mind locomotion
Today, I awoke numb and stiff. It was the most alive I've felt in years. And then I went back to sleep.
Where am I now? If I find out I'll send you a postcard. I'm not sure how I'm feeling these days. I can't even tell the difference between my fake smile and my real one. I'm getting good. I'm not happy and I'm not sad. I'm a little indifferent, but what does that even mean?
I want to be famous. At least I know that much. And my creativity sparks tonight, like ripples in the mind. I want to write a book, but I can't develop a story. No one wants to read about my life, even I don't. I want to be the frontman for an indie band, but I don't want to be poor and my social skills are seriously defunct. I want to make movies, but I find myself watching more movies than I make. And that cripples my ambition. I want to draw, and suddenly I'm pretty good at it. But I can't tell the difference between "good" art and "bad" art, it all looks great to me. I want to be an actor, but I'm emotionally numb and couldn't cry if I sliced onions. I want to make music, but it never comes out well.
I'm not sure what to do with all this instability in my head. Sometimes, I feel like it needs funneling, but I have no where to do so. It gets wasted. But lately, I've been wasted. Only because it was the easiest way out. And now I feel empty, like everything's already out and without me. But I can still prove that I'm worth something. Because if I wasn't, well that would just break my heart. I'm not sure how that feels anymore anyway.
So, because I'm feeling free and I have the ability, I'll write something that is utter nonsense. But it means a lot to me. So I hope you'll read. And maybe, you'll find the reassurance that you need.
I walk, across a hazy field.
My mother and me.
But my mouth's dry,
And I'm abandoned tonight.
I'm abandoning me,
Because I'm tired of the person I see.
I want to dance,
And not be bothered
I want a dance that's free.
I'd like it to be for two.
Because I'm not too sure what to would do.
So send me a boat,
I'll break the champagne and set sail.
I want to see the darkest ends,
Not threads painted pale.
And I'm without structure,
Like building blocks.
Placed diligently.
And I could crash,
And still feel so free.
Because the world's so close to me.
And I'm not sure what I want;
I don't know what is real.
But if I can live it,
I don't need it.
And today,
I'm okay,
Just being what I want.
Such, is a product of nonsensical methods as an attempt to seem "artsy" or "profound". This is me being a genius. And now I can't even tell the difference between brilliance and absurdity. Perhaps that does make me profound. I'm wise, eh? Nah.
Where am I now? If I find out I'll send you a postcard. I'm not sure how I'm feeling these days. I can't even tell the difference between my fake smile and my real one. I'm getting good. I'm not happy and I'm not sad. I'm a little indifferent, but what does that even mean?
I want to be famous. At least I know that much. And my creativity sparks tonight, like ripples in the mind. I want to write a book, but I can't develop a story. No one wants to read about my life, even I don't. I want to be the frontman for an indie band, but I don't want to be poor and my social skills are seriously defunct. I want to make movies, but I find myself watching more movies than I make. And that cripples my ambition. I want to draw, and suddenly I'm pretty good at it. But I can't tell the difference between "good" art and "bad" art, it all looks great to me. I want to be an actor, but I'm emotionally numb and couldn't cry if I sliced onions. I want to make music, but it never comes out well.
I'm not sure what to do with all this instability in my head. Sometimes, I feel like it needs funneling, but I have no where to do so. It gets wasted. But lately, I've been wasted. Only because it was the easiest way out. And now I feel empty, like everything's already out and without me. But I can still prove that I'm worth something. Because if I wasn't, well that would just break my heart. I'm not sure how that feels anymore anyway.
So, because I'm feeling free and I have the ability, I'll write something that is utter nonsense. But it means a lot to me. So I hope you'll read. And maybe, you'll find the reassurance that you need.
I walk, across a hazy field.
My mother and me.
But my mouth's dry,
And I'm abandoned tonight.
I'm abandoning me,
Because I'm tired of the person I see.
I want to dance,
And not be bothered
I want a dance that's free.
I'd like it to be for two.
Because I'm not too sure what to would do.
So send me a boat,
I'll break the champagne and set sail.
I want to see the darkest ends,
Not threads painted pale.
And I'm without structure,
Like building blocks.
Placed diligently.
And I could crash,
And still feel so free.
Because the world's so close to me.
And I'm not sure what I want;
I don't know what is real.
But if I can live it,
I don't need it.
And today,
I'm okay,
Just being what I want.
Such, is a product of nonsensical methods as an attempt to seem "artsy" or "profound". This is me being a genius. And now I can't even tell the difference between brilliance and absurdity. Perhaps that does make me profound. I'm wise, eh? Nah.