Watching You, Watching Me, Chapter 7 - Slow Spinning Redemption

[rumielf]

It was time.

With Absolem’s assistance Alice would travel through her mirror today and return to Underland once more. It had taken time to persuade the looking glass to open enough to allow her to pass through and both she and the butterfly had spent weeks coddling, sweet-talking and all but threatening the mirror. During that time Alice had worked with the company’s trading as she had intended to and she began to put various things into motion so that her absence would not be a burden on Lord Ascot. She also found herself trying to compose a letter to her mother and sister, explaining why she had to leave but found that to be the hardest part of her choice. Instead she simply wrote that she would be taking an extended voyage off the ship, and would find ways to let her family know that she was well.

During the wait she found that the mirror flatly refused to show her Tarrant or allow any communication with him. It was maddening that she was unable to talk to him, to tell him that she was returning. Absolem had assured her that Tarrant would learn of her return in time to meet her but he also would not carry any communication to the Hatter.

And so when she wasn’t working she found herself thinking back over her time in Underland and then dwelling on the Tarrant she had seen in the mirror as her watcher. How much of that had been real and how much had been her imagination? There was no way to ask him and Alice was certain that when faced with him she would be too afraid to ask. If it had been her imagination there was probably no harm done but if it had all been real, what would he now think of her? Would he be able to accept her and her actions and her newly discovered…pleasures? Or would he turn away from her?

Then there was the matter of Benton. Alice sat on the end of her bed and sighed. She’d come to terms much easier with the knowledge of his real identity than she had thought possible. While it was true that he had deceived her and she was rather certain that his initial approaches as Benton were rooted in a desire for revenge, Alice was certain that at some point he’d come to care for her. She remembered how he had looked at her in the beginning, with the predatory smile and how he had looked at her as she left for this voyage…and how sad he had seemed. There had definitely been a change during the time they had been together.

Of course, his real identity also explain his fascination with having their trysts in front of the mirror. Perhaps he had known that Tarrant was watching at some point. Perhaps he simply wanted to ensure that had the Hatter glanced through at any moment that he would be greeted with the sight of her and Stayne. Even so, at one point he had covered the mirror and left it that way. Alice wondered if that was the point when he had come to truly care for her as herself, rather than as a means of revenge.

“How will Tarrant look at me if he knows about Stayne?” she asked aloud to the empty room. It was a question that had continued to plague her during these weeks of waiting. Would Tarrant not want her if he knew she had already been with another man, a man that he hated? How much might Tarrant have seen? If he had been watching then he would know that Alice had not resisted, that she had enjoyed the trysts with Stayne. Would he want her after that?

Alice felt her resolve start to shake and shook her head sharply. “I made my choices.” She balled her hand into a fist. “I cared for Benton…Stayne…and I will not regret anything that happened between us. I made that choice,” her voice had stronger now. “And I’m making the choice to return. If Tarrant does want me then I’ll ask if the Queen still needs her champion.”

“You’re ready.”

Absolem’s voice startled her and she looked up to find the butterfly perched on her writing desk. “What do you mean? I’ve been ready for weeks!”

He flew over to her and perched on her knee. “You were ready physically to go back. But until you made up your mind about the Hatter and the Knave you wouldn’t have been let through the glass.”

She bit her lip and watched him. “You mean me not regretting what happened with Benton?”

Nodding, he flapped his wings slowly. “You had to find your resolve to remain in Underland despite what anyone might think of your choices.” He smiled at her. “And you did.”

“So, now can we go?” she asked, finally smiling at her friend.

“All you have to do is know where you want to be and step through.”

Alice stood as Absolem flitted off her knee and landed on the mirror’s frame. She picked up the small case she had packed with a few items she hadn’t wanted to leave behind and some basic items of clothing and stepped toward the mirror. Closing her eyes she thought once of her mother and sister, of Benton/Stayne and Hamish, of Lord Ascot and her late father. Then, with a deep breath, she firmly planted an image of Tarrant Hightopp in her mind. As she imagined each detail of his appearance she felt her lips curling up into a smile. Without another word of encouragement or instruction, Alice stepped through the looking glass.

It felt as though she had stepped through a small rainstorm, with water pouring over her skin, and then she felt the wind and sun. Alice opened her eyes and found herself staring at a familiar sight: the old windmill and a long and mismatched tea party setting. Her eyes sought out the chair that she remembered Tarrant sitting in most often but it was empty. In fact, all of the seats were empty though the table was set with fresh treats and steam rose from the teapots.

She walked toward the table slowly, wondering where everyone had disappeared to when she heard a soft, lisping voice behind her.

“You came back…”

Alice dropped her case and spun around, her smile stretching to rival Chessur’s as she took in the sight of a very familiar Hatter standing within arm’s reach. “It’s really you,” she said in a whisper.

“It’s really me. I think,” he replied. “Though if you’re here I hope you are really you as well since if you were not that would mean that I wouldn’t-“

Alice smiled and reached out to touch his hand. “Hatter…”

He paused and she saw his face relax. “I’m fine.” Then his eyes lit up and turned such a bright shade of green that she couldn’t help but stare. “I’m more than fine! You’re back!”

Now she laughed as his voice rose with excitement and she couldn’t resist any longer. Taking a step forward she closed the distance between him and wrapped her arms around him, pressing herself against him. Tarrant stood there for a moment, his own arms hovering uncertainly before finding their place around her and locking her in that embrace. “I missed you,” she said, her voice muffled against his chest.

Those three words melted his heart. Tarrant had spent the time between the last dream he had shared with Alice and discovering she would return wondering how different she would be. He knew that he would have welcomed her no matter how different she was from his own memories and fantasies. There had been hesitation, however, wondering if she cared for Stayne now that she knew his true identity. Fear that she would have preferred to be with the Knave had chased him for some time. After all, she was no longer the innocent child that had captured his heart. Now she was a woman, with that innocence gone and replaced with…desires? knowledge?...that made him shiver with love and wanting.

There had been many moments when he had wondered if she had changed beyond what he could imagine. Those had scared him most of all, that he would not be enough for this willful and wonderful child-woman. Yet with her words she had set his mind at ease and unknowingly reassured him. No, this was His Alice and no matter what else she may have done, she was here now, in his arms.

Alice felt the arms around her tighten suddenly and she wondered what had crossed his mind. She leaned back slightly, not releasing him from her embrace but moving so that she could look up at him. The pale face with the familiar mercury stains, the bright firey-red hair, the top hat that she remembered on her own head in the dream that helped her remember….all those things were finally here, in her reach. She smiled, happiness radiating from her. “Am I late for tea?” she asked, humor making her tone light.

He laughed, a sound that she relished hearing. “Yer never late fer tea, my Alice,” he said, his voice tinged with the brogue that never failed to make her shiver. “Whenever ye arrive is always th’ righ’ time.”

Releasing her from his embrace, Tarrant took her hand and picked up her case with his other. Still smiling, he led her to the tables and pulled out the same chair she had sat in on her previous visits. Alice sat, hoping that this time it wouldn’t be just a visit but instead a regular occasion. Tarrant’s reaction to her visit seemed to indicate that he was more than pleased at her return but she still worried. As he sat at his usual place she frowned and he noticed immediately.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

Alice hesitated for a moment, unsure if she truly wanted to bring up things that might be relevant. After all, there was a chance that Tarrant had no knowledge of her involvement with Stayne.

Her reluctance to speak made Tarrant fearful. He spoke up instead. “It’s that slurvish Knave, isn’t it?”

Surprise, fear and a hint of defiance flashed across her face. Alice knew without a doubt now that Tarrant knew everything, from Stayne’s initial encounter with her to the various escapades in her bedroom in front of the mirror. And her worst fear was confirmed. There was indeed a look of anger and disgust in his eyes. She wanted to run, to hide, to beg forgiveness and yet even as she felt shame start to fill her, it met with her pride and was immediately extinguished. Just minutes before she had already decided not to let anyone, not even Tarrant, make her regret her choices.

Alice lifted her chin and Tarrant was surprised to see the defiance flash in her brown eyes. “Yes. This is about Stayne.” She met his gaze steadily. “It needs to be out in the open between us.”

Tarrant was surprised at her tone, very even and uncompromising. Oh yes, this was his Alice, all grown up and still stubborn! Yet, she was right. They needed to discuss this before anything else might happen. He needed to hear it from her that she was no longer thinking of Stayne. That she had always been thinking of her Hatter instead. “Do you love him?” The question was past his lips before he could stop it.

“No.” Her reply was without hesitation. Then she continued. “I cared for him a great deal. He was never unkind to me and I’m certain now that he loved me, at least at the end of our association.” That was a surprise to the Hatter. He had never thought the Knave capable of anything even approaching love. Alice held up a hand to stop him from saying anything. After taking a breath she went on. “I know now why he approached me in the beginning but I won’t apologize to you or anyone else for being with him.”

Disappointment raced through Tarrant’s body, leaving him cold. From the sound of it, she still cared for the Knave and might even have fond memories of him. Did this mean she wanted to find a way to bring him back to Underland? Did she not want to remain here? He finally found his voice again. “Do you want to be with him?”

Her eyes opened wide in surprise and suddenly she laughed. Tarrant couldn’t understand why she found his fearful question so amusing and waited until she had composed herself enough to speak. “You don’t know, do you?” she asked, still giggling.

He shook his head. “Know what?”

Alice had finally calmed her laughter and now she smiled at him, her heart lighter. “That last time in front of the mirror with you…I made my choice then, still thinking you were just a figment of my mad imagination. I knew then that I would rather be mad…insane…and still have you even as a hallucination than be with Stayne, even knowing that he loved me.”

Hope lit up Tarrant’s face. “You mean…”

Nodding, she reached across the table and took his hand. “I’ve only wanted to be with you from the beginning. Benton, I mean Stayne, was a reminder of you. He was the only real connection that I had with you, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. It’s why I couldn’t ever love him in return.” Alice stood then and moved until she was inches from him. She brought her face so close to his own that he could feel her warm breath as she spoke.

“I love you, Tarrant.”

She kissed him then, the first true kiss that she had shared with him. The sensation spread like fire through her veins and she felt him respond after a moment of surprise. Without thinking she reached to cup his face and he growled, the sound reminding her of the first encounter with him through the mirror. Quickly he reached and pulled her into his lap, holding her tightly against his own body. Alice felt as though her skin was on fire and she could feel the evidence of his own arousal hard against her leg. Now it was her turn to groan and her hands moved, reaching for his coat and finding their way inside.

Tarrant obliged her silent demand by letting go of her and slipping the coat off. She then shifted her attention to his tie and he couldn’t help but laugh. He leaned back and looked at her for a moment, taking in her flushed face. “Alice, do you want this? Now? Here?”

She kissed him again before replying. “I’ve been wanting this since the last time that I was here. I’ve wanted this even when I thought you were simply a reflection in a mirror.” Standing, she reached up and began unbuttoning her simple traveling dress. Within moments she stood in front of him in only a chemise and bloomers. “Your turn,” she said with an impish grin.

More than happy to oblige, Tarrant stood and began the much longer process of removing his several layers of clothing. Finally he stood in simply his shirt and trousers. Alice reached for him and once again found herself pressed against him, only this time she could feel the heat of his body through the thin layers of clothing they both still wore. Almost immediately they began to reach for each other’s remaining clothing and were briefly caught up in a tangle of sleeves and cotton. Soon enough both were happily appeased with the feel of bare flesh against flesh. Alice shuddered as Tarrant claimed her mouth again for a moment before trailing kisses down her neck, nipping at the sensitive area of her shoulder.

He continued to kiss his way lower, slowly kneeling as he did so. His lips brushed against her breasts, teasing them with the lightest of touches before reaching his arms around her to urge her to the soft grass as well. Alice knelt, glad to hide the shaking in her legs, and brought her lips to his once again. Her hands pressed against his shoulders, urging him to lie back on the ground and he complied, stretching his long limbs out in the grass. Alice sat there for many seconds simply taking in the sight of him. She had long imagined what he would look like, completely bare before her. Even the transparent images in the mirror could not compare to the reality of her Tarrant in the flesh.

She reached out and trailed her fingers over his chest, watching him close his eyes and shiver. Alice smiled, pleased and then allowed her fingers to continue their movements lower on his body pausing only when they hovered just above the part of him that she ached to touch. She watched as it jerked in response and finally she moved her fingertips over his swollen member, listening as Tarrant drew a ragged breath. Wrapping her fingers around him she squeezed gently and was rewarded with a gasp. Encouraged by his response she moved her hand, stroking the shaft and watched him as his hands fisted in the grass. Feeling her own desire flare in response, Alice leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to the tip of his member.

Tarrant’s whole body seemed to become rigid at that single kiss. The next moment he felt the warmth of her mouth close over him and a choked noise forced its way out of his throat. This was certainly better than anything that his fantasies had shown him. Oh, to have his very-real Alice touching him of her own accord…to have her lips wrapped around him...he wasn’t sure he would be able to contain himself if she continued her current actions much longer. He reached for her and tugged her up to kiss her once again, tasting himself on her lips. With a swift movement he turned and reversed their positions, with her now lying underneath him.

Alice had only a moment to take in this new position before Tarrant was kissing her once more, his fingers sliding down her body until they brushed the small nub that made her jerk and whimper at the same time. her fingers clutched as his arm, nails digging into his skin as his own fingers continued to tease that part of her. Her body writhed against him and he move his fingers lower, feeling the wetness against his hand. His own body shuddered in response and he couldn’t resist slipping one long finger inside of her, She cried out, her voice choked and muffled against his lips. As her body moved against him he slid a second finger inside her wetness and began to rub, just a light pressure against the inside of her and and began to pant, her heart racing.

"Tarrant, please..."

Her plea was more than enough encouragement. As she spread her legs, he lowered himself between them, pausing in his kisses to stare into her eyes.

"Are you--" he began but she cut him off.

"Completely." Alice replied. Then she moved her hips, nudging the tip of his member just barely inside her.

"Mine..." he finished in a breathy voice, thrusting himself into her. She could only gasp in reply and move her hips against him, her body convulsing around his own sex. They began to move together, their bodies finding a rhythm quickly.

Alice reached up and cupped his face in her hands, watching his eyes change color rapidly. "Yours," she whispered, then cried out as the sensations in her body built, finding that peak. "Please...please..." Her voice was choked and pleading. Tarrant quickened his thrusts and felt his own body starting to convulse. He cried out her name, his voice clear of both brogue and lisp, at the same time that her own ragged voice called out his own. Alice's body spasmed around him, clenching and releasing as he found his own release.

She felt the warmth of him fill her as her body shivered. As Tarrant collapsed on top of her, his breathing rough and fast, Alice wrapped her arms around him. This moment, she thought, was worth all that she had gone through since the return to her world. All of the thoughts of madness, the torment she put herself through, the heartache at not being able to love Benton in return...all of it had been worth it just to be here at this moment. Then she shut her eyes and dozed off, the comforting weight of Tarrant warm against her.

It wasn't long before they both woke, finding themselves curled against each other. Alice smiled and snuggled against him. "Now what?" she asked.

"What would you like?"

Alice thought for a long moment before responding. "I think at this moment I'd like a cup of tea."

He laughed and hugged her closer, nuzzling her neck. "That I can do. And after?"

She rolled over to face him. "After that? I think I'd like to find something to do here in Underland as a trade or profession. Preferrably where I can be with you."

Tarrant found himself ginning. "Anythin' for ye, lad. Anything."

Not long after they had dressed and sat for tea with Thackery and Mallyumkim, Alice looked around and reflected that she might indeed be mad, and it did truly taste like tea and honey...but she wouldn't trade a moment of it, not for all the riches in both her world and this one.

She was home.