there's nothing left but wasted years.
do you ever wake up in the morning and realize you make the mistakes that you know are inevidebly going to get you hurt? it was one of those mornings. im so sick and tired of being the happy one. the one that has to act like nothing is fucking wrong with them for the sake of everyone else. i mean dont get me wrong, i normally am pretty happy. but i just cant hide it anymore. so forgive me. something inside of me hurts so bad and i dont know what it is. i cant get a firm grasp on it. i cant get to the root of what is. and its only getting worse.
its kind of funny caus people can tell im upset bc i kick out the roommates, turn up cold or incubus or metallica, and cry for NO got damn reason. just because i can i guess. oh well, fuck it.
i feel so uptight. its a little of everything i guess. finals, grades, family, friends, boys... you name it. it's just built up to a point that im not used to. i've been drinking more lately too. it used to help, but now it only makes things worse. i read into things, get mad at my friends, and overreact. and by overreact, i mean spill my guts to people that are completely pointless to spill my guts to. if you know what i mean. and then i just feel worse. caus everything inside comes out but it gets me no where, and then i have nothing else to hide, yet dont feel any different...
i wanna go home, yet i don't. because i know who i'll want to see. and here lately, that may not necessarily be a good thing.
and i got a letter from my dad. that made me happy, yet sad too. he took the time to sit down and type out that, in a nutshell, the day i was born was one of the happiest days of his life, and for me never to think otherwise. he said that when i was born, he sort of felt bad because he didnt think he could ever love another child like he loved me. and then my sister was born and he realized that he could. something i wont understand until i have kids. and as for my stepmom, he said he couldnt touch on that in the letter because what he had written thus far, was hard enough. i understand. he also said he'd be more than happy to help me in any way that he could. i need to call him. i miss him so much. i just want my dad back because he understood me and made me laugh and happy and all that other shit dads do. no one will ever love you like your family, and i should have thought about that when i was putting my social life and other stuff before him. if you're reading this, please don't ever take your parents for granted. ever. call them and let them know that you love them. before it's too late.
something else i've learned. don't ever allow yourself to like someone when you know from the begininning that they don't like you. dont ever do it. its too much dramatic bullshit to dig yourself out of.
and dont let your depressed friends drink. period.
life's not perfect, and neither am i.
its kind of funny caus people can tell im upset bc i kick out the roommates, turn up cold or incubus or metallica, and cry for NO got damn reason. just because i can i guess. oh well, fuck it.
i feel so uptight. its a little of everything i guess. finals, grades, family, friends, boys... you name it. it's just built up to a point that im not used to. i've been drinking more lately too. it used to help, but now it only makes things worse. i read into things, get mad at my friends, and overreact. and by overreact, i mean spill my guts to people that are completely pointless to spill my guts to. if you know what i mean. and then i just feel worse. caus everything inside comes out but it gets me no where, and then i have nothing else to hide, yet dont feel any different...
i wanna go home, yet i don't. because i know who i'll want to see. and here lately, that may not necessarily be a good thing.
and i got a letter from my dad. that made me happy, yet sad too. he took the time to sit down and type out that, in a nutshell, the day i was born was one of the happiest days of his life, and for me never to think otherwise. he said that when i was born, he sort of felt bad because he didnt think he could ever love another child like he loved me. and then my sister was born and he realized that he could. something i wont understand until i have kids. and as for my stepmom, he said he couldnt touch on that in the letter because what he had written thus far, was hard enough. i understand. he also said he'd be more than happy to help me in any way that he could. i need to call him. i miss him so much. i just want my dad back because he understood me and made me laugh and happy and all that other shit dads do. no one will ever love you like your family, and i should have thought about that when i was putting my social life and other stuff before him. if you're reading this, please don't ever take your parents for granted. ever. call them and let them know that you love them. before it's too late.
something else i've learned. don't ever allow yourself to like someone when you know from the begininning that they don't like you. dont ever do it. its too much dramatic bullshit to dig yourself out of.
and dont let your depressed friends drink. period.
life's not perfect, and neither am i.