The Other Side of Life.
On rare occasions I get bitten by the wacky bug. And I'll produce something almost out of thin air that is completely absurd but seems to work. Then it dies a horrible death.
This one was almost going to be made into a comic, except the fellow who was going to help me is a worse flake than I am. And he seems to have had serious RL problems anyway, so... I won't hold it against him.
This idea is dated 1/12/2002. It was meant to involve X-rated concepts without necessarily making them X-rated. So fragile eyes shouldn't...be looking at this blog at all, actually. ;)
The Other Side of Life
(note to self and possible comic artist: title likely in Electrik 16 pt. font, subtitle 12pt Bernhard Modern Roman. Might scale, depending on size of comic. ask me for fonts.)
----------------------
a comic idea by c. a. mephit.
Potential Theme Song: "Shame of Life" from Butthole Surfers (who knew?)
------
"You know how you think you can tackle anything even remotely connected with clouds? Well, I always thought that the wonderful thing about clouds was their collective ability to get together, and you know, rain and such...do things."
Introduction: This is set in the large metropolis of InterCity. It's a strange town, the coming together of millions of people. The idea I had for it originally is that InterCity is the result of all the naughty things, nasty ideas, and such that people would have kept locked in their heads, except for the advent of the Internet. Thus the name. So this place is a repository for the strange and the weird and, of course, the furry. And the jokes will likely be Internet and tech-related: early on you see a victim of the Melissa(?) computer virus. But of course, in InterCity, Melissa does a lot more damage than just clogging networks and making network admins angry... I consider this emblematic of what I'd like this comic to be.
Dos (two ways to pronounce it: pick two) is a country boy, learned electronics and network admin stuff at a community college not far from where he was raised. His parents were techies, but out in the boonies; he has no idea what he's about to face. He certainly has no idea how strange InterCity really is, nor will he realize it until it starts affecting him as well. There is a possibility, I think, that this hiring was quite *intentional*, given the fate of the last network admin. The question is whether Dos is resistant or not? Or is he The One? (...it's in our nature to kill ourselves...)
Dos has been hired as network admin for the Office of Officially Peculiar Situations (OOPS), a group created at the city level to stop...disturbances from happening (Ergo the name). Now, given a glance below, you might think that the OOPS office is rather small - maybe 10 people. You would be correct. So why bother with a tech admin at all?
Well, people will find out eventually (or if you think about it a bit), InterCity has a vast network of cameras and other sensors installed through the entire city to observe what's going on. Rather Big Brotherish. The problem is, there's so much information (and so many odd, kinky things happening), that only the largest of disturbances get picked up and dealt with. Thus "Officially Peculiar" becomes a real title, as there's more than enough non-official peculiarity to go around...
Sorta like Superfund for kink outbreaks.
And this also serves an interesting counterpoint to Orwell's 1984: Sure, you could install a camera in every bedroom, but bureaucracy would never be able to keep up with all of them.
Thus, OOPS needs someone to tend to the wires and the connections that are "out there" in droves. Someone who will go outside the office to tend to maintenance. I.e. a victim. Enter Dos.
The odd thing is that I pretty much have collectively pulled this out of my ass as I've gone along. But this might be the most creative I've gotten in years, so I'm continuing.
I've gotten inspirations from this from a lot of places. The original idea was "a kinky R-to-X-rated Sluggy Freelance" (www.sluggy.com): it's grown from there, of course, but I'd like to think it's remained rather faithful to that root.
Characters:
Dos (our hero): A two-tailed fox from the countryside, well-versed in techie-type skills but isn't generally in touch with the real world from the perspective of InterCity. Sexually he has barely done anything, and certainly has no clue about the Wide World of Kink; thus our exploration of said world is mostly done through his eyes. I would say that he is either a virgin at the beginning or maybe did it once or twice. This doesn't mean he doesn't have a libido or an awareness of sexuality; he does. But he doesn't understand certainly why certain things seem to turn people on, and would honestly prefer not to think about such things.
I'd almost make him religious, but to be honest I'm not sure I'd know how to cope with that.
I expect Dos will always keep some amount of innocence, even as InterCity starts to play with his mind a bit, as it does with all its inhabitants. And if he does become yiffy (which he will), he'll be guilty about it the next morning, count on it.
I would like to do some interesting things with Dos in the future, particularly some transgender/shemale stuff (which he'll find very interesting but have no idea why and is rather uncomfortable about).
He was created in a test tube, which may result in some mischief later.
Dos's Parents: hm.
Supervisor Dave: Lion (not a wolf, as previously thought; makes it easier to distinguish him from Dos). Dave used to be a politician of some standing in InterCity; in fact, he actually ran for mayor once, losing very very badly to the current inhabitant of that office. So he managed to get himself set up in this job, which thankfully is actually fairly cushy for him. He's known about OOPS for quite a while and never liked the group at all, but knows the city needs it - which is why he's here. He has had thoughts for a while about trying to sabotage OOPS or disband it in some fashion - thus his, um, offing of the previous network admin. He brought Dos in thinking that there was no way in heck Dos could actually do his job. A piece in the puzzle, perhaps. He actually is curious what would happen if the kinkiness was allowed to run freely in the city. This could potentially go somewhere in the future.
Yes, he's a lazy male lion. Go figure.
Timmy: Black and white rabbit. (edited) A gadgeteer until the end. (Probably has a vaguely-nondescript female mouse figurine in his office, wearing goggles). Timmy has been with OOPS since the beginning, which is good because InterCity needed him quite badly. Has developed all sorts of interesting devices which he can hook up to the SIN and transmit to various parts of the populace. Of course, he isn't perfect at all, but he always seems to have something new up his sleeve, even if it isn't particularly useful. In IC it almost doesn't matter, it'll come into play eventually for sure.
Timmy also hates dealing with reality. Can't stand it. The OOPS office he can deal with, mostly because he believes they are advanced figments of his imagination, and he can cope with that. He also knows they don't like to be called that, so he tries not to. :)
He did quite a bit of work for the Ghostbusters, developing quite a bit of their devices for them (though of course he never actually dealt with anything but "virtual ghosts" - too messy). Several of those devices were easily adapted to try to stop some situations from happening; others less so.
The most cynical member of OOPS.
Larry: Otter trouble scout. I have to have a native Californian in here. Particularly with my experiences in UCSB, I know that the Californian stereotype has roots in reality. Larry is a surfer dude who likes surfing the Shitty IntercityNet just as much as taking the waves outside the city. The SIN for him is a surfer's dream, but probably I'll have to have some nasty joke here on that.
He was locked in a movie theater during an all-night Keanu Reeves marathon at his UCSB-like university as part of a psychology experiment (from someone who likely will show up later on the strip). He has never quite been the same since. Goes psycho (?) when certain concepts are mentioned (football, matrices, phone booths, vampires, runaway buses, memory manipulation, Shakespeare). Has a permanent "dude" attached to most every sentence, no matter who he's addressing.
Also the most positive member of the OOPS party.
Erin: Skunk magess. Generally fairly aloof when she's not working the phones (in her "spare time" she runs at least 3 psychic hotlines that create most of the budget for OOPS). She is a magess of some power, but she has a little problem that stops her from becoming an Archmage, and ends her up in a dinky ass job: (?). She really wishes she was somewhere else, obviously, though the fact that Dos has absolutely no clue about life in InterCity intrigues her to no end once she realizes it. Graduated from the Magical Institute for Theriomorphs, an old joke concerning me. A running joke is likely the fact that it never looks like she does anything but run her hotlines, yet somehow things get done which only she could have done.
Alys: The secretary - um, administrative assistant of OOPS. Probably the one who can kick the most butt of the entire party, but we'll likely rarely if ever see her do it on-panel. Named as a cross-reference between Phantasy Star and Dilbert, and I expect I'll borrow from both concerning her.
Nimbus: Old maybe-once-cute-mouse (owl?) male. The accountant and economist of the group. Probably the oldest and the one who's lived in InterCity the longest. An experience (?) several years ago left him permanently mentally scarred. May not be just working for OOPS's better interests.
Nim has a bad problem of channeling the news. Or just channeling. He knows this, but it sorta just comes to him. Mostly he channels the worst of the news. He's actually rather disturbed by this. He's not really that much of a downer kind of fellow, more just lonely and somewhat lost and definitely confused. Sometimes he picks up bad things before even Larry, so he can be quite helpful.
Kala: A winged half-fox half-kitty (generally known to me as a kitfox), maybe a foot tall or so. Used because my gf wanted a place in here somewhere and I found a good spot. She's Dos's conscience, used to keep him in line when he starts wandering too far into the weird wide world of kink. She's kinda fairie-like, and since this is InterCity after all, yes she might end up in a weird Bondage Fairie-like set of situations and can go into macrophile stuff and such.
Her origins are something I've going to have to think about some more.
Lolo (more properly LOLO, perhaps a synonym of some sort): The operating system created/modified by Dos for the Shitty...er...StupidIntercityNetwork. Can manage some surveillance properties in addition to the members of OOPS, but as we'll find it can't necessarily reduce the need for Larry and the like. It works best as a go-through information network built to handle the pure amount of information that IC gets on a daily basis.
It has acquired some amount of rudimentary AI. Because it's built on surveillance of IC, it will eventually gain kinkiness as well (someone exposed to that much porn better be :)).
I kinda wonder whether different fonts are needed for different people. I really honestly don't know. I don't think so, but sometimes I wonder.
Notes for comic notation
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() - Used to describe scene or reaction. Not physically in comic.
[] - Meant to be actual text in the comic, in a box (most likely) across the panel, top or bottom, depending on scene.
The Other Side of Life
---------------
Strip 1:
"Oops, he did it again"
Panel 1:
[Day 1]
Dos: (in OOPS doorway, to secretary and standin walking by): Hi, y'all, I'm here to help with your networks. (I'm thinking Dos is a bit of a country boy, perhaps with a Texan accent, which I can do well. ;))
Panel 2:
(standin and secretary look at Dos)
(Dos waits for a reaction, looking surprised)
Panel 3:
(secretary returns to typing on computer. standin walks by)
(Dos looks a bit miffed)
Panel 4:
Dos: I said...
interruption (from off panel, Larry) - Holy shit! That huge wolf is rampaging through the central business district - again! Dude! That's the third time this month?!?
Panel 5:
(crowd of people running out the door, running over Dos)
Comment 1: Where the hell does he come from? (Erin)
Comment 2: And where the hell do we put the come this time? (Timmy)
Panel 6:
Dos: (looking bedraggled, etc.; or perhaps on floor, off panel. the office is empty, including the secretary) Abort, retry...fail?
------------------
Strip 2: "Flipper died a natural death"
Panel 1:
[Day 2]
Supervisor: Sorry we had to hire you on such short notice, Dos. The previous administrator had to leave...suddenly.
Panel 2:
Dos: What happened?
Supervisor: Oh, he caught a nasty virus.
Panel 3:
(cut to strange broom closet)
*Female* sex doll (with valves et al. looking cute and vulnerable): "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..."
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Strip 3: "Mad herm disease"
Panel 1:
[Day 3]
Dos (to Supervisor): So, your ad was unclear on what exactly my job for the Office of Officially Peculiar Situations entails.
Panel 2:
Supervisor: You need to keep our city information network going, no matter what.
Voice (off-panel, interrupting (Nimbus)): Bill Gates just annointed himself Supreme Emperor of WorldCorp.
Panel 3:
Supervisor (trying to ignore voice): I said, no matter what.
Voice (interrupting again): He just named Doug Winger as Chief Technology Officer.
Supervisor: (below previous) ...never mind.
--------------------
Strip 4: "TV'll do that to ya"
Panel 1:
Dos (to Supervisor): But what does this Office do?
Supervisor (looking sheepish): Um, well, we...
Voice (Larry, offscreen, yelling): MASSIVE BOOB WAVE DETECTED IN SECTOR 17!
Panel 2:
Supervisor: We...try to stop odd things from happening.
Voice (offscreen, yelling less): What should we do, sir?
Supervisor (to Voice): Run a level 2 breast compression sequence, stat.
Panel 3:
Dos: But...what are these weird things? Why are they happening?
Supervisor: They're...well... side effects.
Voice (Timmy): Sector 17 breast size returning to normal, sir.
Supervisor (to voice): ...Wonderful. Maintain intelligence levels.
---------------------
Strip 5: "Do you know where your power comes from?"
Panel 1:
[Day 5]
Dos: What are these... side effects?
Supervisor: Our power sources have byproducts.
Panel 2:
Dos: Power sources? Isn't this place run by coal, or nuclear, or something?
Supervisor: Um... no.
Panel 3:
(Cut to monitor. A voluptuous bunny is hooked up to a machine, a mechanical probe tucked into her nether region. She moans, leaning back in pleasure. If you've seen Urotsokidoji, or the clip, you'll know what I mean.)
Voice (offscreen): Urotsokidoji Power Plant #3 now online.
-----------------------
Strip 6: "Fun with loopholes"
Panel 1:
[Day 6]
Dos: So why do we use this You're-it-sucky-doh-gee power source anyway?
Panel 2:
Sup: Well, it was part of an old regulation from high up.
Panel 3:
(scene of a tiny furry on top of a large mountain. Stormclouds are above. The meaning is something akin to Moses atop the mountain)
Booming Voice: THOU SHALT NOT EMIT CARBON DIOXIDE.
Tiny Voice: What about sex?
Booming Voice: I SUPPOSE THAT'S OKAY.
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Strip 7: "You're in trouble when"
Panel 1:
[Day 7]
Dos (to Supervisor): So, all I have to do is keep the information network running? That's not difficult at all.
Panel 2:
(faux-newscast. A female mouse, perhaps, equivalent of Geraldo. "faux" logo in bottom corner, with tail? :))
Mouse (with microphone, in front of door?): Today, the Office of Officially Peculiar Situations, on When Computer Networks Attack - 12.
Panel 3:
Supervisor: You haven't lived in InterCity long, have you?
---------------------------
Strip 8: "Country boy, city life"
[Dos's Flashback]
Panel 1:
(Scene is of Dos carrying a large suitcase up a long inside staircase.)
[I only got here a week ago for this job. I honestly never thought I'd get to work in the big city.]
Panel 2:
(Scene is of Dos at his graduation. He is holding his cap somewhat tenuously.)
[I graduated from Podunkia College with a degree in Computer Science barely a month ago. I don't know, I felt like I had learned plenty, but not enough.]
Panel 3:
(shot of him holding the paper. possibly humorous other ads nearby.)
[But then I saw the ad in the paper advertising this job, network administrator for InterCity. I mean, I thought it was an incredible opportunity.]
Panel 4:
(Shot of Dos waving goodbye to his parents. Big house behind them, obviously a farm.)
[I could go to the big city and do some work that had meaning, not just for me, but for millions of other people.]
Panel 5:
(Shot of Dos, small, looking up at the tall skyscrapers of InterCity.)
[But through all of this excitement, one thing has continued to bother me:]
Panel 6:
Dos: How do those automatic toilets know when to flush?
Supervisor: I don't know, Dos, I honestly don't know.
-------------------
"Magic boss ball"
Panel 1:
Dos: Okay, I think I'm ready to start working on the network.
Sup: Good. You'll have no problem getting along here.
Panel 2:
Dos: But before I do, I need a few questions answered.
Sup: The answer is no.
Panel 3:
Dos: That's not what I meant.
Sup: Answer unclear, ask again later?
----------------
"I don't like the drugs, but the drugs like me"
Panel 1:
Dos: First, I want to know where these giant furries come from.
Panel 2:
Sup: Well, we have a small... drug problem in InterCity.
Panel 3:
(small mousemorph holding bottle)
(label)[GAIN MUSCLE MASS FAST! All-natural!* Warning: May cause violence, spontaneous cum explosion. Effects temporary. Potential addiction may occur. (smaller font)* Contains all-natural mutagens.]
Mouse: Sounds cool.
-----------------
"The hills are alive with the sound of squishing"
Panel 1:
Dos: I hear that these giants are causing damage to InterCity, but the city doesn't look damaged at all.
Panel 2:
Sup: That's because the giant problem is completely under control.
Dos: Um... right.
Panel 3:
[A Year Ago]
Timmy (in lab setting, holding full beaker): Just add Biological Agent L to the spooge, and voila! Perfect regenerating concrete.
-----------------
"The sun always shines on TV"
Panel 1:
(Dos watching TV. Normal setting, bare room.) TV: WorldCorp's BlackBox XP! Become more productive!
Panel 2:
(Dos looking perplexed) TV: Gain more character levels! Learn how to slay mighty dragons!
Panel 3:
(Dos looking very perplexed)
Dos: Is this an operating system or a computer game?
TV (smaller font): Amass giant fortunes of gold in your own home with just a few clicks!
----------------
"Mothail, morhel, same thing"
Panel 1:
(Dos at home, at desk. Computer spitting out literal cans of spam from its floppy drive. A few are already on the floor in front of it.)
Dos: (looking at computer monitor) Man, my new ZetNero account is already flooding me with spam!
Panel 2:
Dos (sighing): At least it beats a MorHel account.
Panel 3:
[ZetNero Inc.]
Weaselish fellow (Roman? wearing toga, crown of leaves): Hello, MorHel? I have another victim for you. How much ya willing to pay?
---------------
"If wishes were horses, i'd like to transform"
Panel 1:
Dos (on phone): ZetNero? I've been receiving a lot of spam from my account lately. Can you do something about it? (pile of spam in his computer room is starting to get a little high - not absurdly high, not yet, that's for later)
Panel 2:
Weasel in toga (to headphone): We will attempt to reply to your request in a timely fashion, sir. It is the user's responsibility to bring such things to our attention in a timely manner. Please forward all spam to devnull@zetnero.fu2.
Dos (from phone): Ok. *click*
Panel 3:
[2 Minutes Later]
Weasel in toga (to headphone. don't know how to distinguish call otherwise): Yes, MorHel? We seem to have another "problem case." You know what to do.
-------------------------
"You will never find a more wretched hive"
Panel 1:
Supervisor: Today is slow, so you get to meet the staff, Dos.
Sup (to somewhat ordinary feline): This is Alys, our sec...
Alys: ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT!
Sup: Um, yes. And coverer of things donkey-like.
Dos: (if possible) Check.
Panel 2:
Sup: This is Larry, our eye in the sky and monitor of InterCity.
Larry (surfer dude, hawaiian shirt, otter): Like, dude, welcome to the team. Excellent.
Sup: We've tried to cure him of Post-Keanu Stress Disorder, but we've failed to date.
Dos: Check.
Panel 3:
Sup: (Erin, skunk magess, on phone. Perhaps with smoke and cards on desk) This is Erin. She's very good with magical problems. Also a great fund-raiser.
Erin (to phone): Your tarot card reading shows you in great trouble, mon.
Dos: Check.
Panel 4:
Sup (pointing to a black and white rabbit holding a combination pocketwatch/raygun): This is Timmy, our resident wiseass and tech tree.
Timmy: And former Ghostbuster.
Sup: Um, yes.
Timmy: You'd be amazed how that comes in handy here.
Dos (looking worried): Ummm, check.
Panel 5:
Sup (offpanel): And this is Nimbus, our resident accountant, economist, and Channeler of All Things Evil.
Nim: Doom, doom, doom and gloom. You are currently on the J.R.R. Tolkien Channel. Do you wish to switch?
Sup: No.
Dos (mouth open in shock): Check.
Panel 6:
Supervisor (gruff lion): And I, of course, manage things around here, and report to Mayor Sukup.
Dos: Do you have a name?
Supervisor: No.
Voice (offscreen, probably Timmy): He gets confused with too many comedians.
[Note: there actually was someone named Marina Sukup who ran for mayor in my town when I was a kid. She lost.]
---------------
"Minor revelation"
Panel 1:
Dos: So, who in our department actually goes out of the office to stop Bad Stuff(tm) from happening?
Panel 2:
(Sup and Dos stare at each other)
Panel 3:
Sup: You know, that's a good question.
---------------
(spam continuation here)
-------------
"Sometimes you just don't ask"
Panel 1:
Larry: So, like, why are you called Dos, anyway?
Panel 2:
Dos: Well, it's because my parents were so surprised that I had two tails.
Panel 3:
[22 Years Ago]
Harry (male fox father): So, Ophelia, what shall we name our new son?
Ophelia (female fox mother, sitting at computer): Oh, I love DOS! It's such a wonderful operating system. How did we ever live without it, Harry?
----------------
"Blinding me with silence"
Panel 1:
Larry: So, like, why the two tails?
Panel 2:
Dos: You know, I really never have found that out.
Panel 3:
[Thomas Dolby Institute of Genetics]
Scientist (holding up testtube with creamy liquid): Now, was this the embryo for implantation or my morning coffee? I can never tell the difference between the two.
-------------------
"It is your density"
Panel 1:
Dos: So, why aren't you running the computer network, Timmy? It seems like you're qualified enough to do it.
Panel 2:
Timmy: Well, yes, but this one little thing about computers really scares me to death. I can't deal with it.
Dos: What is it? Codecs? Programming? Gazurtoid drivers?
Panel 3:
Timmy (shivering): I think they call it "Plug and Play."
Dos (head in hands): And Microsoft WorldCorp takes yet another victim...
----------------
"If beggars were burglars, ride, ride, ride, sally, ride"
Panel 1:
Timmy: Dos, you're kinda new here. I mean, where do you live? There's plenty of nasty places in InterCity where one wouldn't want to get caught with one's ... well, one wouldn't want to get caught.
Panel 2:
Dos: Oh, I live, in Sector 6. It's no problem at all. Cheap, not a bad area.
Timmy: Isn't that one of the worst parts of InterCity? Gang wars and such? How do you survive?
Panel 3:
Dos: Oh, it's not that hard. You just have to know how to deal with people like that.
Timmy: Um... yeah. Right.
----------------
This one may have to be a little larger than normal. It's worth it.
The prerequisites for this comic are The Matrix, The One, and experience with Mortal Kombat and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. Good luck.
I actually had this idea in my head a while ago.
"Bloody mortal brutal street fury instinct"
Panel 1:
(Dos is standing in the middle of an area. Call it maybe a skateboard park with graffiti just to further the reference.)
Voice (offpanel): Hey, it's that damned fox again. Let's get him!
below: [Dos Chansons in...]
Panel 2:
below: [Jet Li's Pro Kung Fu Fighter 4!]
(A group of, let's call them ninjas, surround Dos. It really doesn't matter what they are.)
Voice: FIGHT!
Panel 3:
(below: o/~ It's in our nature to destroy ourselves... o/~)
(Dos is kicking butt, though in this frame he's just staring up at the sky, looking surprised (at an offpanel roving giant furry). But the ninjas certainly are hurting - some of them rather badly squished by what looks to be a giant (bunny) paw. what, you thought I'd leave that joke alone?)
Scrolling along bottom: Butt Stomp + Floofy Tail + Dinosorceror Special? 3450
Voice: Nifty.
Panel 4:
(below: o/~ It's in our nature to kill ourselves... o/~)
(Dos looks shocked, mouth open, standing there, seeing one of his combatants off to the side doing a cute fluffy sheep. Scrolling along Bottom: Elbow Grease + Tail Wag + Skunk + WTF?! 9800)
Voice: Bestiality.
Panel 5:
(below: o/~ It's in our nature to kill each other... o/~)
(Dos stands above group of attackers, legs spread out, spinning, some of the attackers already falling. If you haven't seen this scene in several movies by now, including Shrek, I'm amazed. Scrolling along bottom: Bad Matrix Reference 2112)
Voice: Spinning Camera Angle Sold Separately.
Panel 6:
(By now Dos has annihilated all the ninjas. None are left standing. There's a little twinkle-star thingy in the background, ala Super Smash Brothers.)
Scrolling along bottom: Elbow Grease + BAD MOTHA + Naughty By Nature + Next Stop Central Square Transfer + Change to Red Line 75350
Voice: Stupendous Ultra-Maximum Combo Du Jour! K.O.!
Dos (sweating a little, looking fairly calm): All in a day's work.
(below: o/~ It's in our nature to kill, kill, kill... o/~)
(The point here is that Dos can in fact live here, and has some self-defense training - perhaps quite a bit. But yet he still doesn't really comprehend that InterCity is really much much more strange. Notice that the kinky moves aren't really done by Dos himself, as he has no idea how to do them. If this doesn't come through in the comic, it might blunt the fish-out-of-water tale that Dos has here.)
-------------------
"Addicted to blobs"
Panel 1:
Dos (to Supervisor): I've been working on a new voice interface to our computer system. Go ahead, try it.
Panel 2:
Supervisor: Computer, show all current potential trouble areas in InterCity.
Computer (in italics): I'm sorry, I can't do that, Dave.
Panel 3:
Supervisor Dave: What are you calling it, Hal?
Dos: No, Lolo. I thought it made more sense... (further down, under Lolo pic) ...and the little blue fellow is just too cute. (Pic of Lolo on screen, perhaps from http://www.classicgaming.com/thewarpzone/advlolo.jpg)
--------------------
"Everything's strange, when you're a stranger"
Panel 1:
Dos (to Supervisor): Sir, we just got hit with a chronoton torpedo, type 47.
Panel 2:
(Dos and Supervisor stare at each other in shock.)
Panel 3:
Dos (holding head): Must...not...confuse Voyager with real life...
(Supervisor rolls eyes.)
-------------------
(followup to lolo here)
---------------------
"I'd prefer my chocobos cold, thank you"
Panel 1:
TV: Kweh.
Timmy: Hey, Dos. In the neighborhood, thought I'd stop by. What's up?
Dos: I was just trying out this minigame in Phirst Phantasy 9. It seems pretty interesting.
Panel 2:
TV: Kweeh!
Dos (looking surprised): Very...um, interesting.
Timmy: Is that chocobo...doing what I think it's doing?
Panel 3:
TV: KWWEEEH!
Timmy: I didn't know a chocobo could do that.
Dos (looking horrified): Neither did I.
----------------------
"Bounce, lasagna boy, bounce for me"
Panel 1:
Dos: Maybe it's just best to stick to Mario. PP9 just seemed a little too weird.
Timmy: (sitting down near Dos) Probably a good idea.
Panel 2:
Dos: I'll just go talk to Toad. Wait... that's an odd camera angle, isn't it? It...
Timmy: Is Mario...doing what I think he's doing?
Panel 3:
[Based On a Real Incident]
TV: *bounce* *pause* *bounce*
Timmy: I didn't know Mario could do that...to Toad even.
Dos (looking horrified): Neither did I.
---------------------
"
Panel 1:
Timmy: So, when are we at OOPS going to get a proper introduction to your apartment?
Dos: (surprised) What do you mean?
Panel 2:
Timmy: Well, generally we have group housewarming parties when we get a new place. Mostly they're worthless, but I bet I could spruce yours up a bit.
Panel 3:
[5 Years Ago]
Timmy (looking at audience, perhaps through door): Hey there, welcome to my new pad. Just be careful with my new plant. Got it cheap from a floral going out of business sale. The guy called it Audrey, or something - don't know why.
--------------
(sunday strip)
--------------
"Thus spoke Lolo"
Panel 1:
Dos: I think I've fixed the bugs in our computer system.
Sup: Good work, Dos.
Panel 2:
Sup: Computer, are there any situations requiring assistance currently in InterCity?
Panel 3:
Lolo (the computer screen): No Level 1 situations currently detected, Dave.
Dos: ...er, still haven't fixed that one.
--------------
"Big blue blob is watching you"
Panel 1:
Dos: So, how much coverage of InterCity do we have?
Lolo: Surveillance of InterCity is 91%, Dave.
Panel 2:
Dos (slightly shocked): We can see 91% of InterCity? Inside and out?
Lolo: That is correct, Dave.
Panel 3:
Dos (very shocked): I can spy on most of InterCity from right here?
Lolo: Your apartment is getting very messy, Dave.
--------------
"
Panel 1:
Dos: So, how much wire is strung throughout IC ...or somesuch
Lolo:
Panel 2:
Dos: That's enough to get to the moon!
Lolo: OOPS could not get permission to monitor the moon, Dave.
Panel 3:
(cut to moon. An octopus-looking alien (with extra slime) is tentacle-raping a hapless...oh, vixen probably. (Maybe even in the remains of a spacesuit, which means it's a snuff scene too...oh well))
[Why would we want to?]
Alien: Earth girls are sooo easy.
-----------------
"
Panel 1:
Dos: How did you know about OOPS getting permission?
Lolo: I have a record of all OOPS-related transactions.
...
F
(this is probably S)
----------------------
"Think. really different"
Panel 1:
Larry (looking at monitor, headphones on): Whoa. DUDE!
Dos (walking by, stopping): Larry, what is it?
Panel 2:
Larry: Dude! It's the new iMac! This is a lust-generating device; I want one!*
[* Actual statement. Sans the dude.]
Panel 3:
Larry: It looks so cool that I'm...I'm...
(splurt sound effect? (probably. I'm that sick))
Dos (averting eyes): Hey, that's not right.
(starting crisis week)
(Sunday: news report from Faux News about release of iMac.)
-------
"Ach, Hans, it's the Lhurgoyf, run"
Panel 1:
(Fem Mouse reporter speaking into microphone in front of computer store. Likely same one as previously.)
Mouse: Consumers are lining up in droves to buy the new iMac. Experts cite its relatively low price, ease of use, cuteness, and lust-generating capabilities.
Panel 2:
(Mouse interviewing buyer, holding box)
Mouse: Ma'am, you just bought a new iMac. Why do you like it?
Fem Squirrel Consumer: It just makes me feel really good. I mean, even holding the box makes me...ohhh...
Panel 3:
Mouse (back to camera. squirrel may be in background): Um, well. In vaguely related news, since the introduction of the iMac, InterCity residents have come down with a mysterious illness in droves.
Panel 4 (at work):
Sup: Larry hasn't been at work in 3 days. Who's monitoring the SIN for trouble?
Panel 5
Dos: (looking guilty) Well, Timmy was on Monday...Erin was yesterday. Today...um...well...Lolo?
Panel 6:
(A giant tidal wave of spooge hangs above the city. People running all over)
Person 1: Aaah! Badly dubbed reruns of Dragon Ball Z and Tenchi Muyo! RUN!
Person 2: (maybe offpanel): You idiot, that's *Toonami*!
------------------------
Monday
Strip 1:
Sup (alarmed): We need to get someone to monitor the network, IMMEDIATELY!
Strip 2:
Dos: What's the problem? Lolo's doing a fine job.
Sup: (pointing) Look behind you.
Strip 3:
(window to skyscrapers. People are getting swept up in waves of spoo. An apartment building has spooge running out its windows)
[Oh. Oops.]
-----------
Tuesday
Strip 1:
Dos (to computer screen, looking frantic): Lolo, what's the origin of the problem?
Lolo: No problem detected, Dave.
Strip 2:
Dos (rolling eyes, looking more frantic): Note to self: fix bug. Lolo, run an analysis of that...stuff out there. I'm calling Larry.
Strip 3:
(cut to living room. Larry's on a couch, caressing the iMac, his room half-flooded with spoo. He's spooging himself....again, obviously. He looks a bit ragged, if having fun)
TV: And we have a flash spooge warning in effect until at least late tonight...
END OF CURRENT STRIPS
(more stripping to come, kweh)
(remember to include self-powered subway system involving pizzachew.)
Whose kinking remains supreme?
Iron Kink
---------
theme ingredient: dragons
Iron Kink Sizeplay: (Cerine)
Iron Kink BDSM: (Pelzette)
Iron Kink Messy: (Ferris)
Iron Kink TF ...hm.
What's going on there? Squeege-san?
Yes, Rota.
Our challenger seems to be pulling out the ice cream maker.
Yes, the challenger seems to be using cream - both kinds! to make a tasty treat for presentation.
But how will he present the cream when he's done? We'll have to find out.
That's an odd sculpture there.
Squeeze-me-san?
Go, big guy.
I asked the Iron Kink what she wanted to do with this. She said,
The style is similar to that I knew as a child. I wanted to capture that bit of childhood for the presentation.
Oh, a lava lamp.
Yes.
(Dos's party isn't going to be for a little while, maybe 2-3 weeks - I want him to settle a bit into his job first.)
------------------
Notes mostly to self:
Mapped out InterCity on idea of Houston. Corrected sector as a result. Shouldn't be a problem from now on as long as you remember that the east side is more likely to have problems.
Let's see...Dos throws a housewarming party, and? Hm...
Done reading yet? ;)
This one was almost going to be made into a comic, except the fellow who was going to help me is a worse flake than I am. And he seems to have had serious RL problems anyway, so... I won't hold it against him.
This idea is dated 1/12/2002. It was meant to involve X-rated concepts without necessarily making them X-rated. So fragile eyes shouldn't...be looking at this blog at all, actually. ;)
The Other Side of Life
(note to self and possible comic artist: title likely in Electrik 16 pt. font, subtitle 12pt Bernhard Modern Roman. Might scale, depending on size of comic. ask me for fonts.)
----------------------
a comic idea by c. a. mephit.
Potential Theme Song: "Shame of Life" from Butthole Surfers (who knew?)
------
"You know how you think you can tackle anything even remotely connected with clouds? Well, I always thought that the wonderful thing about clouds was their collective ability to get together, and you know, rain and such...do things."
Introduction: This is set in the large metropolis of InterCity. It's a strange town, the coming together of millions of people. The idea I had for it originally is that InterCity is the result of all the naughty things, nasty ideas, and such that people would have kept locked in their heads, except for the advent of the Internet. Thus the name. So this place is a repository for the strange and the weird and, of course, the furry. And the jokes will likely be Internet and tech-related: early on you see a victim of the Melissa(?) computer virus. But of course, in InterCity, Melissa does a lot more damage than just clogging networks and making network admins angry... I consider this emblematic of what I'd like this comic to be.
Dos (two ways to pronounce it: pick two) is a country boy, learned electronics and network admin stuff at a community college not far from where he was raised. His parents were techies, but out in the boonies; he has no idea what he's about to face. He certainly has no idea how strange InterCity really is, nor will he realize it until it starts affecting him as well. There is a possibility, I think, that this hiring was quite *intentional*, given the fate of the last network admin. The question is whether Dos is resistant or not? Or is he The One? (...it's in our nature to kill ourselves...)
Dos has been hired as network admin for the Office of Officially Peculiar Situations (OOPS), a group created at the city level to stop...disturbances from happening (Ergo the name). Now, given a glance below, you might think that the OOPS office is rather small - maybe 10 people. You would be correct. So why bother with a tech admin at all?
Well, people will find out eventually (or if you think about it a bit), InterCity has a vast network of cameras and other sensors installed through the entire city to observe what's going on. Rather Big Brotherish. The problem is, there's so much information (and so many odd, kinky things happening), that only the largest of disturbances get picked up and dealt with. Thus "Officially Peculiar" becomes a real title, as there's more than enough non-official peculiarity to go around...
Sorta like Superfund for kink outbreaks.
And this also serves an interesting counterpoint to Orwell's 1984: Sure, you could install a camera in every bedroom, but bureaucracy would never be able to keep up with all of them.
Thus, OOPS needs someone to tend to the wires and the connections that are "out there" in droves. Someone who will go outside the office to tend to maintenance. I.e. a victim. Enter Dos.
The odd thing is that I pretty much have collectively pulled this out of my ass as I've gone along. But this might be the most creative I've gotten in years, so I'm continuing.
I've gotten inspirations from this from a lot of places. The original idea was "a kinky R-to-X-rated Sluggy Freelance" (www.sluggy.com): it's grown from there, of course, but I'd like to think it's remained rather faithful to that root.
Characters:
Dos (our hero): A two-tailed fox from the countryside, well-versed in techie-type skills but isn't generally in touch with the real world from the perspective of InterCity. Sexually he has barely done anything, and certainly has no clue about the Wide World of Kink; thus our exploration of said world is mostly done through his eyes. I would say that he is either a virgin at the beginning or maybe did it once or twice. This doesn't mean he doesn't have a libido or an awareness of sexuality; he does. But he doesn't understand certainly why certain things seem to turn people on, and would honestly prefer not to think about such things.
I'd almost make him religious, but to be honest I'm not sure I'd know how to cope with that.
I expect Dos will always keep some amount of innocence, even as InterCity starts to play with his mind a bit, as it does with all its inhabitants. And if he does become yiffy (which he will), he'll be guilty about it the next morning, count on it.
I would like to do some interesting things with Dos in the future, particularly some transgender/shemale stuff (which he'll find very interesting but have no idea why and is rather uncomfortable about).
He was created in a test tube, which may result in some mischief later.
Dos's Parents: hm.
Supervisor Dave: Lion (not a wolf, as previously thought; makes it easier to distinguish him from Dos). Dave used to be a politician of some standing in InterCity; in fact, he actually ran for mayor once, losing very very badly to the current inhabitant of that office. So he managed to get himself set up in this job, which thankfully is actually fairly cushy for him. He's known about OOPS for quite a while and never liked the group at all, but knows the city needs it - which is why he's here. He has had thoughts for a while about trying to sabotage OOPS or disband it in some fashion - thus his, um, offing of the previous network admin. He brought Dos in thinking that there was no way in heck Dos could actually do his job. A piece in the puzzle, perhaps. He actually is curious what would happen if the kinkiness was allowed to run freely in the city. This could potentially go somewhere in the future.
Yes, he's a lazy male lion. Go figure.
Timmy: Black and white rabbit. (edited) A gadgeteer until the end. (Probably has a vaguely-nondescript female mouse figurine in his office, wearing goggles). Timmy has been with OOPS since the beginning, which is good because InterCity needed him quite badly. Has developed all sorts of interesting devices which he can hook up to the SIN and transmit to various parts of the populace. Of course, he isn't perfect at all, but he always seems to have something new up his sleeve, even if it isn't particularly useful. In IC it almost doesn't matter, it'll come into play eventually for sure.
Timmy also hates dealing with reality. Can't stand it. The OOPS office he can deal with, mostly because he believes they are advanced figments of his imagination, and he can cope with that. He also knows they don't like to be called that, so he tries not to. :)
He did quite a bit of work for the Ghostbusters, developing quite a bit of their devices for them (though of course he never actually dealt with anything but "virtual ghosts" - too messy). Several of those devices were easily adapted to try to stop some situations from happening; others less so.
The most cynical member of OOPS.
Larry: Otter trouble scout. I have to have a native Californian in here. Particularly with my experiences in UCSB, I know that the Californian stereotype has roots in reality. Larry is a surfer dude who likes surfing the Shitty IntercityNet just as much as taking the waves outside the city. The SIN for him is a surfer's dream, but probably I'll have to have some nasty joke here on that.
He was locked in a movie theater during an all-night Keanu Reeves marathon at his UCSB-like university as part of a psychology experiment (from someone who likely will show up later on the strip). He has never quite been the same since. Goes psycho (?) when certain concepts are mentioned (football, matrices, phone booths, vampires, runaway buses, memory manipulation, Shakespeare). Has a permanent "dude" attached to most every sentence, no matter who he's addressing.
Also the most positive member of the OOPS party.
Erin: Skunk magess. Generally fairly aloof when she's not working the phones (in her "spare time" she runs at least 3 psychic hotlines that create most of the budget for OOPS). She is a magess of some power, but she has a little problem that stops her from becoming an Archmage, and ends her up in a dinky ass job: (?). She really wishes she was somewhere else, obviously, though the fact that Dos has absolutely no clue about life in InterCity intrigues her to no end once she realizes it. Graduated from the Magical Institute for Theriomorphs, an old joke concerning me. A running joke is likely the fact that it never looks like she does anything but run her hotlines, yet somehow things get done which only she could have done.
Alys: The secretary - um, administrative assistant of OOPS. Probably the one who can kick the most butt of the entire party, but we'll likely rarely if ever see her do it on-panel. Named as a cross-reference between Phantasy Star and Dilbert, and I expect I'll borrow from both concerning her.
Nimbus: Old maybe-once-cute-mouse (owl?) male. The accountant and economist of the group. Probably the oldest and the one who's lived in InterCity the longest. An experience (?) several years ago left him permanently mentally scarred. May not be just working for OOPS's better interests.
Nim has a bad problem of channeling the news. Or just channeling. He knows this, but it sorta just comes to him. Mostly he channels the worst of the news. He's actually rather disturbed by this. He's not really that much of a downer kind of fellow, more just lonely and somewhat lost and definitely confused. Sometimes he picks up bad things before even Larry, so he can be quite helpful.
Kala: A winged half-fox half-kitty (generally known to me as a kitfox), maybe a foot tall or so. Used because my gf wanted a place in here somewhere and I found a good spot. She's Dos's conscience, used to keep him in line when he starts wandering too far into the weird wide world of kink. She's kinda fairie-like, and since this is InterCity after all, yes she might end up in a weird Bondage Fairie-like set of situations and can go into macrophile stuff and such.
Her origins are something I've going to have to think about some more.
Lolo (more properly LOLO, perhaps a synonym of some sort): The operating system created/modified by Dos for the Shitty...er...StupidIntercityNetwork. Can manage some surveillance properties in addition to the members of OOPS, but as we'll find it can't necessarily reduce the need for Larry and the like. It works best as a go-through information network built to handle the pure amount of information that IC gets on a daily basis.
It has acquired some amount of rudimentary AI. Because it's built on surveillance of IC, it will eventually gain kinkiness as well (someone exposed to that much porn better be :)).
I kinda wonder whether different fonts are needed for different people. I really honestly don't know. I don't think so, but sometimes I wonder.
Notes for comic notation
------------------------
() - Used to describe scene or reaction. Not physically in comic.
[] - Meant to be actual text in the comic, in a box (most likely) across the panel, top or bottom, depending on scene.
The Other Side of Life
---------------
Strip 1:
"Oops, he did it again"
Panel 1:
[Day 1]
Dos: (in OOPS doorway, to secretary and standin walking by): Hi, y'all, I'm here to help with your networks. (I'm thinking Dos is a bit of a country boy, perhaps with a Texan accent, which I can do well. ;))
Panel 2:
(standin and secretary look at Dos)
(Dos waits for a reaction, looking surprised)
Panel 3:
(secretary returns to typing on computer. standin walks by)
(Dos looks a bit miffed)
Panel 4:
Dos: I said...
interruption (from off panel, Larry) - Holy shit! That huge wolf is rampaging through the central business district - again! Dude! That's the third time this month?!?
Panel 5:
(crowd of people running out the door, running over Dos)
Comment 1: Where the hell does he come from? (Erin)
Comment 2: And where the hell do we put the come this time? (Timmy)
Panel 6:
Dos: (looking bedraggled, etc.; or perhaps on floor, off panel. the office is empty, including the secretary) Abort, retry...fail?
------------------
Strip 2: "Flipper died a natural death"
Panel 1:
[Day 2]
Supervisor: Sorry we had to hire you on such short notice, Dos. The previous administrator had to leave...suddenly.
Panel 2:
Dos: What happened?
Supervisor: Oh, he caught a nasty virus.
Panel 3:
(cut to strange broom closet)
*Female* sex doll (with valves et al. looking cute and vulnerable): "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..."
--------------------
Strip 3: "Mad herm disease"
Panel 1:
[Day 3]
Dos (to Supervisor): So, your ad was unclear on what exactly my job for the Office of Officially Peculiar Situations entails.
Panel 2:
Supervisor: You need to keep our city information network going, no matter what.
Voice (off-panel, interrupting (Nimbus)): Bill Gates just annointed himself Supreme Emperor of WorldCorp.
Panel 3:
Supervisor (trying to ignore voice): I said, no matter what.
Voice (interrupting again): He just named Doug Winger as Chief Technology Officer.
Supervisor: (below previous) ...never mind.
--------------------
Strip 4: "TV'll do that to ya"
Panel 1:
Dos (to Supervisor): But what does this Office do?
Supervisor (looking sheepish): Um, well, we...
Voice (Larry, offscreen, yelling): MASSIVE BOOB WAVE DETECTED IN SECTOR 17!
Panel 2:
Supervisor: We...try to stop odd things from happening.
Voice (offscreen, yelling less): What should we do, sir?
Supervisor (to Voice): Run a level 2 breast compression sequence, stat.
Panel 3:
Dos: But...what are these weird things? Why are they happening?
Supervisor: They're...well... side effects.
Voice (Timmy): Sector 17 breast size returning to normal, sir.
Supervisor (to voice): ...Wonderful. Maintain intelligence levels.
---------------------
Strip 5: "Do you know where your power comes from?"
Panel 1:
[Day 5]
Dos: What are these... side effects?
Supervisor: Our power sources have byproducts.
Panel 2:
Dos: Power sources? Isn't this place run by coal, or nuclear, or something?
Supervisor: Um... no.
Panel 3:
(Cut to monitor. A voluptuous bunny is hooked up to a machine, a mechanical probe tucked into her nether region. She moans, leaning back in pleasure. If you've seen Urotsokidoji, or the clip, you'll know what I mean.)
Voice (offscreen): Urotsokidoji Power Plant #3 now online.
-----------------------
Strip 6: "Fun with loopholes"
Panel 1:
[Day 6]
Dos: So why do we use this You're-it-sucky-doh-gee power source anyway?
Panel 2:
Sup: Well, it was part of an old regulation from high up.
Panel 3:
(scene of a tiny furry on top of a large mountain. Stormclouds are above. The meaning is something akin to Moses atop the mountain)
Booming Voice: THOU SHALT NOT EMIT CARBON DIOXIDE.
Tiny Voice: What about sex?
Booming Voice: I SUPPOSE THAT'S OKAY.
------------------------
Strip 7: "You're in trouble when"
Panel 1:
[Day 7]
Dos (to Supervisor): So, all I have to do is keep the information network running? That's not difficult at all.
Panel 2:
(faux-newscast. A female mouse, perhaps, equivalent of Geraldo. "faux" logo in bottom corner, with tail? :))
Mouse (with microphone, in front of door?): Today, the Office of Officially Peculiar Situations, on When Computer Networks Attack - 12.
Panel 3:
Supervisor: You haven't lived in InterCity long, have you?
---------------------------
Strip 8: "Country boy, city life"
[Dos's Flashback]
Panel 1:
(Scene is of Dos carrying a large suitcase up a long inside staircase.)
[I only got here a week ago for this job. I honestly never thought I'd get to work in the big city.]
Panel 2:
(Scene is of Dos at his graduation. He is holding his cap somewhat tenuously.)
[I graduated from Podunkia College with a degree in Computer Science barely a month ago. I don't know, I felt like I had learned plenty, but not enough.]
Panel 3:
(shot of him holding the paper. possibly humorous other ads nearby.)
[But then I saw the ad in the paper advertising this job, network administrator for InterCity. I mean, I thought it was an incredible opportunity.]
Panel 4:
(Shot of Dos waving goodbye to his parents. Big house behind them, obviously a farm.)
[I could go to the big city and do some work that had meaning, not just for me, but for millions of other people.]
Panel 5:
(Shot of Dos, small, looking up at the tall skyscrapers of InterCity.)
[But through all of this excitement, one thing has continued to bother me:]
Panel 6:
Dos: How do those automatic toilets know when to flush?
Supervisor: I don't know, Dos, I honestly don't know.
-------------------
"Magic boss ball"
Panel 1:
Dos: Okay, I think I'm ready to start working on the network.
Sup: Good. You'll have no problem getting along here.
Panel 2:
Dos: But before I do, I need a few questions answered.
Sup: The answer is no.
Panel 3:
Dos: That's not what I meant.
Sup: Answer unclear, ask again later?
----------------
"I don't like the drugs, but the drugs like me"
Panel 1:
Dos: First, I want to know where these giant furries come from.
Panel 2:
Sup: Well, we have a small... drug problem in InterCity.
Panel 3:
(small mousemorph holding bottle)
(label)[GAIN MUSCLE MASS FAST! All-natural!* Warning: May cause violence, spontaneous cum explosion. Effects temporary. Potential addiction may occur. (smaller font)* Contains all-natural mutagens.]
Mouse: Sounds cool.
-----------------
"The hills are alive with the sound of squishing"
Panel 1:
Dos: I hear that these giants are causing damage to InterCity, but the city doesn't look damaged at all.
Panel 2:
Sup: That's because the giant problem is completely under control.
Dos: Um... right.
Panel 3:
[A Year Ago]
Timmy (in lab setting, holding full beaker): Just add Biological Agent L to the spooge, and voila! Perfect regenerating concrete.
-----------------
"The sun always shines on TV"
Panel 1:
(Dos watching TV. Normal setting, bare room.) TV: WorldCorp's BlackBox XP! Become more productive!
Panel 2:
(Dos looking perplexed) TV: Gain more character levels! Learn how to slay mighty dragons!
Panel 3:
(Dos looking very perplexed)
Dos: Is this an operating system or a computer game?
TV (smaller font): Amass giant fortunes of gold in your own home with just a few clicks!
----------------
"Mothail, morhel, same thing"
Panel 1:
(Dos at home, at desk. Computer spitting out literal cans of spam from its floppy drive. A few are already on the floor in front of it.)
Dos: (looking at computer monitor) Man, my new ZetNero account is already flooding me with spam!
Panel 2:
Dos (sighing): At least it beats a MorHel account.
Panel 3:
[ZetNero Inc.]
Weaselish fellow (Roman? wearing toga, crown of leaves): Hello, MorHel? I have another victim for you. How much ya willing to pay?
---------------
"If wishes were horses, i'd like to transform"
Panel 1:
Dos (on phone): ZetNero? I've been receiving a lot of spam from my account lately. Can you do something about it? (pile of spam in his computer room is starting to get a little high - not absurdly high, not yet, that's for later)
Panel 2:
Weasel in toga (to headphone): We will attempt to reply to your request in a timely fashion, sir. It is the user's responsibility to bring such things to our attention in a timely manner. Please forward all spam to devnull@zetnero.fu2.
Dos (from phone): Ok. *click*
Panel 3:
[2 Minutes Later]
Weasel in toga (to headphone. don't know how to distinguish call otherwise): Yes, MorHel? We seem to have another "problem case." You know what to do.
-------------------------
"You will never find a more wretched hive"
Panel 1:
Supervisor: Today is slow, so you get to meet the staff, Dos.
Sup (to somewhat ordinary feline): This is Alys, our sec...
Alys: ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT!
Sup: Um, yes. And coverer of things donkey-like.
Dos: (if possible) Check.
Panel 2:
Sup: This is Larry, our eye in the sky and monitor of InterCity.
Larry (surfer dude, hawaiian shirt, otter): Like, dude, welcome to the team. Excellent.
Sup: We've tried to cure him of Post-Keanu Stress Disorder, but we've failed to date.
Dos: Check.
Panel 3:
Sup: (Erin, skunk magess, on phone. Perhaps with smoke and cards on desk) This is Erin. She's very good with magical problems. Also a great fund-raiser.
Erin (to phone): Your tarot card reading shows you in great trouble, mon.
Dos: Check.
Panel 4:
Sup (pointing to a black and white rabbit holding a combination pocketwatch/raygun): This is Timmy, our resident wiseass and tech tree.
Timmy: And former Ghostbuster.
Sup: Um, yes.
Timmy: You'd be amazed how that comes in handy here.
Dos (looking worried): Ummm, check.
Panel 5:
Sup (offpanel): And this is Nimbus, our resident accountant, economist, and Channeler of All Things Evil.
Nim: Doom, doom, doom and gloom. You are currently on the J.R.R. Tolkien Channel. Do you wish to switch?
Sup: No.
Dos (mouth open in shock): Check.
Panel 6:
Supervisor (gruff lion): And I, of course, manage things around here, and report to Mayor Sukup.
Dos: Do you have a name?
Supervisor: No.
Voice (offscreen, probably Timmy): He gets confused with too many comedians.
[Note: there actually was someone named Marina Sukup who ran for mayor in my town when I was a kid. She lost.]
---------------
"Minor revelation"
Panel 1:
Dos: So, who in our department actually goes out of the office to stop Bad Stuff(tm) from happening?
Panel 2:
(Sup and Dos stare at each other)
Panel 3:
Sup: You know, that's a good question.
---------------
(spam continuation here)
-------------
"Sometimes you just don't ask"
Panel 1:
Larry: So, like, why are you called Dos, anyway?
Panel 2:
Dos: Well, it's because my parents were so surprised that I had two tails.
Panel 3:
[22 Years Ago]
Harry (male fox father): So, Ophelia, what shall we name our new son?
Ophelia (female fox mother, sitting at computer): Oh, I love DOS! It's such a wonderful operating system. How did we ever live without it, Harry?
----------------
"Blinding me with silence"
Panel 1:
Larry: So, like, why the two tails?
Panel 2:
Dos: You know, I really never have found that out.
Panel 3:
[Thomas Dolby Institute of Genetics]
Scientist (holding up testtube with creamy liquid): Now, was this the embryo for implantation or my morning coffee? I can never tell the difference between the two.
-------------------
"It is your density"
Panel 1:
Dos: So, why aren't you running the computer network, Timmy? It seems like you're qualified enough to do it.
Panel 2:
Timmy: Well, yes, but this one little thing about computers really scares me to death. I can't deal with it.
Dos: What is it? Codecs? Programming? Gazurtoid drivers?
Panel 3:
Timmy (shivering): I think they call it "Plug and Play."
Dos (head in hands): And Microsoft WorldCorp takes yet another victim...
----------------
"If beggars were burglars, ride, ride, ride, sally, ride"
Panel 1:
Timmy: Dos, you're kinda new here. I mean, where do you live? There's plenty of nasty places in InterCity where one wouldn't want to get caught with one's ... well, one wouldn't want to get caught.
Panel 2:
Dos: Oh, I live, in Sector 6. It's no problem at all. Cheap, not a bad area.
Timmy: Isn't that one of the worst parts of InterCity? Gang wars and such? How do you survive?
Panel 3:
Dos: Oh, it's not that hard. You just have to know how to deal with people like that.
Timmy: Um... yeah. Right.
----------------
This one may have to be a little larger than normal. It's worth it.
The prerequisites for this comic are The Matrix, The One, and experience with Mortal Kombat and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. Good luck.
I actually had this idea in my head a while ago.
"Bloody mortal brutal street fury instinct"
Panel 1:
(Dos is standing in the middle of an area. Call it maybe a skateboard park with graffiti just to further the reference.)
Voice (offpanel): Hey, it's that damned fox again. Let's get him!
below: [Dos Chansons in...]
Panel 2:
below: [Jet Li's Pro Kung Fu Fighter 4!]
(A group of, let's call them ninjas, surround Dos. It really doesn't matter what they are.)
Voice: FIGHT!
Panel 3:
(below: o/~ It's in our nature to destroy ourselves... o/~)
(Dos is kicking butt, though in this frame he's just staring up at the sky, looking surprised (at an offpanel roving giant furry). But the ninjas certainly are hurting - some of them rather badly squished by what looks to be a giant (bunny) paw. what, you thought I'd leave that joke alone?)
Scrolling along bottom: Butt Stomp + Floofy Tail + Dinosorceror Special? 3450
Voice: Nifty.
Panel 4:
(below: o/~ It's in our nature to kill ourselves... o/~)
(Dos looks shocked, mouth open, standing there, seeing one of his combatants off to the side doing a cute fluffy sheep. Scrolling along Bottom: Elbow Grease + Tail Wag + Skunk + WTF?! 9800)
Voice: Bestiality.
Panel 5:
(below: o/~ It's in our nature to kill each other... o/~)
(Dos stands above group of attackers, legs spread out, spinning, some of the attackers already falling. If you haven't seen this scene in several movies by now, including Shrek, I'm amazed. Scrolling along bottom: Bad Matrix Reference 2112)
Voice: Spinning Camera Angle Sold Separately.
Panel 6:
(By now Dos has annihilated all the ninjas. None are left standing. There's a little twinkle-star thingy in the background, ala Super Smash Brothers.)
Scrolling along bottom: Elbow Grease + BAD MOTHA + Naughty By Nature + Next Stop Central Square Transfer + Change to Red Line 75350
Voice: Stupendous Ultra-Maximum Combo Du Jour! K.O.!
Dos (sweating a little, looking fairly calm): All in a day's work.
(below: o/~ It's in our nature to kill, kill, kill... o/~)
(The point here is that Dos can in fact live here, and has some self-defense training - perhaps quite a bit. But yet he still doesn't really comprehend that InterCity is really much much more strange. Notice that the kinky moves aren't really done by Dos himself, as he has no idea how to do them. If this doesn't come through in the comic, it might blunt the fish-out-of-water tale that Dos has here.)
-------------------
"Addicted to blobs"
Panel 1:
Dos (to Supervisor): I've been working on a new voice interface to our computer system. Go ahead, try it.
Panel 2:
Supervisor: Computer, show all current potential trouble areas in InterCity.
Computer (in italics): I'm sorry, I can't do that, Dave.
Panel 3:
Supervisor Dave: What are you calling it, Hal?
Dos: No, Lolo. I thought it made more sense... (further down, under Lolo pic) ...and the little blue fellow is just too cute. (Pic of Lolo on screen, perhaps from http://www.classicgaming.com/thewarpzone/advlolo.jpg)
--------------------
"Everything's strange, when you're a stranger"
Panel 1:
Dos (to Supervisor): Sir, we just got hit with a chronoton torpedo, type 47.
Panel 2:
(Dos and Supervisor stare at each other in shock.)
Panel 3:
Dos (holding head): Must...not...confuse Voyager with real life...
(Supervisor rolls eyes.)
-------------------
(followup to lolo here)
---------------------
"I'd prefer my chocobos cold, thank you"
Panel 1:
TV: Kweh.
Timmy: Hey, Dos. In the neighborhood, thought I'd stop by. What's up?
Dos: I was just trying out this minigame in Phirst Phantasy 9. It seems pretty interesting.
Panel 2:
TV: Kweeh!
Dos (looking surprised): Very...um, interesting.
Timmy: Is that chocobo...doing what I think it's doing?
Panel 3:
TV: KWWEEEH!
Timmy: I didn't know a chocobo could do that.
Dos (looking horrified): Neither did I.
----------------------
"Bounce, lasagna boy, bounce for me"
Panel 1:
Dos: Maybe it's just best to stick to Mario. PP9 just seemed a little too weird.
Timmy: (sitting down near Dos) Probably a good idea.
Panel 2:
Dos: I'll just go talk to Toad. Wait... that's an odd camera angle, isn't it? It...
Timmy: Is Mario...doing what I think he's doing?
Panel 3:
[Based On a Real Incident]
TV: *bounce* *pause* *bounce*
Timmy: I didn't know Mario could do that...to Toad even.
Dos (looking horrified): Neither did I.
---------------------
"
Panel 1:
Timmy: So, when are we at OOPS going to get a proper introduction to your apartment?
Dos: (surprised) What do you mean?
Panel 2:
Timmy: Well, generally we have group housewarming parties when we get a new place. Mostly they're worthless, but I bet I could spruce yours up a bit.
Panel 3:
[5 Years Ago]
Timmy (looking at audience, perhaps through door): Hey there, welcome to my new pad. Just be careful with my new plant. Got it cheap from a floral going out of business sale. The guy called it Audrey, or something - don't know why.
--------------
(sunday strip)
--------------
"Thus spoke Lolo"
Panel 1:
Dos: I think I've fixed the bugs in our computer system.
Sup: Good work, Dos.
Panel 2:
Sup: Computer, are there any situations requiring assistance currently in InterCity?
Panel 3:
Lolo (the computer screen): No Level 1 situations currently detected, Dave.
Dos: ...er, still haven't fixed that one.
--------------
"Big blue blob is watching you"
Panel 1:
Dos: So, how much coverage of InterCity do we have?
Lolo: Surveillance of InterCity is 91%, Dave.
Panel 2:
Dos (slightly shocked): We can see 91% of InterCity? Inside and out?
Lolo: That is correct, Dave.
Panel 3:
Dos (very shocked): I can spy on most of InterCity from right here?
Lolo: Your apartment is getting very messy, Dave.
--------------
"
Panel 1:
Dos: So, how much wire is strung throughout IC ...or somesuch
Lolo:
Panel 2:
Dos: That's enough to get to the moon!
Lolo: OOPS could not get permission to monitor the moon, Dave.
Panel 3:
(cut to moon. An octopus-looking alien (with extra slime) is tentacle-raping a hapless...oh, vixen probably. (Maybe even in the remains of a spacesuit, which means it's a snuff scene too...oh well))
[Why would we want to?]
Alien: Earth girls are sooo easy.
-----------------
"
Panel 1:
Dos: How did you know about OOPS getting permission?
Lolo: I have a record of all OOPS-related transactions.
...
F
(this is probably S)
----------------------
"Think. really different"
Panel 1:
Larry (looking at monitor, headphones on): Whoa. DUDE!
Dos (walking by, stopping): Larry, what is it?
Panel 2:
Larry: Dude! It's the new iMac! This is a lust-generating device; I want one!*
[* Actual statement. Sans the dude.]
Panel 3:
Larry: It looks so cool that I'm...I'm...
(splurt sound effect? (probably. I'm that sick))
Dos (averting eyes): Hey, that's not right.
(starting crisis week)
(Sunday: news report from Faux News about release of iMac.)
-------
"Ach, Hans, it's the Lhurgoyf, run"
Panel 1:
(Fem Mouse reporter speaking into microphone in front of computer store. Likely same one as previously.)
Mouse: Consumers are lining up in droves to buy the new iMac. Experts cite its relatively low price, ease of use, cuteness, and lust-generating capabilities.
Panel 2:
(Mouse interviewing buyer, holding box)
Mouse: Ma'am, you just bought a new iMac. Why do you like it?
Fem Squirrel Consumer: It just makes me feel really good. I mean, even holding the box makes me...ohhh...
Panel 3:
Mouse (back to camera. squirrel may be in background): Um, well. In vaguely related news, since the introduction of the iMac, InterCity residents have come down with a mysterious illness in droves.
Panel 4 (at work):
Sup: Larry hasn't been at work in 3 days. Who's monitoring the SIN for trouble?
Panel 5
Dos: (looking guilty) Well, Timmy was on Monday...Erin was yesterday. Today...um...well...Lolo?
Panel 6:
(A giant tidal wave of spooge hangs above the city. People running all over)
Person 1: Aaah! Badly dubbed reruns of Dragon Ball Z and Tenchi Muyo! RUN!
Person 2: (maybe offpanel): You idiot, that's *Toonami*!
------------------------
Monday
Strip 1:
Sup (alarmed): We need to get someone to monitor the network, IMMEDIATELY!
Strip 2:
Dos: What's the problem? Lolo's doing a fine job.
Sup: (pointing) Look behind you.
Strip 3:
(window to skyscrapers. People are getting swept up in waves of spoo. An apartment building has spooge running out its windows)
[Oh. Oops.]
-----------
Tuesday
Strip 1:
Dos (to computer screen, looking frantic): Lolo, what's the origin of the problem?
Lolo: No problem detected, Dave.
Strip 2:
Dos (rolling eyes, looking more frantic): Note to self: fix bug. Lolo, run an analysis of that...stuff out there. I'm calling Larry.
Strip 3:
(cut to living room. Larry's on a couch, caressing the iMac, his room half-flooded with spoo. He's spooging himself....again, obviously. He looks a bit ragged, if having fun)
TV: And we have a flash spooge warning in effect until at least late tonight...
END OF CURRENT STRIPS
(more stripping to come, kweh)
(remember to include self-powered subway system involving pizzachew.)
Whose kinking remains supreme?
Iron Kink
---------
theme ingredient: dragons
Iron Kink Sizeplay: (Cerine)
Iron Kink BDSM: (Pelzette)
Iron Kink Messy: (Ferris)
Iron Kink TF ...hm.
What's going on there? Squeege-san?
Yes, Rota.
Our challenger seems to be pulling out the ice cream maker.
Yes, the challenger seems to be using cream - both kinds! to make a tasty treat for presentation.
But how will he present the cream when he's done? We'll have to find out.
That's an odd sculpture there.
Squeeze-me-san?
Go, big guy.
I asked the Iron Kink what she wanted to do with this. She said,
The style is similar to that I knew as a child. I wanted to capture that bit of childhood for the presentation.
Oh, a lava lamp.
Yes.
(Dos's party isn't going to be for a little while, maybe 2-3 weeks - I want him to settle a bit into his job first.)
------------------
Notes mostly to self:
Mapped out InterCity on idea of Houston. Corrected sector as a result. Shouldn't be a problem from now on as long as you remember that the east side is more likely to have problems.
Let's see...Dos throws a housewarming party, and? Hm...
Done reading yet? ;)