Never Trust Doctors
Hello, sick people! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregor Haus; you can call me "Greg." I'm one of two healers staffing in the hospital wing. Madame Pomphrey is off on official business for the nurses' union, because let's face it, nurses don't get paid enough to help people like you. So unfortunately, she's much too busy to deal with you.
I am a board certified healer and diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and emergency medicine. And aside from Wilson, I'm currently the only doctor here. But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin.
Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine! You can't have any! And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem... but who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants to see me?
I am a board certified healer and diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and emergency medicine. And aside from Wilson, I'm currently the only doctor here. But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin.
Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine! You can't have any! And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem... but who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants to see me?
