today, we're ONE!
It's funny how often i realise the power of Love. Well, the word 'power' may be a little cliche so maybe i'd try 'Meaning'. The last few weeks culminating in this special day was filled with tiny bouts of happiness in the shower, waiting for the lift, walking through the park, down the stairs, queueing in the canteen, munching on food, lying in bed aboveall, i realise - i love him.
Once i told him after a few hours in bed cuddling (and you know what), that i love him so much it scares me. And i'm not even talking about the possibility of losing each other here. Just the intensity you know. There must be a way to un-scare myself. Either i release all that frighten-feelings in the form of absurd expressions of affection, or i keep it to myself and try to rationalise it. Of course, it's stupid to even consider the first or the second independantly because i'm currently doing both. Haha.
Today JJ said something which made me feel like i'm really a girlfriend now, and i belong exclusively to someone emotionally and sexually. Not that i never thought i was one, but the fact that i haven't been hitting on guys and flirting my ass away on the dancefloor for a solid good year struck me hard and good. He said, 'I love you more than you know, bebe.' I sat in my chair in front of the webcam silent for what it seems like a minute. Before i knew it, a tear came, and then a second one. It must be the most 'substantial' phrase he ever told me. And it reminded me of the times i selfishly compared my love for him, to his love for me, and when i was so hard up on the whole issue, the former was always more. Of course i never expressed those thoughts, and i'm sure he didn't mean anything remotely close to that, but my heart exploded in a mixture of love, shame and remorse. It just did.
I realised too, how important our first year anniversary is to him. When in the months before, he would ask me why girls always seem to be a sucker for dates, above shopping. He would never understand the fascination with numbers, no matter how many times i tell him "Because!" but of course whenever he forgets, and i tell him i'm hurt (of course i do. i'm not like some retarded girl out there who cries silently and then put their boyfriends on guilt trips when he doesn't even know the fucking cause) he realises he's in some deep shit. It's just retarded. If you hurt, tell your boyfriend. If you're jealous, tell your boyfriend. If you're angry, do a shout-out. Doing anything otherwise is just senseless.
I like how he remembers to get me a present but he hasn't gotten it yet only because he doesn't know what to get. I'd be able to see it the moment i arrive in SF though, i wonder what it is ^^
Smart MT reminded me of hi-chews. He loves them so much. Bah gua too. Spicy, yes darlin.
and a nice foam bead cushion for your back when you work (or play games).
It's cool to be able to converse in more than 1 language with your boyfriend. Very soon, i need to convince him that Chinese is easier than what he thinks. In the meantime:
"Je t'aime bebe."
-Je t'aime aussi mon cheri.
<3
Once i told him after a few hours in bed cuddling (and you know what), that i love him so much it scares me. And i'm not even talking about the possibility of losing each other here. Just the intensity you know. There must be a way to un-scare myself. Either i release all that frighten-feelings in the form of absurd expressions of affection, or i keep it to myself and try to rationalise it. Of course, it's stupid to even consider the first or the second independantly because i'm currently doing both. Haha.
Today JJ said something which made me feel like i'm really a girlfriend now, and i belong exclusively to someone emotionally and sexually. Not that i never thought i was one, but the fact that i haven't been hitting on guys and flirting my ass away on the dancefloor for a solid good year struck me hard and good. He said, 'I love you more than you know, bebe.' I sat in my chair in front of the webcam silent for what it seems like a minute. Before i knew it, a tear came, and then a second one. It must be the most 'substantial' phrase he ever told me. And it reminded me of the times i selfishly compared my love for him, to his love for me, and when i was so hard up on the whole issue, the former was always more. Of course i never expressed those thoughts, and i'm sure he didn't mean anything remotely close to that, but my heart exploded in a mixture of love, shame and remorse. It just did.
I realised too, how important our first year anniversary is to him. When in the months before, he would ask me why girls always seem to be a sucker for dates, above shopping. He would never understand the fascination with numbers, no matter how many times i tell him "Because!" but of course whenever he forgets, and i tell him i'm hurt (of course i do. i'm not like some retarded girl out there who cries silently and then put their boyfriends on guilt trips when he doesn't even know the fucking cause) he realises he's in some deep shit. It's just retarded. If you hurt, tell your boyfriend. If you're jealous, tell your boyfriend. If you're angry, do a shout-out. Doing anything otherwise is just senseless.
I like how he remembers to get me a present but he hasn't gotten it yet only because he doesn't know what to get. I'd be able to see it the moment i arrive in SF though, i wonder what it is ^^
Smart MT reminded me of hi-chews. He loves them so much. Bah gua too. Spicy, yes darlin.
and a nice foam bead cushion for your back when you work (or play games).
It's cool to be able to converse in more than 1 language with your boyfriend. Very soon, i need to convince him that Chinese is easier than what he thinks. In the meantime:
"Je t'aime bebe."
-Je t'aime aussi mon cheri.
<3