(no subject)
Am I meant for relationships?
I mean...am I any good at this?
Good-enough....I must remember, I don't have to be perfect but good enough is...well.....good enough.
I get really scared when I think too far ahead in the future about pretty much everything, but especially the whole boyfriend issue. I love where we are right now, it's next to perfect, but I find my mind wandering into the whole...what next? I start to worry that his patience will run out and he will tire of my pursuit of acedemic excellence and end the relationship for lack of ....well, i should say for the distance issue.
I know I'm talking out of my ass right now, but it's just feelings in my head I need to get out in the open. lol, And I know there's even the likeliness that he fears the same thing, that I will tire of him being so far away and such. But I won't...I know I won't. At least not today, most likely not tomorrow, and I can't foresee it in the future.
I think I just need that reinforcement from him sometimes, to calm that little insecurity in me that worries that the distance will make him grow bored.
And that's another one day at a time thing. today I know he doesnt mind, and I doubt it will magically change tomorrow, and I cant mindread anyway so I need to just stop trying to get into his head.
I think my point is that this is the most incredible relationship I've ever had, and I'm at the point that I realize that....and I find myself wanting to grip it more and more tightly for fear of it flying away...but I also need to realize that by tightening one's grip, you can squeeze the life out of it.
Today....I am content, I am happy with myself, I am happy with my relationships, I am happy with life. I will not worry about tomorrow until it comes. My higher power has guided me so far....I will not try to run ahead, I will continue to let him lead me.
In other news, Belle is doing wonderfully in rally, and I'm finding myself more and more excited about it. She and I both love it, we're the stars of our class, and it's given back some kind of a passion for something I can actually do while I'm in college. The people at the class cannot believe I don't have Belle registered with the AKC. They think she is brilliant and I'm a wonderful trainer, and they truly believe we could excel in rally. Apparently there is a way to register mixed breeds in the akc, and they can compete in anything but the conformation classes. So hopefully by the end of next week I'll have Belle's application in, and we'll be able to show in the akc show this January at the Ag center at the fairgrounds.
Unbelievably there's only three weeks left in my semester, and I'm starting to think of applying to places to work extra hard this break.... I'm thinking 50 hour weeks...to really bulk up the bank account. But, I'll think about it more when it gets closer.
I found this quote, and I really like it.
"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only saps today of its strength."
I mean...am I any good at this?
Good-enough....I must remember, I don't have to be perfect but good enough is...well.....good enough.
I get really scared when I think too far ahead in the future about pretty much everything, but especially the whole boyfriend issue. I love where we are right now, it's next to perfect, but I find my mind wandering into the whole...what next? I start to worry that his patience will run out and he will tire of my pursuit of acedemic excellence and end the relationship for lack of ....well, i should say for the distance issue.
I know I'm talking out of my ass right now, but it's just feelings in my head I need to get out in the open. lol, And I know there's even the likeliness that he fears the same thing, that I will tire of him being so far away and such. But I won't...I know I won't. At least not today, most likely not tomorrow, and I can't foresee it in the future.
I think I just need that reinforcement from him sometimes, to calm that little insecurity in me that worries that the distance will make him grow bored.
And that's another one day at a time thing. today I know he doesnt mind, and I doubt it will magically change tomorrow, and I cant mindread anyway so I need to just stop trying to get into his head.
I think my point is that this is the most incredible relationship I've ever had, and I'm at the point that I realize that....and I find myself wanting to grip it more and more tightly for fear of it flying away...but I also need to realize that by tightening one's grip, you can squeeze the life out of it.
Today....I am content, I am happy with myself, I am happy with my relationships, I am happy with life. I will not worry about tomorrow until it comes. My higher power has guided me so far....I will not try to run ahead, I will continue to let him lead me.
In other news, Belle is doing wonderfully in rally, and I'm finding myself more and more excited about it. She and I both love it, we're the stars of our class, and it's given back some kind of a passion for something I can actually do while I'm in college. The people at the class cannot believe I don't have Belle registered with the AKC. They think she is brilliant and I'm a wonderful trainer, and they truly believe we could excel in rally. Apparently there is a way to register mixed breeds in the akc, and they can compete in anything but the conformation classes. So hopefully by the end of next week I'll have Belle's application in, and we'll be able to show in the akc show this January at the Ag center at the fairgrounds.
Unbelievably there's only three weeks left in my semester, and I'm starting to think of applying to places to work extra hard this break.... I'm thinking 50 hour weeks...to really bulk up the bank account. But, I'll think about it more when it gets closer.
I found this quote, and I really like it.
"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only saps today of its strength."