A Long Life (But One Worth Living): Chapter Eight
Title: A Long Life (But One Worth Living)
Author/Artist:
rumpelsnorcack
Rating: PG-13
Characters & Pairings: This chapter: Rory/Amy, Rory/OC
Word Count: 1114 this chapter
Summary: The story of Rory's life, from meeting Amy to death.
Notes: .Many thanks to the wonderful
a_phoenixdragon and
mollywheezy who have been extremely supportive through this whole process. I've been writing this on and off for a while. It's still not finished, but is getting there. Not sure how many chapters there will be, but each one is intended as a short one-shot in its own right so all can be read independently. However, they do all build together to give a picture of Rory's life, complicated timelines and all. It's all roughly chronological, but each piece doesn't necessarily exist in the same timeline as each other piece. So some are pre-reboot, some post, some exist in a universe which includes Mels, others don't.
Disclaimer: Sadly none of the characters are mine, I just enjoy hanging around in their sandbox.
‘Rory! Hey, Rory!’ Amy’s voice was cajoling as she called him and he turned in the direction it was coming from, his heart sinking a little. He’d known this was coming and he was dreading this conversation.
She ran across the Common to him, then linked her arm around his as they moved off together.
‘Sooooo, you’ve been away a bit lately. What’s up?’ she gave him her flirtiest smile and his heart clenched. No matter how much he had tried with Jane, Rory knew at the bottom of his heart that it was never going to last. Amy had just had too much of a hold on his heart for too long, and he wasn’t being fair to Jane by seeing her when he knew it wasn’t working.
‘Nothing. Nothing’s up. Why would something be up?’ Rory knew he was stammering but he couldn’t keep the hint of defensiveness out of his voice. He’d been avoiding Amy a bit because he didn’t want to tell her about Jane; he still had that sense that she would react badly and since he was unsure about the relationship as it stood he didn’t want to talk about it with Amy.
Still, he’d always known this day would come. He usually shared everything with Amy so it was obvious she would notice when things changed. He could see Amy’s eyes narrow with suspicion and he sighed.
‘There is something wrong with you, Rory. You’re not … yourself. And I want to know why.’ There was a petulant tone to her voice, but under it Rory could hear her fear. Fear that something was wrong with him. Fear that he was pulling away from her, like so many people had in the past.
He sighed, knowing he had to alleviate her fears, ran his hands through his hair and looked her in the eye. Then took a deep breath.
‘Okay. I didn’t want to tell you this, but … I’ve been seeing someone.’
Amy gasped and dropped her arm from his. ‘What? How long has this been going on for?’ She turned away from him. ‘Why didn’t you want to tell me?’ her voice was soft and the hurt was back in even greater depth. Rory grabbed her arm and pulled her around to look at him.
‘I didn’t tell you because it’s not working out so there didn’t seem to be any point.’ His voice quivered as he said it. He longed to just blurt out how he felt about her, but he couldn’t. He did scan her face for some sign of how she felt about this but she looked the same as ever. Her brows creased and she frowned at him.
‘What do you mean it’s not working out?’
‘I mean … I’m not … I’m not …’ he flapped his arms around, trying to find the words to explain what was not right about his relationship.
Amy nodded, her tension leaching away. ‘Yeah. I know that feeling. Some of my boyfriends have been really great guys, but not, you know …’
Rory nodded. He did know. He started walking again but stopped when Amy thumped him, hard, on the arm.
‘What was that for?’ He rubbed the spot and glared at her.
‘You should have told me, idiot. I’m your friend. I’d have been pleased for you.’
Rory nodded to himself. Amy being pleased he had a girlfriend was slightly distressing, even though he’d always known she didn’t feel the same way about him. Still, her friendship meant everything to him.
‘Yeah. I dunno. It felt weird - like if I talked about it it’d become real and I’d have to decide, you know, if it was going to carry on.’
Amy linked arms with him again and grinned.
‘Well, if you’re really not feeling it you should talk about it. No point being with someone you really don’t want to be with.’ She tapped his forehead as she pulled him into walking beside her. ‘You should be happy, doofus.’
Rory sighed and nodded. ‘You’re right. I’m not that happy. I should …’ he trailed off, feeling miserable. ‘I just don’t want to hurt …’
Amy slapped his arm. ‘So it’s better to hurt yourself? You really are an idiot!’
Rory thought about the conversation for the next few days. Amy was right. He’d tried to make it work with Jane and he did genuinely like her, but he wasn’t in love and the guilt he was feeling meant he really wasn’t enjoying himself. It was true, he realised; he was unhappy. And it came back to fairness - this wasn’t fair on Jane, or on him. So he made up his mind: he had to tell her and it had to be sooner rather than later. The longer he let this run, the worse it was going to get.
The next time Rory saw Jane, a beautiful sunny day in autumn, he steeled himself. She looked so radiant to see him as she ran up to him and hugged him tight, and Rory’s hands began to shake. He didn’t hug her back. Jane pulled back and looked at him in confusion, her arms still looped around his neck.
‘Rory, what’s wrong?’
He gaped at her for a long moment, his heart thudding unpleasantly in his chest as he looked at her. He blushed. ‘I …’ he carefully removed her hands from his neck and stepped back. ‘I’m-not-sure-this-is-working,’ he rushed out.
Jane stared at him for a long moment, then said, ‘there’s someone else isn’t there?’
‘No,’ Rory said sadly. ‘Not like that anyway. I just don’t …’ he sighed. ‘Look, I really like you and I enjoy being with you, but …’
‘But you don’t love me.’ Jane nodded, her eyes wet but her voice firm and steady. ‘I always knew it, but I hoped …’ She took a deep breath and smiled at him. ‘Well, no point making this more uncomfortable than it already is.’ She reached up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. ‘See you round, Rory.’
Rory watched her walk away, her head high but a stiffness in her steps that belied her apparent casualness. A surge of guilt hit him; she had, after all, done nothing wrong. Her only crime was that she wasn’t Amy. Rory had a mad desire to run after her and ask her to stay, but he kept himself in place. He reminded himself that it was fairer this way - both to him and to her. She deserved far better than someone who didn’t love her. As she disappeared into the distance, Rory grimaced. It was a pity that he couldn’t give himself the same kindness.
Prologue
Author/Artist:
rumpelsnorcack
Rating: PG-13
Characters & Pairings: This chapter: Rory/Amy, Rory/OC
Word Count: 1114 this chapter
Summary: The story of Rory's life, from meeting Amy to death.
Notes: .Many thanks to the wonderful
a_phoenixdragon and
mollywheezy who have been extremely supportive through this whole process. I've been writing this on and off for a while. It's still not finished, but is getting there. Not sure how many chapters there will be, but each one is intended as a short one-shot in its own right so all can be read independently. However, they do all build together to give a picture of Rory's life, complicated timelines and all. It's all roughly chronological, but each piece doesn't necessarily exist in the same timeline as each other piece. So some are pre-reboot, some post, some exist in a universe which includes Mels, others don't.
Disclaimer: Sadly none of the characters are mine, I just enjoy hanging around in their sandbox.
‘Rory! Hey, Rory!’ Amy’s voice was cajoling as she called him and he turned in the direction it was coming from, his heart sinking a little. He’d known this was coming and he was dreading this conversation.
She ran across the Common to him, then linked her arm around his as they moved off together.
‘Sooooo, you’ve been away a bit lately. What’s up?’ she gave him her flirtiest smile and his heart clenched. No matter how much he had tried with Jane, Rory knew at the bottom of his heart that it was never going to last. Amy had just had too much of a hold on his heart for too long, and he wasn’t being fair to Jane by seeing her when he knew it wasn’t working.
‘Nothing. Nothing’s up. Why would something be up?’ Rory knew he was stammering but he couldn’t keep the hint of defensiveness out of his voice. He’d been avoiding Amy a bit because he didn’t want to tell her about Jane; he still had that sense that she would react badly and since he was unsure about the relationship as it stood he didn’t want to talk about it with Amy.
Still, he’d always known this day would come. He usually shared everything with Amy so it was obvious she would notice when things changed. He could see Amy’s eyes narrow with suspicion and he sighed.
‘There is something wrong with you, Rory. You’re not … yourself. And I want to know why.’ There was a petulant tone to her voice, but under it Rory could hear her fear. Fear that something was wrong with him. Fear that he was pulling away from her, like so many people had in the past.
He sighed, knowing he had to alleviate her fears, ran his hands through his hair and looked her in the eye. Then took a deep breath.
‘Okay. I didn’t want to tell you this, but … I’ve been seeing someone.’
Amy gasped and dropped her arm from his. ‘What? How long has this been going on for?’ She turned away from him. ‘Why didn’t you want to tell me?’ her voice was soft and the hurt was back in even greater depth. Rory grabbed her arm and pulled her around to look at him.
‘I didn’t tell you because it’s not working out so there didn’t seem to be any point.’ His voice quivered as he said it. He longed to just blurt out how he felt about her, but he couldn’t. He did scan her face for some sign of how she felt about this but she looked the same as ever. Her brows creased and she frowned at him.
‘What do you mean it’s not working out?’
‘I mean … I’m not … I’m not …’ he flapped his arms around, trying to find the words to explain what was not right about his relationship.
Amy nodded, her tension leaching away. ‘Yeah. I know that feeling. Some of my boyfriends have been really great guys, but not, you know …’
Rory nodded. He did know. He started walking again but stopped when Amy thumped him, hard, on the arm.
‘What was that for?’ He rubbed the spot and glared at her.
‘You should have told me, idiot. I’m your friend. I’d have been pleased for you.’
Rory nodded to himself. Amy being pleased he had a girlfriend was slightly distressing, even though he’d always known she didn’t feel the same way about him. Still, her friendship meant everything to him.
‘Yeah. I dunno. It felt weird - like if I talked about it it’d become real and I’d have to decide, you know, if it was going to carry on.’
Amy linked arms with him again and grinned.
‘Well, if you’re really not feeling it you should talk about it. No point being with someone you really don’t want to be with.’ She tapped his forehead as she pulled him into walking beside her. ‘You should be happy, doofus.’
Rory sighed and nodded. ‘You’re right. I’m not that happy. I should …’ he trailed off, feeling miserable. ‘I just don’t want to hurt …’
Amy slapped his arm. ‘So it’s better to hurt yourself? You really are an idiot!’
Rory thought about the conversation for the next few days. Amy was right. He’d tried to make it work with Jane and he did genuinely like her, but he wasn’t in love and the guilt he was feeling meant he really wasn’t enjoying himself. It was true, he realised; he was unhappy. And it came back to fairness - this wasn’t fair on Jane, or on him. So he made up his mind: he had to tell her and it had to be sooner rather than later. The longer he let this run, the worse it was going to get.
The next time Rory saw Jane, a beautiful sunny day in autumn, he steeled himself. She looked so radiant to see him as she ran up to him and hugged him tight, and Rory’s hands began to shake. He didn’t hug her back. Jane pulled back and looked at him in confusion, her arms still looped around his neck.
‘Rory, what’s wrong?’
He gaped at her for a long moment, his heart thudding unpleasantly in his chest as he looked at her. He blushed. ‘I …’ he carefully removed her hands from his neck and stepped back. ‘I’m-not-sure-this-is-working,’ he rushed out.
Jane stared at him for a long moment, then said, ‘there’s someone else isn’t there?’
‘No,’ Rory said sadly. ‘Not like that anyway. I just don’t …’ he sighed. ‘Look, I really like you and I enjoy being with you, but …’
‘But you don’t love me.’ Jane nodded, her eyes wet but her voice firm and steady. ‘I always knew it, but I hoped …’ She took a deep breath and smiled at him. ‘Well, no point making this more uncomfortable than it already is.’ She reached up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. ‘See you round, Rory.’
Rory watched her walk away, her head high but a stiffness in her steps that belied her apparent casualness. A surge of guilt hit him; she had, after all, done nothing wrong. Her only crime was that she wasn’t Amy. Rory had a mad desire to run after her and ask her to stay, but he kept himself in place. He reminded himself that it was fairer this way - both to him and to her. She deserved far better than someone who didn’t love her. As she disappeared into the distance, Rory grimaced. It was a pity that he couldn’t give himself the same kindness.
Prologue