Mask of Blindness - Chapter 1
Title: Mask of Blindness
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU/minor!Angst/Romance
Length: Mini-series (1/?)
Pairing: main!Hanchul
Warning: major!OOC
Disclaimer: Don't own any of them, SME does. Plot is mine.
Summary: Life is hard. It doesn't help when he knows that the person he wants to believe in doesn't deserve it - especially when that person doesn't really care about anything but one thing: taking advantage of his disadvantage.
He thinks he sees a glimpse of his future but realizes it's merely a fragment of his past - a past he'd rather not relive, not in a million years - but even a million year's lapse of time wouldn't help him forget. It's inescapable, like his heart - his heart which is blind, like his eyes.
These eyes that were taken from him, the one feature he had been lacking ever since that one incident, deprived Heechul of many beauties in the world. It has docked him of his sight - and the many wonders that sight would bring him - and for this Heechul mourned often. It has stripped him of the ability to protect himself - the one thing he has always wished for - and of this Heechul resented frequently. Most importantly, it has stolen from him the faces of his loved ones, the colors of the world, and the films of the memories that he cannot see - could never see - and he has no one to blame but himself.
And so he does - Heechul blames himself for not having eyes to see with and that, in itself, was a tragedy no one could understand.
Heechul doesn't expect anyone to understand because he has never shown his weaknesses to the world.
To the world, Heechul is a gentle man whose smile shines greater than the stars in the night sky - whose eyes light up like candles when hope cannot be found. Yes, as impossible as that sounds, it's true; Heechul illuminates hope to those around him because, even if he can't find the strength to harbor hope himself, at least he was capable of giving it to others.
This is how - no, why - Hankyung found himself standing right before the blind man, a hand over paler, slimmer ones, clasping them against his chest.
This is how Hankyung discovered that, in all his selfishness and lack of consideration for others, he actually has a heart that is willing to beat for someone else - someone much greater than himself.
And this is when Hankyung sighs, against the trembling lips of the precious man he's fallen for, because he's grateful - his heart is thanking all the Gods in the world for giving him this man - and there's nothing he can do but hold Heechul close, painstakingly close, just to heave another sigh of relief in the fragrance of his silky hair.
But Heechul shoves him away, his lips upturned and his brows knitted into a frown, as his once loose hands ball into fists. “This isn't what I want,” he mutters, his words dissolving into the atmosphere like darkness being dispersed into the night, “this isn't what I want.”
“What do you want then?” Hankyung growls, taking Heechul's wrist and pulling him into his chest.
Heechul feels Hankyung's breath against his cheek - hot and humid - and he feels the solidity and firmness of Hankyung's abdomen, his chest, and his brain can't formulate anything that makes sense, anything that's untrue. “I-” he pauses, his breath hitching in his throat, “I want simplicity.”
Hankyung bites down on his lip because he doesn't understand. “What?”
“Simplicity,” Heechul repeats, slowly backing out of Hankyung's embrace, “something you'd never understand.”
The latter watches as Heechul turns on his heel, his crane tapping against the ground as he struggles to find his way out - his way away from Hankyung - and he allows the older man's words to sink in to his skin, his mind, his weighing heart. “What does that even mean?” Hankyung wonders aloud.
Time would explain it to him, it always does.
-
Kim Heechul is a twenty eight year old full time college professor. He spends most of his days learning - about the analogy of the mind, about various psychological studies that are being changed on a daily basis - and the rest of his days teaching.
Though it isn't difficult to get his students to take him seriously, since most of them stay quiet and listen to him either out of pity or feigned interest, it's hard for him to convince them to understand - to comprehend - what he's teaching.
It's not because he's difficult and it's not because his students are lacking in intelligence, it's simply that they see things differently; it's because his students can actually see., the one thing Kim Heechul cannot.
This isn't supposed to make a difference but it does, it always has, and Heechul despises himself for it.
Eventually Heechul realizes that maybe teaching isn't the best way to go about his career - he lives off of it, but maybe it's not the only thing he has to live off of - and so he decides that this calls for bigger projects, for bigger goals.
The university invites him to a meeting one day, offering him the opportunity to gather with a minimally selective group of Psychology professors over South Korea, to present in front of the educational board of directors and many other large businesses in the country in competition of a government and corporation sponsorship of revenue.
Needless to say, Heechul accepts.
The presentation takes nearly two months to prepare for - with the help of his older sister and his best friend, Sungmin - and when the day to present finally arrives, Heechul feels the confidence he once depended on deeply withering within him.
“Relax,” Sungmin chuckled, guiding him by the elbow.
Heechul is shaking in Sungmin's hold, his crane skidding across the tiled floor with no set rhythm. “Easy for you to say,” Heechul pouts, “you have no idea how scary this is.”
“I don't,” Sungmin shrugs, “but I'm not supposed to, now am I?”
It was ridiculous how well Sungmin knew Heechul - how the younger boy could always read his mind as if he were an open book - and Heechul groaned under his breath. “I hate it when you do that,” he mumbles, “when you put words in my mouth.”
“I did no such thing,” Sungmin retorts with a playful tone.
Heechul was going to counter that, but was interrupted by Sungmin stopping abruptly in their matching steps. “I hate it when you do that, too.”
Sungmin rolls his eyes with a small smile. “We're here, beautiful.”
It would be Heechul's turn to roll his eyes now, with Sungmin's reference to him as beautiful because, honestly now, how beautiful could a blind man be?
“Go break a leg or two, alright? I'll be waiting for you in the lobby when you're done.”
“Can't you go in with me?” Heechul asked, gripping onto Sungmin's forearm before Sungmin could let go of him.
“Do I look like a psychology professor to you?” Sungmin asked in turn. Truthfully, Sungmin wished he could accompany his hyung every step of the way but he knew it was impossible - he knew Heechul needed this, he knew Heechul needed independence.
Heechul bit his cheek, hearing the words left unsaid. “Thank you, Min.”
“Don't be silly,” Sungmin laughed, urging Heechul towards the room, “promise me that you'll take it lightly, and that you'll try your best to have fun?”
The older man nodded, reaching his hand out into the air. Sungmin slipped his cheek into Heechul's palm, allowing his hyung to feel the tenderness of his cheek - the sincerity in his words. “I promise,” Heechul smiled warmly, “I'll be right out.”
“Take your time,” Sungmin whispered while stepping back, away from Heechul's touch, as he gave Heechul instructions to the conference room.
Heechul took a deep breath, calming his nerves, as he straightened out his crane and started towards the room Sungmin had directed him to.
His stomach was doing somersaults and he couldn't breath; he was sweating, he felt like the breakfast Sungmin had prepared for him was threatening to pool out of his mouth, and he wanted to die - then and there - before everyone else in that room could even begin to drown him in pity and empathy, or even ridicule and vigorous humiliation.
But he can't, so he musters up his courage and faces this like a man - the man he never was - as he stumbles into the room and takes his seat.
Just two hours, he repeats in his mind, just two hours of torture.
-
Heechul has no idea exactly how many people are at the conference while he's giving his presentation but in the midst of the heated discussions and verbal wars occurring around him, he hopes it's no more than twenty because, if it were, then he is entitled to flee the room and never turn back - never.
“So, where's the director of your department?” A man questions aloud.
Instead of hearing the actual question, Heechul hears the irritation in the mans tone. “I am a director of the Psychology department of our campus,” he replies as calmly as he can, smiling as best as he can.
“Hard to believe,” the man spits back.
Heechul only continues smiling as he answers the man again. “No doubt.”
“What makes you think the program at your institution is any better than any other program at any other institution?” The same man grumbles.
There are underlying words to his question and Heechul hears them louder and more clear than anything else the man is throwing at him. “My blindness has nothing to do with the capabilities of mine or my team members. Perhaps to many, the fact that I cannot see leaves them speechless and doubting, but if you've ever attended a class by any of our instructors, if you have any capacity in your mind to take into consideration that we work as a group and not as individuals, maybe you'd see just how much we've achieved with so little that we have.”
“If you can make do with what little you have, then why seek our sponsorship?” A new voice asks - this voice doesn't hide any unspoken words, it isn't filled with irritation or sadness. This voice is bland, almost monotone, and Heechul isn't sure how he feels about it.
Heechul ponders on the question for a moment - he's been asking himself a similar question for so many years - before he replies. “It's in a human's nature to be greedy, to want more. If our university had the honor of receiving your respective sponsorships, we could improve and become better. No matter how good something already is, there's always room for improvement.”
“What could you possibly use our revenue for? It's like dumping our money into the ocean,” the man from before scoffs, “it's pointless.”
Sometimes Heechul wonders why people like him exist - how someone could be so arrogant and blind.
But before Heechul can answer - he was actually planning on answering that - the one man who hasn't pitied or found Heechul's presence a nuisance interrupted him. “Will you just shut up?” he hissed, rubbing his temple and releasing a long, heavy sigh. “People like you are seriously annoying. You talk too much, way too much.”
“But Hankyung-sshi-”
The man called Hankyung rose a hand, which dismissed the rest of the rude representative's sentence, and motioned for him to back down - to disappear.
It was only now that the man's accent had become prominent, evident in every syllable he pronounced amongst the people in the room.
“Have a seat, Mr. Kim,” he addeded after a brief silence, “let's continue with the meeting.”
Heechul thinks he must have screwed his presentation up real bad, so, he sulks and sits there quietly the rest of the meeting wondering, aside from his disability, what else could have went wrong in his speech.
He doesn't come up with an answer, of course, and before he knows it the conference is over and Sungmin is by his side again, guiding him out of the room by the elbow.
“Don't be too surprised,” Sungmin whispers, and Heechul can hear the smile in his words, “but a mighty fine looking guy has been staring at you for a while now. Heck, he's probably been staring at you throughout the whole meeting.”
There's not much Heechul can say because it's not rare for others to gape at him. “Sungmin, you know that-”
“No,” Sungmin insists, his grip on Heechul's elbow tightening just a bit more, “he's not staring at you like you're an alien. The look in his eyes screams admiration, or something like that.”
“That's impossible,” Heechul shakes his head.
As they are talking and joking around, because Sungmin isn't paying as much attention as he should on their walk, Heechul trips over something on the ground and yanks Sungmin down with him.
“What was that?” Sungmin whimpers, standing and helping Heechul to his feet. He inspects his hyung closely, ensuring that he hasn't been wounded or hurt. “Are you okay?”
Heechul's lips twitch and Sungmin feels insecure, he feels torn because he knows that Heechul is angry with himself, but the moment disappears just as quick as it appeared. “Sorry,” Heechul mutters, “I'm fine.”
Sungmin doesn't want to question him any further, he knows that his hyung is struggling in a battle against himself, so he simply shrugs and pats out Heechul's clothes. The older of the two swings his crane to the side, waiting for it to hit the ground, but instead he hears a hiss.
“Sorry!” Heechul immediately apologizes, retracting the stick and bowing in the general direction of the person he hit.
Sungmin starts giggling.
“Not funny,” Heechul pouts.
“Sorry,” Sungmin laughs, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Kim Heechul? Is there a Kim Heechul around here?”
Sungmin turns in the direction of the conference room to find a small lady holding a stack of documents in her hands. He recognizes them as detritus from Heechul's presentation and excuses himself to retrieve them.
“You should watch what you're doing.”
The voice is familiar - unfeeling - and Heechul feels his cheeks heating obtrusively. “I'm sorry.”
“What for?” the voice asks, “it's not like you really can.”
The comment stabbed at something in Heechul's chest but he fights back the urge to whack Hankyung with his crane. “You're right,” is what he ends up saying, “I'm not sorry.”
Hankyung smirks, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants. He motions for his assistant to move ahead, allowing them some privacy. “I'm sure you don't know this, but you have gorgeous eyes.”
“If this is some sick, twisted way of fondling with a disabled man's feelings, you've really chosen the wrong person to mess with,” is what Heechul replies.
“I mean it,” Hankyung says.
Heechul bites his cheek, his hand tightening around the neck of his crane. He has nothing to say.
Suddenly there is a warm hand caressing his cheek, running through the strands of his hair, and Heechul freezes. Everything ahead of him is so dark, so mysterious, but somehow he can tell - he can just tell - that Hankyung was definitely glowing.
“How about I give you an offer?” Hankyung asks.
Heechul swallows the lump in his throat, feeling Hankyung's breath against his skin, and moved away from Hankyung's hand. “What offer?”
“The sponsorship you worked so hard for, I'll double it if you can prove your worth to me.”
“My... worth?” Heechul repeats shakily.
Hankyung nods, forgetting Heechul can't see. “I'll be randomly attending classes at your university, without warning, and if I find you to be a convincing professor - if your students are learning what they should be - then the sponsorship is yours to take.”
Heechul stands there, motionless, while he tries to decide whether or not he'd accept the offer.
“Hyung!” Sungmin calls out to him from the distance.
Heechul whips in the direction of Sungmin's voice, barely catching Hankyung's following statement as he does so.
“If you don't give me an answer in the count of three, I'll take it as a yes. One,”
Heechul parts his lips to reply, but is interrupted by Sungmin.
“Hyung, you forgot all your papers!” Sungmin shouts again.
“Two,”
There are a lot of voices playing in Heechul's head and he can't grasp any one of the many for a reply. So he stands there, flabbergasted, as Hankyung grins and ruffles the hair on the crown of his head.
“I'll be right there,” Sungmin exclaims.
“Three.”
“I'll win the sponsorship,” Heechul grinds out, not knowing what better to say at the moment.
Hankyung laughs. “I hope it's not the only thing you'll be winning.”
At that, Hankyung bows slightly at Sungmin just as the other arrives within a ten feet proximity of them and turns on his heel. Heechul doesn't understand what Hankyung meant - not now, at least - and he's left wondering about it the next few days.
“What did he say?” Sungmin continuously asks.
Heechul shakes his head. “Nothing much.”
“Liar,” Sungmin purses his lips.
Heechul chuckles, shrugging, and returns to his silence. He really hopes he can get the sponsorship, he really hopes he can be useful for once.
This is meaningful. Heechul wants his existence to mean something.
-----
Chapter 2
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A/N: I should really be editing and finishing the end of Yekyu [ACFAC] but this has really, really, been bugging me for the longest time. It's totally, entirely, majorly OOC but I really needed it... all fanfics I've read lately have perfect!Hankyung and, well... heechul!Heechul. Or it's based around Hankyung leaving and making me all depressed. T.T lol. I needed something new. :) Also, this is dedicated to my sweets, Nyx ♥, a.k.a. kendayawind .
I've been busy with real life stuff lately >.< Like: family, helping my brother with moving in, my puppy, I got a job (but looking for another) and I'm attending college classes... so, I'm really sorry that I haven't been updating at all lately. >.< I'll try to update AFCAC a.s.a.p.
This mini-series is basically all written out already. I just need to cut and split them up into chapters, then edit it and post. I think I'll just finish doing all of that by tomorrow. The whole thing should be up by... Tuesday? Maybe Wednesday? (A chapter a day, basically ^-^) Thanks so much for reading~ reviews/comments are appreciated! -rssj1314