Comments | runaway_tales: Orange 1, Strawberry 9

smoothiegarten in runaway_tales

Orange 1, Strawberry 9

Oct 26, 2010 23:43

Author: Marina
Story: Shifts universe (Shifts)
Challenge: Orange 1 (here comes trouble), Strawberry 9 (puddles)
Toppings/Extras: Sprinkles, Malt (pfah - puddles : Oriana, Eleazar : werewolf by night)
Word Count: 1,158
Rating: PG
Summary: The Kopens go for a walk just after the rain and run into someone they partially expected.
Notes: Leg two of our ( Read more... )

[author] marina, [topping] sprinkles, [extra] malt, [challenge] orange, [challenge] strawberry

Comments 9

ninablues October 27 2010, 09:30:02 UTC

The very first paragraph was bloody beautiful! And that Johnson fellow certainly had an aura and a half around him: you defined him almost entirely by Oriana and Eleazar's reactions to him and it set all the right tones. Although I'm a newbie to this plotline I've read a few bits and pieces about Eleazar and Oriana and I already totally love them.

smoothiegarten October 29 2010, 06:45:32 UTC

:D :D :D Thank you so much. I am quite proud of that first sentence. I also really enjoy writing the two siblings so I'm glad that you could relate to their reactions here even without knowing much of the plot (I tried to make this stand on its own the best that I could). They are pretty quickly becoming my favorite characters (sorry, Lynne!)

(The comment has been removed)

smoothiegarten October 29 2010, 06:46:50 UTC

You, at least, have already met Johnson (though this version of him hasn't been seen in a while, granted). :D Thanks much, I love writing the Kopens quite a lot and I'm rather proud of the first paragraph.

niee87 October 27 2010, 14:45:26 UTC

I'm not sure whether I want to D: or :D at this! I want to :D because I love these two and seeing them and also them around the beginning of Shifts = GOLD, but I want to D: because of the situation. Poor Ori! We are so mean to her.

Love this!

smoothiegarten October 29 2010, 06:49:56 UTC

:D I'm glad you like it! When I saw this prompt I immediately knew it HAD to be for this. (Most of the hat prompts are pure awesome, actually, except that the randomizer gave me so much Ellen torture and I have NO idea how I'm going to get through it all). We really are mean to poor Oriana :(

bookblather October 27 2010, 23:47:08 UTC

What a lovely description in the first paragraph! I love how you shifted that into menace when Eleazar noticed Earl. I feel rather sorry for Earl, but ah well. Good job!

smoothiegarten October 29 2010, 06:52:32 UTC

Thank you most kindly! Eleazar and Oriana have pretty strong reactions to Earl, but they don't know he was actually helping them, and also (highlight for spoilers) this isn't actually Earl. He's been dead for five years. They are actually being tailed by Abraham who's shapeshifted into Earl for the purpose of his more active dirty work. You are right to feel sorry for Earl. He got a bad run from me, sadly.

nathskywalker February 24 2011, 14:43:04 UTC

It all starts out so calm with them walking, all comfortable and the sudden mood swing echoes in your writing. Suddenly, it's not a relaxed walk anymore, it's a rush to get to safety, everything has to be hurried, they can't stop. That worked rally well and I want to know why Oriana and Eleazar are being followed.

smoothiegarten February 25 2011, 00:48:34 UTC

Hmm, I don't think I've ever written a piece for RaTs that explains that outright. The piece that comes after this in the index does, a little? Earl works for Rupert, who is Abraham's business partner, and they don't want the Kopens getting near the Shifts mains. I'm glad this worked well enough on its own to convey the mood, though!