Less like dying, more like transcending

[ruined_for_fire]

I am pretty sure that while JE was quick to point out that life is war, he failed to mention that it's driven by snipers and terrorists.

It came after me today, full throttle.  Same exact attack that snapped me into full meltdown in December.  While I'm not in full meltdown by any means, I feel the suffocating weight of it pressing on me.  I feel

Comments

[ruined_for_fire]

First of all, if you are in relationship with me on the level that you feel comfortable issuing an "iron sharpening iron" challenge, it would be best that you identify yourself. I will not be responding to anonymous posts on this topic anymore. If a poster does not identify themselves to me, be it publicly or privately, they will receive no response at all. And if I have any reason to believe there is even the smallest bit of ungodly motivation, the post will be removed.

Second of all, it's really not hard to differentiate between an attack and a confrontation of truth. An attack brings accusation, deals in terms of condemnation, and comes in an ungodly manner. It smells like sulfer.

Thirdly, the Lord lives in me and does indeed tell me things all the time. He also uses people to confirm those things to me. He never accuses me. Even when bringing me to a point of conviction, He never tears down, degrades, sneers, accuses, shames, intimidates or any other such thing.

Fourthly, this is my blog. This is my place to process. Believe it or not, I am allowed to say what I want here. I am not here to put on a front for anyone. I am not trying to appear better than I am. One should always be careful about criticizing a work in progress, especially when the Artist is obviously moving.

[ruined_for_fire]

Oh Lisa.. In no way am I accusing you. I just know from experience that when we hear something enough times it should be looked at. If someone is saying something (this goes for everyone and I know more so for me) maybe we need to look at what we are doing that we come across in a certain way. Really.. this advice is for me as well. That's what business people do all the time. If it doesn't work, well, why doesn't it? How can I do better the next time? What mistakes did I make that I can improve upon. Life really is like that.

I know you are a creative person just as I am and being that way we tend to feel a lot. Feeling is fine until it gets to the point that is all we do. Sometimes a big of logic thrown in works. I'm not saying that about you as much as me. It helps!

Of course , this is your space to say as you want. I know this is your journal and your recording of your growth and thoughts. It just hurts to see you in the pain you are in. I only care as you seem to struggle so much with so many things. You have struggled for years and the things you say are the same. I wish for you to be able to move on and I wish for you to just like yourself. I know life hasn't been fair for you. The truth is.. it isn't fair for anyone. Talk to almost anyone and it's not fair. There are days I wish the Lord would just come today because there are days it just hurts to be alive. However, this is about living in His grace. The power that he gives. Thinking on it.. I'm so thankful that it's not up to me. He is so wonderful that he loves me just as I am and counts me holy because of what was done for me. I cry just writing how wonderful that is. I do fail, I am not perfect. I fall so short.

Then I watch you struggle so much of the time. I know that not everything we struggle with is something that we create ourselves. Sometimes it's the sins of others close to us, and it can be an attack that does discourage. However, I wasn't attacking. It was said in love. I wish you could hear me as I say it.

I just know you like challenges and you grow by them. I did not intentionally leave my name off. I just forgot. I do that sometimes, and I need to be more aware to put it there. I only ask you to look at it.

I am not tearing down, degrading. I am not sneering, accusing or shaming you. I do not want to intimidate you. I want to see you stand, and to stand tall. I am not criticizing a work in progress, because I know God is not finished with you yet. He's not done over here either, and there are times I look like a big old glob of something.

Just for a moment look at it from a different angle. Does it help? Doesn't it help to think that people don't think your a show. You are not! I've told you before, if I say anything it's out of true concern. The challenge can be good. Anything that makes us think outside ourselves is good.

If you really want, I will leave you alone. It's your choice. If being alone is more beneficial, I will go. Sometime when we hear the truth, it can hurt. Boy can it hurt. This wasn't intended to hurt you. If I hurt you I ask for forgiveness because that is not my intent. I am truly concerned for you.

Bless you Lisa as you find your way! Keep in the Word. Let that always been your guide.

In Christ!
Joanne

[ruined_for_fire]

Thank you for identifying yourself, Joanne.

Believe it or not, I don't mind struggling. It usually bothers other people far worse than it does me, and they want to fix it in order to make themselves more comfortable, so they don't have to watch the painful wrestling. But some of the people I admire most in the bible were strugglers. They didn't accept easy answers, they constantly pushed for more and to go deeper, they weren't satisified with the status quo in anything--themselves, their faith, the world around them. They displayed emotion not because they were caught up in it, but because they were passionate. They gave themselves permission to feel deeply. My life gives me little opportunity for such things. It's too busy and it moves too fast. My blog is my place to be real and not sweat emotions. What I write here is not the totality of who I am or what I think. It is only a piece of me. And in the world of emotions, I've still got nothing on Jeremiah or David.

Much of what you've written here is based on misunderstanding. I don't have the time or energy to meet it all point for point, nor do I wish to engage in self defense over matters that simply aren't that important to me. It's all good between me n' God, and that's really what matters. What other people think is true about me, my faith, or my walk with Him isn't really the point. And if someone close to me brings me pain because of their actions or opinions, I wrestle it out here until God and I are settled on it again. No biggie.

Oh, and by the way...please don't assume that because the things I say sound the same, that I am the same. Nothing could be further from the truth. The path I'm on may be hard, but the Lord has brought me a long way down it and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[ruined_for_fire]

Lisa,

I guess misunderstanding is part of being in blog land. When you see a person in real day to day there is also an understanding.

Glad this isn't all of you. I was getting a bit concerned about you. You do not have to meet anything point by point, and you do not have to be in self defense either. By your words I interpeted something and you say it's not there, so I will leave that there and know you are OK.

Did you get that article I had sent to you. It was pretty long. I'm still thinking on it and tossing it about. So many things I had thought about and good to see it all in words.

Take care yourself!
j