LJ Idol Week 13: Open Topic
Baby This Will Only End In Tragedy
You meet me in the park at midnight and in the darkness when we see the stars you say, “See. I told you that they were there all along.” But the skeptic in me tells you, “You only see them because you want to, because you have been told to.”
When you left, I used to pile the extra pillows next to me on the bed because I missed the presence of you. I used to cheat at board games to let you win because the smile that was you, was always worth it and the way you laughed made my body feel like it was made of some sort of vapor that could float around the room. I wanted to catch the echoes of your laughter and hide them in my pocket for a rainy day. Because even then I knew you’d leave me someday.
It’s been almost three years and I still haven’t met someone who makes my heart race the way you did. I haven’t invited anyone into my bed that could make me believe in heaven the way you did. I want to look in the mirror again and see myself the way you did.
The weight of my fist connecting with your cheek bone rhymes with the feeling of your fingers inside me for the first time. It seemed as if a thousand years passed between the sound of my arm rising and the slamming of the door but I counted your breaths and the beats of your heart even as I wanted to tear you to pieces and it was only a few seconds before you were gone.
I fell asleep with your name on my lips trying to find you under the sheets because I couldn’t forget the way our bodies fit together like puzzles pieces, like a mystical ancient lock slotting into place and the pillows never felt the same. I broke one of your toys and I’m still not sorry but if you would forgive me anyway I promise not to let you down again okay?
Baby, I don’t think I could love you again and not lose my soul. The truth bleeds out through my fingertips, leaves stains like ink on your skin when I touch you.
Maybe if we tried we could read words there. Hidden messages giving us direction, my lips becoming the ciphers, reminding me that you like it when I run my tongue along the line of your jaw and here I am kissing you again when I promised myself that I wouldn’t, but suddenly, I don’t need you to convince me that the stars are really there and for you I could live without my soul because maybe “soul mates” are meant to share.