It only hurts when I breathe
I have so much on my mind and nothing to say. And yet I'm here, attempting to write in the beloved LJ.
It's just so frustrating sometimes. Some days I swear I know I'm gonnna be okay with everything that's going on. And other days get so hard that at times I question whether or not I can make it through them. And I feel so ridiculous because it's all petty stuff. Oh how I wish I had Perks. I wish I had something. I just don't know what it was that I wish I had.
I was crying the other night. Saying I needed someone to run my life for me because everything I do for myself is wrong. I can't seem to make a right decision. Every decision I've made since Tero broke up with me has hindered me somehow. And even now, when I'm completely dry eyed, I still think someone who knows what they are doing and the right things to do should run my life for me. I'm far too INCAPABLE of doing this. I simply CANNOT make the right decisions. I disappoint people, hurt people. I just don't know.
He told me he's giving me till the end of Christmas Break to get it together. I wonder if I'll be able to manage. It's just a matter of will I suppose, and right now my will is not strong at all. I need to find some way to change this. Right? I don't even know what is good for me anymore. I need someone to live my life for me, because I'm not doing anything right with it.
"Would it be alright if we didn't say goodbye tonight?"
It's just so frustrating sometimes. Some days I swear I know I'm gonnna be okay with everything that's going on. And other days get so hard that at times I question whether or not I can make it through them. And I feel so ridiculous because it's all petty stuff. Oh how I wish I had Perks. I wish I had something. I just don't know what it was that I wish I had.
I was crying the other night. Saying I needed someone to run my life for me because everything I do for myself is wrong. I can't seem to make a right decision. Every decision I've made since Tero broke up with me has hindered me somehow. And even now, when I'm completely dry eyed, I still think someone who knows what they are doing and the right things to do should run my life for me. I'm far too INCAPABLE of doing this. I simply CANNOT make the right decisions. I disappoint people, hurt people. I just don't know.
He told me he's giving me till the end of Christmas Break to get it together. I wonder if I'll be able to manage. It's just a matter of will I suppose, and right now my will is not strong at all. I need to find some way to change this. Right? I don't even know what is good for me anymore. I need someone to live my life for me, because I'm not doing anything right with it.
"Would it be alright if we didn't say goodbye tonight?"