(no subject)
i want to go so bad. i left a message, maybe he'll call back tonight so i can stop the insane panicking feeling inside. at this point, i would do anything, i don't even have to be a waitress. i would work in the kitchen, be a busser, work the togo counter whatever it takes to get me out of here. i sit in my room and i suffocate. i want to curl up and hide from everything going on! i might be really lonely up there for three months, but it can't be worse than here. i need to get away. it would be like the much needed vacation i didn't go, just with work and a paycheck! my plane ticket is good so that is one less expense. i decided i would pay him rent and money for the food i eat out of his house. transportation might be an issue, but not a big one since he goes to work everyday, or at least i hope he does. even if he says he doesn't have anything open, maybe i'll ask him if he knows anybody else hiring. who knows, maybe i will fall in love with it and not come back. right now that sounds like the sweetest thing i have ever heard! are there hospitality colleges up there? near there? i'm sure, but if not, i can chill for a year there and come back to Florida when i am ready.
good job kaley for calling me back. couldn't she see that i really needed to talk to her? what is she doing that is more important than me?
i don't know what to think about the true thing. what he said yesterday really scared me and then the way he acted this afternoon on the phone and what he said makes me believe i am wasting my time, my emotions. why get involved when i know his tendencies and history? that's like knowing the stove is hot and touching it anyway, not smart, definitly not!
no show for me on the third. at least not if i take this job at olive garden i got. the show is still on though if i go to pennsylvannia instead. i really need to figure out something here in the next two days because there is some scheduling conflicts between renaissance and olive garden. kinda pissed though at the way that ryan and nick acted towards staying the night of the show. i was trying to be nice, but i guess no one cared. i am going to cancel the reservations tonight. i guess the part that pisses me off the most is that i spent the day with ryan and he didn't say anything to me about how he felt.
good job kaley for calling me back. couldn't she see that i really needed to talk to her? what is she doing that is more important than me?
i don't know what to think about the true thing. what he said yesterday really scared me and then the way he acted this afternoon on the phone and what he said makes me believe i am wasting my time, my emotions. why get involved when i know his tendencies and history? that's like knowing the stove is hot and touching it anyway, not smart, definitly not!
no show for me on the third. at least not if i take this job at olive garden i got. the show is still on though if i go to pennsylvannia instead. i really need to figure out something here in the next two days because there is some scheduling conflicts between renaissance and olive garden. kinda pissed though at the way that ryan and nick acted towards staying the night of the show. i was trying to be nice, but i guess no one cared. i am going to cancel the reservations tonight. i guess the part that pisses me off the most is that i spent the day with ryan and he didn't say anything to me about how he felt.