(no subject)
i feel sad, alone, indescribably sad and alone. i cried myself to sleep last night. i am trying so hard to not think about her, but everywhere i look she is there. at the beach today she was there. i was reading sarah's post about buying a house and having someone to snuggle with and i got jealous. i want to snuggle with her, but she is at work.(not sarah by the way, Jacki). i read ashli's post about going to the concert and i know jacki is going tomorrow night and i am jealous. not because of the concert but because thousands of people will be getting to spend time with her while i can't. she called today though and that should have made me happy. i was ecstatic at first, but now i am just sad. it would be ridiculous to go see her at work right now. i need to get some sleep before i have to go to work later tonight. i just need a hug from her, a kiss, a something. i promised myself i was giving her up, forgetting about it, but it is so hard. i don't want to go to work on sunday because i know i will end up getting jealous over nothing because i don't want her looking at anyone else if she doesn't want me. but then why did she call today. i did so good yesterday not calling her, i wanted to wait it out until she called me and she did today, but why? the conversation was short. she told me what she did at Firestone last night and what her plans were for saturday. her and courtney are going to the beach to see a bikni contest at coconuts then going to the concert then to tampa to some club called Flirt. i know she will end up hooking up with someone while she is there and that bothers me. why can't i let it all just go? last night after talking to drew for a little bit, i thought i had, but now that she called today, she is still on my mind! i hate feeling like this. i just want to go into work and walk up to her and kiss her and tell her she has to be with me. but you can't force someone to want you back, we all know this. so now i am alone, sad, and just sad.