[TC/004] So Much More [Donghae/Sungmin, PG-13]

Mar 19, 2012 14:59

Title: So Much More
Pairing: Donghae/Sungmin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst/General/Romance
Challenge: Themes Challenge
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them, SME does. Plot is mine.
Summary: It's not love. It's something more-- so much more than that.


Warning: UN-BETA'D. Written in one sitting (which may or may not be a bad thing?)

Challenge - Theme: Blind. Pairing: Author's Choice (Donghae/Sungmin).

The body in the hospital bed shuffles, groaning softly as they wake from their slumber. Donghae remains silent, unsure of what he should say. Things were different between them now; they were no longer lovers, no longer anyone of great significance to the other.

A nerve snaps and Donghae finds himself pacing to the bedside, reaching out to hold the limp hand on the edge of the bed.

The hand flips over, their fingers threading through each other, interlocking gently. It was such a familiar sensation; comforting, relaxing, a feeling neither of them have felt in so long. Moments pass, maybe even minutes, but Donghae can’t find the words to say.

“Sungmin, it’s time for your medication.”

A nurse pulls the door open, entering with a tray of medication in her arms. She glances at Donghae and smiles, parting her lips to greet him, but Donghae raises a finger to his lips, shaking his head.

She nods, obeying his request.

“Do you feel any particular pain in your eyes? Stinging or soreness?” The nurse asks. As her fingers come into contact with Sungmin’s temple, he jerks back a little, taken by surprise. The bandage covering his eyes still seems fresh enough to last a few more hours or so; she decides it’s better not to change it as of now.

Sungmin forces a smile. “Just a little bit. I suppose it’s because the medication is wearing off.”

The nurse looks at him with a sympathetic expression, glancing over at Donghae. Her eyes sweep over their interlocked hands, confusion swarming over her.

Ever since Sungmin was brought into the hospital, two men have always stayed beside Sungmin, taking care of him day and night. She had seen Donghae running back and forth between Sungmin’s room and another patients room, equally concerned and worried about both patients, but she has never been able to decipher their relations.

She figures it is something much more complicated than it seems. A few seconds too long later, she twists the cap off of a medication bottle and extracts two pills, placing them in Sungmin’s mouth and helping him with the water.

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me, Sungmin.” She turns to Donghae, “There is a call button on the remote on the bed and a switch that you can press on the wall at the head of the bed.”

“Thank you,” Sungmin says.

Donghae nods at her, bowing slightly when she closes the door. He glances at Sungmin and bends over him, reaching to pull the blankets up and tuck them just under his chin. His hair tickles the skin of Sungmin’s cheek and the boy smiles, shifting his face away.

It’s a familiar scent, a familiar feel.

Sungmin does his best to resist his urge to frown. Being unable to see robbed him of his ability to manage his expressions, disabling him to mask himself. “Hey, Kyuhyun,” he calls out to the room.

Donghae isn’t sure if Sungmin was calling him, but then Sungmin tugged his hand, lifting it to his cheek.

“You’re worried about me, aren’t you?” Sungmin asks.

It’s a bit bitter, knowing that after all they had been through together in the past, despite not pulling through as lovers, that Sungmin could not recognize his hands, his hair, his scent. Donghae doesn’t reply.

The corners of Sungmin’s lip lift, stretching into a beautiful smile. “Are you angry? Don’t be mad at me, Kyuhyun-ah. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Donghae watches as Sungmin rubs his cheek against the back of his hand, grasping it tightly in his fingers. Something in his chest clenches, a dry, raspy feeling on his tongue.

He wants to tell Sungmin that yes, he’s angry. Donghae wants to say, “Sungmin, how could you be so stupid?! You’ve always told me that you want to protect me, to protect everything that I love, until the day you die. In order to keep your words, you used your life to save a person very important to me. But why-- why didn’t you save yourself? Why did you have to lose your eyes for a person like me?”

“Did you know, Kyuhyun?” Sungmin asks. He wants to laugh at himself for being so dumb, for caring so much about someone who does not love him, for being considerate of that person even now. “I’m really tired, but no matter how tired I am, you bring me strength and courage.”

He said, “you didn’t know, did you? That even when my eyes have lost the ability to see, I can picture your face in this endless darkness, and it brings color to my world of black.”

Each word stabs Donghae in the chest like a dagger, his heart bleeding out a deep red liquid that he’s afraid to call blood. What right did he have to bleed when Sungmin had sacrificed his life for him? What right did he have to protest when the one Sungmin calls out to is Kyuhyun, and not himself?

Sungmin bites down on his bottom lip, bringing their hands down onto the bed. Donghae tightens his hold, the veins in his hand so apparent they look as though they’ll burst.

“You mean more to me than just a couple of promises, you know that, right?”

Although Donghae believes Sungmin is speaking to Kyuhyun and not himself, he raises Sungmin’s hand to his own cheek and nods. He cannot speak, there are no words for him to say, but he wants Sungmin to understand.

Above anything else, Donghae needs Sungmin to know that though their love story had ended, they share a story that holds much more than just lost-love.

They have memories, feelings, a constant existence in one another’s heart. Though they stay beside different people, there is always that space Donghae keeps open for Sungmin in his life-- it is a spot that cannot be taken by any other, one that is meant only for this man who gives him everything without a second thought.

As long as Sungmin was close enough to be reached, Donghae was happy.

“How is she? Is she doing well?” Sungmin asks.

There is hesitance; it takes a brief moment before Donghae nods again, a silent sigh escaping his lips.

Sungmin smiles, feeling relieved. He thinks, it’s fortunate, so fortunate that I was able to save her. That means I’ve saved you, too. Right? “And Donghae? He’s doing well, too?”

Donghae bites his jaw, the muscle clenching against the back of Sungmin’s hand. Sungmin doesn’t move. Another gasp, a helpless tear rolls down his cheek, and Donghae nods, he nods continuously, clutching Sungmin’s strengthless hand in his own.

“That’s good,” Sungmin says with a grin.

Finally, Donghae cannot withhold his emotions. He releases Sungmin’s hand and turns the other way, burying his face in his arms. His cries are silent, wordless, as he pants for air.

Each breath takes a little bit more of Sungmin’s energy, each gasp and pant he hears from Donghae suffocating him. This wasn’t what he wanted-- he wanted Donghae to be happy.

“I’m sorry,” Sungmin forces through his teeth. I’m sorry for making you feel guilty, for making you suffer, for making everything so much harder on the both of us. I’m sorry for being stupid-- if I hadn’t been so hardheaded and stubborn, we wouldn’t have gone through all this torture; we would have still been in love, we would have been happy. I’m so sorry.

Donghae doesn’t say a word.

Sungmin wants to reach out to him, to hold him, but he can’t. His blindness is not the reason.

The blind man then says, “I’m so sorry, Kyuhyun. It’s the last time I do anything for Donghae, I swear it to you. I didn’t mean to hurt you, it’s not that I don’t love you and neglect your feelings, but I have promises to keep, words I have to hold true. It’s not just for Donghae, you know? It’s for me.”

The sobbing slows down, Donghae listening intently to the words that burn him like metal that had sat in a long, bright fire.

“Sometimes I wonder, have I ever even loved him?”

Because love has never been motive for Sungmin to do anything as stupid as this before. Sungmin has loved, he’s loved many people in his life, but what he holds for Donghae seems so much stronger, so much more meaningful.

Sungmin runs his tongue over his dehydrated, shaking lips. “It couldn’t have been love,” he says.

The water in Donghae’s eyes blur his vision, but when he looks at Sungmin, he thinks he’s never seen anything so pure or beautiful before. The bandage is now moist, and Donghae can only assume it is wet with Sungmin’s tears.

He’s never been a good liar.

Donghae suddenly feels nauseous. He bolts out of the room and runs for the restroom, a hand covering his mouth. When he reaches a stall, he vomits everything inside of him, until he’s numb and can’t feel the tip of his fingers anymore.

The tears pour from his eyes, his heart wrenching, his fingers digging into his skull. He wants to scream at himself, but all that escapes his lips are a string of vowels that don’t make any sense together.

His throat burns, sweat coated over his skin. Donghae suddenly feels so tired, so exhausted.

Love was once something that never brought either of them any pain or suffering. They had both given each other their most sincere, honest hearts and what they received in return was all they could ever ask for.

A simple mistake, a misunderstanding, an unreasonable fault that Donghae had not made that Sungmin could not forgive had taken all of that away from them.

When Sungmin finally fought his way through their wrongs, it had been too late; Donghae had already found comfort and care from someone else who was capable of not hurting him. Sungmin was happy for him, genuinely happy, and that was when he swore to protect this speck of happiness.

But Donghae’s feelings for him had never changed. He loved this woman that had entered his life, but sometimes love come in many different variation and sizes.

She couldn’t replace Sungmin in his heart, just like Sungmin wouldn’t be able to replace her.

Donghae hadn’t left her when Sungmin came back because these were now their places; they each played a different role, they each had their own placement in the world. Their roles did not stand beside each other, but their paths often crossed. That was enough for Donghae.

At least, that’s what he believed.

“Hey.”

When Donghae looked up, he was greeted with worried expression. Yesung held out a few sheets of paper towel to him, helping him to his feet. he had no strength left to stand, so Yesng held him by the arms.

“Is Sungmin alright?” Yesung asked.

Donghae coughed, wiping his mouth, and nodded. “I’ll take you to his room.”

“No need,” Yesung said. “I was just there. He asked me to come check on you.”

The younger boy stopped, eyes widening in shock. “What? But hyung, how did he--”

Yesung frowned, patting Donghae on the back. “It doesn’t matter. Kyuhyun checked him out of the hospital already. They’ve left. You won’t have to worry anymore.”

Donghae grasped Yesung by the shoulders, looking him in the eyes. “Kyuhyun? Why? Where have they gone?!”

“Home.” Yesung replied simply. “Kyuhyun said he was taking Sungmin home.”

Without another word, Donghae bolted to the entrance of the hospital, searching frantically for any sign of the tall, lanky man that he hadn’t known very well and the blinded Sungmin. Yesung ran after him, keeping up with his steps.

They were no where in sight.

“Home?” Donghae asked, voice softening as his eyes wavered in confusion. “What does that mean?”

Yesung shook his head, walking Donghae over to some seats in the lobby and sitting him down. “You didn’t know? They’re brothers, Donghae. Blood brothers. Kyuhyun was sent abroad ever since High School, he only recently returned to visit the family, but then all of this happened. He said he was taking Sungmin home.”

“Where is home?” Donghae managed to question. “Hyung, I thought their parents lived here, in Korea. Where else could they go?”

“I don’t know,” Yesung replied. “Maybe somewhere happy.”

-

Sungmin leaned back in his seat, face towards the ceiling of the airplane. “Kyuhyun-ah,” he called, reaching his hand out to his right side.

His younger brother took hold of his hand, smiling softly. “Hm?”

“You promised me that there’d be a sea to the east of the hospital, right?” Sungmin asked.

Kyuhyun laughed, patting his older brother on the head. “Yes, I promised. It’s a very good hospital, hyung. It’s not too far from my university, either. Mom and dad will be joining us soon. You don’t have to worry about anything, just rest well and wait for your eyes to heal.”

“I trust you, Kyuhyun,” Sungmin said. “You must keep your promise.”

The younger boy understood the importance of this promise, he knew what meaning it held to Sungmin. An East Sea, free waters splashing ashore; waters and sands that are un-graspable, something that could not be caught.

Just like that man.

Kyuhyun smiled and released Sungmin’s hand. “I will.” He says. “Just like you, I always have.”

-

Read Nyx's version of Author's Choice [Blind(s)] here.

-

[ [TC/003]: Eunhyuk/Henry [Pins] ] ♦ [ [TC/005]: Yesung/Henry [Wolves] ]

c: sungmin, c: donghae, pairing: donghae/sungmin, challenge: tc

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