Wild Fire [Luhan/Sehun, Victoria, NC-17]
Title: Wild Fire
Pairing: Luhan/Sehun, Victoria
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Drama/Family/Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. Plot is mine.
Summary: They are related by blood and they are related by bones, but blood and bones only take you so far. When Luhan gave Victoria a reason to live, Victoria gave Luhan a reason to love. His love forgets reason and Sehun teaches him that he is not so different, after all. They are all just seeking comfort in this world running on a wild fire.
A/N: Song Qian = Victoria. Wu Yifan = Kris. Jongin = Kai. Joonmyun = Suho. NC-17 rating is just for safety purposes- don't expect anything too intense. UN-BETA'D. ~6.5k words.
She holds him in her frail arms, a hand comfortingly soothing through the tiny threads of hair on the back of his head. The boy snugs closer to his sister, huddled against her slowly rising and falling chest.
“Luhan-ah,” little Song Qian whispers, “from now on, you have to learn to be a good boy.”
The infant fusses in her embrace and scrunches up its eyebrows, lips opening and closing several times before falling back into slumber, clutching the hem of the little girls sleeve in his tiny fingers.
Thunder strikes and Luhan cries, arms outstretched to cling onto whatever is in his grasp. He digs his fingers into the skin of her neck and pulls her closer, mouth wide open in protest to the storm outside
Song Qian grimaces, but she does not know whether it is out of pain or fear.
All she knows is that she must not waver, if only for the baby in her arms.
Drips of rain fall through the cracks of their ceiling and Song Qian wraps the cloth protecting her from the cold wind around her younger brother.
The child opens a single eye, his light brown orbs staring into her own. They are nearly identical and she can see herself reflecting from Luhan’s eyes, a somber and tired expression.
This is all she can give him now.
Shrinking into her arms, Luhan allows his eyes to flutter close. Song Qian has always known that she was nothing compared to the rest of the world, but never has she felt so small before.
Never has she been so helpless.
-
It’s nearly two in the morning when Luhan finally sees the knob of the door to the scabby motel room that they call home click and turn.
“You’re late.” He whines with a frown.
Song Qian is peeking from behind the entrance and pulls a wide, innocent smile at the smaller boy. He’s nearly seven now, but he still looks like he’s five. “Sorry, Luhan, I didn’t mean to make you wait. You should have just went to bed.”
"That’s not the point.” Luhan pouts. “Why are you always out so late?”
Song Qian tries to harden her expression, but fails. “I wasn’t aware that I had a curfew.” She argues, crossing her arms over her torso. “I need to shower now, Luhan, and I’m tired.”
The young boy takes a step closer to her and reaches out to take her hand.
It is only after she slaps his hand away that she’s aware of what she’s done.
“What’s wrong?” Luhan inquires, eyes full of concern.
Song Qian is reflected in those eyes again and she feels nauseous from just the simple thought of it. She shakes her head and forces a smile, heading to the small bathroom in the corner of the motel room. “I’m dirty from being outside; you’ll get your hands filthy if you touch me.”
Luhan hadn’t understood her then but years later, in the resolve of his very own, luxurious room and the absence of his sister-who is then widely known as Victoria- he remembers this occurrence and he finally thinks he understands.
It’s hard for uneducated and abandoned women to get anywhere in this world without a man-and men is exactly what his sister had found.
-
When Victoria leaves late in the afternoon, Luhan likes to sneak the door open to speak with the child across the hall. They’ve built a friendship on eggshells, constantly afraid of taking too large or hard of a step and scaring the other away.
The kid’s name is Jongin, and Luhan remembers his name far into the future, long after they’ve stopped seeing each other.
“I think your sister is beautiful.” Jongin will tell Luhan. “But I think you’re pretty, too.”
Luhan will frown, unappreciative of being called pretty. Only Song Qian was allowed to call him that. “She’s never home.”
“She’s working hard to buy you food.” The other boy will reason. “My parents tell me that all the time.”
“Are they never home, too?” Luhan asks curiously, eyes wide in surprise.
Jongin laughs. “No, my mom is always nearby,” he explains, “but she always tells me how hard life is for your sister. She has a hard job and a lot of people don’t like her job, but my mom likes her, I think.”
“Oh.” Luhan says.
“Hey, Luhan,” Jongin calls out, “do you think that one day we won’t have to hide behind these doors when we talk to each other anymore?”
Luhan wants to say yes, but he doesn’t.
They stare into each other’s eyes, their guts twisting inside of them.
Neither of them understand this feeling, this yearning, to be standing beside the other boy and holding them by the hand, telling them that it’s okay, I’ll always be here for you, even if we can never go outside.
This was never their comfort zone, it never will be.
-
His life is filled of moments replaying themselves over and over again and he’s tired of it, so, so tired of it all.
Luhan is all but thirteen now, yet, he’s already tired of his lifestyle and he’s tired of knowing but not knowing anything at all. What he knows is only what his sister feeds to him-his knowledge, his reality, they are all bits and pieces of the world Song Qian had taken the time out of her own life to teach him.
Through thick and thin, they have stuck together. Their bond is stronger than that of any other sibling in the world and Luhan knows that it is because Song Qian cares, she cares about him more than anyone else in the world.
What Luhan does not know, though, is whether Song Qian cares because she wants to-because she’s inclined to-or if she has to-because they were born in shared blood and no one can deny kinship.
At least, not Song Qian.
She entered through the front door, cheap lipstick smeared over her swollen lips. The sleeve of her off-shoulder shirt hangs far below her collarbone, exposing pearly white skin stained with specks and blotches of red and purple.
He watches as she kicks off her six inch heels, the indentations of the shoes gauging her flesh and leaving behind marks of evidence in its trace.
“What are you doing up, Luhan?” She asks.
The young boy lets his head slide to a tilt, staring at his older sister now standing at the frame of the door from his sprawled out position on the couch. “Waiting for you.” Luhan says simply.
It takes less than a split second for her expression to dim, an endless seam of words unspoken surfacing into her eyes. “I told you not to.” Victoria tells him.
With a sigh, she restlessly walks past him into the worn out kitchen to pour herself a cup of water from the rusty sink. On the tattered kitchen table, she sees the food she had prepared for him earlier left untouched.
“You need more rest and food, Luhan, so that you will grow.”
Luhan glances towards the clock that’s nearly tipping off of the wall on the opposite end of the room. It’s nearly two in the morning. “So do you.”
“I’m already done growing.” Victoria lies.
Luhan stands from his seat and walks to his sister’s side, reaching out to run his thin fingers through her messy, disheveled hair. She slaps his hand away, a mortified look in her eyes.
“Maybe I’m done growing, too,” he all but whispers. “Maybe there’s nothing more waiting for me to grow into.”
Victoria’s stiffened lips slowly twist into a smile and she bends over to match her younger brother’s height, grinning into his eyes. “You’ll become a great man, Luhan, never doubt that. One day, you’ll grow into a man so great that you’ll outshine the world.”
Although he is unbelieving, Victoria’s smile branches a warmth in his chest. “Really?” The child asks.
“Of course!” Victoria laughs. As she extends her hand to pat him on the head, a sudden realization causes her to halt in her motion, the filth of her hands petulantly dawning on her.
She is unworthy.
“Go to bed, okay?” Victoria tells Luhan gently.
Luhan bites down on his lip. “What about you?”
“I need to take a shower.” Victoria explains. “I feel disgusting.”
The young boy frowns, his brows crumbling together tightly. “But you’re beautiful, Sis.”
And all it takes are those four words for Victoria’s resolve to collapse, unable to force back the tears and pretense any longer. She runs for the bathroom, slamming the door behind her and vomiting into the toilet.
Tears run down her flushed cheeks, salty and bitter against her own tongue.
Luhan is beating against the door, crying her name with a sob so soft, yet, so heartbreaking that Victoria loses her breath all together and falls back against the bathtub, staring at the ceiling, eyes gazing into the flickering light bulb.
The night is long, but no longer than it takes for the sun to rise from beyond the mountains.
After her shower, she drags Luhan’s sleeping body from the door of the bathroom to their shared room, lowering him onto the bed and tucking him in securely. Silently watching him, she recounts the few times she has ever heard or seen the boy cry, she recounts the times she has ever seen him smile, and she realizes the most she’s seen of her brother is a stoic, neutral expression.
Victoria wants to change that-she wants to see him smile, a grin so bright that it could blind even the sun.
When she crawls onto the bed beside him, she instantly feels him scoot closer against her. She wraps her arms around him and pulls him into her chest, basking in the warmth of his small, fragile body.
“I’ll grow into a big man, sis, and I’ll protect you.” He whispers against her bosom. “You won’t have to work and you’ll never want to cry again.”
The older girl blinks back another tear as she nods against the crown of his head, a hand running up and down his small back soothingly. “I know, Luhan.” She whispers. “I know.”
Luhan grips a corner of her shirt and slowly falls asleep, finally feeling safe in the arms of his sister.
Victoria is much like running water, Luhan thinks. No matter how hard he grasps onto her, she will fleet away from the creases of his fingers and, once she’s gone, she may not return as smoothly as she had left.
But water is always present, no matter where you go, so it’s not the thought of losing Victoria for good that Luhan is wary of. It’s the thought of losing her more than once and having to relive that memory over and over again that scares him, that makes him fear.
It’s the thought of not ever truly having her, or her love, at all that makes him afraid.
-
“We’re friends-- best friends, Yifan. I’m not supposed to hate you.”
Kris is alarmed by Luhan, who is now looking down at him from the end of the lunch table. “What are you talking about?”
Luhan narrows his eyes. “I know what you’re doing with my sister.”
“I like her.” Kris says calmly, shrugging his shoulders. “What’s so wrong about that?”
“She’s older than you, Yifan, and she’s my sister. What do you think is wrong with this equation?” Luhan provokes. “Stop seeing her.”
Kris stands and he’s about a whole feet taller than Luhan. “It’s none of your business whether I choose to court your sister or not, Luhan.” He says as peacefully as he can manage. “We’re friends and friends aren’t supposed to stop their friends from chasing after what they want.”
“You’re not courting my sister, you’re sleeping with her.”
Taken by surprise, Kris immediately pulls Luhan away from their table of friends by the elbow and drags him into the staircase. “How did you know?” Kris asks.
Luhan scoffs. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“I really do like your sister, Luhan. I don’t care what she’s done in the past-I know that it was all for you- but I just want to be with her.”
The explanation is crisp and sincere, and Luhan doesn’t think he’s ever seen Yifan so serious before in their association. “Stop.”
“Why?” Kris scowls, slamming his hand on the railing of the stairs. “Why should I?”
“Just stop! Stop seeing my sister, stop trying to work your way into her life, our life, and stop sleeping with her. She doesn’t need you. She doesn’t even need me! If my sister felt the same way you do, do you think she’d make you pay her for every time you take her to bed?” Luhan grits through his teeth.
The taller boy watches him-watches as the veins surface from beneath his skin and the flutter of red and pink slowly painting his cheeks and neck.
Luhan takes a deep breath. “If you really consider yourself my friend, then stop looking at my sister with those quivering eyes and stop chasing after her like a wild fire. It will only backfire in the end-you will only hurt her. I don’t want her to hurt, Yifan. My sister deserves better; better than both you and I put together.”
Staring into Luhan’s eyes, Kris searches into them and they are empty, void of any shame or fear. He understands how much these siblings mean to each other, he’s aware that he will never be able to tear them apart.
Victoria will never leave Luhan for Wu Yifan, and Luhan wouldn’t give Victoria up for the world.
So, Kris just shakes his head in frustration and walks to the door. “You’ve got a sister complex, Luhan. As a friend, I want you to know that much.”
“I already know.” Luhan replies, his voice echoing down the staircase. “I know better than anyone else ever will.”
“Good. And, just for the record,” Kris says, his head turned back to look Luhan straight into the eyes, “Your sister never made me pay her to sleep with her. Did you know that, too?”
-
Years down the road, Luhan wonders what life would be like if he never stepped in between Kris and Victoria. Glancing around his bedroom, filled with beautiful things he’d never use, he thinks that life would be a lot less extravagant, but perhaps a lot more comfortable.
-
At the end of Luhan’s first year of college, Victoria tells him that they’re moving.
It had taken her a year to gather up the courage to tell him that the man they’re moving in with had been the one to support him through secondary school and college, and that he’d be his new brother-in-law.
None of it had amused him.
“Are you getting married then?” He asks, as a man.
Victoria shakes her head. “No. Not yet, at least. He only just finished his divorce process-“
“You broke up a family?” Luhan scoffs. “What were you thinking?”
The older girl stands there, speechless.
“I know it’s for me,” Luhan tells her, feeling bad for having lost his temper. He reaches over and takes her hand into his own. He says this as a brother. “But I don’t have to go to college, sis.”
Song Qian forces a smile. “He treats me well,” she lies through her teeth, “and he has a son around your age. I think you’ll get along.”
It doesn’t strike him then just how old the man had to have been to have a son his age. When he meets him, though, Luhan feels the bile creeping up his throat and he looks at his sister with a mixture of emotions.
He’s disgusted and he can barely hide the resentment in his eyes when the man takes his sister by the shoulder and pulls her against his side.
When he meets the man’s son, though, it’s a different story.
“Luhan, this is Sehun. I hope the two of you can become friends.”
That they did.
-
“Can you take me to the bookshop after school? I still don’t know this city too well.” Luhan asks Sehun.
Sehun nods with a mischievous grin, eyes squinted into a line. “Yes, Uncle.”
“Let’s get some ice cream on the way home.” Luhan suggests.
“Yes, Uncle.” Sehun will reply playfully.
Luhan bites down on his lip and shoves Sehun softly. Sehun trips over the sidewalk and nearly falls into the street but Luhan catches him, pulling him back. “Stop calling me uncle,” he frowns. “I’m not your uncle.”
“But your sister is with my dad, which makes you my uncle.” Sehun denotes matter of factly. “Plus, I think it’s interesting having an uncle that’s my age.”
“I’m older.” Luhan emphasizes offhandedly.
Sehun pouts. “Why are you only cute when you’re with Victoria?”
The older boy just plasters on a fake smile and continues walking forward. The road to school is long and tedious, but they prefer to walk the distance rather than taking the car. Sometimes, some things are worth working for-for Sehun and Luhan, it is this short period of time that they can spend together, without the eyes of the world watching them, figuratively speaking.
-
Luhan and Sehun run into Jongin on the streets one evening, as they are walking home from class.
They are skeptical at first, both Jongin and Luhan unsure of whether or not they are recognizing the right person. It has been years, after all, and their memories are beginning to blur and squander.
Contrary to popular belief, Jongin had not become a professional dancer.
In the past, all the adults would complement on how good looking Jongin had been and how much potential he had in the arts of fluidly manipulating his body to do the things he wanted-to dance and showcase, to perform like a star.
Instead, he is performing on the streets outside of a subway station with another young man who’s playing on a guitar. The guitar case sits open, a tiny stash of small bills and change piling up in a corner.
“How have you been?” Jongin asks easily, his smile turning out more of a smirk than anything else. He’s nothing like Luhan remembers him to be-innocent, naïve, much too easy-yet, he is everything Luhan imagined him to become.
Luhan smiles and pulls the boy into his arms. “Good.”
Behind him, Sehun loses his playful smile.
The music continues playing, Jongin’s partner seemingly unaffected by the halted dancing and their new company. Luhan feels at ease. “You look good,” Jongin offers, “much better than you used to, anyhow.”
“I don’t take that as a compliment.” Luhan teases. He’s still holding on to Jongin’s hand. “How are your parents?”
“Divorced.” Jongin says, shrugging out of Luhan’s hand and looking back at his friend on the guitar as his smile weakened by a fracture. “But good, I suppose. I left home so I wouldn’t know, really.”
Luhan doesn’t know what would be intelligent to say so he settles on saying, “oh.” He imagines that if he were a little older back then, or if he were a little braver, then maybe it would be him standing beside Jongin today.
They look at each other for a moment and there are so many words left unspoken, so many questions that were not asked. Jongin eventually finds his voice again. “Let me buy you a drink.”
“Stay here, Sehun.” Luhan tells the younger boy. “I’ll be right back.”
He had not given Sehun the time to protest. Before Sehun could even react, Jongin and Luhan were already heading for a café nearby, Jongin’s arm over Luhan’s shoulder.
Sehun stuffs his hands into his pockets and sighs, looking at the boy on the guitar. The boy does not look back at him-he looks at nothing; instead, he continues playing on his instrument as if time and space could leave no marks on him.
“What’s your name?” Sehun asks.
The boys fingers that thrum through the strings come to a halt and he tilts his head, his eyes unmoving. “Suho. You can call me Suho.”
Suho, Sehun thinks. The name suits him well.
“Kai has looked forward to this day for a long time now.” Suho says. “He’s never quite been able to let go.”
Sehun’s eyebrows knit together. He squats down to speak with Suho at eye level, not that it makes much of a difference. “What do you mean? Who’s Kai?”
“You’ll see.” Suho smiles at nothing in particular. “Don’t worry.”
Before Sehun runs to meet Luhan halfway down the block, he flips open his wallet and pulls out a hundred dollar bill. After he tosses it into the guitar, he turns to Suho and tells him,
“Maybe Kai possesses a part of Luhan’s past but what I hold is more than that-I am his present and I can have Luhan’s future. I’m not going to let go.”
Suho tips his head with a smile. All he says in return is,
“Good luck.”
-
Song Qian stopped sharing a bed with Luhan when he turned sixteen.
Luhan started sleeping with Sehun when he turned twenty one.
-
“Where are you going?” Luhan asks Song Qian at the dining table.
His sister smiles at him sweetly. “There’s someone I have to meet. I’ll be back before midnight.”
Luhan frowns. “You were supposed to spend the evening with me.”
Song Qian bites down on her lips and looks at him apologetically. “I know, Luhan, but-“
He doesn’t wait for her to finish before he slams his chopsticks on the table and stalks to his room angrily, slamming the door behind him. Sehun’s eyes follow Luhan until he disappears, and then his eyes land on Victoria.
Victoria’s gaze is lowered to her lap, expression downcast. He doesn’t say anything to her at the moment; neither does his father on the other end of the table.
“Just go.” The man finally says. “He’ll be fine.”
She’s hesitant but before Victoria leaves, she turns to look at Sehun. Their eyes meet and he knows that there is something she wants to say- he knows that there is something she knows.
“I’ll watch over him.” Sehun offers.
Relief washes over her eyes and she nods, pulling the door open and disappearing beyond the dim hall lights.
-
Jongin has Luhan backed up against a wall in the alley, one hand tangled in his hair and the other tightly gripping his waist. Luhan chuckles against Jongin’s cheek and he bridges forward, pecking at Jongin’s lips.
The boy smirks and presses up closer against him, breathing against his nose.
“You’ve changed.” Jongin grunts, mouth feverish against Luhan’s collar.
Luhan laughs, gripping Jongin’s shoulder tightly. “Who hasn’t?”
-
The one time Song Qian keeps her promise to spend time with Luhan, they are out on the streets of the city, hand in hand.
Luhan drags her into bookstores, looking for the newest releases. He drags her into clothing stores and buys her the prettiest outfits that expose nothing but reveal everything about her that is real.
She basks in his attention and he’s genuinely happy-his smile so bright that she’s sure she’s never seen anything more beautiful than her brother’s smile today.
“I only have one year left of school.” Luhan says from the other side of the door separating them in the changing room.
Song Qian stops altogether and leans back against the door, the wooden platform cold against her warm skin. “What are you trying to say?”
Luhan nervously kicks his shoes against the floor. “We can leave. After I graduate I can find a good job and I can support you, sis. We don’t have to stay with that man anymore-you won’t have to humor him-”
“Luhan-“
He raises a hand to the door, almost able to feel his sister on the other side. “I don’t want you to stay with him. It disgusts me, sis. I hate it when you’re even near him, or anyone else for that matter.”
Song Qian chews on her bottom lip and slips the shirt over her shoulders. She pulls the door open and smiles at the boy, outstretching her arms. “How do I look?”
“Beautiful.” Luhan says. “You’re always beautiful.”
Song Qian chuckles and allows Luhan to wrap his arms around her waist, hugging her tightly.
“I promised I’d give you a good life.” He whispers into her hair.
He’s not as small or fragile as he used to be in her arms. Song Qian realizes she isn’t used to this; she isn’t used to Luhan growing up, she isn’t used to Luhan being dependable, but he has, he is, and this is reality.
“I know, Luhan.” Song Qian sighs. “But you don’t have to do anything more than this. You’ve given me a good life all along, you always have.”
Luhan pulls back to look his sister in the eyes. “It can be better.”
“No,” Song Qian shakes her head, chuckling. “It can’t.”
Because she has Luhan and Luhan is living a good life and that is enough. It’s always been enough. It always will be.
-
The day is hot and the sun shines too high over the skies.
Victoria and Luhan are sitting in a yogurt shop, sharing a cup of ice cream in the midst of a busy summer afternoon. Midway through their cup and laughter, a familiar voice interrupts them.
“Luhan?”
They both look up to meet eyes with a boy that they once knew well-much too well. It was Wu Yifan, and he was holding the hand of another girl’s as he greeted them with a smile.
“Victoria.”
She smiles at him and the girl standing by his side. “Fancy seeing you here.” Victoria offers as a form of conversation. “And with a beauty, none the less.”
Luhan reaches over to wrap his fingers around Victoria’s, giving her a small squeeze. He feels protective of her at this moment, despite there not really being a reason to.
“This is my girlfriend.” Kris introduces. He notices Luhan’s hands wrapping around Victoria’s and forces another smile. “Long time no see, Luhan.”
“It has been.” Luhan agrees. “You’re doing well?”
“Better than ever.” Kris replies.
Kris and his girlfriend join Victoria and Luhan at the table. Kris walks off to place an order and asks Luhan to come with him-Luhan does, but he wonders if he will regret it in the end.
“I see you haven’t changed.” Kris says.
Luhan laughs. “Ironic. I was just told the other day that I’ve changed a lot.”
“Really?” Kris humors him. “Your sister hasn’t changed either.”
“Oh?”
Kris nods. “As beautiful as ever-always watching over you, always treating you like a pearl in her palm.”
“Are you jealous?” Luhan mocks.
The taller boy just laughs, shrugging. “Maybe.” He says. “Maybe I’ve never gotten over her, after all.”
“What about your girlfriend?” Luhan asks.
Kris is quiet for a moment, but gradually discovers the appropriate answer. “She’s like a dandelion that caught my eye, sitting in a massive field of blossoms. Your sister, though, is much like lavender-the air around her is faintly sweet and seemingly forgettable, but it doesn’t leave you.”
Luhan looks Kris in the eyes. “Maybe you still have a chance.”
“She’s content, Luhan. Victoria is happy with whatever it is she has now-be it you or some other man that takes care of her well. Whoever it is, it was not and will not be me.”
“I’m sorry.” Luhan says, and it is the first time he’s apologized to anyone but Victoria. “It’s all my fault. She could have been happier if she was with you.”
Kris smiles, and this time it is genuine. “If you could be happier, Luhan, Victoria would be the happiest person alive.”
-
Sehun knocks on Luhan’s door but there is no response. When he pulls it open, Luhan is laying with his eyes to the ceiling, eyes clouded with thought.
“What are you thinking about?” Sehun asks.
Luhan jumps and Sehun laughs violently into his shoulder. “When did you come in?”
“Just now.” Sehun says. “So? What were you thinking about?”
“My sister.” Luhan says. It doesn’t surprise Sehun. “And an old friend of mine that used to be in love with her.”
Sehun nods. “That’s new.”
“No, it’s not, really.” Luhan scoffs. “It’s so old that I almost thought I could forget about it.”
“Does it bother you-that your friend was in love with your sister?” Sehun asks. “Or was she in love with him, too?”
Luhan shrugs. “She might have been.”
“Then why weren’t they together?”
“I told him to stop seeing her,” Luhan explains. “I knew they were sleeping together, I knew he was trying really hard, and I told him to stop messing around with us.”
Sehun laughs again. “Not unlikely of you.”
“Am I sick, Sehun? Is there something wrong with me? I should have been happy for her-I should have been happy that she was with Yifan because he’s a good person and he would have treated her well. My sister would have been one of the happiest women alive but I destroyed it, I interrupted her happiness.”
“You’re not sick, Luhan.” Sehun argues. “You just don’t know how to let go.”
“I don’t want to let go of my sister, Sehun. She’s the only one who’s given everything for my wellbeing, she gave up everything for my happiness, and I don’t want to lose that. Am I wrong? Am I wrong for lov-“
Sehun coats Luhan’s lips with his own, his elbows on either side of Luhan’s head as he rests his weight on Luhan’s chest, pinning him down against the bed.
He’s feeds on Luhan’s lips hungrily, sucking and pulling on it as he runs his fingers through Luhan’s hair and pulls his head back, gaining easier access into his mouth.
Luhan is already used to this.
“What would you do if I weren’t your nephew but your brother?” Sehun asks, his voice raspy against the skin of Luhan’s chest.
Luhan arches his back, hands on Sehun’s shoulder. “What?”
“If you and your sister were actually my father’s illegitimate son and daughter, and we were all siblings, would you still be doing this with me?” Sehun elaborates.
“No, of course not.” The older boy replies confidently.
Sehun smirks, tugging at the waist band of Luhan’s boxers. “Then you’re fine, Luhan. You’re perfectly normal. You’re just a little possessive, that’s all.”
“Were you serious?” Luhan asks, his voice quivering in fear. “You weren’t, were you?”
The younger boy chuckles, kissing a trail down Luhan’s stomach. “The only thing I’m being serious about right now is getting you out of your clothes, Uncle.” He teases, flicking his tongue over Luhan’s hipbone.
Luhan laughs, reaching down. “Let me help you with that.”
Slapping Luhan’s hand away, Sehun shakes his head with a playful frown.
“I’m better at this than you ever will be.”
-
Luhan likes to spend time with Jongin and his friend, who he eventually finds out goes by the name Suho-which Jongin had given him- but is actually Joonmyun and is blind.
Sometimes he sits and simply watches them perform, sometimes he joins them and adds in an extra voice to the music and flow.
Either way, he finds comfort in their companionship.
“Where’s your little lover boy?” Jongin would occasionally tease him.
Luhan would just scrunch up his face in distaste. “I don’t have things like that tying me down.”
“Uh-huh,” Jongin nods disbelievingly. Suho would laugh and Jongin would throw his arms around him, pulling him into his arms far enough so that Suho would topple over into his lap.
Seeing things like that made Luhan wonder-if Jongin was so content with having Suho, if Jongin had cared for Suho so much, why would Jongin still associate with him in the ways that he did?
It was very simple, really. They’d both changed over the years and change taught them new things. Jongin gained a new name and a new identity-Luhan had caught Suho calling him Kai-and in this lifestyle, Jongin had no restrictions.
Luhan, though, was still caught in his own dilemma, the same one he had all those years ago; afraid to step beyond the doors, afraid to step into the light.
In this day, Jongin is free.
Till this day, Luhan is still a prisoner-unlikely to set himself askew.
-
“Are you sleeping with him?” Sehun demanded to know.
Luhan rolled over in his bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes in the ungodly hours of morning. “Who?”
“Kai.”
“Not anymore.” Luhan groaned.
He had stopped after realizing just how in love Suho was with Jongin and he couldn’t risk breaking that bond. Suho had saved Jongin from hell and protected him ever since-what did Luhan have over him?
“What about it?” He asks.
Sehun scoffed, roughly pulling Luhan into sitting position by his wrists. His grasp was of such brute force that Luhan was sure it would bruise-his eyes immediately widened in surprise, now fully awake. “Why?”
“Why what?” Luhan frowned.
“Why would you hurt me like this?” Sehun breathed, his breath warm against Luhan’s nose. His eyes were filled with betrayal and hurt, a hand clutching the fabric on his chest. “Why me?”
Something inside Luhan shattered at Sehun’s trembling voice, crumbling into shards and slitting against his lungs and veins. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t feel. “Sehun-“
“Nevermind.” Sehun shook his head. “If you never cared, then why bother-“
Luhan threw his arms over Sehun’s neck and pulled him close, burying his head into Sehun’s shoulder. At this moment, he felt nothing but fear- fear of losing Sehun, the same fear he held for losing Song Qian. “I’m sorry, Sehun. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He apologized, over and over again.
The younger boy cried, falling over and crushing Luhan beneath him on the bed. Neither of them moved, Luhan running his hand up and down Sehun’s back repeatedly, whispering in his ear.
“I won’t do it ever again. I promise. I won’t hurt you, I won’t make you cry again.”
Sehun nods and wraps his arms around Luhan, taking every word and imprinting it into Luhan’s skin with his lips. “You promise, Luhan. You promised.”
“I promise.” Luhan affirms, and he’s intent on always keeping this one.
Luhan doesn’t break promises; not the ones he made to Song Qian, and not the ones to Sehun.
“I promise.”
-
Ever since, Luhan brings Sehun with him to watch Jongin and Joonmyun perform. They’ve kind of created a quad and, on good days, Sehun offers to join Jongin in dancing while Luhan sings and Suho plays on his guitar.
They make a good team, if they do say so themselves.
-
It’s a few months later when Luhan runs into Kris again, out of not so sheer coincidence. “I’ve been happy all along,” Luhan tells Kris, and Sehun is standing beside him, tall and confident.
Kris pats him on the shoulder, his smile comforting. “I’m glad,” he tells Luhan, “I thought you’d never realize it.”
After Kris leaves, Sehun leans his chin on Luhan’s shoulder and stares at Kris’s leaving form. “Who’s that?” He asks.
Luhan smiles and pinches Sehun’s cheek. “A winner who never got his prize, but still basked in the glory anyways.”
Sehun doesn’t understand but he doesn’t bother to ask. He figures Luhan would tell him sooner or later-Luhan couldn’t keep anything from him, whether it be something good or bad.
It’s become a constant now, how much Luhan included Sehun in his life.
A good constant, Sehun reckons, because it meant Luhan needed him. That was enough, he thinks. It’s enough that Luhan needs him.
-
The day Luhan graduates, with a grade average far surpassing that of his fellow classmates; the first thing he does is meet with the man who has offered him a job in the center of Seoul.
They come to an agreement and Luhan is offered an apartment to meet his conventional needs until he can find his own place in the city.
He’s now a medical assistant at the largest hospital in Seoul, his continued schooling partially covered by the educational program at work, and earns enough to support him and his sister without having to struggle for food or shelter.
Victoria, firmly warned by Luhan not to take up on her past occupation, has found a stable job in a small office-working more than enough to help Luhan with their expenses and easing his stress.
She wants to do more, but Luhan won’t allow it.
“It’s your turn to rest now,” he tells her, “I’ll take care of you.”
Song Qian just nods and smiles, relishing in the affection her younger brother showers her with.
Time is sparse now, but Luhan still manages to meet with Sehun three or four times a week. Needless to say, Sehun isn’t exactly ecstatic about this arrangement, but he figures it is better than nothing.
Sehun has moved out of his house, too, and has a small apartment near Luhan’s area. “Your sister’s seeing my brother.” He breathes into Luhan’s ear, the older boy planting a kiss on his jaw.
He shifts so that Luhan is strapping him at the waist and reaches up to pull Luhan’s shirt over his head. “I know,” Luhan replies, his breath hitching in his throat when Sehun runs a hand down his naked back.
The cold air brushes against Luhan’s hot skin and his cheeks are painted pink, the tip of his nose slightly red. Sehun hurriedly unbuttons Luhan’s jeans, lips finding solace with Luhan’s own.
“Jungmin is a good guy,” Luhan adds shortly after, short of breath.
Sehun laughs. “Better than me?”
Luhan weaves his fingers into Sehun’s hair and tugs his head back, lips crushing against Sehun’s mouth.
Their tongues match and their hot breaths mingle, moans low in the back of their throat. When Luhan pulls away, his expression is vaguely mischievous.
“I hope so.” Luhan whispers against Sehun’s throat.
Sehun throws Luhan down on the bed and crawls on top of him, pinning Luhan down into the mattress. “You’d be right.” He says matter of factly, smirking into Luhan’s eyes. “My brother couldn’t be half as rough to Victoria as I am to you.”
“Pity.” Luhan chuckles, a hand cupping Sehun’s cheek.
Pulling Luhan’s hand away, Sehun leans down and savors the taste of Luhan on his tongue again.
“Yeah,” Sehun mumbles, grinning, “what a pity.”
THE END.
-----
A/N: Thank you for reading~! This is my first Victoria and Luhan(+Sehun) fic! Hope you enjoyed reading~ [and to Nyx, I know it's long ;A; Sorry you have to read this crap T^T]
Pairing: Luhan/Sehun, Victoria
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Drama/Family/Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. Plot is mine.
Summary: They are related by blood and they are related by bones, but blood and bones only take you so far. When Luhan gave Victoria a reason to live, Victoria gave Luhan a reason to love. His love forgets reason and Sehun teaches him that he is not so different, after all. They are all just seeking comfort in this world running on a wild fire.
A/N: Song Qian = Victoria. Wu Yifan = Kris. Jongin = Kai. Joonmyun = Suho. NC-17 rating is just for safety purposes- don't expect anything too intense. UN-BETA'D. ~6.5k words.
She holds him in her frail arms, a hand comfortingly soothing through the tiny threads of hair on the back of his head. The boy snugs closer to his sister, huddled against her slowly rising and falling chest.
“Luhan-ah,” little Song Qian whispers, “from now on, you have to learn to be a good boy.”
The infant fusses in her embrace and scrunches up its eyebrows, lips opening and closing several times before falling back into slumber, clutching the hem of the little girls sleeve in his tiny fingers.
Thunder strikes and Luhan cries, arms outstretched to cling onto whatever is in his grasp. He digs his fingers into the skin of her neck and pulls her closer, mouth wide open in protest to the storm outside
Song Qian grimaces, but she does not know whether it is out of pain or fear.
All she knows is that she must not waver, if only for the baby in her arms.
Drips of rain fall through the cracks of their ceiling and Song Qian wraps the cloth protecting her from the cold wind around her younger brother.
The child opens a single eye, his light brown orbs staring into her own. They are nearly identical and she can see herself reflecting from Luhan’s eyes, a somber and tired expression.
This is all she can give him now.
Shrinking into her arms, Luhan allows his eyes to flutter close. Song Qian has always known that she was nothing compared to the rest of the world, but never has she felt so small before.
Never has she been so helpless.
-
It’s nearly two in the morning when Luhan finally sees the knob of the door to the scabby motel room that they call home click and turn.
“You’re late.” He whines with a frown.
Song Qian is peeking from behind the entrance and pulls a wide, innocent smile at the smaller boy. He’s nearly seven now, but he still looks like he’s five. “Sorry, Luhan, I didn’t mean to make you wait. You should have just went to bed.”
"That’s not the point.” Luhan pouts. “Why are you always out so late?”
Song Qian tries to harden her expression, but fails. “I wasn’t aware that I had a curfew.” She argues, crossing her arms over her torso. “I need to shower now, Luhan, and I’m tired.”
The young boy takes a step closer to her and reaches out to take her hand.
It is only after she slaps his hand away that she’s aware of what she’s done.
“What’s wrong?” Luhan inquires, eyes full of concern.
Song Qian is reflected in those eyes again and she feels nauseous from just the simple thought of it. She shakes her head and forces a smile, heading to the small bathroom in the corner of the motel room. “I’m dirty from being outside; you’ll get your hands filthy if you touch me.”
Luhan hadn’t understood her then but years later, in the resolve of his very own, luxurious room and the absence of his sister-who is then widely known as Victoria- he remembers this occurrence and he finally thinks he understands.
It’s hard for uneducated and abandoned women to get anywhere in this world without a man-and men is exactly what his sister had found.
-
When Victoria leaves late in the afternoon, Luhan likes to sneak the door open to speak with the child across the hall. They’ve built a friendship on eggshells, constantly afraid of taking too large or hard of a step and scaring the other away.
The kid’s name is Jongin, and Luhan remembers his name far into the future, long after they’ve stopped seeing each other.
“I think your sister is beautiful.” Jongin will tell Luhan. “But I think you’re pretty, too.”
Luhan will frown, unappreciative of being called pretty. Only Song Qian was allowed to call him that. “She’s never home.”
“She’s working hard to buy you food.” The other boy will reason. “My parents tell me that all the time.”
“Are they never home, too?” Luhan asks curiously, eyes wide in surprise.
Jongin laughs. “No, my mom is always nearby,” he explains, “but she always tells me how hard life is for your sister. She has a hard job and a lot of people don’t like her job, but my mom likes her, I think.”
“Oh.” Luhan says.
“Hey, Luhan,” Jongin calls out, “do you think that one day we won’t have to hide behind these doors when we talk to each other anymore?”
Luhan wants to say yes, but he doesn’t.
They stare into each other’s eyes, their guts twisting inside of them.
Neither of them understand this feeling, this yearning, to be standing beside the other boy and holding them by the hand, telling them that it’s okay, I’ll always be here for you, even if we can never go outside.
This was never their comfort zone, it never will be.
-
His life is filled of moments replaying themselves over and over again and he’s tired of it, so, so tired of it all.
Luhan is all but thirteen now, yet, he’s already tired of his lifestyle and he’s tired of knowing but not knowing anything at all. What he knows is only what his sister feeds to him-his knowledge, his reality, they are all bits and pieces of the world Song Qian had taken the time out of her own life to teach him.
Through thick and thin, they have stuck together. Their bond is stronger than that of any other sibling in the world and Luhan knows that it is because Song Qian cares, she cares about him more than anyone else in the world.
What Luhan does not know, though, is whether Song Qian cares because she wants to-because she’s inclined to-or if she has to-because they were born in shared blood and no one can deny kinship.
At least, not Song Qian.
She entered through the front door, cheap lipstick smeared over her swollen lips. The sleeve of her off-shoulder shirt hangs far below her collarbone, exposing pearly white skin stained with specks and blotches of red and purple.
He watches as she kicks off her six inch heels, the indentations of the shoes gauging her flesh and leaving behind marks of evidence in its trace.
“What are you doing up, Luhan?” She asks.
The young boy lets his head slide to a tilt, staring at his older sister now standing at the frame of the door from his sprawled out position on the couch. “Waiting for you.” Luhan says simply.
It takes less than a split second for her expression to dim, an endless seam of words unspoken surfacing into her eyes. “I told you not to.” Victoria tells him.
With a sigh, she restlessly walks past him into the worn out kitchen to pour herself a cup of water from the rusty sink. On the tattered kitchen table, she sees the food she had prepared for him earlier left untouched.
“You need more rest and food, Luhan, so that you will grow.”
Luhan glances towards the clock that’s nearly tipping off of the wall on the opposite end of the room. It’s nearly two in the morning. “So do you.”
“I’m already done growing.” Victoria lies.
Luhan stands from his seat and walks to his sister’s side, reaching out to run his thin fingers through her messy, disheveled hair. She slaps his hand away, a mortified look in her eyes.
“Maybe I’m done growing, too,” he all but whispers. “Maybe there’s nothing more waiting for me to grow into.”
Victoria’s stiffened lips slowly twist into a smile and she bends over to match her younger brother’s height, grinning into his eyes. “You’ll become a great man, Luhan, never doubt that. One day, you’ll grow into a man so great that you’ll outshine the world.”
Although he is unbelieving, Victoria’s smile branches a warmth in his chest. “Really?” The child asks.
“Of course!” Victoria laughs. As she extends her hand to pat him on the head, a sudden realization causes her to halt in her motion, the filth of her hands petulantly dawning on her.
She is unworthy.
“Go to bed, okay?” Victoria tells Luhan gently.
Luhan bites down on his lip. “What about you?”
“I need to take a shower.” Victoria explains. “I feel disgusting.”
The young boy frowns, his brows crumbling together tightly. “But you’re beautiful, Sis.”
And all it takes are those four words for Victoria’s resolve to collapse, unable to force back the tears and pretense any longer. She runs for the bathroom, slamming the door behind her and vomiting into the toilet.
Tears run down her flushed cheeks, salty and bitter against her own tongue.
Luhan is beating against the door, crying her name with a sob so soft, yet, so heartbreaking that Victoria loses her breath all together and falls back against the bathtub, staring at the ceiling, eyes gazing into the flickering light bulb.
The night is long, but no longer than it takes for the sun to rise from beyond the mountains.
After her shower, she drags Luhan’s sleeping body from the door of the bathroom to their shared room, lowering him onto the bed and tucking him in securely. Silently watching him, she recounts the few times she has ever heard or seen the boy cry, she recounts the times she has ever seen him smile, and she realizes the most she’s seen of her brother is a stoic, neutral expression.
Victoria wants to change that-she wants to see him smile, a grin so bright that it could blind even the sun.
When she crawls onto the bed beside him, she instantly feels him scoot closer against her. She wraps her arms around him and pulls him into her chest, basking in the warmth of his small, fragile body.
“I’ll grow into a big man, sis, and I’ll protect you.” He whispers against her bosom. “You won’t have to work and you’ll never want to cry again.”
The older girl blinks back another tear as she nods against the crown of his head, a hand running up and down his small back soothingly. “I know, Luhan.” She whispers. “I know.”
Luhan grips a corner of her shirt and slowly falls asleep, finally feeling safe in the arms of his sister.
Victoria is much like running water, Luhan thinks. No matter how hard he grasps onto her, she will fleet away from the creases of his fingers and, once she’s gone, she may not return as smoothly as she had left.
But water is always present, no matter where you go, so it’s not the thought of losing Victoria for good that Luhan is wary of. It’s the thought of losing her more than once and having to relive that memory over and over again that scares him, that makes him fear.
It’s the thought of not ever truly having her, or her love, at all that makes him afraid.
-
“We’re friends-- best friends, Yifan. I’m not supposed to hate you.”
Kris is alarmed by Luhan, who is now looking down at him from the end of the lunch table. “What are you talking about?”
Luhan narrows his eyes. “I know what you’re doing with my sister.”
“I like her.” Kris says calmly, shrugging his shoulders. “What’s so wrong about that?”
“She’s older than you, Yifan, and she’s my sister. What do you think is wrong with this equation?” Luhan provokes. “Stop seeing her.”
Kris stands and he’s about a whole feet taller than Luhan. “It’s none of your business whether I choose to court your sister or not, Luhan.” He says as peacefully as he can manage. “We’re friends and friends aren’t supposed to stop their friends from chasing after what they want.”
“You’re not courting my sister, you’re sleeping with her.”
Taken by surprise, Kris immediately pulls Luhan away from their table of friends by the elbow and drags him into the staircase. “How did you know?” Kris asks.
Luhan scoffs. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“I really do like your sister, Luhan. I don’t care what she’s done in the past-I know that it was all for you- but I just want to be with her.”
The explanation is crisp and sincere, and Luhan doesn’t think he’s ever seen Yifan so serious before in their association. “Stop.”
“Why?” Kris scowls, slamming his hand on the railing of the stairs. “Why should I?”
“Just stop! Stop seeing my sister, stop trying to work your way into her life, our life, and stop sleeping with her. She doesn’t need you. She doesn’t even need me! If my sister felt the same way you do, do you think she’d make you pay her for every time you take her to bed?” Luhan grits through his teeth.
The taller boy watches him-watches as the veins surface from beneath his skin and the flutter of red and pink slowly painting his cheeks and neck.
Luhan takes a deep breath. “If you really consider yourself my friend, then stop looking at my sister with those quivering eyes and stop chasing after her like a wild fire. It will only backfire in the end-you will only hurt her. I don’t want her to hurt, Yifan. My sister deserves better; better than both you and I put together.”
Staring into Luhan’s eyes, Kris searches into them and they are empty, void of any shame or fear. He understands how much these siblings mean to each other, he’s aware that he will never be able to tear them apart.
Victoria will never leave Luhan for Wu Yifan, and Luhan wouldn’t give Victoria up for the world.
So, Kris just shakes his head in frustration and walks to the door. “You’ve got a sister complex, Luhan. As a friend, I want you to know that much.”
“I already know.” Luhan replies, his voice echoing down the staircase. “I know better than anyone else ever will.”
“Good. And, just for the record,” Kris says, his head turned back to look Luhan straight into the eyes, “Your sister never made me pay her to sleep with her. Did you know that, too?”
-
Years down the road, Luhan wonders what life would be like if he never stepped in between Kris and Victoria. Glancing around his bedroom, filled with beautiful things he’d never use, he thinks that life would be a lot less extravagant, but perhaps a lot more comfortable.
-
At the end of Luhan’s first year of college, Victoria tells him that they’re moving.
It had taken her a year to gather up the courage to tell him that the man they’re moving in with had been the one to support him through secondary school and college, and that he’d be his new brother-in-law.
None of it had amused him.
“Are you getting married then?” He asks, as a man.
Victoria shakes her head. “No. Not yet, at least. He only just finished his divorce process-“
“You broke up a family?” Luhan scoffs. “What were you thinking?”
The older girl stands there, speechless.
“I know it’s for me,” Luhan tells her, feeling bad for having lost his temper. He reaches over and takes her hand into his own. He says this as a brother. “But I don’t have to go to college, sis.”
Song Qian forces a smile. “He treats me well,” she lies through her teeth, “and he has a son around your age. I think you’ll get along.”
It doesn’t strike him then just how old the man had to have been to have a son his age. When he meets him, though, Luhan feels the bile creeping up his throat and he looks at his sister with a mixture of emotions.
He’s disgusted and he can barely hide the resentment in his eyes when the man takes his sister by the shoulder and pulls her against his side.
When he meets the man’s son, though, it’s a different story.
“Luhan, this is Sehun. I hope the two of you can become friends.”
That they did.
-
“Can you take me to the bookshop after school? I still don’t know this city too well.” Luhan asks Sehun.
Sehun nods with a mischievous grin, eyes squinted into a line. “Yes, Uncle.”
“Let’s get some ice cream on the way home.” Luhan suggests.
“Yes, Uncle.” Sehun will reply playfully.
Luhan bites down on his lip and shoves Sehun softly. Sehun trips over the sidewalk and nearly falls into the street but Luhan catches him, pulling him back. “Stop calling me uncle,” he frowns. “I’m not your uncle.”
“But your sister is with my dad, which makes you my uncle.” Sehun denotes matter of factly. “Plus, I think it’s interesting having an uncle that’s my age.”
“I’m older.” Luhan emphasizes offhandedly.
Sehun pouts. “Why are you only cute when you’re with Victoria?”
The older boy just plasters on a fake smile and continues walking forward. The road to school is long and tedious, but they prefer to walk the distance rather than taking the car. Sometimes, some things are worth working for-for Sehun and Luhan, it is this short period of time that they can spend together, without the eyes of the world watching them, figuratively speaking.
-
Luhan and Sehun run into Jongin on the streets one evening, as they are walking home from class.
They are skeptical at first, both Jongin and Luhan unsure of whether or not they are recognizing the right person. It has been years, after all, and their memories are beginning to blur and squander.
Contrary to popular belief, Jongin had not become a professional dancer.
In the past, all the adults would complement on how good looking Jongin had been and how much potential he had in the arts of fluidly manipulating his body to do the things he wanted-to dance and showcase, to perform like a star.
Instead, he is performing on the streets outside of a subway station with another young man who’s playing on a guitar. The guitar case sits open, a tiny stash of small bills and change piling up in a corner.
“How have you been?” Jongin asks easily, his smile turning out more of a smirk than anything else. He’s nothing like Luhan remembers him to be-innocent, naïve, much too easy-yet, he is everything Luhan imagined him to become.
Luhan smiles and pulls the boy into his arms. “Good.”
Behind him, Sehun loses his playful smile.
The music continues playing, Jongin’s partner seemingly unaffected by the halted dancing and their new company. Luhan feels at ease. “You look good,” Jongin offers, “much better than you used to, anyhow.”
“I don’t take that as a compliment.” Luhan teases. He’s still holding on to Jongin’s hand. “How are your parents?”
“Divorced.” Jongin says, shrugging out of Luhan’s hand and looking back at his friend on the guitar as his smile weakened by a fracture. “But good, I suppose. I left home so I wouldn’t know, really.”
Luhan doesn’t know what would be intelligent to say so he settles on saying, “oh.” He imagines that if he were a little older back then, or if he were a little braver, then maybe it would be him standing beside Jongin today.
They look at each other for a moment and there are so many words left unspoken, so many questions that were not asked. Jongin eventually finds his voice again. “Let me buy you a drink.”
“Stay here, Sehun.” Luhan tells the younger boy. “I’ll be right back.”
He had not given Sehun the time to protest. Before Sehun could even react, Jongin and Luhan were already heading for a café nearby, Jongin’s arm over Luhan’s shoulder.
Sehun stuffs his hands into his pockets and sighs, looking at the boy on the guitar. The boy does not look back at him-he looks at nothing; instead, he continues playing on his instrument as if time and space could leave no marks on him.
“What’s your name?” Sehun asks.
The boys fingers that thrum through the strings come to a halt and he tilts his head, his eyes unmoving. “Suho. You can call me Suho.”
Suho, Sehun thinks. The name suits him well.
“Kai has looked forward to this day for a long time now.” Suho says. “He’s never quite been able to let go.”
Sehun’s eyebrows knit together. He squats down to speak with Suho at eye level, not that it makes much of a difference. “What do you mean? Who’s Kai?”
“You’ll see.” Suho smiles at nothing in particular. “Don’t worry.”
Before Sehun runs to meet Luhan halfway down the block, he flips open his wallet and pulls out a hundred dollar bill. After he tosses it into the guitar, he turns to Suho and tells him,
“Maybe Kai possesses a part of Luhan’s past but what I hold is more than that-I am his present and I can have Luhan’s future. I’m not going to let go.”
Suho tips his head with a smile. All he says in return is,
“Good luck.”
-
Song Qian stopped sharing a bed with Luhan when he turned sixteen.
Luhan started sleeping with Sehun when he turned twenty one.
-
“Where are you going?” Luhan asks Song Qian at the dining table.
His sister smiles at him sweetly. “There’s someone I have to meet. I’ll be back before midnight.”
Luhan frowns. “You were supposed to spend the evening with me.”
Song Qian bites down on her lips and looks at him apologetically. “I know, Luhan, but-“
He doesn’t wait for her to finish before he slams his chopsticks on the table and stalks to his room angrily, slamming the door behind him. Sehun’s eyes follow Luhan until he disappears, and then his eyes land on Victoria.
Victoria’s gaze is lowered to her lap, expression downcast. He doesn’t say anything to her at the moment; neither does his father on the other end of the table.
“Just go.” The man finally says. “He’ll be fine.”
She’s hesitant but before Victoria leaves, she turns to look at Sehun. Their eyes meet and he knows that there is something she wants to say- he knows that there is something she knows.
“I’ll watch over him.” Sehun offers.
Relief washes over her eyes and she nods, pulling the door open and disappearing beyond the dim hall lights.
-
Jongin has Luhan backed up against a wall in the alley, one hand tangled in his hair and the other tightly gripping his waist. Luhan chuckles against Jongin’s cheek and he bridges forward, pecking at Jongin’s lips.
The boy smirks and presses up closer against him, breathing against his nose.
“You’ve changed.” Jongin grunts, mouth feverish against Luhan’s collar.
Luhan laughs, gripping Jongin’s shoulder tightly. “Who hasn’t?”
-
The one time Song Qian keeps her promise to spend time with Luhan, they are out on the streets of the city, hand in hand.
Luhan drags her into bookstores, looking for the newest releases. He drags her into clothing stores and buys her the prettiest outfits that expose nothing but reveal everything about her that is real.
She basks in his attention and he’s genuinely happy-his smile so bright that she’s sure she’s never seen anything more beautiful than her brother’s smile today.
“I only have one year left of school.” Luhan says from the other side of the door separating them in the changing room.
Song Qian stops altogether and leans back against the door, the wooden platform cold against her warm skin. “What are you trying to say?”
Luhan nervously kicks his shoes against the floor. “We can leave. After I graduate I can find a good job and I can support you, sis. We don’t have to stay with that man anymore-you won’t have to humor him-”
“Luhan-“
He raises a hand to the door, almost able to feel his sister on the other side. “I don’t want you to stay with him. It disgusts me, sis. I hate it when you’re even near him, or anyone else for that matter.”
Song Qian chews on her bottom lip and slips the shirt over her shoulders. She pulls the door open and smiles at the boy, outstretching her arms. “How do I look?”
“Beautiful.” Luhan says. “You’re always beautiful.”
Song Qian chuckles and allows Luhan to wrap his arms around her waist, hugging her tightly.
“I promised I’d give you a good life.” He whispers into her hair.
He’s not as small or fragile as he used to be in her arms. Song Qian realizes she isn’t used to this; she isn’t used to Luhan growing up, she isn’t used to Luhan being dependable, but he has, he is, and this is reality.
“I know, Luhan.” Song Qian sighs. “But you don’t have to do anything more than this. You’ve given me a good life all along, you always have.”
Luhan pulls back to look his sister in the eyes. “It can be better.”
“No,” Song Qian shakes her head, chuckling. “It can’t.”
Because she has Luhan and Luhan is living a good life and that is enough. It’s always been enough. It always will be.
-
The day is hot and the sun shines too high over the skies.
Victoria and Luhan are sitting in a yogurt shop, sharing a cup of ice cream in the midst of a busy summer afternoon. Midway through their cup and laughter, a familiar voice interrupts them.
“Luhan?”
They both look up to meet eyes with a boy that they once knew well-much too well. It was Wu Yifan, and he was holding the hand of another girl’s as he greeted them with a smile.
“Victoria.”
She smiles at him and the girl standing by his side. “Fancy seeing you here.” Victoria offers as a form of conversation. “And with a beauty, none the less.”
Luhan reaches over to wrap his fingers around Victoria’s, giving her a small squeeze. He feels protective of her at this moment, despite there not really being a reason to.
“This is my girlfriend.” Kris introduces. He notices Luhan’s hands wrapping around Victoria’s and forces another smile. “Long time no see, Luhan.”
“It has been.” Luhan agrees. “You’re doing well?”
“Better than ever.” Kris replies.
Kris and his girlfriend join Victoria and Luhan at the table. Kris walks off to place an order and asks Luhan to come with him-Luhan does, but he wonders if he will regret it in the end.
“I see you haven’t changed.” Kris says.
Luhan laughs. “Ironic. I was just told the other day that I’ve changed a lot.”
“Really?” Kris humors him. “Your sister hasn’t changed either.”
“Oh?”
Kris nods. “As beautiful as ever-always watching over you, always treating you like a pearl in her palm.”
“Are you jealous?” Luhan mocks.
The taller boy just laughs, shrugging. “Maybe.” He says. “Maybe I’ve never gotten over her, after all.”
“What about your girlfriend?” Luhan asks.
Kris is quiet for a moment, but gradually discovers the appropriate answer. “She’s like a dandelion that caught my eye, sitting in a massive field of blossoms. Your sister, though, is much like lavender-the air around her is faintly sweet and seemingly forgettable, but it doesn’t leave you.”
Luhan looks Kris in the eyes. “Maybe you still have a chance.”
“She’s content, Luhan. Victoria is happy with whatever it is she has now-be it you or some other man that takes care of her well. Whoever it is, it was not and will not be me.”
“I’m sorry.” Luhan says, and it is the first time he’s apologized to anyone but Victoria. “It’s all my fault. She could have been happier if she was with you.”
Kris smiles, and this time it is genuine. “If you could be happier, Luhan, Victoria would be the happiest person alive.”
-
Sehun knocks on Luhan’s door but there is no response. When he pulls it open, Luhan is laying with his eyes to the ceiling, eyes clouded with thought.
“What are you thinking about?” Sehun asks.
Luhan jumps and Sehun laughs violently into his shoulder. “When did you come in?”
“Just now.” Sehun says. “So? What were you thinking about?”
“My sister.” Luhan says. It doesn’t surprise Sehun. “And an old friend of mine that used to be in love with her.”
Sehun nods. “That’s new.”
“No, it’s not, really.” Luhan scoffs. “It’s so old that I almost thought I could forget about it.”
“Does it bother you-that your friend was in love with your sister?” Sehun asks. “Or was she in love with him, too?”
Luhan shrugs. “She might have been.”
“Then why weren’t they together?”
“I told him to stop seeing her,” Luhan explains. “I knew they were sleeping together, I knew he was trying really hard, and I told him to stop messing around with us.”
Sehun laughs again. “Not unlikely of you.”
“Am I sick, Sehun? Is there something wrong with me? I should have been happy for her-I should have been happy that she was with Yifan because he’s a good person and he would have treated her well. My sister would have been one of the happiest women alive but I destroyed it, I interrupted her happiness.”
“You’re not sick, Luhan.” Sehun argues. “You just don’t know how to let go.”
“I don’t want to let go of my sister, Sehun. She’s the only one who’s given everything for my wellbeing, she gave up everything for my happiness, and I don’t want to lose that. Am I wrong? Am I wrong for lov-“
Sehun coats Luhan’s lips with his own, his elbows on either side of Luhan’s head as he rests his weight on Luhan’s chest, pinning him down against the bed.
He’s feeds on Luhan’s lips hungrily, sucking and pulling on it as he runs his fingers through Luhan’s hair and pulls his head back, gaining easier access into his mouth.
Luhan is already used to this.
“What would you do if I weren’t your nephew but your brother?” Sehun asks, his voice raspy against the skin of Luhan’s chest.
Luhan arches his back, hands on Sehun’s shoulder. “What?”
“If you and your sister were actually my father’s illegitimate son and daughter, and we were all siblings, would you still be doing this with me?” Sehun elaborates.
“No, of course not.” The older boy replies confidently.
Sehun smirks, tugging at the waist band of Luhan’s boxers. “Then you’re fine, Luhan. You’re perfectly normal. You’re just a little possessive, that’s all.”
“Were you serious?” Luhan asks, his voice quivering in fear. “You weren’t, were you?”
The younger boy chuckles, kissing a trail down Luhan’s stomach. “The only thing I’m being serious about right now is getting you out of your clothes, Uncle.” He teases, flicking his tongue over Luhan’s hipbone.
Luhan laughs, reaching down. “Let me help you with that.”
Slapping Luhan’s hand away, Sehun shakes his head with a playful frown.
“I’m better at this than you ever will be.”
-
Luhan likes to spend time with Jongin and his friend, who he eventually finds out goes by the name Suho-which Jongin had given him- but is actually Joonmyun and is blind.
Sometimes he sits and simply watches them perform, sometimes he joins them and adds in an extra voice to the music and flow.
Either way, he finds comfort in their companionship.
“Where’s your little lover boy?” Jongin would occasionally tease him.
Luhan would just scrunch up his face in distaste. “I don’t have things like that tying me down.”
“Uh-huh,” Jongin nods disbelievingly. Suho would laugh and Jongin would throw his arms around him, pulling him into his arms far enough so that Suho would topple over into his lap.
Seeing things like that made Luhan wonder-if Jongin was so content with having Suho, if Jongin had cared for Suho so much, why would Jongin still associate with him in the ways that he did?
It was very simple, really. They’d both changed over the years and change taught them new things. Jongin gained a new name and a new identity-Luhan had caught Suho calling him Kai-and in this lifestyle, Jongin had no restrictions.
Luhan, though, was still caught in his own dilemma, the same one he had all those years ago; afraid to step beyond the doors, afraid to step into the light.
In this day, Jongin is free.
Till this day, Luhan is still a prisoner-unlikely to set himself askew.
-
“Are you sleeping with him?” Sehun demanded to know.
Luhan rolled over in his bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes in the ungodly hours of morning. “Who?”
“Kai.”
“Not anymore.” Luhan groaned.
He had stopped after realizing just how in love Suho was with Jongin and he couldn’t risk breaking that bond. Suho had saved Jongin from hell and protected him ever since-what did Luhan have over him?
“What about it?” He asks.
Sehun scoffed, roughly pulling Luhan into sitting position by his wrists. His grasp was of such brute force that Luhan was sure it would bruise-his eyes immediately widened in surprise, now fully awake. “Why?”
“Why what?” Luhan frowned.
“Why would you hurt me like this?” Sehun breathed, his breath warm against Luhan’s nose. His eyes were filled with betrayal and hurt, a hand clutching the fabric on his chest. “Why me?”
Something inside Luhan shattered at Sehun’s trembling voice, crumbling into shards and slitting against his lungs and veins. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t feel. “Sehun-“
“Nevermind.” Sehun shook his head. “If you never cared, then why bother-“
Luhan threw his arms over Sehun’s neck and pulled him close, burying his head into Sehun’s shoulder. At this moment, he felt nothing but fear- fear of losing Sehun, the same fear he held for losing Song Qian. “I’m sorry, Sehun. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He apologized, over and over again.
The younger boy cried, falling over and crushing Luhan beneath him on the bed. Neither of them moved, Luhan running his hand up and down Sehun’s back repeatedly, whispering in his ear.
“I won’t do it ever again. I promise. I won’t hurt you, I won’t make you cry again.”
Sehun nods and wraps his arms around Luhan, taking every word and imprinting it into Luhan’s skin with his lips. “You promise, Luhan. You promised.”
“I promise.” Luhan affirms, and he’s intent on always keeping this one.
Luhan doesn’t break promises; not the ones he made to Song Qian, and not the ones to Sehun.
“I promise.”
-
Ever since, Luhan brings Sehun with him to watch Jongin and Joonmyun perform. They’ve kind of created a quad and, on good days, Sehun offers to join Jongin in dancing while Luhan sings and Suho plays on his guitar.
They make a good team, if they do say so themselves.
-
It’s a few months later when Luhan runs into Kris again, out of not so sheer coincidence. “I’ve been happy all along,” Luhan tells Kris, and Sehun is standing beside him, tall and confident.
Kris pats him on the shoulder, his smile comforting. “I’m glad,” he tells Luhan, “I thought you’d never realize it.”
After Kris leaves, Sehun leans his chin on Luhan’s shoulder and stares at Kris’s leaving form. “Who’s that?” He asks.
Luhan smiles and pinches Sehun’s cheek. “A winner who never got his prize, but still basked in the glory anyways.”
Sehun doesn’t understand but he doesn’t bother to ask. He figures Luhan would tell him sooner or later-Luhan couldn’t keep anything from him, whether it be something good or bad.
It’s become a constant now, how much Luhan included Sehun in his life.
A good constant, Sehun reckons, because it meant Luhan needed him. That was enough, he thinks. It’s enough that Luhan needs him.
-
The day Luhan graduates, with a grade average far surpassing that of his fellow classmates; the first thing he does is meet with the man who has offered him a job in the center of Seoul.
They come to an agreement and Luhan is offered an apartment to meet his conventional needs until he can find his own place in the city.
He’s now a medical assistant at the largest hospital in Seoul, his continued schooling partially covered by the educational program at work, and earns enough to support him and his sister without having to struggle for food or shelter.
Victoria, firmly warned by Luhan not to take up on her past occupation, has found a stable job in a small office-working more than enough to help Luhan with their expenses and easing his stress.
She wants to do more, but Luhan won’t allow it.
“It’s your turn to rest now,” he tells her, “I’ll take care of you.”
Song Qian just nods and smiles, relishing in the affection her younger brother showers her with.
Time is sparse now, but Luhan still manages to meet with Sehun three or four times a week. Needless to say, Sehun isn’t exactly ecstatic about this arrangement, but he figures it is better than nothing.
Sehun has moved out of his house, too, and has a small apartment near Luhan’s area. “Your sister’s seeing my brother.” He breathes into Luhan’s ear, the older boy planting a kiss on his jaw.
He shifts so that Luhan is strapping him at the waist and reaches up to pull Luhan’s shirt over his head. “I know,” Luhan replies, his breath hitching in his throat when Sehun runs a hand down his naked back.
The cold air brushes against Luhan’s hot skin and his cheeks are painted pink, the tip of his nose slightly red. Sehun hurriedly unbuttons Luhan’s jeans, lips finding solace with Luhan’s own.
“Jungmin is a good guy,” Luhan adds shortly after, short of breath.
Sehun laughs. “Better than me?”
Luhan weaves his fingers into Sehun’s hair and tugs his head back, lips crushing against Sehun’s mouth.
Their tongues match and their hot breaths mingle, moans low in the back of their throat. When Luhan pulls away, his expression is vaguely mischievous.
“I hope so.” Luhan whispers against Sehun’s throat.
Sehun throws Luhan down on the bed and crawls on top of him, pinning Luhan down into the mattress. “You’d be right.” He says matter of factly, smirking into Luhan’s eyes. “My brother couldn’t be half as rough to Victoria as I am to you.”
“Pity.” Luhan chuckles, a hand cupping Sehun’s cheek.
Pulling Luhan’s hand away, Sehun leans down and savors the taste of Luhan on his tongue again.
“Yeah,” Sehun mumbles, grinning, “what a pity.”
THE END.
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A/N: Thank you for reading~! This is my first Victoria and Luhan(+Sehun) fic! Hope you enjoyed reading~ [and to Nyx, I know it's long ;A; Sorry you have to read this crap T^T]