But the field remains in my heart~xxx_and_loveMay 12 2011, 00:35:47 UTC
I confess that I couldn't even remember the password of this account. Now that I start thinking about it, I think I forgot this place, where we've been for so long and where, I can say that I guess, everything in fact began, because it was in here that I joined the courage that I hadn't with the love that I always had... and asked you to be mine. And mine only. And I... I know that this is a really weird way of starting an answer for everything that you wrote to me, but I don't really think that I... that I know what to say right now. Just like all the other times, you caught me by surprise. I just got a note on my cellphone, saying that you had update your journal and I was like... "what? again?" Because I thought it was the other journal, which you updated earlier, you know. But when I saw this, when I.... when I readed this, I just started to cry in the middle of the studio. It's not really a new, right? Me crying... but you... god, you just can't stop being beautiful, can you?
You always say that you have no words to express your feelings, you always say that it's me who always knows what to say, but that's a great lie, for right now I have no idea of what to tell you. You caught my heart, love, so tightly and... it's not that I don't know how much you love me, for I do. I do, because the only fact that you chose me... it makes me feel so lucky for being the one who deserves your love, you know? Who deserves to see your beautiful self everyday... who deserves to cuddle you at night, to hold your body closely and, god, I'm so glad that the world doesn't know how gorgeous you are, so much more than people can say, or hear. How smooth is your skin and how I love your scent... how I love the way you always smell so good, with such a delicate scent, even after we make the wildest sex or make out for hours. I always feel like smiling when I breathe deeply at your neck, behind your ear... and how I feel my heart beating warmly and I think... God... I'm so happy. I don't think someone can be as happy as we are. As happy as we were.
You were talking about nostalgics and I took the chance to look back at our past, carved in here forever in words that represents so many years of our lives. And even now, even reading... it's funny because it looks as if it was yesterday, at the same time that looks that it's been another life. It looks like yesterday the first time that I saw you... when I saw your porcelained face, your blue hair, your rebel clothes and the most sweet smile that I ever seen. And I just remembered by that time, that I thought... that I could see that smile forever, that I needed to see it... because it always warmed me so much, that I could feel my heart beating faster and the only thing that I ever wanted was to know that you were happy. And soon there came us living together and all that... relationship that didn't have a name. It was a friendship, for the title matters, but... we know that it was so much more than that, right? I know, by that time, that I made some mistakes too... I know that we fought a lot, because f this...love, that was too feared by that time. But I also know that ever since that time, even now... to see you smiling is the only thing that I really need to open mine. And I can't tell how much of happy that I am, just because you allowed me to be the one to hold your hand... so we could seek this happiness together.
Re: But the field remains in my heart~xxx_and_loveMay 12 2011, 00:36:08 UTC
I know that maybe I'm making no sense at all and... I know that you wrote so many things and I cried so much and the truth is that the only thing that I keep reading at my onw mind is that I love you. I always loved you, I know I loved you even before we met. I think that even before I knew your face, even before I knew your name, my heart already knew that I was going to find you and when I did that, it was like everything made some kind of weird sense. As if, from that time on, I knew what I had to do... and this thing was to be with you. I love you so much, Takanori. My Ruki. My Ru. I love you so much that I can't tell, I love you so much that, by know, I wish I could be at home with you, holding you tightly at my arms and breathing your skin, kissing your lips and telling you that I won't ever, ever, ever allow you getting out my life. Because you ARE my life. You're the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me and... everytime that I see Kei, Aki, Ren and Shiki... I can see the brightness of your eyes at them and I know... they're going to be beautiful just like you are. And that you're the only reason why I have so many light at my life. It's you, love, it's always... always has been you... and you can bet that at the time that I arrive our home, I'm going to kiss you so much and hold you so tightly... and that I won't let you go. I won't let you go until you feel loved like you deserved. Until you know how much your words reached me, because I'm feeling like I'm just writing crap in here. A bunch of words that aren't even close of what I'm feeling in my heart.
You saved me, love. Not because I was lost before you... but because I'd never find myself without you. You're so beautiful... and I never want you to forget... that you're the love of my life. That your smile brightens my day. Your fingers make me melt, your voice... is the reason why I play. And every time that I just rest in your arms, I feel like reaching that field, over and over again. That field that we built ever the first time we made love and kissed in the snow. That field that only opens up in the sky with you... that place of just you and me..... and god.......god, how I wish I could be holding you right now.
I'm sorry for this...... I don't know, kinda lost declaration. It's just that I love you in such a way... and they still didn't invent words for that. I love you.... your self, your body, your skin....I love kissing you, I love the way you kiss me... I love how you're so innocent and so wild at the same time... and I love to drown on you and be saved by your breathing.
I can't live without you. I never could and I certainly never will. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you...
You always say that you have no words to express your feelings, you always say that it's me who always knows what to say, but that's a great lie, for right now I have no idea of what to tell you. You caught my heart, love, so tightly and... it's not that I don't know how much you love me, for I do. I do, because the only fact that you chose me... it makes me feel so lucky for being the one who deserves your love, you know? Who deserves to see your beautiful self everyday... who deserves to cuddle you at night, to hold your body closely and, god, I'm so glad that the world doesn't know how gorgeous you are, so much more than people can say, or hear. How smooth is your skin and how I love your scent... how I love the way you always smell so good, with such a delicate scent, even after we make the wildest sex or make out for hours. I always feel like smiling when I breathe deeply at your neck, behind your ear... and how I feel my heart beating warmly and I think... God... I'm so happy. I don't think someone can be as happy as we are. As happy as we were.
You were talking about nostalgics and I took the chance to look back at our past, carved in here forever in words that represents so many years of our lives. And even now, even reading... it's funny because it looks as if it was yesterday, at the same time that looks that it's been another life. It looks like yesterday the first time that I saw you... when I saw your porcelained face, your blue hair, your rebel clothes and the most sweet smile that I ever seen. And I just remembered by that time, that I thought... that I could see that smile forever, that I needed to see it... because it always warmed me so much, that I could feel my heart beating faster and the only thing that I ever wanted was to know that you were happy. And soon there came us living together and all that... relationship that didn't have a name. It was a friendship, for the title matters, but... we know that it was so much more than that, right? I know, by that time, that I made some mistakes too... I know that we fought a lot, because f this...love, that was too feared by that time. But I also know that ever since that time, even now... to see you smiling is the only thing that I really need to open mine. And I can't tell how much of happy that I am, just because you allowed me to be the one to hold your hand... so we could seek this happiness together.
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You saved me, love. Not because I was lost before you... but because I'd never find myself without you. You're so beautiful... and I never want you to forget... that you're the love of my life. That your smile brightens my day. Your fingers make me melt, your voice... is the reason why I play. And every time that I just rest in your arms, I feel like reaching that field, over and over again. That field that we built ever the first time we made love and kissed in the snow. That field that only opens up in the sky with you... that place of just you and me..... and god.......god, how I wish I could be holding you right now.
I'm sorry for this...... I don't know, kinda lost declaration. It's just that I love you in such a way... and they still didn't invent words for that. I love you.... your self, your body, your skin....I love kissing you, I love the way you kiss me... I love how you're so innocent and so wild at the same time... and I love to drown on you and be saved by your breathing.
I can't live without you. I never could and I certainly never will.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you...
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