Tongue Twister
Let me preface this entry by stating a simple fact - I’m a G.D. prude. At 25 years old, I’d trump today’s 12 year old when it comes to pleasing the parenths. I believe that my libido would literally jump out of my body and high five me were I to put my prudish tendancies on the back burner for even just one hour. But no, I put my foot down at first base. As of late, I find myself contimplating first base altogether. What’s the point if homeboy cant kiss for shit? How hard is it to swivel your tonge around for a bit? NOT HARD. Still, in my six months of singleness, of the dozen or so guys that I”ve kissed, maybe TWO were worth the energy I exerted.
I’ve kissed a few guys who are conveniently niave to the fact that, while kissing me, they coated the southern hemisphere of my face in slobber. Come to think of it, none of these guys are dog owners and thus I’m at a loss as to where they got the idea that this is an acceptable style of kissing. WE DO NOT SLOBBER ON FACES. Further, who doesn’t notice, upon pulling away from a kiss, that the person you are pulling away from appears to have been slimed? On the rare occasion that I’ve slimed someone, I notice and make note NEVER to let it happen again.
I’ve been forced to kiss what I’ve come to refer to as ‘the poker’. The poker warms you up with some nice lip kissing and then insert tongue. Immediately you realize that either you’re throat is being cultured or that, this guy has mistaken yoru throat for a fire place and is attempting to keep an ember going. Poke. Poke poke. Poke poke poke. CHOKE.
Finally, I’ve run into a guy or three who seem to have educated themselves by watching one too many episodes of Days of Our Lives wherein kisses aren’t kisses, but explosions of passion. The soap oprah kiss is one that is so passion filled that lips are forgone. The minute two people make contact, it’s immediate mouth sex.
Finally, I’ve been forced to kiss the guy who learned how to kiss from one episode of Days of Our Lives. These guys seem to genuinly believe that every kiss is fuled by the same passion that fuled the kisses that John Black and Marlana shared upon exercizing the deamon from Marlana’s soul. Hi there. Hi. I like lips. Say my life were a soap operah and every kiss we shared were fuled by some greater passion, I would still like a little lip. These guys just wont have it. As if they fear that, if they take there time and make the kiss enjoyable, it might be ruined by a tap on the shoulder wherein they find out that his mom is his sister and is pregnant with his baby. With these types, before our bodies have even made any physical contact they are ready with a pair of closed eyes, a wide open mouth and an erect tongue.
Yet I hestitate to lable any of the above kissing styles as ‘bad’. Instead I have to be open to the fact that, the aforementioned kissing styles are simply different than that of my own style, and perhaps different from the kissing style’s posessed by any of my friends or other types of voluntary aquaintences. Just as the difference stands out as uncomfortable and ‘bad’ to me, this is probably the reaction of my fellow kisser. I need to be open to the fact that, the poker might find my timid and non-invasive kissing style to be like kissing a dead fish (ie an occasional convusion but mostly a discustingly worthless slab of flesh.) You see differnt doesn’t make bad or wrong. It makes differnt. Still, if I wind up kissing one more differnt kisserI might retire altogether leaving my libido stuck to the tip of some random guys tongue.
I’ve kissed a few guys who are conveniently niave to the fact that, while kissing me, they coated the southern hemisphere of my face in slobber. Come to think of it, none of these guys are dog owners and thus I’m at a loss as to where they got the idea that this is an acceptable style of kissing. WE DO NOT SLOBBER ON FACES. Further, who doesn’t notice, upon pulling away from a kiss, that the person you are pulling away from appears to have been slimed? On the rare occasion that I’ve slimed someone, I notice and make note NEVER to let it happen again.
I’ve been forced to kiss what I’ve come to refer to as ‘the poker’. The poker warms you up with some nice lip kissing and then insert tongue. Immediately you realize that either you’re throat is being cultured or that, this guy has mistaken yoru throat for a fire place and is attempting to keep an ember going. Poke. Poke poke. Poke poke poke. CHOKE.
Finally, I’ve run into a guy or three who seem to have educated themselves by watching one too many episodes of Days of Our Lives wherein kisses aren’t kisses, but explosions of passion. The soap oprah kiss is one that is so passion filled that lips are forgone. The minute two people make contact, it’s immediate mouth sex.
Finally, I’ve been forced to kiss the guy who learned how to kiss from one episode of Days of Our Lives. These guys seem to genuinly believe that every kiss is fuled by the same passion that fuled the kisses that John Black and Marlana shared upon exercizing the deamon from Marlana’s soul. Hi there. Hi. I like lips. Say my life were a soap operah and every kiss we shared were fuled by some greater passion, I would still like a little lip. These guys just wont have it. As if they fear that, if they take there time and make the kiss enjoyable, it might be ruined by a tap on the shoulder wherein they find out that his mom is his sister and is pregnant with his baby. With these types, before our bodies have even made any physical contact they are ready with a pair of closed eyes, a wide open mouth and an erect tongue.
Yet I hestitate to lable any of the above kissing styles as ‘bad’. Instead I have to be open to the fact that, the aforementioned kissing styles are simply different than that of my own style, and perhaps different from the kissing style’s posessed by any of my friends or other types of voluntary aquaintences. Just as the difference stands out as uncomfortable and ‘bad’ to me, this is probably the reaction of my fellow kisser. I need to be open to the fact that, the poker might find my timid and non-invasive kissing style to be like kissing a dead fish (ie an occasional convusion but mostly a discustingly worthless slab of flesh.) You see differnt doesn’t make bad or wrong. It makes differnt. Still, if I wind up kissing one more differnt kisserI might retire altogether leaving my libido stuck to the tip of some random guys tongue.