wine and choclate

[rudeskin]

so last night i spent in turmoil, adn came to teh conclusion that unless justin can change my mind we need to break up. i hope he can prove me wrong, o god do i hope but i can't do this any more. i love him more then he knows, but as i looked over the past 6 months it seems like i was just the transition guy. things in our relation ship had been good untill about a month and a half ago. i was wonderign what happened then so i checked my journal, adn on sept 3 justing finaly told ryan (his ex) off. since then he has been to bust to call or talk, he dosent hang out with me "because i have to be in bed early and he wants to stay out late" he has not iniated any form of phsycal contact since about that time. (except i did get a realy quick kiss when i got him his baby turtles. but that was a thankyou. when ever we make any plans he loses his phone, last night was teh second tiem that i made plans with him ahead of time adn when it came to that day, his phone was lost, well i am assuming that it is cause it goes to the voicemail imediatly. so i left my phone # on his phone adn on his door. and yet no calls. when we went cannoing last week with shreiver adn tohers i got to cannoe with mary jane while he took the other cannoe. it all just seems like he is walking away from this relation ship. i have No desier to end it i love him dearly, but it has come to the point that i can't go on like this, making plans then havig to cancel teh diner resrevations and drinking a bottel of wine my self cause he does nto have the common curtosy to call and tell me that plans have changed. if he did pick up more work a call would have been nice. btu alas nothing. so when he calls me i am not sure what i a going to say, but by the end of the call we will be together or not. i want to stay together, but it keeps looking more and more like he dosent. so to the gods i ask that i be wrong. so only time will tell.
and to add to my weekend my stero got stolen out of my car in broud daylight (between 1 adn 3 pm) in a busy parking Lot.