(no subject)
i've been feeling very lonely lately. but i'm not sure why. this whole weekend (starting with thursday) i've been surrounded by people. a large variety of people. but for some reason i feel alone.
i have no reason to. and i hate reading through my posts saying that i'm alone, because i know i'm not. i know millions of people feel lonely everyday, for different reasons. but i just wish i could place mine.
well, maybe one reason, is because i miss him, very much. and no matter how many people i'm surrounded by, it really does not matter. they're not HIM. and he doesn't return for another couple days. so until then, i simply laugh off the loneliness, and fill the time with whatever i can to try to keep my mind off of him. but so far it hasn't been working.
i guess what i'm feeling is nothing new. but it still hurts, very badly.
my thoughts are all jumbled in my head lately. and i can't find a way to clear them. i've tried writing them on paper. i've tried writing this live journal. i've tried talking about it. but i know the people i talk to about it are getting sick of hearing me talk about it. so too bad for all of you who read this. ;)
i'm just not sure where i go from here. he hasn't called. so i don't know if that means he doesn't want anything to do anything with me. so then i think maybe i should try and move on with my life...
and then something pulls me back. something makes me hesitate about going on with my life. but why? and what is holding me back? is it because i know that no one will ever treat me as god as he did again. he was there when i was being a whiny,needy brat. no one else will put up with that. and maybe i acted like that only because he let me? i don't know. so much to think about and talk about. but the only person to talk about it with won't call me. he won't e-mail me or anything.
love stinks.