(no subject)
I don't know what'd going on anymore. I feel like I walk on pin needles, because that's exactly how things are. I got home from the movies (Phantom - which I advise everyone to go see!) and get on the phone with my uncle, which leaves me in hysteric tears.
I am so fuckin sick of this shit. I do not know what the fuck to do anymore. I got so fuckin pissed off at my Uncle on the phone because he reminded me of my dad, and I kept arguing with him and it wasn't making anything better and it was a complete fuckin mess. And then earlier Lance wanted to get some cigerettes, so I told him I could call Tyler. But when I did, I just figured he was being a fuckin ass too (which he wasn't now that I think about it). And I kept thinking he was because he was busy with something else when I wanted him to not be and I was being a fuckin selfish bitch and being a complete ass and I fuckin hung up on him cause I knew why he was busy and it pissed me off like hell. But it shouldn't - because I'M NOT HIS FUCKIN GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!! And then I thought about callin him because I want to talk to him and all cause I feel like beating the shit outta everything and giving up, but then I decided not to cause he's with his FUCKIN GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!
I am so fuckin sick and tired of it all. Every single guy I encounter I feel threatened by and I do not understand why. I feel like everyone is out to get a fuckin piece of fuckin Chrissy...and I am so done. Tyler fuckin used me just cause he was fuckin horny - and I AM SO FUCKIN STUPID FOR NOT SEEING THAT!!!!! I want to see the good in everyone and I want to think that people do care about me and want to be around me. No - that's not how it is - everyone is out for their fuckin selves and out to have their own fickin fun. I'm done - I am so sick of making everyone else so fuckin happy. I am the most god damn unhappy mother fucker I know - and I hate this - I hate feeling like this because I never wanted to feel like this again. Guess what? Here it is again, the whole fuckin summer coming back to haunt me...I honestly want to give in right now - I'm done with everything and everyone right now - I can only do so much...and I don't even know what to do with my fuckin self anyways. I feel like the biggest fuck up in the entire fuckin world - one of the stupidest too. I have no family, my parents want nothing to do with me, I work at fuckin Taco Bell, school is shit, my friends are there whenever the hell they feel like it, Tyler could give a flying fuck about me because he has a fuckin wife to take care of all his needs. Now, all I am is a fuckin walk-all-over-me, used and abused fuckin mistress. What a title...now there's something to be proud of...I'm done.
Chrissy
I am so fuckin sick of this shit. I do not know what the fuck to do anymore. I got so fuckin pissed off at my Uncle on the phone because he reminded me of my dad, and I kept arguing with him and it wasn't making anything better and it was a complete fuckin mess. And then earlier Lance wanted to get some cigerettes, so I told him I could call Tyler. But when I did, I just figured he was being a fuckin ass too (which he wasn't now that I think about it). And I kept thinking he was because he was busy with something else when I wanted him to not be and I was being a fuckin selfish bitch and being a complete ass and I fuckin hung up on him cause I knew why he was busy and it pissed me off like hell. But it shouldn't - because I'M NOT HIS FUCKIN GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!! And then I thought about callin him because I want to talk to him and all cause I feel like beating the shit outta everything and giving up, but then I decided not to cause he's with his FUCKIN GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!
I am so fuckin sick and tired of it all. Every single guy I encounter I feel threatened by and I do not understand why. I feel like everyone is out to get a fuckin piece of fuckin Chrissy...and I am so done. Tyler fuckin used me just cause he was fuckin horny - and I AM SO FUCKIN STUPID FOR NOT SEEING THAT!!!!! I want to see the good in everyone and I want to think that people do care about me and want to be around me. No - that's not how it is - everyone is out for their fuckin selves and out to have their own fickin fun. I'm done - I am so sick of making everyone else so fuckin happy. I am the most god damn unhappy mother fucker I know - and I hate this - I hate feeling like this because I never wanted to feel like this again. Guess what? Here it is again, the whole fuckin summer coming back to haunt me...I honestly want to give in right now - I'm done with everything and everyone right now - I can only do so much...and I don't even know what to do with my fuckin self anyways. I feel like the biggest fuck up in the entire fuckin world - one of the stupidest too. I have no family, my parents want nothing to do with me, I work at fuckin Taco Bell, school is shit, my friends are there whenever the hell they feel like it, Tyler could give a flying fuck about me because he has a fuckin wife to take care of all his needs. Now, all I am is a fuckin walk-all-over-me, used and abused fuckin mistress. What a title...now there's something to be proud of...I'm done.
Chrissy