Dreams and Desires
It has been said (or I heard it somewhere) that when a man reaches his 50s, it is common for him to reflect and begin to reconcile his dreams and desires as a young man with the realities of his life as an old man.
And I've met men who have done that.
And I think I've been doing it for a year or so.
I mean, as a young man, my dreams and desires were taken from the cultural and biological imperatives to "spread my seed", "be a man", "be a father" etc. etc.
And so, I did.
I dreamed of hero-hood as a great father; I dreamed of enshrinement as a great lover; I conquered and imposed.
But, upon reflection, not much of that seems so important anymore. Now, I don't say this because I achieved none of my dreams. I say it because all of those dreams and desires depended on outside people and influences. I remember when I narrowly lost my first political race for school board in a small Oregon town. I thought, "6,282 people chose ME". Whoa, head trip!
While "being" a father I thought I was doing a great job; now that my children are grown, gone and launched on their lives, I realize I really am not much of an influence in their lives (probably because I was too much of an influence in their lives when they were young). And I see them struggle with behaviors, problems and life -- in ways I probably taught them.
So.
Dreams and desires. Life as I thought it would be reconciled with life as it actually was.
More to come.
And I've met men who have done that.
And I think I've been doing it for a year or so.
I mean, as a young man, my dreams and desires were taken from the cultural and biological imperatives to "spread my seed", "be a man", "be a father" etc. etc.
And so, I did.
I dreamed of hero-hood as a great father; I dreamed of enshrinement as a great lover; I conquered and imposed.
But, upon reflection, not much of that seems so important anymore. Now, I don't say this because I achieved none of my dreams. I say it because all of those dreams and desires depended on outside people and influences. I remember when I narrowly lost my first political race for school board in a small Oregon town. I thought, "6,282 people chose ME". Whoa, head trip!
While "being" a father I thought I was doing a great job; now that my children are grown, gone and launched on their lives, I realize I really am not much of an influence in their lives (probably because I was too much of an influence in their lives when they were young). And I see them struggle with behaviors, problems and life -- in ways I probably taught them.
So.
Dreams and desires. Life as I thought it would be reconciled with life as it actually was.
More to come.