the best support systems in the world. And, for whatever lottery I did actually win, I'm just not super predisposed to addiction.
Having done a lot (a la-ha-hot) of drugs in the past and seen drug buddies become quickly dependent while I just picked it up and put it down like it was no big deal, well. I know there is no moral or conscious or good goddamn reason why I never became a meth addict, for just one example. There is no reason for me to not be an oxy addict right this very second, except perhaps luck. I mean, I'll take all the luck I can get because my luck also gave me schwannomas where most of the population doesn't even have to know how to pronounce that word. But. It makes me mad that I was sent home with an addictive pain medication and the pamphlet warning of the possibility of addition clearly states that the only sure way to not become addicted to these necessary medications is to not use them. Which is just a motherfucking a bald-faced lie.
Surely there is a way to give patients tools to deal with this horrible withdrawl-y part of the recovery process. Instead of telling me to not use the medication I need immediately following surgery, maybe give me honest information about how awful coming off the dope is. Tell me I'm not making it up and that it does feel as horrible as I think it feels. Help me recover from surgery recovery. But no. Let's give patients, some with very little experience with narcotics, the idea that if their bodies get addicted it's their own fault for using the meds in the first place. Damn, son. I'm sorry I had surgery that required narcotic medications. How foolish of me.
Anyway, thinking about the so-called opioid crisis obviously, and being angry. Thinking about health care's shortcomings and being angry. Thinking about the humans like my wonderful nurses who are trying so hard to work miracles with the shit system they've inherited and being angry. We can take care of each other better than this. I mean, goddamn.
But hey. At least my uvula is better.