being thoughtful
I hope this is me one day...
...frozen in time with my true love
Love...its one of those things that everyone wants, needs, desires....hopes for. I, like every other girl on the planet believe that there is true love...hiding somewhere in the world waiting for me. It just is a horrible feeling knowing that you have to wait for it...it may come one of these days, but in the meantime I have to live with the heartache of being alone...
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, whack you off
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, whack you off
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, whack you off
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, whack you off
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, whack you off
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, whack you off
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, whack you off
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain
i heard this song today, and while i haven't really paid attention to all of the words, but the general feeling of "i'd rather feel pain than nothing at all" seems to be my life story right now. There have been so many times lately where i either feel nothing at all or pain. I guess if i had to choose one or the other, my choice would be pain. I don't want to go through life not feeling anything. Switchfoot has this one song where they sing "I want to know that my heart's still beating, I want to live like I know what i'm leaving..." life requires feeling...feelings for everything...and now that i am done being all...i duuno...weird....on to the good stuffSo, wanna know what i love most about the city? (me too....haha....just kidding) There is so much going on. Just sitting on the street corner for an hour would be enough to write a book of stories. I think it's hilarious. There are all of these people dressed up in their business suits, walking quickly to corporate meetings, lunch dates and the like...ignoring everyone in their paths and ultimately not seeing anything. then there are the bums...the other end of the scale...begging on the street, dressed in their worst, looking at everyone and everything. Now, which of these two people are better off? The person that is able to provide for themselves but unable to see the beauty of everyday life, or the person who has no where to live and nothing to eat but cherishes life because that is all that they have? this may sound weird, but i strive to be a bum....
know what else I like about the city? the monuments, the very things that have stood tall for over a hundred years, representing patriotism and freedom, shadowing visitors and attracting guests from around the world. people come from all over, to my new backyard to admire these great stone structures...i love the monuments...i wish i could have seen them built. I think i wrote in an earlier post (but maybe it was kept private, i dunno) that if i was a bum I would sleep at Lincoln's feet and spend my days with Jefferson. :) that would be a good time.
know what i hate about the city? bikers. cabbies. the price for a pound of food at Jacks Fresh. ignorance. traffic. the smell (sometimes). the fact that when people live in a city they feel the need to "act" city and "drive" city (quite annoying). corporate life. mean people. rude people. hypocryts. i'm sure there is more but i just cannot think of anything else.
so, the other day a stranger started talking to me...saw that i had been gone for a while, not writing in my journal...then i realized that i have written like ONE public post in the past year. I went back and read my private entries from the past year, they are something that i would never want anyone to read, in fact I don't want to read them myself. They are so depressing...plaguing really...pulling at the depths of my heart and leaving me helpless inside...all because of one man...who called last night...about 7 times. Its been like 3 weeks since i decided to stop talking to him...time to forget about him and let him live his happy life...and i know that when he calls things aren't good for him...and i make him feel good...so...i am his quick remedy for when he doesn't feel good about his life and girlfriend...(if that makes much sense to anyone), but anyway yeah...all of that pain that i felt (that i have already admitted I would rather feel than nothing at all) was bottled into those private entries...and i think they will stay there forever...
in the mean time, i am going to work on writing again. I am not very good at it anymore and i need to try to get back in the habit. It feels so good to just write about how you are feeling or what is on your mind. like this: i hate the girl i carpool with...no no...i don't hate her, i hate her stupid logic...
ahhh...so liberating :)
but anyway...i guess i will get going...in the meantime, here are some pictures from the last couple of weekends! yay!
birthday fun
Corey's Housewarming Orgy...i mean...party
one of the guys (per usual)
gooooooooofy!