I'm going to lie.
OK. I've lied daily. You know, the little white lies that get you through the day.
"How are ya?"
"Fine, thanks."
But this is a bigger one. And I've chosen to do it because I don't have the energy to do the right thing.
I'm going to tell M that I am still sore from the accident and cannot go to her house tonight.
Why don't I want to go to her house?
Because she will (a) pamper me and (b) perhaps want to be sexual.
I appreciate (a); I fear (b).
I would prefer to be able to be direct and honest -- but don't have the time and energy to do that right now.
Part of this is my sudden appreciation of the "retreat" I am going on tomorrow... I didn't realize until I closed my doors today how much I need this break from regular life. I trust that K will be fine; I have phone numbers of important people for my Monday trial (which is an entirely different story which might see the light of day here). Being able to have at least 48 hours where I am not "on-call" for someone else is such a treasure.
This is a small "lie" for me. A slip, perhaps from my value of complete honesty... but I am new at this, so one I won't beat myself up for it.
R
"How are ya?"
"Fine, thanks."
But this is a bigger one. And I've chosen to do it because I don't have the energy to do the right thing.
I'm going to tell M that I am still sore from the accident and cannot go to her house tonight.
Why don't I want to go to her house?
Because she will (a) pamper me and (b) perhaps want to be sexual.
I appreciate (a); I fear (b).
I would prefer to be able to be direct and honest -- but don't have the time and energy to do that right now.
Part of this is my sudden appreciation of the "retreat" I am going on tomorrow... I didn't realize until I closed my doors today how much I need this break from regular life. I trust that K will be fine; I have phone numbers of important people for my Monday trial (which is an entirely different story which might see the light of day here). Being able to have at least 48 hours where I am not "on-call" for someone else is such a treasure.
This is a small "lie" for me. A slip, perhaps from my value of complete honesty... but I am new at this, so one I won't beat myself up for it.
R