ROTC
I never thought when I started college that I'd be sitting here way too late once again having to get up in three hours for PT. ROTC, besides being my favorite class, has been an amazing experience. I knew going in it would be a challenge. I'm not sure if the promise of a tough workout and doing things like shooting guns and doing rock climbing and water survival appealed to me, or the attractive army guys telling me this did more, but nonetheless I decided to do it. Every MWF I wake up at 545 am and stand in formation in the dark on the IM field with 75 guys to do push-ups,running, sprints, stairs at Neyland stadium and ruck marches. I have never been in better shape in my life. Before, I couldn't do even one push-up, now I can do thirty-two in two minutes. What draws me into this so much is the fact that I am completely doing this for myself. No one is forcing me to do this. I am the only person that is only enrolled PT on that IM field in the mornings.
Once something becomes mandatory is when I am repelled by it...perhaps this is why I love this so much and started hating cross country so much. The competition wasn't against myself.All I could think about while racing was how many hours the girl ruinning next to me had put in, how much she probably wanted to beat me, or how her dad would get onto her later if she didn't beat me. It's silly,but I thought about everything but winning.Learning to compete against myself however, has been freeing in a way.
When I'm in that cirle with those guys doing push-ups, and my arms start quivering because we're on about our hundredth one, I just have to keep looking ahead and bring out strength I didn't know I had, and tell myself I have to keep going until I collapse. When it's 6 am, and it's raining, and we're running up hills and around campus, I can take out all my anger on the pavement. Every stride is an "I-told-you I could do this" to everyone that said I would never be able to. Every struggle to get to the head of the pack is like mental conditioning.
Something so simple as training shouldn't mean so much, but for some reason it does. Once again, I'm finding I have strength within me even though no one else thinks I can do it. Admitting I have low self-esteem is tough, but when my arms can hold me no more, and my legs can carry me no farther and my sergaent asks me how I am I always say "great", because in those moments I have strength that overcomes esteem.
Once something becomes mandatory is when I am repelled by it...perhaps this is why I love this so much and started hating cross country so much. The competition wasn't against myself.All I could think about while racing was how many hours the girl ruinning next to me had put in, how much she probably wanted to beat me, or how her dad would get onto her later if she didn't beat me. It's silly,but I thought about everything but winning.Learning to compete against myself however, has been freeing in a way.
When I'm in that cirle with those guys doing push-ups, and my arms start quivering because we're on about our hundredth one, I just have to keep looking ahead and bring out strength I didn't know I had, and tell myself I have to keep going until I collapse. When it's 6 am, and it's raining, and we're running up hills and around campus, I can take out all my anger on the pavement. Every stride is an "I-told-you I could do this" to everyone that said I would never be able to. Every struggle to get to the head of the pack is like mental conditioning.
Something so simple as training shouldn't mean so much, but for some reason it does. Once again, I'm finding I have strength within me even though no one else thinks I can do it. Admitting I have low self-esteem is tough, but when my arms can hold me no more, and my legs can carry me no farther and my sergaent asks me how I am I always say "great", because in those moments I have strength that overcomes esteem.