Never Finished Fic: My Hands In All the Spaces (Bandom/JoBros, Mike/Bill, Mike/Kevin, 4800 words)
Rating: Explicit.
Summary: Mike knows he's acting out, waiting for someone - Bill, usually - to do something about it. It won't be enough, but it'll be something.
Notes: This was originally going to be Mike/Kevin kink with Mike subbing, and then I realized it was really more of a Mike/Bill story. My intention if I were going to finish it was going to be to replace Kevin with someone who fit the story better.
Warning/Enticement: Kink, including spanking, bondage, and discussion of knife play.
Story on AO3
Mike knows he's acting out, waiting for someone - Bill, usually - to do something about it. It won't be enough, but it'll be something.
Bill just gives him this long, measured look, and says, "There's a friend of Demi's I want you to meet."
Mike can't believe that when Bill said that, he meant the fucking Jonas Brothers. Mike thinks maybe Bill meant Nick, but while Nick does seem like he could handle Mike, he doesn't seem like he knows how to have fun. Besides, he pretty much has his hands full with Joe, and Mike's sorry they probably have no fucking idea what they're doing. It's been a while since he's hung out with another sub, and if Joe knew what the fuck a sub was, that might be fun. Kevin is friendly but pretty much forgettable.
Mike listens to Bill talk to them and wonders if he can just leave. He could find a pool and swim laps until he can't think anymore. That wouldn't be enough either, but it would take the edge off, at least for a while.
He doesn't notice Kevin leave. He notices when he comes back, because he puts a hand on Mike's back in a way that makes him stand straighter.
"Here." He also hands Mike a drink. When Mike sips at it, he discovers it's plain old Coke. He must make a face because Kevin looks like he's trying not to laugh at him. "Where would you rather be?" Kevin asks. He's standing at an angle that puts him almost between Mike and the rest of the group, and his voice is pitched not to reach them.
Mike figures "Tied to someone's bed" is probably not the right thing to say to a Jonas brother, so he says, "Swimming," instead.
"Really." And the tone of Kevin's voice says he knows Mike isn't telling the truth. "Tell me what you like about it."
Maybe Bill did know what he was doing after all.
"It makes me stop thinking," Mike says. "It's just me and the water."
"And you want to stop thinking?" Kevin asks neutrally.
Mike says, "Yes," and it feels a little like flirting and a lot like a test.
He thinks he passes, because Kevin's hand trails across Mike's waist to rest heavy against his hip for a long moment. Then Kevin takes the glass from him and sips from it without taking his eyes off of Mike. Just that goes a long way toward settling him.
Kevin and his brothers walk off, Kevin taking the glass with him, and Demi follows them a moment later.
Bill takes one look at Mike and says, "Okay, come on, let's go."
He doesn't mind leaving. He's good now. The hum under his skin is anticipation and not desperate need.
Bill says, "I gave Demi your number."
It's enough that he behaves himself, and he answers the phone the next day even though he doesn't recognize the number.
"It's Kevin."
"Hi."
"Hi," Kevin says, and Mike's pretty sure he's smiling. "Are you busy tonight?"
Mike's heart picks up speed. "No."
"Eight o'clock," Kevin says. He gives Mike the name of his hotel and his room number. "Eat something light beforehand and bring a bag."
Mike has to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth to say, "Okay."
"And Mike," Kevin says, "don't come before then."
Kevin hangs up, and Mike takes in a shaky breath and thinks, Jesus Christ. He's already half hard.
The rest of practice goes well, and Mike catches Bill casting thoughtful - and sometimes smug - looks in his direction.
At the end, Mike tells Bill the hotel name and room number.
"When should I worry?" Bill asks.
Mike shrugs. "He told me to pack a bag."
Bill nods. "Ten o'clock tomorrow," he says, "or I'm coming to get you."
Mike nods, because he knows Bill will do it. It's part of their deal about this: Bill will help him out when he needs to, but Mike has to play safe.
*
Kevin opens the door to Mike's knock and takes his bag from him. "Stay there."
Mike waits patiently in the entryway. Sometimes he's a troublesome sub, but right now he's too desperate for someone to take him down that he won't risk it by acting out.
Kevin comes back and stands right in front of him. "Where did you really want to be last night?"
This time, Mike knows he can say what he wants, so he tells Kevin the truth. "Tied to someone's bed."
There's a faint smile on Kevin's face, and he says, "Good."
Mike has no idea how Kevin's doing it, because he doesn't come across as toppy at all, but his praise makes Mike melt for him.
"Yellow for slow down, red for stop," Kevin says, and he pins Mike with a look. "And you will use them if you need to."
Mike nods.
"You'll call me Kevin or sir." Kevin waits for Mike's nod, and then gives him a surprisingly sunny smile. "Good. Take off your clothes."
Mike strips methodically, letting his clothes drop to the ground around him.
Kevin looks him up and down. "Follow me." Kevin turns his back on Mike, and Mike follows him into what turns out to be a fairly extensive suite. Kevin takes him to the bedroom. "On the bed," he says, "on your knees."
Mike does it, and his breathing evens out as he waits.
"I'm going to tie your hands," Kevin says conversationally.
Mike crosses his wrists behind his back. Smooth rope slides across his hands before Kevin loops it around his wrists and ties it. Mike tugs at it, testing it, and thinks, Finally.
"Yellow for slow down, red for stop," Kevin says, and Mike rolls his eyes and says, "Yeah, I got it."
Kevin slaps the outside of his hip, hard enough to make Mike gasp. "Yellow for slow down, red for stop," Kevin says again, maddeningly even.
Mike drops his head, and says, "Yes, sir."
"Better." Kevin pushes down on his shoulders, and Mike folds over until his chest is against the bed and his ass is in the air. Kevin adjusts Mike's body, tugging at him a little and putting him where he wants him. It's good. It's really good. Kevin's touch is firm, and he knows what he wants. Mike just has to go with it, and he can feel himself relaxing into it.
Kevin's hand comes down heavy on his ass, and that's good too. Kevin knows what he's doing, and it's not so hard that they can't do this for a while.
Kevin hits him for long enough that Mike no longer feels each individual smack, just waves of sensation.
There's a pause a little longer than the rest, and then Kevin's fingernails scrape lines down Mike's thigh hard enough to make him gasp.
*
Kevin's still asleep when Mike wakes up in the morning. Mike pads out of the bedroom to the entryway to look for his phone. It's already after nine, so he pulls up Bill's name and hits call.
Bill picks up with, "Still alive?"
Mike's feeling too good to even roll his eyes. "Yep."
Bill chuckles a little. "Having fun?"
"Yeah." Mike looks down at his feet against the surprisingly plush hotel carpet. "Thanks."
"Mmm," Bill says. "You're welcome. You should learn to trust me."
Mike wishes for the hundreth, thousandth, millionth time that Bill could be his dom. "Yeah, I trust you."
"Good. Call if you're going to be late."
"I will."
After Mike hits end and puts his phone back with his clothes, he looks up and finds Kevin watching him.
"Bill," he explains. "I have to check in, you know, make sure I'm safe."
"Good," Kevin says. "You should have someone keeping an eye on you." His eyes run up and down Mike's body. "Come here."
Mike goes, and kneels when Kevin tells him to.
"You've been so good," Kevin murmurs. His fingers trace over the curve of Mike's ear, then down to stroke through the hair at the back of his neck. "You are such a good sub."
Mike closes his eyes and presses into Kevin's hand.
"Open," Kevin says, still in that soft voice.
Mike opens his mouth, and Kevin guides his cock into it. Kevin's free hand joins the other one on the back of Mike's head.
*
"I got the weirdest call from Kevin," Bill says.
"Oh, yeah?" Mike hasn't heard anything from Kevin since they said goodbye that morning.
"Yeah. He wanted to thank me for loaning you to him."
*
[In the middle, Mike has to convince Bill to be his dom.]
"I have a daughter and an ex-wife who might not be happy about it."
[There would be some kind of connecting conversation here.]
"Sometimes you fight with me because you're jonesing," Bill says, and Mike almost laughs at his phrasing. "But sometimes it's because you have your own ideas about music. I don't want you to give in just because I'm your whatever."
"You already know the difference," Mike says, and, "I trust you."
*
Sometimes Mike thinks Bill was more upset about losing the house he'd worked so long and hard on than he was about the end of his marriage. Not that he doubts Bill was upset about the divorce, but it had been a long time coming. He wasn't surprised when Bill bought a similar place half a block away, and not just because it kept him close to Evie.
*
[At band practice, Mike acts badly toward Adam.]
"I'm really mad at you," Bill says, stuttering his way through it.
"The great thing about this," Mike tells him, "is that now you get to hit me."
Bill shakes his head. "If I hit you now, I'll hurt you. Just go somewhere I'm not. Go read or go outside until I tell you you can come back."
Mike takes his book out onto the back porch, but can't focus. He feels shaky, unsettled, and he ends up lying on the grass, staring up at the shifting leaves of the tree that dominates the back yard. There's a hypnotic quality to it, and he loses time just watching the shadows and light, the shades of green.
He hears the back door open, but it's not Bill.
"Uncle Mike, what are you doing? Daddy says you can come in, dinner's ready."
Mike sits up, and lets Evie take his hand to pull him all the way up. He's mostly working under his own power, but she likes to help.
"I was just looking at the tree," he tells her.
"Oh," she says, looking at him and the tree dubiously.
Mike does his best to dust himself off before he goes in the house; he's in enough trouble already.
Mike's pretty sure he doesn't have the schedule mixed up, and that Evie's supposed to be with her mom tonight. She chatters at them all through dinner, and everything is so normal, just like any other night she's with them.
After dinner, Bill says, "It's getting close to bedtime," to Evie and, "I'm going to walk her back," to Mike.
"I'll do the dishes," Mike volunteers, before he can be told. It's part of balancing what they are with what Bill wants to model for Evie.
Bill's gone for so long that Mike's done with the dishes and is wiping down the counters when he comes back.
"Go into the bedroom," Bill says evenly, "and take off your clothes."
Mike drops the sponge into the sink with suddenly shaking hands.
In the bedroom, he takes off his clothes and kneels, even though Bill didn't tell him to. It settles him. He knows how to do this.
Bill closes the door after he comes in, and sits on the bed, still clothed in everything but his shoes.
"Over my knee," he says, and Mike goes.
It hurts from the first hit. Mike swears and yells and when he finally gets quiet, Bill pushes him off and onto his knees on the floor.
There's no preamble to this either. Bill opens his pants and Mike opens his mouth and Bill doesn't even let him try to make it good.
Bill pulls out and Mike barely has time to close his eyes before Bill's come streaks across his face. That's when he breaks, leaning forward to press his face into Bill's hip and saying, "Sorry, sorry, sorry."
Bill strokes his hair, and says, "Okay. It's okay now."
Mike's hard, but that doesn't seem anywhere near as important as Bill just touching him.
After a while, when he's calmed down a little bit, Bill manhandles him into a cool shower. He doesn't want to wash his face, but Bill makes him.
Bill takes him to bed afterwards, and he lies on his stomach on their soft sheets while Bill strokes his back.
"You can fight with anyone you want about music," Bill says, "and you can fight with me when you need my attention. But you can't go after Adam to get it."
Mike had a lot of time to think earlier, staring up at the tree and the sky. "I think," he says, "I was testing you to see if you would really hurt me if you got that mad."
Bill's hand stills on his back into one single patch of warmth. "I thought you trusted me."
Mike makes a frustrated noise into his pillow. "I did. I do. It's just boundaries shit."
Bill's hand seems to grow heavier on his skin, pressing him down into the bed. "Well that's a boundary," he says. "I won't hurt you like that, and you can't go after other people to get what you want from me."
Mike exhales, and that, that is what he's been waiting for, all day, even if he didn't know it. "Okay," he says, and he rolls onto his side and scoots over so he can rest his forehead against Bill's shoulder. He feels truly settled for the first time since he woke up this morning.
"You're a pain in the ass," Bill says. Mike can hear the "you're mine" and "I'll take care of you" and "there are rules to this" in it.
*
What they have is an arrangement, not a romance. Mike keeps his place in LA and bounces back and forth. At Bill's, he has his own room and sleeps there as much as he sleeps with Bill. He's not on the list of people who can pick Evie up from school. (Adam is.) Still, he's not fucking anyone else. He doesn't ask Bill if he is, but he trusts Bill to keep them safe.
When he's in LA, he jerks off - or doesn't, if Bill told him not to - and thinks about Bill.
*
Bill takes Evie to the park. Mike stays home and texts Bill that he's making dinner, so no stops for ice cream on the way back.
He's in the kitchen cutting up things for the salad when he hears the front door open and close. Evie's footsteps race through the house where Bill's are more measured and even.
Even hearing his footsteps come closer, Mike's surprised when Bill puts his arms around his waist, presses his lips to the side of his neck.
Mike exhales hard. "I have a knife."
"Yeah, I know." Bill's voice has dropped low and soft against Mike's neck.
Mike's hands shake, and the knife clatters a little on the counter when he sets it down. "Bill."
"I don't think I could really hurt you with it, but I'd touch you with it, if you wanted me to."
Mike's hands aren't the only part of him shaking now. "Evie's in the house," he manages to say.
Bill kisses Mike's neck again. "She knows what we are."
Mike wonders how she can when he's not even sure.
He stares at the light reflecting off of the knife and pulls it together enough to ask, "Do you really like this?"
Evie comes into the kitchen and says, "I'm hungry."
Bill moves away from Mike with a slide of his hands across Mike's body. "Dinner's almost ready. Let's go wash our hands."
Later, after Bill's put Evie to bed, he sits next to Mike on the couch. "I don't think I would have found it on my own," he says, "but I like it. I like what it does to you."
Mike nods and can't concentrate on his book anymore after Bill takes his wrist and presses bruises into it, just because.
*
When he's been in LA for too long, Michael says, "You're getting mean. Go see Bill."
Mike takes a late flight. The house is dark when a cab drops him off, and he lets himself in with his key. There are nightlights all over the place, for Evie even though she's starting to think she's too old for that kind of thing, so he doesn't bother turning on lights as he makes his way to Bill's room.
Bill wakes up when he comes in. "What?"
"Just me." Mike slips out of his jeans and t-shirt, and gets into bed with Bill.
"You could have called," Bill says. "I would have waited up."
Mike shrugs. "Doesn't matter."
Bill hmms, and then says, "Evie's here."
"I know." Even if he didn't have Evie's schedule memorized by now, Bill added him to the shared calendar the adults in her life use to keep track of her.
They don't play when Evie's there, but Bill still wraps his fingers around Mike's wrist and squeezes.
The trip tired Mike out, but now he's wide awake.
"Tomorrow," Bill says, promises. "After Evie goes to school."
Mike falls asleep with Bill's hand still around his wrist.
*
Even though he got in late, Mike gets up in the morning and has breakfast with Bill and Evie. Bill said after Evie went to school, so he takes a shower while Bill takes her and is waiting on the couch, feet kicked up on the coffee table and fingers restlessly tapping out a beat on his thigh, when Bill gets back.
Bill leans against the archway between the living room and the dining room with his arms crossed, and Mike forces himself to stillness, takes his feet off the coffee table.
"Wait here," Bill says.
Mike rests his hands on his knees, feet planted flat on the ground, spine straight, and waits.
Bill comes back wearing only his jeans, bare feet hardly making a sound on the hardwood. "Studio," he says.
Oh, shit, the studio. The studio is the only room in the house that's soundproofed. They only play in there when Bill expects to make him make a lot of noise.
The floor is clear, everything pushed around to the edges of the room.
"Clothes on the chair," Bill orders.
Mike strips and drapes his clothes over the back of the chair in the corner.
[This was going to be a shibari scene.]
*
Bill brings him the bare bones of a song that says, "rope around your wrists" and "my hands in all the spaces."
[They fight about the song.]
Mike says, "Yellow," and Bill takes his hands off his arms, steps back. Mike walks out of the studio, and keeps walking. His phone is already in his pocket, and it's habit now to grab his keys and wallet from the bowl by the door; he does it without thinking.
He walks for a long time, turning corners when it seems like a good idea, following streets when it doesn't. He gets tired of walking, eventually, and then he catches a bus to Adam's.
"Can I crash here?"
"I never thought I'd become Billvy's mother-in-law," Adam says, but he lets Mike in.
Mike hears him on the phone telling someone he's there, and he assumes it's Bill, but when his phone buzzes, it's a text from Michael: u ok?
He takes his phone out onto the patio as he dials and says, "He wrote a song about me," before Michael even says hello.
"To tell you the truth, mate, I've been waiting for him to write a song about you."
*
Mike's used to sleeping in a million different beds. It should be no problem for him now, and the bed in Adam and Lindsay's guest room is more comfortable than some. Still, he can't sleep. He can hear the sound of their voices, and he puts the pillow over his head so he can't hear them anymore.
*
Adam lets him be until midmorning, and then says, "I'll drive you back."
Mike lets them into the house, and Evie comes to greet them with an excited, "Uncle Adam! Daddy's making grilled cheese."
"I love grilled cheese," Adam says, and he lets Evie take his hand and pull him toward the kitchen.
Bill is already slicing more cheese. He doesn't touch Mike at all, and Mike's throat feels closed and tight.
"I was thinking," Adam says, "that maybe Evie could come with me to the aquarium."
Mike does the dishes while Bill makes sure Adam and Evie have everything they need for an afternoon in Chicago proper.
"I'll call before we come back," Adam promises. He waves at Mike, and Mike waves back.
When he finishes the dishes, Bill is sitting at the table, and Mike sits down across from him.
Bill says, "You going to tell me why?"
"You wrote a song about me. I went deeper under than I ever have before, and you just want to sell it to our fans."
"You went so deep I wasn't sure I could bring you back," Bill says, "and the only way I know how to talk about it is music."
Mike shakes his head. "You don't have to. You don't have to do this."
Bill reaches out but doesn't touch him. "Mike, I write about everything important."
"I don't want you to share me!" Mike shouts at him.
"I'm not," Bill says. "It's not about that."
"Those are my wrists you're putting rope around and my spaces you're putting your hands into." Mike gets up to pace. "That's- You can't."
Saying "can't" to Bill was probably a bad idea, because he sets his jaw and says, "It's a good song, and no one will know it's about you."
"I won't play it," Mike says. Bill looks at him, and Mike stops pacing to look back.
"You said 'yellow,' not 'red.'"
"I can't safeword out of my own life."
Bill does touch him then, coming over to cup his hand around the back of Mike's neck and leaning their foreheads together. "I won't hurt you when you don't want me to," Bill says, and Mike sighs and lets that be the end of it.
Bill fucks him, but he doesn't go under, and three days later, he goes back to LA.
It's only for a couple of weeks, because they're all supposed to be back in Chicago to write again.
Butcher stays with Adam and Lindsay and Mike sleeps in with Bill so Michael can have his room.
They've been working off and on for a while, and by the end of a week, they have most of an album.
"I have one more," Bill says, and he plays the song about Mike.
Adam says, "No," at the same time Michael says, "Yes."
The betrayed look Mike turns on Michael matches the one Bill's giving Adam. Butcher looks at the four of them. "You haven't been telling me things."
Mike ignores him, and Michael shrugs and says, "It's a good song."
"I told you," Mike says, and Michael talks over him. "You told me he wrote a song about you. You didn't tell me it was a love song."
Everything goes quiet and still while his words hang in the air.
"I'm not breaking the tie," Butcher says, "but it does make the rest of the album make sense."
Mike wants to hit someone, but he walks away instead, goes out back to lie under the tree. He and the tree are becoming friends.
Adam comes out and sits down next to him. "You didn't know what you were fighting about," he says.
It's not a question and Mike doesn't answer it.
"It's a good song. It'll be a great one if you help him finish it." Adam puts his hand on Mike's arm. "But we won't do it if you don't want to. I can talk Andy into saying no."
The back door opens, and Adam squeezes Mike's arm and gets up. Mike doesn't look to see if he touches Bill too.
Bill sits down and doesn't say anything, and after a while, Mike turns and lays his head in Bill's lap.
Bill strokes his hair. "I can send Michael with Butcher and Adam for the night," Bill says, and Mike nods against his thigh.
He lets himself start to slip under while Bill pulls out his phone and texts them, still in the house and not so far away.
Bill takes him inside after they're gone and ties him to the bed, works him over soft and slow. Loving.
Afterwards, after Mike's shaken apart and pressed into Bill and calmed down, he sits up and says, "Bring me a guitar."
They finish the song like that, naked in bed, and Mike fills in the sound and makes it fit with the rest of the album.
*
They spend a week recording demos and arguing about song order, and when Michael goes back to LA, Mike goes too.
*
"Can you come out next month?" Bill asks.
Mike says, "Sure," and writes down the weekend Bill tells him.
"You should come early," Bill says.
"Yeah, okay, how early?" Mike's not really paying all that much attention because he's flipping through Sports Illustrated while he talks.
"Early enough to see anyone you want to see," Bill says. "Christine's taking Evie to Iowa to visit her sister."
Mike stops reading Sports Illustrated. He knows that as focused as Bill is on him, there's always a tiny part of him still listening out for Evie, just in case she decides to come visit while they're playing. If Evie's in Iowa, Bill can turn all of that on Mike.
"Yeah, yeah," Mike breathes.
*
[They have what is basically a honeymoon.]
When Mike comes back to himself, Bill's saying, "Mike, come on, let go. It's okay, you were so good. You can let go now."
Mike's fingers ache as he slowly lets go of the wrought iron bedframe behind Bill's head.
"There you go," Bill says. He takes Mike's left hand in both of his and presses his fingers into the soft spots, working the stiffness out of it. He kisses Mike's palm, and the inside of his wrist, before setting it down on Mike's thigh and doing the same to the right.
Mike's voice creaks as much as his fingers when he says, "I love you." He can feel Bill's smile against his wrist.
*
Making dinner takes at least twice as long as it should. They're doing it together, which should make it go faster, but Bill keeps touching him, and Mike keeps reaching back.
He didn't realize that there was still a part of him that he was holding back, that there was a slight hesitation in this, until now, when it's gone.
Christine texts to say they hit traffic on the way into Chicago, so dinner is almost ready by the time the front door opens and Evie comes running down the hall to the kitchen. Bill crouches down to gather her up into a hug.
"Daddy, I missed you."
"I missed you too," Bill says. "Did you have fun with your cousins?"
"Yes!" Evie squirms out of Bill's hug and comes over to Mike. "I missed you too, Uncle Mike."
Mike crouches down to hug her, and when he stands up, Christine's watching him. He wonders what she sees, and if she's seeing it with the eyes of an artist or the eyes of someone who used to be in love with Bill.
Mike knows Christine would never be with someone completely stupid, but James is more observant than Mike gives him credit for; he holds out his hand and says, "Let's go wash our hands," to Evie.
"How'd it go?" Bill asks once they're out of the room.
Christine comes over to hug him and lean against his shoulder. Mike doesn't think he'll ever quite understand their divorce, no matter how long he lives in the middle of it.
"'Real Christians don't get divorced' and separate bedrooms," she says, "but it was good to see Elizabeth and the kids, and Evie had fun." She steps away from him. "How was your weekend? Mike looks happy."
"Mike's standing right here and can hear you," Mike says.
Bill hooks his arm around Mike's waist. Mike automatically leans his head to the side to make space for him. He remembers standing in their kitchen watching Bill and Christine stand like this. He wonders if Christine's remembering the same thing he is, that they've switched places and only Bill is the same.
Summary: Mike knows he's acting out, waiting for someone - Bill, usually - to do something about it. It won't be enough, but it'll be something.
Notes: This was originally going to be Mike/Kevin kink with Mike subbing, and then I realized it was really more of a Mike/Bill story. My intention if I were going to finish it was going to be to replace Kevin with someone who fit the story better.
Warning/Enticement: Kink, including spanking, bondage, and discussion of knife play.
Story on AO3
Mike knows he's acting out, waiting for someone - Bill, usually - to do something about it. It won't be enough, but it'll be something.
Bill just gives him this long, measured look, and says, "There's a friend of Demi's I want you to meet."
Mike can't believe that when Bill said that, he meant the fucking Jonas Brothers. Mike thinks maybe Bill meant Nick, but while Nick does seem like he could handle Mike, he doesn't seem like he knows how to have fun. Besides, he pretty much has his hands full with Joe, and Mike's sorry they probably have no fucking idea what they're doing. It's been a while since he's hung out with another sub, and if Joe knew what the fuck a sub was, that might be fun. Kevin is friendly but pretty much forgettable.
Mike listens to Bill talk to them and wonders if he can just leave. He could find a pool and swim laps until he can't think anymore. That wouldn't be enough either, but it would take the edge off, at least for a while.
He doesn't notice Kevin leave. He notices when he comes back, because he puts a hand on Mike's back in a way that makes him stand straighter.
"Here." He also hands Mike a drink. When Mike sips at it, he discovers it's plain old Coke. He must make a face because Kevin looks like he's trying not to laugh at him. "Where would you rather be?" Kevin asks. He's standing at an angle that puts him almost between Mike and the rest of the group, and his voice is pitched not to reach them.
Mike figures "Tied to someone's bed" is probably not the right thing to say to a Jonas brother, so he says, "Swimming," instead.
"Really." And the tone of Kevin's voice says he knows Mike isn't telling the truth. "Tell me what you like about it."
Maybe Bill did know what he was doing after all.
"It makes me stop thinking," Mike says. "It's just me and the water."
"And you want to stop thinking?" Kevin asks neutrally.
Mike says, "Yes," and it feels a little like flirting and a lot like a test.
He thinks he passes, because Kevin's hand trails across Mike's waist to rest heavy against his hip for a long moment. Then Kevin takes the glass from him and sips from it without taking his eyes off of Mike. Just that goes a long way toward settling him.
Kevin and his brothers walk off, Kevin taking the glass with him, and Demi follows them a moment later.
Bill takes one look at Mike and says, "Okay, come on, let's go."
He doesn't mind leaving. He's good now. The hum under his skin is anticipation and not desperate need.
Bill says, "I gave Demi your number."
It's enough that he behaves himself, and he answers the phone the next day even though he doesn't recognize the number.
"It's Kevin."
"Hi."
"Hi," Kevin says, and Mike's pretty sure he's smiling. "Are you busy tonight?"
Mike's heart picks up speed. "No."
"Eight o'clock," Kevin says. He gives Mike the name of his hotel and his room number. "Eat something light beforehand and bring a bag."
Mike has to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth to say, "Okay."
"And Mike," Kevin says, "don't come before then."
Kevin hangs up, and Mike takes in a shaky breath and thinks, Jesus Christ. He's already half hard.
The rest of practice goes well, and Mike catches Bill casting thoughtful - and sometimes smug - looks in his direction.
At the end, Mike tells Bill the hotel name and room number.
"When should I worry?" Bill asks.
Mike shrugs. "He told me to pack a bag."
Bill nods. "Ten o'clock tomorrow," he says, "or I'm coming to get you."
Mike nods, because he knows Bill will do it. It's part of their deal about this: Bill will help him out when he needs to, but Mike has to play safe.
*
Kevin opens the door to Mike's knock and takes his bag from him. "Stay there."
Mike waits patiently in the entryway. Sometimes he's a troublesome sub, but right now he's too desperate for someone to take him down that he won't risk it by acting out.
Kevin comes back and stands right in front of him. "Where did you really want to be last night?"
This time, Mike knows he can say what he wants, so he tells Kevin the truth. "Tied to someone's bed."
There's a faint smile on Kevin's face, and he says, "Good."
Mike has no idea how Kevin's doing it, because he doesn't come across as toppy at all, but his praise makes Mike melt for him.
"Yellow for slow down, red for stop," Kevin says, and he pins Mike with a look. "And you will use them if you need to."
Mike nods.
"You'll call me Kevin or sir." Kevin waits for Mike's nod, and then gives him a surprisingly sunny smile. "Good. Take off your clothes."
Mike strips methodically, letting his clothes drop to the ground around him.
Kevin looks him up and down. "Follow me." Kevin turns his back on Mike, and Mike follows him into what turns out to be a fairly extensive suite. Kevin takes him to the bedroom. "On the bed," he says, "on your knees."
Mike does it, and his breathing evens out as he waits.
"I'm going to tie your hands," Kevin says conversationally.
Mike crosses his wrists behind his back. Smooth rope slides across his hands before Kevin loops it around his wrists and ties it. Mike tugs at it, testing it, and thinks, Finally.
"Yellow for slow down, red for stop," Kevin says, and Mike rolls his eyes and says, "Yeah, I got it."
Kevin slaps the outside of his hip, hard enough to make Mike gasp. "Yellow for slow down, red for stop," Kevin says again, maddeningly even.
Mike drops his head, and says, "Yes, sir."
"Better." Kevin pushes down on his shoulders, and Mike folds over until his chest is against the bed and his ass is in the air. Kevin adjusts Mike's body, tugging at him a little and putting him where he wants him. It's good. It's really good. Kevin's touch is firm, and he knows what he wants. Mike just has to go with it, and he can feel himself relaxing into it.
Kevin's hand comes down heavy on his ass, and that's good too. Kevin knows what he's doing, and it's not so hard that they can't do this for a while.
Kevin hits him for long enough that Mike no longer feels each individual smack, just waves of sensation.
There's a pause a little longer than the rest, and then Kevin's fingernails scrape lines down Mike's thigh hard enough to make him gasp.
*
Kevin's still asleep when Mike wakes up in the morning. Mike pads out of the bedroom to the entryway to look for his phone. It's already after nine, so he pulls up Bill's name and hits call.
Bill picks up with, "Still alive?"
Mike's feeling too good to even roll his eyes. "Yep."
Bill chuckles a little. "Having fun?"
"Yeah." Mike looks down at his feet against the surprisingly plush hotel carpet. "Thanks."
"Mmm," Bill says. "You're welcome. You should learn to trust me."
Mike wishes for the hundreth, thousandth, millionth time that Bill could be his dom. "Yeah, I trust you."
"Good. Call if you're going to be late."
"I will."
After Mike hits end and puts his phone back with his clothes, he looks up and finds Kevin watching him.
"Bill," he explains. "I have to check in, you know, make sure I'm safe."
"Good," Kevin says. "You should have someone keeping an eye on you." His eyes run up and down Mike's body. "Come here."
Mike goes, and kneels when Kevin tells him to.
"You've been so good," Kevin murmurs. His fingers trace over the curve of Mike's ear, then down to stroke through the hair at the back of his neck. "You are such a good sub."
Mike closes his eyes and presses into Kevin's hand.
"Open," Kevin says, still in that soft voice.
Mike opens his mouth, and Kevin guides his cock into it. Kevin's free hand joins the other one on the back of Mike's head.
*
"I got the weirdest call from Kevin," Bill says.
"Oh, yeah?" Mike hasn't heard anything from Kevin since they said goodbye that morning.
"Yeah. He wanted to thank me for loaning you to him."
*
[In the middle, Mike has to convince Bill to be his dom.]
"I have a daughter and an ex-wife who might not be happy about it."
[There would be some kind of connecting conversation here.]
"Sometimes you fight with me because you're jonesing," Bill says, and Mike almost laughs at his phrasing. "But sometimes it's because you have your own ideas about music. I don't want you to give in just because I'm your whatever."
"You already know the difference," Mike says, and, "I trust you."
*
Sometimes Mike thinks Bill was more upset about losing the house he'd worked so long and hard on than he was about the end of his marriage. Not that he doubts Bill was upset about the divorce, but it had been a long time coming. He wasn't surprised when Bill bought a similar place half a block away, and not just because it kept him close to Evie.
*
[At band practice, Mike acts badly toward Adam.]
"I'm really mad at you," Bill says, stuttering his way through it.
"The great thing about this," Mike tells him, "is that now you get to hit me."
Bill shakes his head. "If I hit you now, I'll hurt you. Just go somewhere I'm not. Go read or go outside until I tell you you can come back."
Mike takes his book out onto the back porch, but can't focus. He feels shaky, unsettled, and he ends up lying on the grass, staring up at the shifting leaves of the tree that dominates the back yard. There's a hypnotic quality to it, and he loses time just watching the shadows and light, the shades of green.
He hears the back door open, but it's not Bill.
"Uncle Mike, what are you doing? Daddy says you can come in, dinner's ready."
Mike sits up, and lets Evie take his hand to pull him all the way up. He's mostly working under his own power, but she likes to help.
"I was just looking at the tree," he tells her.
"Oh," she says, looking at him and the tree dubiously.
Mike does his best to dust himself off before he goes in the house; he's in enough trouble already.
Mike's pretty sure he doesn't have the schedule mixed up, and that Evie's supposed to be with her mom tonight. She chatters at them all through dinner, and everything is so normal, just like any other night she's with them.
After dinner, Bill says, "It's getting close to bedtime," to Evie and, "I'm going to walk her back," to Mike.
"I'll do the dishes," Mike volunteers, before he can be told. It's part of balancing what they are with what Bill wants to model for Evie.
Bill's gone for so long that Mike's done with the dishes and is wiping down the counters when he comes back.
"Go into the bedroom," Bill says evenly, "and take off your clothes."
Mike drops the sponge into the sink with suddenly shaking hands.
In the bedroom, he takes off his clothes and kneels, even though Bill didn't tell him to. It settles him. He knows how to do this.
Bill closes the door after he comes in, and sits on the bed, still clothed in everything but his shoes.
"Over my knee," he says, and Mike goes.
It hurts from the first hit. Mike swears and yells and when he finally gets quiet, Bill pushes him off and onto his knees on the floor.
There's no preamble to this either. Bill opens his pants and Mike opens his mouth and Bill doesn't even let him try to make it good.
Bill pulls out and Mike barely has time to close his eyes before Bill's come streaks across his face. That's when he breaks, leaning forward to press his face into Bill's hip and saying, "Sorry, sorry, sorry."
Bill strokes his hair, and says, "Okay. It's okay now."
Mike's hard, but that doesn't seem anywhere near as important as Bill just touching him.
After a while, when he's calmed down a little bit, Bill manhandles him into a cool shower. He doesn't want to wash his face, but Bill makes him.
Bill takes him to bed afterwards, and he lies on his stomach on their soft sheets while Bill strokes his back.
"You can fight with anyone you want about music," Bill says, "and you can fight with me when you need my attention. But you can't go after Adam to get it."
Mike had a lot of time to think earlier, staring up at the tree and the sky. "I think," he says, "I was testing you to see if you would really hurt me if you got that mad."
Bill's hand stills on his back into one single patch of warmth. "I thought you trusted me."
Mike makes a frustrated noise into his pillow. "I did. I do. It's just boundaries shit."
Bill's hand seems to grow heavier on his skin, pressing him down into the bed. "Well that's a boundary," he says. "I won't hurt you like that, and you can't go after other people to get what you want from me."
Mike exhales, and that, that is what he's been waiting for, all day, even if he didn't know it. "Okay," he says, and he rolls onto his side and scoots over so he can rest his forehead against Bill's shoulder. He feels truly settled for the first time since he woke up this morning.
"You're a pain in the ass," Bill says. Mike can hear the "you're mine" and "I'll take care of you" and "there are rules to this" in it.
*
What they have is an arrangement, not a romance. Mike keeps his place in LA and bounces back and forth. At Bill's, he has his own room and sleeps there as much as he sleeps with Bill. He's not on the list of people who can pick Evie up from school. (Adam is.) Still, he's not fucking anyone else. He doesn't ask Bill if he is, but he trusts Bill to keep them safe.
When he's in LA, he jerks off - or doesn't, if Bill told him not to - and thinks about Bill.
*
Bill takes Evie to the park. Mike stays home and texts Bill that he's making dinner, so no stops for ice cream on the way back.
He's in the kitchen cutting up things for the salad when he hears the front door open and close. Evie's footsteps race through the house where Bill's are more measured and even.
Even hearing his footsteps come closer, Mike's surprised when Bill puts his arms around his waist, presses his lips to the side of his neck.
Mike exhales hard. "I have a knife."
"Yeah, I know." Bill's voice has dropped low and soft against Mike's neck.
Mike's hands shake, and the knife clatters a little on the counter when he sets it down. "Bill."
"I don't think I could really hurt you with it, but I'd touch you with it, if you wanted me to."
Mike's hands aren't the only part of him shaking now. "Evie's in the house," he manages to say.
Bill kisses Mike's neck again. "She knows what we are."
Mike wonders how she can when he's not even sure.
He stares at the light reflecting off of the knife and pulls it together enough to ask, "Do you really like this?"
Evie comes into the kitchen and says, "I'm hungry."
Bill moves away from Mike with a slide of his hands across Mike's body. "Dinner's almost ready. Let's go wash our hands."
Later, after Bill's put Evie to bed, he sits next to Mike on the couch. "I don't think I would have found it on my own," he says, "but I like it. I like what it does to you."
Mike nods and can't concentrate on his book anymore after Bill takes his wrist and presses bruises into it, just because.
*
When he's been in LA for too long, Michael says, "You're getting mean. Go see Bill."
Mike takes a late flight. The house is dark when a cab drops him off, and he lets himself in with his key. There are nightlights all over the place, for Evie even though she's starting to think she's too old for that kind of thing, so he doesn't bother turning on lights as he makes his way to Bill's room.
Bill wakes up when he comes in. "What?"
"Just me." Mike slips out of his jeans and t-shirt, and gets into bed with Bill.
"You could have called," Bill says. "I would have waited up."
Mike shrugs. "Doesn't matter."
Bill hmms, and then says, "Evie's here."
"I know." Even if he didn't have Evie's schedule memorized by now, Bill added him to the shared calendar the adults in her life use to keep track of her.
They don't play when Evie's there, but Bill still wraps his fingers around Mike's wrist and squeezes.
The trip tired Mike out, but now he's wide awake.
"Tomorrow," Bill says, promises. "After Evie goes to school."
Mike falls asleep with Bill's hand still around his wrist.
*
Even though he got in late, Mike gets up in the morning and has breakfast with Bill and Evie. Bill said after Evie went to school, so he takes a shower while Bill takes her and is waiting on the couch, feet kicked up on the coffee table and fingers restlessly tapping out a beat on his thigh, when Bill gets back.
Bill leans against the archway between the living room and the dining room with his arms crossed, and Mike forces himself to stillness, takes his feet off the coffee table.
"Wait here," Bill says.
Mike rests his hands on his knees, feet planted flat on the ground, spine straight, and waits.
Bill comes back wearing only his jeans, bare feet hardly making a sound on the hardwood. "Studio," he says.
Oh, shit, the studio. The studio is the only room in the house that's soundproofed. They only play in there when Bill expects to make him make a lot of noise.
The floor is clear, everything pushed around to the edges of the room.
"Clothes on the chair," Bill orders.
Mike strips and drapes his clothes over the back of the chair in the corner.
[This was going to be a shibari scene.]
*
Bill brings him the bare bones of a song that says, "rope around your wrists" and "my hands in all the spaces."
[They fight about the song.]
Mike says, "Yellow," and Bill takes his hands off his arms, steps back. Mike walks out of the studio, and keeps walking. His phone is already in his pocket, and it's habit now to grab his keys and wallet from the bowl by the door; he does it without thinking.
He walks for a long time, turning corners when it seems like a good idea, following streets when it doesn't. He gets tired of walking, eventually, and then he catches a bus to Adam's.
"Can I crash here?"
"I never thought I'd become Billvy's mother-in-law," Adam says, but he lets Mike in.
Mike hears him on the phone telling someone he's there, and he assumes it's Bill, but when his phone buzzes, it's a text from Michael: u ok?
He takes his phone out onto the patio as he dials and says, "He wrote a song about me," before Michael even says hello.
"To tell you the truth, mate, I've been waiting for him to write a song about you."
*
Mike's used to sleeping in a million different beds. It should be no problem for him now, and the bed in Adam and Lindsay's guest room is more comfortable than some. Still, he can't sleep. He can hear the sound of their voices, and he puts the pillow over his head so he can't hear them anymore.
*
Adam lets him be until midmorning, and then says, "I'll drive you back."
Mike lets them into the house, and Evie comes to greet them with an excited, "Uncle Adam! Daddy's making grilled cheese."
"I love grilled cheese," Adam says, and he lets Evie take his hand and pull him toward the kitchen.
Bill is already slicing more cheese. He doesn't touch Mike at all, and Mike's throat feels closed and tight.
"I was thinking," Adam says, "that maybe Evie could come with me to the aquarium."
Mike does the dishes while Bill makes sure Adam and Evie have everything they need for an afternoon in Chicago proper.
"I'll call before we come back," Adam promises. He waves at Mike, and Mike waves back.
When he finishes the dishes, Bill is sitting at the table, and Mike sits down across from him.
Bill says, "You going to tell me why?"
"You wrote a song about me. I went deeper under than I ever have before, and you just want to sell it to our fans."
"You went so deep I wasn't sure I could bring you back," Bill says, "and the only way I know how to talk about it is music."
Mike shakes his head. "You don't have to. You don't have to do this."
Bill reaches out but doesn't touch him. "Mike, I write about everything important."
"I don't want you to share me!" Mike shouts at him.
"I'm not," Bill says. "It's not about that."
"Those are my wrists you're putting rope around and my spaces you're putting your hands into." Mike gets up to pace. "That's- You can't."
Saying "can't" to Bill was probably a bad idea, because he sets his jaw and says, "It's a good song, and no one will know it's about you."
"I won't play it," Mike says. Bill looks at him, and Mike stops pacing to look back.
"You said 'yellow,' not 'red.'"
"I can't safeword out of my own life."
Bill does touch him then, coming over to cup his hand around the back of Mike's neck and leaning their foreheads together. "I won't hurt you when you don't want me to," Bill says, and Mike sighs and lets that be the end of it.
Bill fucks him, but he doesn't go under, and three days later, he goes back to LA.
It's only for a couple of weeks, because they're all supposed to be back in Chicago to write again.
Butcher stays with Adam and Lindsay and Mike sleeps in with Bill so Michael can have his room.
They've been working off and on for a while, and by the end of a week, they have most of an album.
"I have one more," Bill says, and he plays the song about Mike.
Adam says, "No," at the same time Michael says, "Yes."
The betrayed look Mike turns on Michael matches the one Bill's giving Adam. Butcher looks at the four of them. "You haven't been telling me things."
Mike ignores him, and Michael shrugs and says, "It's a good song."
"I told you," Mike says, and Michael talks over him. "You told me he wrote a song about you. You didn't tell me it was a love song."
Everything goes quiet and still while his words hang in the air.
"I'm not breaking the tie," Butcher says, "but it does make the rest of the album make sense."
Mike wants to hit someone, but he walks away instead, goes out back to lie under the tree. He and the tree are becoming friends.
Adam comes out and sits down next to him. "You didn't know what you were fighting about," he says.
It's not a question and Mike doesn't answer it.
"It's a good song. It'll be a great one if you help him finish it." Adam puts his hand on Mike's arm. "But we won't do it if you don't want to. I can talk Andy into saying no."
The back door opens, and Adam squeezes Mike's arm and gets up. Mike doesn't look to see if he touches Bill too.
Bill sits down and doesn't say anything, and after a while, Mike turns and lays his head in Bill's lap.
Bill strokes his hair. "I can send Michael with Butcher and Adam for the night," Bill says, and Mike nods against his thigh.
He lets himself start to slip under while Bill pulls out his phone and texts them, still in the house and not so far away.
Bill takes him inside after they're gone and ties him to the bed, works him over soft and slow. Loving.
Afterwards, after Mike's shaken apart and pressed into Bill and calmed down, he sits up and says, "Bring me a guitar."
They finish the song like that, naked in bed, and Mike fills in the sound and makes it fit with the rest of the album.
*
They spend a week recording demos and arguing about song order, and when Michael goes back to LA, Mike goes too.
*
"Can you come out next month?" Bill asks.
Mike says, "Sure," and writes down the weekend Bill tells him.
"You should come early," Bill says.
"Yeah, okay, how early?" Mike's not really paying all that much attention because he's flipping through Sports Illustrated while he talks.
"Early enough to see anyone you want to see," Bill says. "Christine's taking Evie to Iowa to visit her sister."
Mike stops reading Sports Illustrated. He knows that as focused as Bill is on him, there's always a tiny part of him still listening out for Evie, just in case she decides to come visit while they're playing. If Evie's in Iowa, Bill can turn all of that on Mike.
"Yeah, yeah," Mike breathes.
*
[They have what is basically a honeymoon.]
When Mike comes back to himself, Bill's saying, "Mike, come on, let go. It's okay, you were so good. You can let go now."
Mike's fingers ache as he slowly lets go of the wrought iron bedframe behind Bill's head.
"There you go," Bill says. He takes Mike's left hand in both of his and presses his fingers into the soft spots, working the stiffness out of it. He kisses Mike's palm, and the inside of his wrist, before setting it down on Mike's thigh and doing the same to the right.
Mike's voice creaks as much as his fingers when he says, "I love you." He can feel Bill's smile against his wrist.
*
Making dinner takes at least twice as long as it should. They're doing it together, which should make it go faster, but Bill keeps touching him, and Mike keeps reaching back.
He didn't realize that there was still a part of him that he was holding back, that there was a slight hesitation in this, until now, when it's gone.
Christine texts to say they hit traffic on the way into Chicago, so dinner is almost ready by the time the front door opens and Evie comes running down the hall to the kitchen. Bill crouches down to gather her up into a hug.
"Daddy, I missed you."
"I missed you too," Bill says. "Did you have fun with your cousins?"
"Yes!" Evie squirms out of Bill's hug and comes over to Mike. "I missed you too, Uncle Mike."
Mike crouches down to hug her, and when he stands up, Christine's watching him. He wonders what she sees, and if she's seeing it with the eyes of an artist or the eyes of someone who used to be in love with Bill.
Mike knows Christine would never be with someone completely stupid, but James is more observant than Mike gives him credit for; he holds out his hand and says, "Let's go wash our hands," to Evie.
"How'd it go?" Bill asks once they're out of the room.
Christine comes over to hug him and lean against his shoulder. Mike doesn't think he'll ever quite understand their divorce, no matter how long he lives in the middle of it.
"'Real Christians don't get divorced' and separate bedrooms," she says, "but it was good to see Elizabeth and the kids, and Evie had fun." She steps away from him. "How was your weekend? Mike looks happy."
"Mike's standing right here and can hear you," Mike says.
Bill hooks his arm around Mike's waist. Mike automatically leans his head to the side to make space for him. He remembers standing in their kitchen watching Bill and Christine stand like this. He wonders if Christine's remembering the same thing he is, that they've switched places and only Bill is the same.