Why is growing up so tough?
I guess I finally feel like I have a minute to vent out some thoughts & feelings.
Very recently I have come to a "new step" or "stage" in my life. I'm currently finishing up my last course of my Undergraduate degree. I look back at where I started 3 years ago, and I miss it but don't at the same time. I miss how naive I was, how innocent and I guess for lack of better words, how much more "carefree" I was at the time. This is not to say that I'm running a million miles a minute right now, but a lot of the time, it feels like I am. At the end of August, I will be leaving Montréal and Concordia and I guess everything I have known & loved & become used to, and found the comfort in these past 3 years. I will be moving to Ottawa, a new place, a new school, with new people, and new unknown eventual comforts and friends. I will more than likely be moving by myself which scares me to death as I have never been a social person & enjoy the comfort of those few that are close to me. Part of me is excited to be venturing onto a new city and part of my life, and to keep moving forward, but with the good naturally comes the bad.
I hate the feeling of loosing people, or I guess just the feeling of change in general. I hate that me and everyone else is beginning to embark on new parts of their lives that somehow inevitably manages to pull people further and further away. I told myself I would go to Grad school closer to St. Catharines so that I could be closer to everyone, and especially my family, but that's just not how things turned out, and I assume that that's where a lot of people are in their lives right now. Running down a path where they are forced to make big and in some ways - life changing decisions. We're all there right now - and it worries me. I worrying about loosing touch with everyone that's close to me. Part of me wants to cherish the change, as I tell myself that this is what happens - this is what life is, and this is what everybody does and what everybody goes through, but does it really have to be this way?
I wish I could be there for everybody in every way that I haven't been recently whether it be due to time constraints or to physical distance between us. I just want somebody to tell me that I'm making the right choices & that everything will be alright & good in the end. I want someone to tell me that things won't continue to change with time, and that once school is done, we can all go back to the way things were. But we can't, and it's too late for that. I want to know that the people who are close to me now will stay there, & will still be there when I am done, and when they are done. But I guess it's not a process that ends, it's a process that's continually changing & always will - but I'm still finding it hard to accept.
Very recently I have come to a "new step" or "stage" in my life. I'm currently finishing up my last course of my Undergraduate degree. I look back at where I started 3 years ago, and I miss it but don't at the same time. I miss how naive I was, how innocent and I guess for lack of better words, how much more "carefree" I was at the time. This is not to say that I'm running a million miles a minute right now, but a lot of the time, it feels like I am. At the end of August, I will be leaving Montréal and Concordia and I guess everything I have known & loved & become used to, and found the comfort in these past 3 years. I will be moving to Ottawa, a new place, a new school, with new people, and new unknown eventual comforts and friends. I will more than likely be moving by myself which scares me to death as I have never been a social person & enjoy the comfort of those few that are close to me. Part of me is excited to be venturing onto a new city and part of my life, and to keep moving forward, but with the good naturally comes the bad.
I hate the feeling of loosing people, or I guess just the feeling of change in general. I hate that me and everyone else is beginning to embark on new parts of their lives that somehow inevitably manages to pull people further and further away. I told myself I would go to Grad school closer to St. Catharines so that I could be closer to everyone, and especially my family, but that's just not how things turned out, and I assume that that's where a lot of people are in their lives right now. Running down a path where they are forced to make big and in some ways - life changing decisions. We're all there right now - and it worries me. I worrying about loosing touch with everyone that's close to me. Part of me wants to cherish the change, as I tell myself that this is what happens - this is what life is, and this is what everybody does and what everybody goes through, but does it really have to be this way?
I wish I could be there for everybody in every way that I haven't been recently whether it be due to time constraints or to physical distance between us. I just want somebody to tell me that I'm making the right choices & that everything will be alright & good in the end. I want someone to tell me that things won't continue to change with time, and that once school is done, we can all go back to the way things were. But we can't, and it's too late for that. I want to know that the people who are close to me now will stay there, & will still be there when I am done, and when they are done. But I guess it's not a process that ends, it's a process that's continually changing & always will - but I'm still finding it hard to accept.