(no subject)
why can't she just tell me how she feels? why am i finding out from ryan? i guess the question i need to be asking myself is if i want to repair the relationship, work on what needs working on, or just remove myself from the entire thing. i am so frustrated with it right now i can't even begin to think about it.
i know this is going to sound insane, but come the 8th, if my test is negative, i have to be honest that i am going to be disappointed. for the last three weeks i have been living with this idea of the worst case scenario in my head and i've gotten used to the idea now. i truly believe i would be ok if i was. true would make a great dad. we would have a lot of struggles, but we would be able to raise a child, i have no doubt. it's the anticipation that is killing me. i am going to be sad if i am not and true won't understand that, he will just be relieved. i have formed an attachment to the idea that i am and when the test says i'm not, i will feel like i have lost something even though it wasn't there to begin with. i know, i am insane.
i know this is going to sound insane, but come the 8th, if my test is negative, i have to be honest that i am going to be disappointed. for the last three weeks i have been living with this idea of the worst case scenario in my head and i've gotten used to the idea now. i truly believe i would be ok if i was. true would make a great dad. we would have a lot of struggles, but we would be able to raise a child, i have no doubt. it's the anticipation that is killing me. i am going to be sad if i am not and true won't understand that, he will just be relieved. i have formed an attachment to the idea that i am and when the test says i'm not, i will feel like i have lost something even though it wasn't there to begin with. i know, i am insane.