Never Trust Doctors

[rubikscomplex]

Hello, sick people! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregor Haus; you can call me "Greg." I'm one of two healers staffing in the hospital wing. Madame Pomphrey is off on official business for the nurses' union, because let's face it, nurses don't get paid enough to help people like you. So

Comments

[rileyannemcg]

Oh, but Vicodin is so wonderful! If only you would share it with me. It could help me with my Potions exam. Well, not so much help as make me forget the damn thing even exists.

Hello Dr. Haus. I'm Riley McGranahan, 6th year Hufflepuff and it is my pleasure to welcome you to the nuthouse Hogwarts.

[rubikscomplex]

No! It's mine! You can't have any! And this place doesn't have enough of it as it is.

[rileyannemcg]

Oh, please? *pouts* Are you kidding? This place is full of painkillers if you know where to look. It may not necessarily be Vicodin, but still.

[rubikscomplex]

Aww, well now that you put it that way... no. It's important, doctor stuff. It would be unethical. And as the philosopher Jagger once said, "You can't always get what you want." If it's not Vicodin, it's not breakfast. And I don't have any antidepressants to counterract the hallucinations associated with LCD.

[rileyannemcg]

Did you just call Mick Jagger a philosopher? I'm not even mad. That's amazing. I used to feel that way about vodka, so I understand. Luckily I had the sense to give it up. Ask around. If you need any sort of drug, someone in Hogwarts will probably have it.

[rubikscomplex]

Yes, I believe that WAS me that said that. Though you may want to ask someone else who's not stoned. Yeah, I get that a lot. I'll probably just find someone to send it to me. Someone with mafia connections.

[rileyannemcg]

*laughs* I think I'm really going to enjoy knowing you, Dr. Haus. The mafia's always a good provider. There's an Italian professor here, but I somehow doubt she's in with them. You should make your own connections. I think they'd respect you more for that. Or shoot you. You know, whichever.

[rubikscomplex]

That's too bad. I'll have to ask my dealer if he could ship Vicodin by owl. But the mafia connections would help get past any ethical dilemnas.

[rileyannemcg]

Yes, it would. Hmmm...well, I might have some connections in the Spanish mafia. I could check into that for you.

[rubikscomplex]

That would be helpful. I have some Australian connections, but I doubt they have a mafia. All the Aussies I know run like a scared wombat when they see trouble.

[rileyannemcg]

Aussies are all skittish like that. You can't expect them to have a mafia. I'll contact some of my father's business partners. Or maybe their sons. I think I'd get farther with them. I'll see what I can do.

((Just a completely random sidenote: I FRICKIN' LOVE YOU! XD))

[rubikscomplex]

That's putting it nicely. I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you start putting things nicely? Excellent. I appreciate it. Maybe I'll even share my Vicodin. But probably not.

((Haha, THANKS! Glad he doesn't suck))

[rileyannemcg]

Yes, well if I have to do something kind, it had better be something easy like talking. And I would never expect you to share your Vicodin. Of course I wouldn't mind if you got me some of my own. I'd pay for it, obviously.

[rubikscomplex]

I find it much easier to do be a jerk indiscriminately. Good, because I was lying. If I can find a way to get some sent here, we'll talk.

[rileyannemcg]

It is easier, but I'm one of those idiots that likes making things difficult. And I thank you, Dr. Haus.