In the light...
What is it in me that craves dissention? It must be the addict mindset. Now that I have everything I've ever wanted, I want to run from the peace and serenity. Not every day, just today. And that's okay, one day at a time. Today I want the chaos back. I want the hurt and I want the pain, and I want the uncertainty. My mind wanders into dreams and in my dreams I am sabotaging everything. I dreamt I was in a horrible car wreck. I was not the driver, but I was the cause. I was not injured, no one was, but the dream itself was very disturbing, even as I woke. So tell me, what is it? Why am I so afraid of contentment? I wanted this, I deserve this. I will not sabotage this, I will not run from love, not anymore. I will not shy away from human closeness, emotional contact, I have been doing that for 20 years, and look where it has gotten me. Now is the time to do exactly the opposite of what I used to do.